View Full Version : Does she like me back?


DeBlues
04-05-14, 02:59 PM
Roughly two months ago I started seeing a girl, we got to like eachother very fast and we got very good report and everything was going smooth and she claimed she likes me. A couple of weeks after seeing eachother she got diagnosed with ADHD which she tolod me. I didn't think much of it, its reasonable to think that she had it when we started seeing eachother (although undiagnosed) and I didn't think it wouldn't pose a problem.

Since we started seeing eachother she has been hard to communicate with at times but after she got diagnosed she started taking medications called Concerta for her ADHD, and I can't really tell if the medication is all to blame but my impression was that the medication made communication harder. When chatting I would often get short answers which made keeping conversations going hard and she showed lesser interest in me and whats going on in my life. She would also reject me when I suggested we do something together and would often come up with reasons not to see me and could cancel plans on short notice.

All of this made me hesitant as to if she still liked me, but she would occasionally shine through with affection and say nice things that made me feel appreciated and give me hope about her feelings for me, but that she just has problems showing it.

Even so, this entire situation is hard on me, probably largely because I don't understand, I've been trying to read up more on her condition and the other day I confronted her about her feelings because I felt we were sliding apart. I was clear that even if she doesn't like me like that we would remain friends and nothing would change between us if she doesn't have those feelings for me anymore, but she claims she still likes me but has a hard time showing it. We still have troubles communicating and she still refuses to see me more often than not.

I really like this girl and I'm prepared to do a lot to make this work because I think she will be well worth it, we have a lot in common, but it feels dumb to fight for someone that doesn't feel the same.

Someone who has been seeing a girl with ADHD or is a girl with ADHD who could help me analyze this situation? Does she still like me?

Thanks a lot for your help!

dvdnvwls
04-05-14, 07:22 PM
Many people with ADHD are uncomfortable with communicating in the ways you are used to. Maybe she really does just have problems showing it.

Cancelling plans on short notice can be from fear or disorganization - it doesn't have to be from anger or disregard.

BellaVita
04-05-14, 07:36 PM
Why don't you just ask her?

Us ADHD'ers often prefer people to be direct and honest with us.

RedHairedWitch
04-05-14, 09:00 PM
If she is recently diagnosed and starting treatment, she has a heck of a lot of stuff on her plate right now.

DeBlues
04-05-14, 10:34 PM
Why don't you just ask her?

Us ADHD'ers often prefer people to be direct and honest with us.

But I thought that's what I did when I asked her what she felt about me? I also told her that I like her but that its hard on me not knowing what she feels.

Driver
04-06-14, 01:47 AM
Only she knows if she likes you or not.

But that's irrelevant really, what's more important is why is it so important to you? You've only been seeing each other for 2 months and it sounds like you're heavily emotionally tied up with her already. Maybe it's me, but I'm sensing a bit of a codependency vibe coming through.

I think you need to flip things around and stop chasing after her so much, play it cool and let her come to you. But my hunch though is she's become bored with you as you're too available and just simply too there.

sarahsweets
04-06-14, 05:56 AM
I dont think you need to do any asking. I think you should just tell her how you feel from your perspective and tell her that you are not sure she can handle things right now and you understand her. If she corrects you and says she likes you and can handle a relationship now she will tel you otherwise you have to just do your own thing and possibly move on to someone else.

DeBlues
04-06-14, 06:34 AM
Only she knows if she likes you or not.

But that's irrelevant really, what's more important is why is it so important to you? You've only been seeing each other for 2 months and it sounds like you're heavily emotionally tied up with her already. Maybe it's me, but I'm sensing a bit of a codependency vibe coming through.

I think you need to flip things around and stop chasing after her so much, play it cool and let her come to you. But my hunch though is she's become bored with you as you're too available and just simply too there.

I can't really explain it, I've sorta longed for her a bit before starting to see her, and when we started seeing eachother I realized we have a lot of things in common, like ridiciously so, I really want to give this a shot and I don't really know if there's much more to it really.

