View Full Version : My fear getting out of control


Fatima
05-02-14, 11:37 AM
Hi everyone

I have mentioned here before some of the issues I have when around people. But lately it seems its getting out of hand, I have isolated myself from family and friends because I fear what people will say to me.

I find myself even more than before hyper focusing on comments people make about me. Most of them are petty things that just need bit of assertiveness but for me after they make that comment it feels like my world has come crashing down.

Today it happened at work and it was possible to focus on my work. Iím shaking my stomach is in knots I cant think of anything else.

Iím so scared of people and their reaction. I have no guts to say anything. I feel like a child I canít even say the smallest thing to defend myself
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I canít focus on my life because Iím stuck on this
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I really need help.

Fatima
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MLB1985
05-02-14, 06:31 PM
Hi Fatima,

I hyperfocus on things people say to me all the time. Although I am more outgoing (but no one would call me extroverted!) I still get told I need to be more assertive constantly.

I also obsess over negative comments, and will twist them in my mind to make myself feel that I can't say or do anything right. One thing I do that sort of helps is I ask myself:

What did the person actually say?

Did they actually say any of the things that I am obsessed with thinking? (such as you're an idiot, loser, etc.)

No? No, they didn't.

I guess what my point is, we aren't mind readers, and most likely the meanest person is really ourselves.

sarahsweets
05-03-14, 06:57 AM
Sometimes in cases like these we need to consider therapy. Only some of what you mentioned is strictly adhd, alot of it has to do with whats going on inside your head.

Fatima
05-03-14, 07:09 AM
Hi

Thanks for the advise, You are right I should really not let it get to me but its hard to silence my overthinking.

What makes me sad is that there is so much I need to sort out in my life that are so important including treatment for my ADHD but all that seems irrelevant to me because I'm always just worried about people.

Are they medication that help with what I'm feeling?

Fatima
05-03-14, 07:16 AM
Sometimes in cases like these we need to consider therapy. Only some of what you mentioned is strictly adhd, alot of it has to do with whats going on inside your head.

I'm in the process of starting therapy, I really think I also have avoidance personality disorder combined with social anxeity.

However I'm reading a ADHD book by Charles Parker and he says people with ADHD are often incorrectly diagnosed with social anxiety and avoidance personality disorder when its really ADHD.

yellowflowers
05-03-14, 06:00 PM
Heh im sorry this is happening. I'm not sure if my experience the same but I find myself generally pretty paranoid about what others think of me. It's horrible, it's based on my own self-worth I guess. It's so hard to feel 'free' if that makes sense... Always feel I'm being judged. It's worsened in recent times... I do wonder if part of that is the meds, I'm more conscious of myself and my actions. And more serious than I used to be.

Before I used to 'forget myself' - and be more spontaneous....and then afterwards I'd maybe feel "uh oh, did I make a fool of myself" .... Now that voice comes in before hand or early on during feeling carefree.

Fatima
11-16-14, 11:32 AM
I'm bringing my thread up as the problem I was having is still not resolved and my anxiety is getting worse

I'm having a problem with my supervisor at work who is demanding I do someone else's work. I know I have the right to say no but I'm afraid to do it cause of anxiety about what reaction I will receive from her.

I need help.

Little Missy
11-16-14, 12:32 PM
Politely tell her, "I would love to be able to accommodate you but I am afraid I am unable to do so."

stef
11-16-14, 12:34 PM
How is your relationship with this supervisor, otherwise?

Fatima
11-16-14, 01:00 PM
Politely tell her, "I would love to be able to accommodate you but I am afraid I am unable to do so."

I didn't say anything when she asked me to do it. The work has to be done on Monday so I have decided not to do it and tell her on Monday. But its causing me so much anxiety I feel sick right now.

How is your relationship with this supervisor, otherwise?

When I started working with her she was always rude ignoring me, then at some of point she got very stressed and took a lot of time off. When she come back she started being nice to me cause I think my managers had a word with her and she was bought down to earth.

Sometimes I'm my worst enemy after started being nice I completely gave myself to her by being so much nice and always trying to be so helpful to her so she could like me even more. But she is too stupid to appropriate people who work hard and are nice to her. She started being rude and condescending last week and undermining me. I've had enough and want to treat her like everyone else does.
through emails.

Crosswired
11-16-14, 01:08 PM
This thread rang a few bells in my head as read it. I have been seeing a therapist for the last year. She told me that I am a very sensitive person. It's true I am. I learned to hold my feelings in as defense mechanism starting from childhood.

