View Full Version : Boosting self-esteem


Greengrasshoppe
04-17-14, 02:13 AM
My ADD can affect my self-esteem. I think it's a common ADDer's problem. Besides therapy, what ways have you found to build it up?

BellaVita
04-17-14, 02:31 AM
Surround yourself with people who build you up.

mrs. dobbs
04-17-14, 02:40 AM
I was advocating for a Self Esteem forum on this site. Because it is such a huge thing for me at least.

Tmoney
04-17-14, 11:08 AM
I use to question my self esteem all the time. Then I realized that all people that walk this earth have some issue or problem or deficiency in some way shape or form, but they get up everyday and go out and do what they love and take chances and learn to laugh at themselves and so I decided that i deserve the same.

I remind myself that even though I may be AD(H)D, I'm a good caring person who is sincere and honest and that I'm not perfect, but thats okay because I should fit in just fine with the other humans. (okay I may not fit in fine, but I think I have most of them fooled)

Of course I don't tell the other humans that we ADDers are superior to them because they just look so confident and happy and I don't want to ruin that for them!

Oh yeah, a good sense of humor and not taking yourself too serious can really help self esteem as well.

This forum helps my self esteem, and I mean this with all due respect, but just when I think I might have it bad or I feel sorry for myself, I read some of the posts and I see what some people are going through and I realize that I should appreciate how far I have come and not focus on the shortcomings that cause me to lose my self esteem!

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 02:14 PM
Radical unlimited honesty.

Self-esteem problems are usually a problem of lying to yourself. But there's a major problem with finding this radical honesty; many, if not most, of the people with poor self-esteem have internalized a lot of lies about themselves. Very often, those are lies they have been taught by authority figures - parents, relatives, teachers, or anyone with power in a person's life.

Because of the power of those powerful people, in her heart, the low-self-esteem person really believes the lies she's been fed. That's why you need people who build you up; one of the things those builder-upper people really do for you is spot the lies you were taught about yourself, call you out on them when you repeat them, and allow you to see that the truth is much better. On your own, you're likely to slip back into believing the lies; we all need support from other good people.

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 03:07 PM
dvdn' you don't believe in the 'we have to learn to love ourselves' first & foremost before we expect/need others to 'build us up' ?

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 03:41 PM
dvdn' you don't believe in the 'we have to learn to love ourselves' first & foremost before we expect/need others to 'build us up' ?
We have to learn from somewhere, from someone. We can't "just learn" out of nothing. Most especially if we have already been convinced of lies.

Fuzzy12
04-17-14, 03:45 PM
Radical unlimited honesty.

Self-esteem problems are usually a problem of lying to yourself. But there's a major problem with finding this radical honesty; many, if not most, of the people with poor self-esteem have internalized a lot of lies about themselves. Very often, those are lies they have been taught by authority figures - parents, relatives, teachers, or anyone with power in a person's life.

Because of the power of those powerful people, in her heart, the low-self-esteem person really believes the lies she's been fed. That's why you need people who build you up; one of the things those builder-upper people really do for you is spot the lies you were taught about yourself, call you out on them when you repeat them, and allow you to see that the truth is much better. On your own, you're likely to slip back into believing the lies; we all need support from other good people.

The only problem with radical honesty is if it shows you that you just aren't that good a person (or whatever it is you'd like to be) after all :scratch:

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 03:47 PM
dvdn' --- I am faaaarrrr from "there"
However, doesn't CBT teach us that only we can build our own self-confidence from within ?
Ergo, I have to learn to catch the 'fallacies' , notice them when they happen

That said, notwithstanding i do appreciate the support of the 'forum' for example. But I am working Very hard on learning to love & accept me

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 03:49 PM
The only problem with radical honesty is if it shows you that you just aren't that good a person (or whatever it is you'd like to be) after all :scratch:
That's where the supportive people come in. You can't just sort of have supportive people around - it's necessary to believe them! It's necessary to actively disbelieve the lies you've been taught about your worth, and to replace those lies with what your supportive people are showing you. Correcting self-esteem requires you to give up your beliefs about yourself first. If you hang on tight to the false beliefs, then nothing can change.

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 03:50 PM
dvdn' --- I am faaaarrrr from "there"
However, doesn't CBT teach us that only we can build our own self-confidence from within ?
Ergo, I have to learn to catch the 'fallacies' , notice them when they happen

That said, notwithstanding i do appreciate the support of the 'forum' for example. But I am working Very hard on learning to love & accept me
"Teach" and "from within" are a contradiction. If what you're saying was true, then going to CBT would be wrong in the first place!

