View Full Version : beautiful....


BellaVita
05-11-14, 02:47 AM
Doesn't depression just seem like a lovely, tempting, beautiful place to be in sometimes?

It's always lurking, calling to me by name....

Very enticing.

salleh
05-11-14, 03:35 AM
.....No ! ....it is not beautiful ....it is suffering ....I don't have much patience with suffering ....( mine that is) I don't like it, I don't want it, and I avoid it at all costs....


....I fight it, .....I head for the computer to find funny stuff to read or look at .....being a lifelong sucker for cats and kittens, looking at photos of them, and most critters will cheer me up .....

....or I find a book, and only the days after someone close to me dies being the exception, I go and live the world of that book.....


....I don't listen to the blues or sad music when I am depressed, I listen to bluegrass, or Gilbert and Sullivan....or Irish music ..something upbeat, lively or funny ....


......I do whatever it takes to pull my head out of it ......we only get one go round here, and I want to have as happy a life as I can manage ....


...I work at pulling my brain out of a tailspin and pushing it in the direction I want it to go .....and it is work....takes a lot of energy ...and you have to remember to catch yourself when you find yourself sliding into sadness and gloom ....and shove off somewhere lighter ....


...not saying it works all the time, but I have learned to avoid sinking into depression at times, and any time I am not depressed, is what I want....

BellaVita
05-11-14, 03:42 AM
A chemical imbalance can't often be stopped...without meds or something.

But I see what you're saying salleh.

:)

To me it's a familiar place, and that comfort of familiarity can lure me in.

Ganjin
05-19-14, 09:35 AM
I wouldn't describe it as "tempting", but I see what you mean by the comfort of familiarity. Depression becomes our way of being, rather like an identity in itself.

Personally, I feel stalked by depression. I'm constantly seeking ways to elude it, maybe for just a little while. But it never really goes away. Follows me, stalks me, and eventually catches up to me. When it does, it almost seems to speak to me... "So where did you think you were off to? Did you think I wasn't coming along?"

Fuzzy12
05-19-14, 10:39 AM
I have sometimes been accused of "wanting to be depressed" but I don't think that's true. It is familiar but it's never wanted.

For me, I consider it almost as my default state with a few, brief interludes of well being every once in a while. I'm still surprised every day I wake up and don't feel like ****. And I'm scared every day that soon I will slip back into depression. Like Ganjin says, it seems to stalk me, haunt me, play with me like a cat plays with a mouse. It might let me loose for a few moments and allow me to believe that I'm escaping but ultimately it will never let me go. That's how it feels like, that's what I believe but I hope that I'm wrong.

I don't doubt that this isn't the last that I've seen of depression but my real hope is that I can have longer periods of well being with shorter and fewer periods of depression.

stef
05-19-14, 10:43 AM
NOT enticing for me...really, I don't want to go there, ever again.

salleh
05-19-14, 11:25 AM
...What I meant Bella ...is that I hate being depressed.....and I don't think of it as beautiful .....

...and then stuck on a couple of things I do when I am depressed .....even if it just lifts me out of it for a few minutes, that's a few minutes I am not depressed .....

.....However, I haven't been depressed for a few years now....My depressions are pretty much always situational ......once the situation starts to fade, the depression starts to life ......that for no reason depression is horrific ......at least with situational, you feel if you can fix the situation, you can climb out of the depression .....


...The scary part about that is that depressed, you feel as if there's no hope for you to fix that situation ....and I lived under that rock for several years ....

mrs. dobbs
05-19-14, 12:20 PM
I think when one is depressed, there is something in us that doesn't want to leave it. When I am so depressed that I want to die, I am convinced that is the realest truth I know and I want it to end there. The idea of feeling better makes me angry because it isn't real. I am so tired that I want it all to end, to stop. That is the siren's call.

Flory
05-19-14, 12:54 PM
I agree salleh. When I've sunk that low and there's no way out and the feeling like if you died it wouldn't even matter .....no thanks don't want to be there again

Unmanagable
05-19-14, 03:38 PM
I don't view it as beautiful or comfortable, but rather painfully and overly familiar, always lurking around every corner waiting to snatch my a** up, and one of the places I end up more often than I'd like.