View Full Version : Don't really know how to get help....

05-12-14, 09:15 PM
Hi my name is Jack, I'm a sophomore in high school and I believe I am suffering from some form of ADD or ADHD. I have always had this inert feeling like I either had to b moving and/or need to move my feet, toes, mouth, etc. During school and while at home I have this feeling of 'drifting'. I don't know how to explain this feeling to anybody and I feel it is the one thing that I need to help "fix" with myself. I constantly find myself just becoming absentminded while in class. An example would be I know I am writing the information on the board but my mind is somewhere else. I can try to do the task but I won't be putting any thought into it since I am constantly thinking of countless other random things. At home in the past and even to this day I feel like I want to get up and break something while trying to do homework for more than 5 minutes. I get unbelievably frustrated and I give up very easily. When I remember back to grade-school, I remember constantly getting in trouble for things other kids were not. Talking in class, snatching food that wasn't mine almost subconsciously, blurting random s*** that I was thinking but had no intention to say, being generally rebellious. Most of those traits have carried over to my high school life now. I find myself extremely shy in social situations and recently this year have been against my better judgement and fairly decent school and family conditions, begun to experiment with drugs. Lets just say I have messed with drugs more "serious" than just pot. Thinking about it now, this is the most I have been productive after school in a long time.
I digress. I have always seemed to exhibit chronic procrastination and less than adequate grades. I am attending a college prep school that I did not get into by myself, my father used every connection he had with people at the school and at work from his boss to get me in. Shhh that's a very big secret. I know I am under performing and in the past and very much in the present, there is nothing more I would like than to come home after feeling like I was able to process all of my information, finish my homework (not blowing it off or half-****** it), hating myself for the no apparent reason other than just feeling like I can't (for lack of a better phrase), f*****g focus and get work done, and not have to feel ashamed by my parents disappointment in their "smart" kid.

I recently "self-diagnosed" myself with some soft of issue and started to talk with people and do research on the mental impairments after repression and denial. I always just assumed I was a lazy kid with no motivation and I hated that stigma but I guess I just accepted it after being told that by parents, teachers, and myself. My little brother has some sort of learning disorder (I believe dyslexia) so I begged my mom to take me to that office to have them look at me. I was so excited after the 3 weeks we had to wait for an appointment, kind of knowing what to expect (some sort of testing, interviews, questionnaires and then just overall review of my current and past situations in all aspects of my life), just to have 3 hours of "brain" games, short (I'm sure under my reading and vocab skill) standardized testing, and a one question interview that consisted of them asking me "Why do you think you are here" and then having the answer stuffed down my throat a few hours later.

They seemed to conclude that since I could complete the childish tasks without blowing my fuse (keep in mind I am a young adult who is now driving) and scoring above average on the simple reading and vocab quizzes, that I absolutely could not have any kind of attention issue and that it was clear as day that it was an anxiety disorder. I just nodded my head while they told me what I was feeling and why but inside I knew that that was not the case at all. My mom has sided with the neuro-psychologist who I believe is not either "trained" on adolescent ADD and just works with young children ( seemed that way with the website, office, and the other kids in there being half my size) or just wanted to quickly refer me to a colleague (trained consular to talk about my anxiety issues). I really want to see a true ADD specialist to at least rule out an ADD issue or to get a proper diagnosis with someone who knows what they seem to be doing.

Thank you so much whoever reads this and If you could advise me what to do or how I can approach my parents with my position that would probably (at least for now) give me some hope with my life right now when it seems no one is on my side or seems to "understand". Thank you again.

Jack the self-loathing, bad grade getting, horrible focus-er, impulsive acting, 15 year old, college preparatory attending, male, without a person to talk to it seems in my life