A good teacher helps you to look within, honestly and without prejudice. Without a good teacher, most people with low self-esteem will keep their prejudices and lies intact, believing those to be the ultimate truth.

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 03:53 PM
I am LEARNING to spot the lies that come from WITHIN....
CBT isn't someone who tells me I'm lovely it's a series of book that teach me to identify the fallacies and talk back to the SELF critic.

====> Not a contradiction at all. Unless we define contradiction differently

Within -- what people say won't crush me if I have a solid foundation

Example:
All-or-nothing: You didn't understand something about my post + called it a contradiction (a bit of a lashed out)
I recognize it's not me you refute as a person but didn't understand what I was trying to convey
Mind reading: I don't know what's going through your head, perhaps you skipped a few words in my post ....

etc.

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 03:55 PM
I am LEARNING to spot the lies that come from WITHIN....
CBT isn't someone who tells me I'm lovely it's a series of book that teach me to identify the fallacies and talk back to the SELF critic.

====> Not a contradiction at all. Unless we define contradiction differently

Within -- what people say won't crush me if I have a solid foundation
Absolutely true. But with low self-esteem, you generally can't do it for yourself. You need teaching and support.

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 04:04 PM
You need teaching and I am from a series of books....

My point is:
1) It's tiring and annoying for the person who has to follow you and say you're wonderful all day
2) Until you believe it yourself (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for example) it won't work for more than 5 minutes
3) My goal is to get to a point where my foundation is solid enough -- that externals' are just that
4) Support - I receive here not by other people who "build me up" but from people who are going through the same (not a freak, not alone) who help me find workarounds to my obstacles; etc. (+ WALL*E, Fuzzy e-hugs; try it) (((((dvdn)))))
5) If by support you mean a therapist, then I'll concede that one point - Ergo a different way of going about it



Disclaimer: I have TONS AND TONS of ways to go ......... my self-confidence isn't really in existence -- though I like my learning and trajectory; I think

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 04:09 PM
The only problem with radical honesty is if it shows you that you just aren't that good a person (or whatever it is you'd like to be) after all :scratch:
Fuzz,

All of nothing: I'm a good person or bad person ---> no in between
Aka Stalin, Ginghus Khan, Son of Sam, Neighborhood Rapist & Fuzz are in the same boat ========> REALLY doesn't make sense to me ! ! !

Rational response: You're neither. You're a complex person with many many attributes. Some people won't like you and think you're annoying. I personally really like you and so do many many others.
I'm 100% sure that even your husband on the day you got married could spot one flaw (tiny as it may be) in you ---> doesn't mean he thought you were a bad person

Arghhhh where's st' when u need him to say stuff succinctly

Cimmorene
04-17-14, 04:11 PM
This makes a certain amount of sense.

dvdnvwls
04-17-14, 04:24 PM
and I am from a series of books....

My point is:
1) It's tiring and annoying for the person who has to follow you and say you're wonderful all day
2) Until you believe it yourself (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for example) it won't work for more than 5 minutes
3) My goal is to get to a point where my foundation is solid enough -- that externals' are just that
4) Support - I receive here not by other people who "build me up" but from people who are going through the same (not a freak, not alone) who help me find workarounds to my obstacles; etc. (+ WALL*E, Fuzzy e-hugs; try it) (((((dvdn)))))
5) If by support you mean a therapist, then I'll concede that one point - Ergo a different way of going about it



Disclaimer: I have TONS AND TONS of ways to go ......... my self-confidence isn't really in existence -- though I like my learning and trajectory; I think
Yes, until you believe it yourself it won't work. But how you GET to believe it is the main part of the problem. You can't just say "Okay, believe the truth!" to yourself, when the original self-esteem problem is "sincere belief in lies". You'd just perpetuate the lies more and more, and get worse instead of better. A person with low self-esteem will generally continue to revert to their old beliefs without a teacher or support person, at least until they are pretty far along their process, and feeling pretty good and secure even on their bad days.

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 04:51 PM
Perhaps someone can explain the fallacies of thinking in a way that will be clearer...

I Don't say "self" believe. I say INSTEAD OF dvdn' isn't refuting me ====> dvdn' is refuting an idea he doesn't understand ---> I'm learnin' to interpret things differently ===> IMPROVEMENT in MY PERSONAL thought process

I am TRYING to catch the thought that cause the lack of self-esteem in the first place...