It'sPeter
04-06-14, 07:56 AM
I can imagine some contrast in her behaviour from before meds an after. If her meds are working then I guess she could be less impulsive, outgoing or energetic. Which could be interpretated as less in love. I don't know either of you, but someone who's starting to take meds can be a bit weird (heck, I was!). If you truly care (which I'm sure you do, seeking advice here) I suppose the best thing you can do, is support her. Keep informing yourself, but don't treat her like she's a patient. Find balance in anticipating on what's she's going through, but don't lose focus of yourself. You're both equally important and valuable in this.

DeBlues
04-06-14, 02:25 PM
I can imagine some contrast in her behaviour from before meds an after. If her meds are working then I guess she could be less impulsive, outgoing or energetic. Which could be interpretated as less in love. I don't know either of you, but someone who's starting to take meds can be a bit weird (heck, I was!). If you truly care (which I'm sure you do, seeking advice here) I suppose the best thing you can do, is support her. Keep informing yourself, but don't treat her like she's a patient. Find balance in anticipating on what's she's going through, but don't lose focus of yourself. You're both equally important and valuable in this.

^ This is great, not only do I want help analyzing the situation, but I also greatly appreciate any advice on how to tackle the situation!

RedHairedWitch
04-06-14, 02:43 PM
You must be a nice guy.

Here:

"I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now. I just want you to know that I think you are amazing and am totally here for you. I wish we could spend all our time together because I'm crazy about you, but this is the real world. I'm going to message you and try to find time for us to hang out as often as possible but I don't want to smother you. Let me know if I'm being too demanding."

Then go forth and pursue the girl.

DeBlues
04-06-14, 03:32 PM
You must be a nice guy.

Here:

"I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now. I just want you to know that I think you are amazing and am totally here for you. I wish we could spend all our time together because I'm crazy about you, but this is the real world. I'm going to message you and try to find time for us to hang out as often as possible but I don't want to smother you. Let me know if I'm being too demanding."

Then go forth and pursue the girl.

Although that pretty much sums up how I feel about this entire situation, it sounds like it might be too much? Or is that the kind of straight forwardness needed needed to reach out to someone with ADHD who is on strong medication?

SirSchmidt
04-06-14, 05:14 PM
If she is recently diagnosed and starting treatment, she has a heck of a lot of stuff on her plate right now.

I think this post needs to be in BOLD AND ALL CAPS.

Getting diagnosed is a HUGE DEAL. This alone can take a massive toll on someone. I count myself lucky because it has been overall positive. Most people are not so lucky and go through a period of depression/anxiety after realizing why they've had such a hard time in life.

Staring medication is a HUGE DEAL. It can take a month or more to even start getting acclimated to a new medication, and that's just taking into account the body's reaction. Getting acclimated to how it changes one's thinking will take even longer. She's probably going through some emotional changes because of the medication. Personally, I experienced a ton of highs/lows during the first month or two.

The bottom line....be patient. Acknowledge the fact that she's got a lot going on but don't put too much pressure on her. Just give it some time.

RedHairedWitch
04-06-14, 05:38 PM
Although that pretty much sums up how I feel about this entire situation, it sounds like it might be too much? Or is that the kind of straight forwardness needed needed to reach out to someone with ADHD who is on strong medication?


The only way to communicate with and ADHDer (medication or not) is to be straightforward.

DeBlues
04-06-14, 06:03 PM
The only way to communicate with and ADHDer (medication or not) is to be straightforward.

And you don't think its more likely to have an adverse effect and scare her off? Sorry I understand its hard to tell since you don't know me or the girl...

Nicksgonefishin
04-06-14, 06:41 PM
You have only been dating for 2 months....

You don't really have any idea as to her baseline. ADHD or not. 2 months is more than long enough for an adhd girl to get bored with you and move on to another.

