View Full Version : I need advice -ADD and Adderall noob w/drug abuse history


quiladora
05-05-14, 02:24 PM
Hi. I'm new to these threads and to ADHD. I just found out that I have it and I was prescribed Adderall by my physician. I'm on 10mg 2X a day. Today should be the 4th day or 5th day I take it, but I don't think it's a good idea considering my experiences so far.

First of all, having been a recreational drug user in the past, I have never been a fan of stimulants. The high is great, but I can't deal with the come down. I would get really anxious and depressed, so I would only do them if I was drinking to help get to sleep.
So until being prescribed Adderall, the only stimulants I would take was caffeine. After too much coffee I get really sleepy and go to bed or take a nap.
Now, for my first experiences with Adderall. I took my first dose and I felt great,. I knew that I was a little high. It felt like my pupils were dilated and there was a bit of euphoria, which was nice, but a little concerning to me. I have an addictive type personality. I took my 2 10mg pills that day. My script says to take them 4-6 hours apart. That day I was staying up late to do some work, so I figured (probably WRONGLY), I would take 3 that day since I would be awake for around 18 hours. At the end of the night I did not want to got to bed. I felt so good and motivated and active.

Next day, I did the same thing, but then took an extra half. so 3.5 10mg pills.
The third day I took my pill, I really did not feel any effects. I didn't get high or feel any differently than I normally do throughout the day. As the evening wore on, I did the same as the previous two and took more than prescribed.

Last night I had a horrible horrible time. I started taking my meds on Sat. I worked at 4pm and took my first dose shortly after getting to work. Later, 9:30 I took my second dose. I went home and started playing a computer game that I have become addicted to for the last 2 weeks. I started feeling the meds wear off and I didn't want them to. I get this horrible fear when the meds start to wear off. I don't want to return to my old self. So, I just kept taking them, 1/2 or 1/4 at a time. Every few hours. I didn't sleep that night. I stayed up all night playing the video game. Morning came and I still didn't want to got to bed. I stayed up all day. I'm not sure how many pills I took. At 2 am the next day I was still at my computer playing the same video game. I forced myself to turn it off so i could get some sleep. I have never stayed up that long in my life.

I tried to go to bed but my stomach hurt. I decided to force myself to throw up and I saw that it was the last 1/2 pill I took. I hadn't eaten in 3 days now. Food had no appeal. So all that was in my stomach was Adderall and I wanted it OUT. I spent the next 2 hours swallowing water and expelling it over and over until I didn't see any trace of the pills. - I puked about 80 times and went to bed.

I have no interest in taking my pills now. I'm actually scared of them. I counted them this morning and I have less than 30 of the 60 left. I must have taken around 20 10mg pills in those 36 hours I was awake. I feel awful. I feel scared and alone. I don't want to tell anyone what happened because I'm ashamed. I don't have medical insurance so visiting the doctor for every little thing is not an option. I haven't made an action plan yet, but I am thinking of telling my doctor that I want to be switched off stimulants....I really need some knowledgeable experienced advice here. I want to feel like a normal person, but if my only option is to take stimulants that are going to have a "come down" than I'd rather not medicate because I just can't handle that feeling.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? I really don't know who to turn to. I would love to speak with a professional about this, but I just graduated from college and I am only working part-time until I find a position in my field. I have 0$. None. My doctor visits cost me $65 and the pills were $60 so please don't suggest something that is going to cost me a ton. I have doctor visit scheduled in two weeks for my follow up.

namazu
05-05-14, 02:40 PM
You may have better luck with a non-stimulant medication (e.g., atomoxetine/Strattera or bupropion/Wellbutrin) or with a longer-acting stimulant (e.g. Vyvanse, Concerta).

The non-stimulants are slower to kick in and not as effective as stimulants for a lot of people. But they have the advantages of being "smoother" and less likely to produce ups and downs, less likely to produce euphoria than the stimulants, and generally less likely to make you want to overdo them.

Bupropion, at least, comes in generic forms, which may be easier on your wallet (and because it's not a controlled substance, is more likely to be one of the meds you can get for ~$4 at some big chain pharmacies). Strattera is still under patent protection and there's no generic available, but there is a prescription assistance program from Eli Lilly that could get you free pills as long as you're uninsured.

The long-acting stimulants are typically formulated for slower release of medication, which can make them feel smoother, too. However, it may be tempting for you to take too many of them and then regret it later.