Another example: My Internal Thoughts
dvdn' disagrees so the entire world will disagree and think I'm stupid (old way of thinking).
New Way: dvdn' is one person and doesn't represent the Entire population. . .
it's not personal, so he's entitled to his own opinions without me taking it to the extreme personal level of 'everyone' thinks I'm stupid.
What once would have been a result of 'everything's my fault & i'm always wrong' now -- isn't
Example #2: He ignore my hug --> he disrespects me and considers my e-hug a nuisance
New thinking: he's adhd and didn't notice or forgot
Even if he doesn't like e-hugs, I still do & that's fine
I CHOOSE to interpret things without someone over my shoulder telling me I'm fabulous

again, dvdn' -- perhaps someone else will clarify in a different way more suitable to you

Disclaimer: again, still have an abundance of self-confidence issues, am on a good trajectory though
Disclaimer #2: On bad days, Fuzz's and WALL*E's e-hugs are there to remind me to challenge my 'chicken little' though process

Fuzzy12
04-17-14, 04:53 PM
Fuzz,

All of nothing: I'm a good person or bad person ---> no in between
Aka Stalin, Ginghus Khan, Son of Sam, Neighborhood Rapist & Fuzz are in the same boat ========> REALLY doesn't make sense to me ! ! !

Rational response: You're neither. You're a complex person with many many attributes. Some people won't like you and think you're annoying. I personally really like you and so do many many others.
I'm 100% sure that even your husband on the day you got married could spot one flaw (tiny as it may be) in you ---> doesn't mean he thought you were a bad person

Arghhhh where's st' when u need him to say stuff succinctly

Thanks tryn :)

Sorry...I'm not really helping the op with my tangents.

I can relate to your post above. I'm trying to change my thinking as well so I don't always believe the worst possible interpretation of a situation.

tryn-optmsm
04-17-14, 05:11 PM
Fuzz, ok husband -- bad example; admitted already to being a Total Ignorant when it comes to relationships and marriage . . .

We'll get there. . .

tryn-optmsm
04-19-14, 12:12 PM
Dvdn' I'm a big enough person to admit I was partially slightly mistaken to discount your concept in a certain way...

Clarify:
1) Women (or men) in abusive relationships should love themselves before they can expect significant-others to do so ('nobody will love you' ---> I love myself or something to that affect)
2) I was "SPINNING'' like crazy for a long while (essentially my entire life) took neewmonth + wall-e to turn my attention to a specific example (all logic, rational, learning, .... went out the window)

http://www.drhallowell.com/avoid-the-s-p-i-n-cycle-of-adhd/
Hallowell kind of sort of agrees slightly with what you said in terms of Shame; for Pessimism he talks about CBT (both aspects of confidence)

**** I still STRONGLY believe that 99% of the confidence comes from within -- learning to love yourself -------- however ---------- sometimes we do things without noticing - someone pointing it out can make a difference

ana futura
04-19-14, 10:43 PM
Practice loving kindness meditation. I was surrounded by people who loved me -- it didn't do crap. I suppose it helped prevent things from getting worse, but i was still stuck in a rut of life long self loathing.

By practicing loving kindness meditation, towards myself and others (including those who have "wronged" me, my self esteem has improved tremendously.

mrs. dobbs
04-20-14, 01:36 AM
Those lies we believe about ourselves are taught by the System, man.

mrs. dobbs
04-20-14, 01:41 AM
I need to get back on the Metta, ana futura. Gotta get back on it. I was kinda doing it yesterday... and learning through it the other day. Thanks for reminding me of that stuff.

Tryn i like your list-- the Stalin, Neighborhood Rapist ≠ nice person list.

But what about this line of thinking:

"If I vilify myself, I vilify others; if I vilify others, I vilify myself.
But some people out there are real villains. Might I be a small villain?
Some people out there are emotional abusers, and exploitative and takers. Aren't they bad? So if they are bad, then might I be a little bad? Such and such a person doesn't like me... maybe they are right not to like me....."

anonymouslyadd
04-20-14, 02:31 AM
I carry around note cards, one with a great compliment about who I am as a person. I read it when I'm feeling down on myself. You might want to carry around a note card with your strengths or try another method.

BellaVita
04-20-14, 02:35 AM
One thing I do, is every day when I wake up and look in the mirror, I say, "Hello beautiful."

