View Full Version : 1 Year from Today


BellaVita
04-19-14, 10:02 PM
So this is crazy....

But a year ago today is when I got baker acted

Can't really believe it.

And yet, I *still* get scared(more like terrified and stop breathing and tense up) when I hear someone knocking on my door, flashbacks of the police pounding on the door.

It was traumatizing.

Actually, I'm going to share what happened. I need to do this. It's really bothering me.

My Dad started getting these mood swings.

One night, he punched me in the face.

And so I emailed my mom and let her know.

SHE called the cops. (I guess that next morning)

And, so they arrived in the morning.

And they questioned me and...then before I could get enough words in my Dad came home...

He told them I was demon possessed, that I was a psycho, acted crazy....that I freaked him out.

He lied straight to their faces.

He made it sound really bad, and even said I'm crazy and he never punched me. I simply trembled and didn't say a word.

And so, they ended up taking me away.

And I was scared and in shock and didn't say anything...they even mocked me.

They locked me up also in part because they counted my medications, and I wasn't taking enough.

BUT they counted the wrong ones - the ones I wasn't prescribed anymore. They didn't care.

That was so freaking scary and since then I've had to lie for my Dad to DCF to say that he never punched me and doesn't neglect me and takes good care of me.

He threatened to kick me out if I didn't lie.

And he abused me WORSE after that, punishing me for the DCF coming.

Thanks for listening.

dvdnvwls
04-19-14, 10:35 PM
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm so glad you're not in that situation any more. Anniversaries like this can be way more strange and difficult than might be anticipated. Be kind to yourself; love yourself; BE yourself.

:grouphug:

Rebelyell
04-19-14, 10:40 PM
awe hugs bella.Sooner or later hell get whats coming to him or someday hell have to answer to a higher power why he was a d-bag.Just keep improving like your doing and don't be too hard on yourself youll be alright.We all have a past,some of us are still struggling to get past it but we will all overcome it one day..keep shining My sweet Bella:)

BellaVita
04-19-14, 10:50 PM
Thanks guys....:)

Love you all.

willow129
04-19-14, 11:23 PM
Oh Bella big safe hugs sent your way. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so relieved you're safe now (you are safe now yes?)

Rebelyell
04-19-14, 11:24 PM
no ones safe when rebelyells around howls at the moon:p

anonymouslyadd
04-19-14, 11:36 PM
I'm so proud of you reaching out to people on the forums and talking about it. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

When I was about 15, my stepdad tried dragging me out of the living room. I wanted to talk to them, but it wasn't the right time for them. I was hurting and needed attention. They called the police on me. How embarrassing.

My experience doesn't come close to yours. I just felt like sharing.

Rebelyell
04-19-14, 11:40 PM
it sounds like maybe and rightfully so because of what happened was so traumatic to you maybe you have developed a ptsd because of it.

salleh
04-19-14, 11:53 PM
......while tiny part of me says ...what drove him and other parental units who fail big time with their kids ....to fail so gawdawfully badly ......? the other 99% of me says ....who the blood* he*** cares ??? the adult in the situation is the adult, ....and are therefor required by the rules of humanity to behave like the adult ....

....the adult doesn't get to lie to the cops to have their child dragged away ......and the adult cops don't get to make fun of the child ....

.....what an appalling situation to have to live through ....I am so sorry that you are another one of the victims of adult badness.....cause you are the victim ....don't forget that, EVER .....everyone involved did the wrong thing except you ....

...I suspect that is hard to internalize.....when the parent is blowing it that badly, they do tend to try to shove the blame off on the kid or kids ....I repeat ....it wasn't your fault....it was their fault......


...I swear, sometimes I really wish I was just like my Dad,.....6'4". with an Irish temper ....and a finely honed sense of justice....( Katy and I knew better than to make him angry at our behavior ...and the lines were very clearly drawn, we didn't have to guess what was ok and what wasn't ) ....but we both knew that we had a 6'4" Irishman on our side ....

.....and they say that size and making someone stand down cause you're the bigger one isn't the right way to do something .....it works ....no one tries to physically push you around ....

....so I can't have either ....no magic wand, and no hiding Irish version of the Hulk ....
so all I can offer is words ....so I'll say it again .....they were wrong, wrong.. wrong .


...And I am so glad you are out of there .....be well,....