I am a people pleaser. Didn't realize it until my therapist brought it up. I absorb every negative comment and worry that people don't like me. I always look back into events and think that I have offended someone when in reality, they don't really care that much.

Fatima, you are also a sensitive person. Most ADHD people are. Fear of rejection is a big thing for us. Do you have a co-worker you can trust discussing this with?

stef
11-16-14, 01:20 PM
in this case the thing is you would have to be very " firm" and rational but that's the hardest part :grouphug:

IronFlem
11-16-14, 01:54 PM
I know how you feel Fatima and gone through what you have. What I did was listen to a motivational speaker over and over and over again till I could get better. His name is Wayne Dyer and I can't remember his exact words but it was something like you don't have to be offended by peoples words cause your protected by your body something like that. Not sure how to explain it but your consciousness and body are 2 different things. when someone insults you let them assault your body with words not your consciousness or mind. And people are attacking you cause they have low self-esteem. They say stuff insulting then look to there buddy hoping to impress them.

Also you need to take some sort of martial arts class to build your confidence. You could lift weights but I don't think just doing that will give you the confidence that you need. Once you learn to protect yourself your mind will get stronger. And you isolating yourself might even improve.

Also I think that you need to keep coming back here for the help people can give you. I hope this helps Fatima.

Fatima
11-16-14, 03:22 PM
This thread rang a few bells in my head as read it. I have been seeing a therapist for the last year. She told me that I am a very sensitive person. It's true I am. I learned to hold my feelings in as defense mechanism starting from childhood.

I am a people pleaser. Didn't realize it until my therapist brought it up. I absorb every negative comment and worry that people don't like me. I always look back into events and think that I have offended someone when in reality, they don't really care that much.

Fatima, you are also a sensitive person. Most ADHD people are. Fear of rejection is a big thing for us. Do you have a co-worker you can trust discussing this with?

Everything you just described is me, I do discuss it with someone they say I over think everything rather reacting in the moment.

in this case the thing is you would have to be very " firm" and rational but that's the hardest part :grouphug:

It really truly is hard but lets see how tomorrow goes I will give it a go.

Fatima
11-16-14, 03:25 PM
I know how you feel Fatima and gone through what you have. What I did was listen to a motivational speaker over and over and over again till I could get better. His name is Wayne Dyer and I can't remember his exact words but it was something like you don't have to be offended by peoples words cause your protected by your body something like that. Not sure how to explain it but your consciousness and body are 2 different things. when someone insults you let them assault your body with words not your consciousness or mind. And people are attacking you cause they have low self-esteem. They say stuff insulting then look to there buddy hoping to impress them.

Also you need to take some sort of martial arts class to build your confidence. You could lift weights but I don't think just doing that will give you the confidence that you need. Once you learn to protect yourself your mind will get stronger. And you isolating yourself might even improve.

Also I think that you need to keep coming back here for the help people can give you. I hope this helps Fatima.

Extremely helpful thank you so much. I'm going to look him up cause it really hits me when someone rationales what should be obvious to me. Just started weight lifting programme always wanted to get stronger and as I'm overweight it could really be good for me.

IronFlem
11-16-14, 03:34 PM
Just make sure you listen to it as much as you can Fatima. Its like taking meds but healthier. Weight lifting will do wonder but being physically active in a martial art class hands on with people would be even better. That's how you build mental strength. They'll call you Superfly Fatima.

Fatima
11-16-14, 03:59 PM
Just make sure you listen to it as much as you can Fatima. Its like taking meds but healthier. Weight lifting will do wonder but being physically active in a martial art class hands on with people would be even better. That's how you build mental strength. They'll call you Superfly Fatima.

Lool Superfly fatima sounds a lot better than cowardly fatima, I'm going to look into Martial art classes(always thought it was a men's activity)Thank you

Truly posting here today and getting all those helpful and supportive response has made me feel better today. :grouphug:

wwww789
11-16-14, 05:46 PM
You took the words right out of my... keyboard. I suffer from exactly the same thing as you do, and have often found that the best way to deal with things when a comment comes crashing down onto your mind, and weighs on you for long periods is to try and step back, and look at conversation, remember that the person who said this thing to probably didn't mean to hurt you in such a way.

It's probably best to try and stand up for yourself in these conversations, give a few brief but firm comments to defend yourself, try not to press the matter too far unless the person continues on the subject, or (as I often do) blow up in anger at the person in question. Both of these things can make you look foolish and petty.