It works, after a while.

(it's silly but give it a try!)

tryn-optmsm
04-20-14, 03:03 AM
I need to get back on the Metta, ana futura. Gotta get back on it. I was kinda doing it yesterday... and learning through it the other day. Thanks for reminding me of that stuff.

Tryn i like your list-- the Stalin, Neighborhood Rapist ≠ nice person list.

But what about this line of thinking:

"If I vilify myself, I vilify others; if I vilify others, I vilify myself.
But some people out there are real villains. Might I be a small villain?
Some people out there are emotional abusers, and exploitative and takers. Aren't they bad? So if they are bad, then might I be a little bad? Such and such a person doesn't like me... maybe they are right not to like me....."

1) What's Metta?


2) List; thank you? I think ?


3) My only point is (IMHO) there's a lot of gray shades in between. Not a dichotomy.
apart from biblical figures maybe (Jewish, don't think we have anyone perfect) has flaws -- can you think of anyone without them?


4) If you are knowingly hurting someone --> instead of just feeling guilty about --> DO something to change it (therapy, hot-line, .... whatever)


5) "such + such a person doesn't like me"
a) no one is liked by 100% of the populaton. I'll be good with 80%. (if it's 10%, cause for concern -- perhaps a shower is in order; jk :) )
b) Depends who the such and such person is
-- my teenage kid ==> none of them really like their parents -- that's how they start to pull away twd independence.
-- My next door neighbor; I'm OK with being cordial
-- All the parents in my kids' school --- yeah, change maybe in order

-- you get my point

mrs. dobbs
04-20-14, 04:01 AM
Metta is loving kindness as ana futura described.

someothertime
04-20-14, 08:12 AM
habits around passions... and a way to remind you of your advancement / expression / loves and momentum...

i think alot of us are like children... with the expectations of adults... we need systems to replace alot of intermediate day to day thought... guesswork... but most of all we need to remind ourselves of what makes us great ;)

Greengrasshoppe
04-20-14, 07:40 PM
Practice loving kindness meditation. I was surrounded by people who loved me -- it didn't do crap. I suppose it helped prevent things from getting worse, but i was still stuck in a rut of life long self loathing.

By practicing loving kindness meditation, towards myself and others (including those who have "wronged" me, my self esteem has improved tremendously.

What is loving kindness meditation?

dvdnvwls
04-20-14, 07:56 PM
What is loving kindness meditation?
It's one of the Buddhist meditation methods/traditions.

tryn-optmsm
04-20-14, 08:17 PM
UCLA has a few mindfulness's -- Loving Kindness is there too
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

USMCcop
04-20-14, 08:22 PM
My ADD can affect my self-esteem. I think it's a common ADDer's problem. Besides therapy, what ways have you found to build it up?

I never realized this might be linked to ADD until my doctor pointed it out as a common theme. I remember him asking me to name one thing in my life I wanted but was unable to accomplish. He told me I couldn't; he was right.

I've always been self critical. I've done good things in life, accomplished much, but it's never been good enough. I guess that attribute has some good attributes (drive, always improving, etc), but it's also very unhealthy.

************************************************** ************
We adults with ADHD are good at beating ourselves up. We are more forgiving and understanding of our friends' belly flops than we are of our own. Gabor Maté, a physician and author of Scattered Minds, writes about the harsh judgments some ADHDers inflict on themselves every day:
> "I have not achieved enough in life," says one 43-year-old professional who enjoys a high income and is respected by his clients. "I feel I could do more. I want to paint. I want to study languages. I don't want to watch junk TV any more. I want to stop binge eating."

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9572.html

tryn-optmsm
04-20-14, 08:28 PM
usm, I'd agree with you on initially......
I hate the self-hypnosis that have think of a time you felt completely happy OR you were so proud of yourself .... could never really think of anything; 'cause even when I do/did experience one of those moments ... I forgot about them

That said, I sincerely hope it can be changed ---> all the "self-help" stuff/time we all invest so much in ... ... I can see tiny, minuscule steps of improvement ...
Hope it's something we just have to work a bit harder on

ana futura
04-20-14, 09:00 PM
What is loving kindness meditation?
It is a meditation practice where you direct feelings of loving kindness towards yourself and others, including those who have caused you suffering.

By learning to forgive others for the suffering you have experienced, you can also learn to forgive yourself, and vice versa.