Unmanagable
04-19-14, 11:54 PM
You experienced some big time traumas, no doubt. I'm so glad you're out of there and in a safe place. But I also know regardless how safe you actually are, *feeling* safe internally is another story. Nurture thyself every chance you get. Hoping you can find ways to help you heal. ((((Hugs))))

BellaVita
04-20-14, 01:14 AM
Oh Bella big safe hugs sent your way. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so relieved you're safe now (you are safe now yes?)

Yes, I'm safe and living with my boyfriend.

BellaVita
04-20-14, 01:16 AM
I'm so proud of you reaching out to people on the forums and talking about it. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

When I was about 15, my stepdad tried dragging me out of the living room. I wanted to talk to them, but it wasn't the right time for them. I was hurting and needed attention. They called the police on me. How embarrassing.

My experience doesn't come close to yours. I just felt like sharing.

Anon. :grouphug:

Thanks for being a wonderful friend and helping me with a lot of this.

You've helped in more ways than you know.

BellaVita
04-20-14, 01:18 AM
it sounds like maybe and rightfully so because of what happened was so traumatic to you maybe you have developed a ptsd because of it.

I def believe I have.

I'm also in this constant agitated/irritable and anxious state.

(and I really do mean constant...it never disappears.)

It wasn't just from that but from everything I've gone through.

BellaVita
04-20-14, 01:23 AM
......while tiny part of me says ...what drove him and other parental units who fail big time with their kids ....to fail so gawdawfully badly ......? the other 99% of me says ....who the blood* he*** cares ??? the adult in the situation is the adult, ....and are therefor required by the rules of humanity to behave like the adult ....

....the adult doesn't get to lie to the cops to have their child dragged away ......and the adult cops don't get to make fun of the child ....

.....what an appalling situation to have to live through ....I am so sorry that you are another one of the victims of adult badness.....cause you are the victim ....don't forget that, EVER .....everyone involved did the wrong thing except you ....

...I suspect that is hard to internalize.....when the parent is blowing it that badly, they do tend to try to shove the blame off on the kid or kids ....I repeat ....it wasn't your fault....it was their fault......


...I swear, sometimes I really wish I was just like my Dad,.....6'4". with an Irish temper ....and a finely honed sense of justice....( Katy and I knew better than to make him angry at our behavior ...and the lines were very clearly drawn, we didn't have to guess what was ok and what wasn't ) ....but we both knew that we had a 6'4" Irishman on our side ....

.....and they say that size and making someone stand down cause you're the bigger one isn't the right way to do something .....it works ....no one tries to physically push you around ....

....so I can't have either ....no magic wand, and no hiding Irish version of the Hulk ....
so all I can offer is words ....so I'll say it again .....they were wrong, wrong.. wrong .


...And I am so glad you are out of there .....be well,....

Thank you so much salleh. :grouphug:

I do sometimes forget that they were wrong....all of these lies put deep into my brain since I was a child.

(my mom is even MORE screwed up than my dad...NPD, psychopath likely. Zero empathy and didn't care nor feel guilt/remorse when she hurt me. And she would TRY to find ways to hurt me psychologically/physically...which made her more dangerous than my dad and that's why I stayed with him.....:rolleyes: )

I think they're both psychopaths, actually.

BellaVita
04-20-14, 01:25 AM
You experienced some big time traumas, no doubt. I'm so glad you're out of there and in a safe place. But I also know regardless how safe you actually are, *feeling* safe internally is another story. Nurture thyself every chance you get. Hoping you can find ways to help you heal. ((((Hugs))))

Thank you. Internal freedom is important.

I am learning to feel safe. Learning that things aren't threatening.

It helps that I'm out in the middle of nowhere....so it's like...I know cops aren't likely around to come bang on the doors.

(still doesn't help my first-response to hearing knocking, though.)

Fuzzy12
04-20-14, 02:14 AM
Bella :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

stef
04-20-14, 03:22 AM
Bella! omg i wouldn't have imagined things were that bad
I'm just so happy you're safe now :grouphug:

sarek
04-20-14, 07:46 AM
I think Bella, that coming from a place like that, shows even more what an amazing person you are. You survived all of that and despite your anxiety, you have come out with flying colors. You are on your way to winning Bella, you are proving wrong everyone that has tried to hurt you.