Hello all.

As a begining I'll start with the hard facts: I am a male in my early thirties, married with child living in Ontario, Canada. I am gainfully (though in my opinion - tentatively) employed, and have had some minor professional success so far. My education can be best described as "unfinished". I am considered by others (whatever they will say to my face) as being bright, entertaining and often "grumpy". I would describe myself as a chronic underachiever - a Ferrari, that's stuck in first gear - huge potential, which never materializes. I don't think I'm lazy, but I have not had a good history of "finishing". I have not yet been officialy diagnosed as having ADD, but have been in thereapy for years for depression.

For the past couple of years I have repeatedly argued with my therapist that the diagnosis of depression was too shallow. I have repeatedly insisted that depression seems to be a symptom and not the complete picture. We have gone through several hypotheses not the least of which was bipolar and schizophrenia. The end result of the treatments has always been unsatisfactory with the exception of Wellbutrin. I have had my most productive and successfull two years while on a regimen of 150mg of Wellburtin a day. This fact is also why my therapist has been resistant to investigate beyond his diagnosis of "chronic depression" - I responded to medication.

I can't recall what it was that sent me on the path of investigating ADD, but two weeks ago I found myself at the library checking out all the books I could find on the subject of ADD. As many of you already know - it was eye opening to say the least. I am completly convinced that I am an ADD adult and have suffered from it's symptoms all of my life. Aside from the anectodal evidence which matches closely the descriptions I found in the books, the thing which clinched it for me (as to the ADD diagnosis) is the description in one of the books of Wellbutrin as a possible candidate for the treatment of ADD.

My next steps are to get tested for ADD. I'm a little afraid of these tests - one of my "special" abilities is to give the "right" answers. But as I am afraid of sabotaging the tests, I am equaly afraid of not being "my true self" when testing. If manipulating my test answers is my natural state then I should maintain it. I hope some of you know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately ADD testing is prohibitively expensive, so I have to find a way to have it performed under the coverage our public health system or the coverage I have with work.

I trully hope that this is the answer I've been searching for for so long and I can focus on the cause and not merely ameliorating the effects of the syptoms. I feel as all of you feel that there is tremendous potential stored in this mind and body - I simply must discover a way to unleash it. Communicating with you in this forum is good begining. I am glad to be here; I hope to learn much and help where I can.

P.S. I think that of all the books I've read so far (and there have been many!) Thom Hartmann has the best aproach. The primary reason for my meager successes in this world has been the good fortune of marrying my most patient and understanding "farmer" wife. How many of you have found that partnering with "farmers" has resulted in furthering your own successes?

Thanks for reading.

Welcome, why :D

So, in reference to the "testing," are you trying to do this through your therapist? Or are you going to another doctor/psychiatrist who has adequate experience with adult ADHD? It would seem to me (disclaimer: I'm a little foggy today) that if you went to a new psychiatrist, the evaluation would be equivalent to an initial consultation, like in any other doctor's office. (Please forgive if I am way off--not very familiar with the Canadian healthcare system.)

From what I remember when I was diagnosed at 28 (32 now), the process was pretty straightforward with little room for manipulating answers…unless I wanted to blatantly lie to the doc. I had been wrestling with varying degrees of depression since middle school, trying a plethora of antidepressants along the way. When I approached my doctor about the possibility of me being an ADDult, he gave me a 23-item checklist of symptoms, told me to circle what applied to me, and we'd discuss it at our next visit. Out of 23 indicators, I'd circled 19. We discussed those indicators I circled, and in response to a few of his questions, I provided anecdotal evidence from my past--and present--to support this diagnosis. Then I went on Adderall.

He never sought input from any of my family members (although I did--from my mom), and he never asked me to complete any other self-assessments. Your doctor may do either or both of these.

If you truly believe you are an ADDult, I don't think you'll be able to "sabotage" your evaluation by giving what you believe to be the "right" answers because the statements presented to you will most likely be yes/no ("either this happens to you or it doesn't"). If they're not yes/no, then you'll probably have to rate the statements on some type of scale ranging from "most like me" to "not me at all" or other similar wording.

I believe there is a substantial difference between the semantics of "BEING my true self" and "being true TO myself." Perhaps I view this as too black and white, no gray, but I don't understand why you would answer "yes" or rate a statement "most like me" (assuming that those options are a "right" or "this patient has ADHD" answer) if what those statements described were incorrect about you. The "right" answers would be right because they're right! Surely the act of not being true to yourself is NOT the true you?

I hope I don't sound like I'm ripping into you or your very valid feelings of apprehension concerning the process of obtaining an "official" diagnosis of ADHD. :) And again, I may be typing in circles because of the dense fog I'm in today. I just wanted to give you some reasons to feel better about being evaluated for ADHD instead of simply saying, "it'll be ok, dude!"

We're thankful you're here at the Forums, too. It's obvious you're a highly intelligent individual--perhaps you'll allow us to help you get your Ferrari out of first!