Also if you have so much in common I would highly encourage you to go and get yourself checked out! We ADHDer's are often attracted to each other and find each other some how and some way.

Are you being ignored for long periods of time? Chances are she is simply hyper focusing on whatever else she is doing. If she is at work she is thinking about work or if she is with friends that is what she is thinking about.

Medication and treatment take time. She isn't cured after only 2 weeks on concerta.

I'm not sure how old you guys are but this is a hard stage in her life. I would definetly research adhd as I see you are doing and that is how you found us. I would also encourage you to read up on adhd diagnosis and the grieving process as that will hit soon and is more likely what you are seeing than the medication.

Focus on yourself... Either she will come around or she won't.

RedHairedWitch
04-06-14, 08:11 PM
And you don't think its more likely to have an adverse effect and scare her off? Sorry I understand its hard to tell since you don't know me or the girl...

What's the alternative? Playing mind games and dropping hints? Allowing yourself to be friend zoned?

Nothing wrong with telling a girl "I like you, do you have the time, energy and interest in me to have a relationship?"

DeBlues
04-07-14, 04:02 AM
What's the alternative? Playing mind games and dropping hints? Allowing yourself to be friend zoned?

Nothing wrong with telling a girl "I like you, do you have the time, energy and interest in me to have a relationship?"

I've told her straight out that I like her a few times already, first time we talked about it she said she likes me too but she's not ready for a relationship, I think that was during the start of the medication. A little more than a week ago I told her I like her which I thought she had already noticed and how hard it is for me not to know what she feels since she had been so absent lately, she said she still likes me but she has a hard time showing me, after that she's still been very distant though which makes me doubt wether its true or not. Which is also why I'm a bit hesitant to "drop another bomb" on her.

RedHairedWitch
04-07-14, 09:59 AM
Well then, you have your answer. She likes you, but she is not ready for a relationship and has too much going on to take action and struggles to show her feelings.

Really not sure what more information you need here hun?

She likes ya, but you came into her life at the wrong time. It sucks, but it happens. Liking someone, even loving someone, is not enough. Some times we wander into people's lives when they just can't have us.

So you can decide if you want to continue to peruse, knowing that it likely be something very casual, hoping that it might become more one day. Or you can back off and hope one day things can start again. Or you can cut your losses and move on.

What's going to be best for you? You can ask her what she wants, but it's likely that she doesn't know what she wants. (if someone doesn't know what they want, don't put the energy in, find someone else who is invested)

Driver
04-08-14, 03:23 AM
...she likes me too but she's not ready for a relationship...she said she still likes me but she has a hard time showing me...she's still been very distant...

Read between the lines, she's dropping hints...

If she really liked you, she'd get into a relationship with you before someone else steals you away.

Dopes1
04-08-14, 04:25 AM
What's the alternative? Playing mind games and dropping hints? Allowing yourself to be friend zoned?

Hit the nail on the head.

DeBlues
04-08-14, 06:00 PM
Read between the lines, she's dropping hints...

If she really liked you, she'd get into a relationship with you before someone else steals you away.

That might very well be true and its not that I didn't imagine that scenario too. My general experience though is the way she said it isn't in a way that it would just change over a few days or a couple of weeks, which is why I came here. My impression is that people with ADD/ADHD has a short attention span, which I guess would also be applicable for feelings. Or it could be medically related. Or like you say, she doesn't like me.

Things just doesn't go down the way I'm used to, which is why I came here looking for insight, but yes your oppinion seems valid aswell, even though it hurts me to think of it like that :)

TLCisaQT
04-14-14, 01:29 AM
So does she like you back?

DeBlues
04-16-14, 04:03 AM
So does she like you back?

I'm about ready to say no, last couple of times I wrote to her she didn't reply, now I'm trying to give her some space by not writing her, it's been a week now and I haven't heard anything from her, might not sound much but it's the longest time we've gone without writing eachother since we started seeing eachother. It's a bit sad but it gets better by the day, I hate the feeling that I'm giving up on her but I don't really feel like I have much of a choice anymore.