Over time your negative thoughts and feeling diminish, and your positive thoughts and feeling increase.

mrs. dobbs
04-21-14, 01:15 AM
apart from biblical figures maybe (Jewish, don't think we have anyone perfect) has flaws -- can you think of anyone without them?

what's so funny is that biblical figures are riddled with flaws.

mrs. dobbs
04-21-14, 01:56 AM
In the other thread on unconditional self acceptance, Steve brought up the idea that murderous, sociopathic people (Al Capone, someone else) most often felt good and fine about themselves, felt that they were underappreciated and did good for the people in their lives.

Think of the people who have killed thousands upon thousands for what they consider 'the greater good' ...

Then tryn-optimism in this thread made a list that Fuzzy (whom everyone can agree is wonderful) and Genghis Khan and Stalin and etc. were not in the same boat.

Then there is the practice of lovingkindness-- where I know that extending lovingkidness toward myself, truly, is the hardest to do. But the practice is also to extend it to 'bad' people.

And there is something to that. If I extend it to 'bad' people then the resistance toward complete self-acceptance is gone. Because if we hold on to withholding lovingkindness from some and not others, the mind's sharky slippery lawyers (thanks ginnie) can so easily argue and convince us and others as being as 'bad' as the 'bad people'.

If it the resistance to love exists inside you at all, the struggle of who is worthy and who isn't worthy -- including you-- preoccupies you. What being has wronged you, instead of what doing, who is inherently wrong as a being, who is inherently ok. As if the fate of the universe hangs on you sorting all that out. In my case, in the end, it most often goes down in my books of internal legal precedent for why or how *I* am bad.

What is the point of not extending lovingkindness to the sociopaths or the 'bad' .... does that equate to approval of their actions? It is the actions we do not like, not the person. Human beings not human doings, right? Why is it so very hard to separate those things out?

It is starting to feel to me like having any of this-- deciding who should have negative regard, who is bad, who is deserving, who did what.... makes me very stingy and very closed minded and preoccupied. Constant waste of mental energy, and really a circular logic. Because I am trying to constantly fend off similar judgments against myself, no matter how delusional and ridiculous. If I don't have them for anyone, then what?

stef
04-21-14, 03:38 AM
yes some complicated old moral code, of people "deserving" and "not deserving" things. i think i picked this up from my parents somehow. (just listening to them, i wasn't specifically told this) They were catholic in a simple kind of faith (also not being nasty with this here...) and then when they started out in life in the early 60'si it was very easy to get a job, and buy a house. college degree + work hard + be a good person = "deserving" happiness and success.

mrs. dobbs
04-21-14, 03:41 AM
My parents started a family in 1956. My mother is Catholic and my father Methodist. My mother's Catholicism made guilt a big thing. But my father wasn't religious. His thing was work and duty. And you are right, that generation, those times, the economy was different. You 'paid your dues' and 'earned' and you proved yourself worthy of happiness, respect and self-esteem. My siblings picked this up-- who deserved respect and happiness and who didn't, and they were very strong in it. And that was planted in me.

stef
04-21-14, 03:54 AM
I really think this was part of why it was easy to leave the states.
this whole mindset, in general, i hated it...i mean school and college and success, i knew there was "more" somehow...
i did very well in school and i remember i was at this "honor's club" meeting and this nun saying some of us were "slipping" (it was spring of senior year). I had been sucked up into this insane competitiveness. and it was pointless!

(sorry i think i'm derailing this thread...)

mrs. dobbs
04-21-14, 03:55 AM
You are not derailing the thread. And I love your stories. I want to hear your life story one day.

It's so ironic that nuns do stuff like this. I mean, they are people too. But maybe I am thinking they should be transcendent.... maybe I am thinking of radical, gnostic or esoteric orders of nuns and monks.

mrs. dobbs
04-21-14, 04:00 AM
One thing I like about Sweden is that the dog eat dog mindset is discouraged. To quote a radical MLK, 'all labor has dignity' and that is how I want my daughter to grow up.

tryn-optmsm
04-21-14, 10:47 AM
yes some complicated old moral code, of people "deserving" and "not deserving" things. i think i picked this up from my parents somehow. (just listening to them, i wasn't specifically told this) They were catholic in a simple kind of faith (also not being nasty with this here...) and then when they started out in life in the early 60'si it was very easy to get a job, and buy a house. college degree + work hard + be a good person = "deserving" happiness and success.
----------Disclaimer, Tangent-----------------
Stef' your parents may have made it seem easy, though not so sure it was; several reason