Given your history, and your recent experience with Adderall and difficulty controlling your use of it, I wonder if you might be better off with a non-stimulant. This might be a good option to discuss this with the doctor at your follow-up.
Best wishes.

quiladora
05-05-14, 04:15 PM
Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I was thinking maybe XR might be better for me. I'm still unsure at this point if I am going to stop taking them completely. I'm not going to take any today, because I feel like sh*t from last night's experience, and I think there is even some still in my system. I have been reading up on it, and perhaps my dosage was too high to start with. I am thinking of starting up again in a couple days, because the positive effects were so good. I felt like the fog I was in had finally dissipated.

I think a lot of the problem was a HUGE lack of information regarding how to use them. I made a lot of mistakes those first few days. First of all, I drank a LOT of coffee and Mtn Dew. Also, I also don't usually eat until much later in the day, so I was on an empty stomach EVERY time I took the meds; considering I have no appetite in the morning, then take the adderall and completely forgot about food and eating.
I was also unprepared for a "come down" or as others are calling it a "crash." Like I said, I don't do well with that. Does anyone have any suggestions for managing that? I have a script of xanax but I'm not sure about mixing the 2.

I think timing the doses properly may also help, but it is going to be a bit of a struggle because I love to stay up late at night and never want to go to bed when I am supposed to. Perhaps creating a nightly routine would help.

Anyway, I am still thinking about it and researching before I make any decisions. I would love to hear from anyone regarding their experiences or advice they may have. If it weren't for the financial issue, I'd prob just go see my doc about getting a different script, but until I get med insurance I have to do what I can to get by. It was hard enough paying for this prescription.

sarahsweets
05-06-14, 09:10 AM
First of all, having been a recreational drug user in the past, I have never been a fan of stimulants. The high is great, but I can't deal with the come down. I would get really anxious and depressed, so I would only do them if I was drinking to help get to sleep.
I am unclear of why you say you dont like stimulants but say the high is great.

This is a warning sign that you were on the wrong path.
[quote] I took my 2 10mg pills that day. My script says to take them 4-6 hours apart. That day I was staying up late to do some work, so I figured (probably WRONGLY), I would take 3 that day since I would be awake for around 18 hours.
This is also a sign that you will have difficulty sticking to your prescribers guidelines.

I did the same as the previous two and took more than prescribed.
I started feeling the meds wear off and I didn't want them to. I get this horrible fear when the meds start to wear off. I don't want to return to my old self. So, I just kept taking them, 1/2 or 1/4 at a time. Every few hours. I didn't sleep that night. I stayed up all night playing the video game. Morning came and I still didn't want to got to bed. I stayed up all day. I'm not sure how many pills I took. At 2 am the next day I was still at my computer playing the same video game. I forced myself to turn it off so i could get some sleep. I have never stayed up that long in my life.
You are risking stimulant psychosis at this point.

I tried to go to bed but my stomach hurt. I decided to force myself to throw up and I saw that it was the last 1/2 pill I took. I hadn't eaten in 3 days now. Food had no appeal. So all that was in my stomach was Adderall and I wanted it OUT. I spent the next 2 hours swallowing water and expelling it over and over until I didn't see any trace of the pills. - I puked about 80 times and went to bed.
I cant even address properly how unhealthy this was.

I don't want to tell anyone what happened because I'm ashamed. I haven't made an action plan yet, but I am thinking of telling my doctor that I want to be switched off stimulants
You have to tell on yourself because you cant control yourself to take adderall as prescribed. You just cant. And thats ok. Believe me, I am an alcoholic and there is no way I could take one sip of it without relapsing. It just wont work for me. You need to tell your doctor and then consider trying to find some kind of sliding scale fee therapy to work through this. The pattern of addiction can pop up at anytime for any kind of substance you ingest. What if you have surgery and need pain meds? You run the risk of abusing them and becoming addicted to them.

You are not an awful person and I get bristly when people do this sort of thing because it makes in harder for those who take the medication legitimately to receive it. Its bad enough to deal with bias from pharmacists and doctors without having someone perpetuate the stigma that we are all drug addicts getting a legal high.

Dannymn
06-09-14, 06:27 PM
I am also an alcoholic, sober 8 years now. Everything you, the OP said in your post points to a stimulant not being a good choice for you right now. Unfortunately, using a med to stay awake to play a video game longer is considered abuse. I'm not saying you are a bad person because you did it. I am saying one addict to another, you are heading down a potential path that will be awful to get off of. Addiction creeps in any way it can. It's the way we are.