Any thoughts? Am I doing the wrong thing here?

sighduck
04-17-14, 03:11 PM
The first thing is what was said earlier, recently being diagnosed and all she must have a lot on her mind...

I'm not sure if its common to all ADDers but I myself reaaly dont do well at large social gatherings, or replying to texts and all that...


I cant really say whether or not she still likes you (only she can really tell you that), the best thing to do maybe is to meet her in person and air the issue out.

remember a few things when you have a discussion though:
1) inform her that her diagnoses has no effect on your feelings for her (she may feel that you don't love her anymore)
2)Ask what she feels about you, sometimes the best way to deal with an issue is to be straight forward about it
3) The most important thing is to make sure that she knows you love her no matter what


*disclaimer* I have never had a girlfriend so my advice may not be perfect.

DeBlues
04-17-14, 06:51 PM
The first thing is what was said earlier, recently being diagnosed and all she must have a lot on her mind...

I'm not sure if its common to all ADDers but I myself reaaly dont do well at large social gatherings, or replying to texts and all that...


I cant really say whether or not she still likes you (only she can really tell you that), the best thing to do maybe is to meet her in person and air the issue out.

remember a few things when you have a discussion though:
1) inform her that her diagnoses has no effect on your feelings for her (she may feel that you don't love her anymore)
2)Ask what she feels about you, sometimes the best way to deal with an issue is to be straight forward about it
3) The most important thing is to make sure that she knows you love her no matter what


*disclaimer* I have never had a girlfriend so my advice may not be perfect.

I'd love to bring the issue up with her in person, there is though the issue that she's always making up excuses for not seeing me, believe me I've tried. I'm really lost as to what I should be doing here, I've been trying to tell her that I don't care about the circumstances that I still think she's an amazing person (although not in person), she says she thinks I am one too but she thinks a relationship is stressful and something she can't handle right now, and I would respect that but its hard now because the way she was acting when we started going out wasn't the way I'd expect someone not wanting a relationship to act.

Rebelyell
04-17-14, 09:13 PM
I'd not push the issue then, if you want a relationship find someone else and don't let her waste or Rob your time. A lot of adders it seems are always on the move, meet people for a few months weeks days etc have there fun get bored and then move on to the next group.

Ganjin
04-17-14, 09:41 PM
You must be a nice guy.

Here:

"I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now. I just want you to know that I think you are amazing and am totally here for you. I wish we could spend all our time together because I'm crazy about you, but this is the real world. I'm going to message you and try to find time for us to hang out as often as possible but I don't want to smother you. Let me know if I'm being too demanding."

Then go forth and pursue the girl.

I think the witch gives good advice here man. You don't sound desperate or codependent to me at this point. You sound like a fellow who's in the early phase of falling in love. If that's the case, then you have to try.

Be honest. Be direct. That's really all you can do. And you have to be prepared for the fact that she has a lot going on right now, so she might not have a ton of time and energy for you yet. She might need a lot of space going forward.

Rebelyell
04-17-14, 10:33 PM
I always wondered if when a guy got friend zoned if it's possible for the relationship to move to A romantic 8th mate one myself?

Driver
04-19-14, 11:55 PM
...it's been a week now and I haven't heard anything from her...

There's your hint right there.

If she had any feelings for you, she'd be reaching out too you, missing you etc.

DeBlues
04-20-14, 07:06 AM
There's your hint right there.

If she had any feelings for you, she'd be reaching out too you, missing you etc.

Yupp, you're probably right. And I've started accepting it for what it is, it's hard but I don't think things are likely to change and I shouldn't put up with someone who can't take thirty seconds of their life to text or call me. Thank you everyone for your support and oppinions on the matter, it has helped me a lot to talk to people who understands!