#1) You're forgetting they had to deal with losses from war (assuming they're US). There's not accounting for the righteous have bounty and evol don't (My Scriptures' familiarity is limited to Hebrew צדיק וטוב לו, רשע ורע לו)
Jews can't agree on anything -- though some believe that you can't really see into a person's soul and can't be the judge of 'men'/people

#2) There always were and always will be economic challenges throughout the world
-- Mid-70's
-- Early 80's
-- Early 90's
......... I'm all to familiar with the bubble-burst in the early 2000's
---------------------
------Disclaimer #2:
Safe flight and hope you accumulate some good memories from your trip----

Concerta1990
04-21-14, 02:01 PM
Yoga is my favorite. Great for everything.
Also cold shower, it helps me to get rid of anxiety and depression :yes:

Bethylphenidate
08-02-14, 08:15 AM
A little soul searching.

Sunlovinlady
08-05-14, 04:07 PM
It's a complete mental change of thought process that you have to do alone but you can take any support offered by others. A lot of it is just saying to yourself that you can do it and not comparing yourself to others.

Another part of it is not letting what others say get to you. Just know that you go through what you do daily and they have zero clue about it. You have to create mental strength and that does not come easy or overnight. I had to teach this to myself and there are times still that I question my abilities or sense of self worth but I always end up with positive thoughts and just strive to make myself better everyday. I have that fight inside of me and it's not really to prove anything to anyone else but to prove it to myself. I really stopped caring what others think of me and have done things my own way.

I just stay away from negativity and small minded people as much as possible which helps as well. There are people out there that love to bring others down because they are unhappy themselves.

Doing things for yourself as in pampering or changing your clothing style or trying new experiences can really boost your self esteem. Even if it seems silly, putting little notes on the mirror that say "yes, you look beautiful today" or "good morning hottie" or something like that can have positive effects on you.

Another thing is to really take the compliments and say thank you, instead of just thinking that they are just saying it to be nice or brushing it off like they don't really mean it. Also know that a lot of people think such positive things about you but never say them. Try to just generally smile more and you will attract positive people. Fake it till' you make it with confidence. I had to work on this for years until it just came automatically.

Timberline
08-10-14, 11:01 AM
Hey, I have struggled with self confidence, too.

I think all forms of support are great, including online forums like this one.

I am no meditation expert at all, but I recently found a good app to guide newbies into meditation practice, called CALM. It is very nice, relaxing. Look for it at the App store. Also at http://www.calm.com

Also, lately I have been trying to make time to do more personal care for myself. I've spent the last 11 years attending to my kids & husband, and kind of let myself go a bit. I feel much better when I spend a little time pampering myself in some small way. This doesn't have to be expensive.

If you have someone in your daily life that makes you feel bad, try to eliminate contact (if it's a "friend") or minimize contact (if it's unavoidable family).

Every day before bed think of at least one thing you did that was good that day. If you managed to say thank you to the guy holding the door open, that counts.

Helping others helps us feel better about ourselves. If you look for opportunities to help someone it can make your day and theirs, too.

These suggestions are pretty low-brow, I know. I find that if I think about things too much I don't get anything DONE. So these are a few little things to try.

HTH- T-Line

blergggg
11-09-14, 09:55 PM
Are there any good books on this related to ADHD and/or women and self esteem? I have finally come to the realization that a lot of my "beating myself up" was tied to how hard my parents/siblings/peers were on me about my ADHD when I was growing up... (I wasn't diagnosed until my late teens.) I never really learned any other way of dealing with this and I want to break out of these habits! It's really hard.

zilphy
11-13-14, 06:06 PM
I say this to myself frequently throughout the day...

May I be well
May I be happy
May I be peaceful
May I be loved


Then I'll focus on someone I care about and say...

May you be well
May you be happy
May you be peaceful
May you be loved

The next step is to focus on someone I find unpleasant and repeat the "May you be well" etc...

This loving kindness mantra has helped me with self esteem and empathy for others. It can easily become a prayer for those so inclined.

Practice this daily for 90 days and you will build new neuropathways that will positively change your brain forever.

Carol
11-18-14, 04:55 PM
Practice virtue.

loverainbow
12-30-15, 05:42 PM
I pretend that I am someone else. That I am Beyoncé circa 2003 and nothing can stop me. And that I am the most beautiful, sexy, charming creature you will encounter today. Inside, I am crippled with insecurities and mean thoughts about my self.