Hi "Why": Welcome to the Forums.....You are very very very VERY smart...and quite frankly, I think you would do good to get yourself treated and apply to Harvard. YUP....you heard me right.....Finish your as yet unfinished education at Harvard U. in Cambridge, Mass. I have never said that to anyone ever who has ADD but you. Yes of course bring Farmer wife...she will LOVE Harvard Square....I have a good friend with ADD who made it through Harvard who I suspect is not even as bright as YOU:)....so I would say -- do what you have to do to get that diagnosis....and that IS being you.....Not only will you get your Ferrari out of gear, you will purchase an even better one. I'm thrilled for what the Wellbutrin has done for you....by the way..and I totally agree with you regarding this incredible medication....I'm glad you're here....keep mesmerizing us with your intelligence and I can't wait to see where you go with your healing process..:)

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
....I'm glad you're here....keep mesmerizing us with your intelligence and I can't wait to see where you go with your healing process..:)

Welcome....

Welcome to ADD Forums!!

Best of Luck with your diagnosis.

hey why

Welcome from another Ontarioite

Check out the link at the bottom of my post for some good info

Waiting to hear from you

Garry

Thank you all for the warm welcome. To those of you who wish to send me to Harvard - I'm flattered, but would like to suggest that it is much too premature. Getting degreed in any school of higher learning would be a tremendous step forward. As for my manipulating ADD test results - I think you are correct smooch - if the test allowed for such manipulation it would also account for it; my job is just to write down the damn answers. Once agin thank you to all and I'm glad to be here.

Originally posted by why
To those of you who wish to send me to Harvard - I'm flattered, but would like to suggest that it is much too premature. Getting degreed in any school of higher learning would be a tremendous step forward.


Why: I wasn't suggesting Harvard today, tomorrow, next week, or even next year....I thought it would be a great future goal for you....FUTURE GOAL.....after you have been treated and have some stability, confidence, and idea of what you would like to do....and Harvard has it all -- from the arts to business to government to medicine to law....so if you're brilliant in just about anything, Harvard has it.......Incidentally you have an amazingly extensive vocabulary....and write very well......I would start keeping some of these skills in the back of your mind....:)

Hi! I have already started and stopped two (technically three, but the last was just a "twitch" - going back to check something, but following a different link) replies to your post (the first time my browser crashed - rather disheartening). Anyway, having just noticed that you are one of the few others who is also online (it's early morning in North America isn't it?), it seemed as if some message was "meant" to be written. Or am I just looking for an excuse to stay on this site until it's time to go and pick up my son from Kindergarten in 10 minutes? Both, I suppose. Sorry, this really is pure waffle. Let me get to the point. Not that I had one really...

Like you, this is all rather new to me; unlike you, I have not been to a therapist and was not looking for a diagnosis, though I think I was, if only half consciously, looking for a solution to or at least some kind of enlightenment concerning my ("attention-related") problems. Your story reminds me of my own (though I suppose being an underachiever in one's early thirties with one child is not so rare, and that's what got me going initially!). I also thought (I say also, because I imagine you perhaps did, - then again, why? (pun intended)) ...

is that the time!!?? I must dash - will resume at a later date

all the best till then,
Jonathan.

I wasn't suggesting Harvard today, tomorrow, next week, or even next year....


I know :) . Flattered nontheless. Cheers.

Originally posted by why



I know :) . Flattered nontheless. Cheers.


Okay, Why, just as long as you know.....Cheers to you too...and have a great day.....:)

Hello, why --

I quickly read through this thread (is there any other way?) and gleaned a few tidbits for reply:

1) Welcome (always #1 on the agenda with newcomers)

2) I like the image of the ferrari stuck in 1st -- and used mainly to taxi kids and haul groceries, no doubt. The comment on potential is appropriate -- I sometimes wish my "normal" friends would clue in on the fact that, yes, in their eyes I may be "successful", but I am not living up to their potential, but mine! That Lennon quote always comes to mind: "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

3) I self-diagnosed almost 5 years ago, weaseled myself into treatment for "memory problems and depression", and found a shrink to start me out on wellbutrin (for the depression, of course).

Of course he was in with me on this and my response to WB then allowed him to say "oh my goodness, you might just have AD/HD". That's how I got "diagnosed". Otherwise, it's a few thousand US$ to get the psych testing done.

BTW, just got over-the-phone results from this kind of testing, done recently for an insurance claim. At no cost to me (other than ticking off an insurance co.), I can get a paper copy just for the asking. The results were entirely as expected -- combined type AD/HD.

4) Don't worry about mucking up these tests by being too smart or reactive about it. I know the DSM criteria pretty much by heart, but had no problem answering the questions honestly, even if some of them were obviously pointed in the AD/HD direction.

5) The test to watch out for is TOVA. This is a computerized test that is cheap and reliable and adopted for school testing in California (that should warn you....).

It also has a well-known validity problem. Any kid who has tweaked his or her reflexes on gameboys, internet games, or sports like skateboarding will ace the test, AD/HD or not. I took it recently, and passed just fine, even without my meds. Of course I didn't grow up with gameboy, but I did play a lot of pinball......


Ken

Thanks to all or the kind words and advice. I guess the lengthier discussions should probably move to the other forums. Once again, thanks.