(It took me since my tutor left at 5:30 to write this all out after several breakdowns to finish this short 'story')
(I honestly think I may cry if even just one person can help me since no-one seems to be willing in my own life)
(I have legitimately tried both kinds of ADD meds (from friends) to see if they seemed to help my overall symptoms (Not at all as just a study aid as most kids abuse) and they didn't seem to really help at all with any part of my daily hell except for (what I now know as I dose much higher than prescribed) vyvanse. When i took 100mg's of vyvanse it was out of impulse of 50mg not seeming to do anything (and looking like an apparent waste of 6$) I took another 2 50mg's the next day. All that did for me was make me want to talk to everyone like they were my best friends (guys way cooler than me who I don't think I could have even approached before and I was talking to girls for the first time in what seems like middle school). I don't feel at all like it helped me focus (although it did make me stop tapping and talking in class, but I can control both of those I think as I have gotten older (but still a problem)).
(Im not even sure what these post thread parenthesis notes but I can't organize anything and I guess these are thoughts that I couldn't get in above)
Well thank you again and remember, anything for me would help
-yelling at me for doing drugs
-yelling for not doing HW
-providing me with direction and inspiration
-even just simply conversing about this and right now even just writing all this crap feels like a weight is off my chest!

i promise it is done now.


05-12-14, 10:01 PM
Hello Jack

First, watch your back - it's a crime to buy or sell this medication. I didn't decide that so don't blame me, it's just the fact. I'm not going to "yell at you for doing drugs" because there's probably not much point in that, but I am going to yell at you for committing a crime, because it can quickly make your life hell. Stop all ways of getting medication, for the sake of your own safety and security.

Face the fact that your parents control your options and will continue to do so for a few more years. Plan to work within their chosen methods, not because it's good or bad but because you don't have any other realistic choices.

If parents or professionals think you are getting drugs from somewhere, they will clamp down hard, and from then on you will never see any medication even if you do need it.

So... work with what you've got. As a 15-year-old you can't really afford to "think outside the box" because that "box" is not going anywhere for a while. Hope that your parents' choice of professionals will listen, and will see clearly.

05-12-14, 10:11 PM
First of, thank you dvdnvwls for replying. It really means a lot. While my parents don't really seem to know whats up when it comes to this stuff, I have been talking to my consular at school and she definitely seems like she knows what these types of issues look like and helps out tons of kids at my school.

Do you think it would be a good use of time for me to maybe sit down with me and my mom at least and have a conversation with what I think i going on, my consular thinks is (I beleive she is more on my "side" of stuff and will be good for my mom to hear it from), and then what my mom is thinking?

And are you saying if my parents don't understand (I've been thinking and I partially believe they just don't want their first son (big deal for them) to have a "disability") that I have an issue that I can't work out on my own, I can't do anything about it and have these issues possibly and probably might ruin my future (in terms of schooling choices in the future) and for me to remain miserable for another 2.5 years until I am 18?

05-12-14, 11:25 PM
Yes, of course, have a conversation about it with your mom. That sounds like a great idea.

I'm familiar with the "parents don't want child (especially first son) to have a disability" problem. Parents might deny there's anything wrong, even if it's obvious.

With this kind of parents, it might be helpful (I'm not sure, just speculating) to come into that conversation with some evidence to back you up, showing two important things: 1. You don't grow out of ADHD; 2. People with ADHD generally end up failing university or college, and getting fired from their jobs, unless they get on an effective treatment program.

05-12-14, 11:32 PM
What are your thoughts on my symptoms? I think I may have some sort of ADD but I don't really know. It would be great to get some other persons ideas on this stuff.
Also. Is there anything I can do in terms of reaching out to doctors through email and possibly setting up appointments? Not really sure how that all works but I'm just wondering if I need an adult of if I can talk to a doctor by myself.

05-12-14, 11:40 PM
Symptoms on the internet are pretty much impossible to figure out. Just talk to the professionals about it. Do everything through your parents, because... they'll find out everything anyway and you don't need more fights.

05-13-14, 04:07 AM
I think you are better off sitting down your parents and stating that you need help,and saying what your issues are. If you start off by saying that you used the internet to diagnose yourself or tried meds illegally, that will undermine your desire to get to the bottom of things.

05-13-14, 06:31 AM
Dude... it seems the teenage years and early twenties provide some sort of "mask" or hormonal drive that can offset core symptoms...

This *MAY* have been at play when you went through the testing...

Now, it's not all bad... during this time you generate your own currents profusely... ultimately... it comes down to openness and output... In my case at this time i felt the disconnect but "had faith" everthing would work out... though effectively I was creating a re-inforcing spiral that did nobody any good.... That said.... I had a gazillion, exciting, unique... exploratory ( i'll leave out the risky stuff ;) ) experiences during these years.... The core loss was developing consistent professional outlet / goals and developing interpersonal / healthy emotional interactions...

If you are having inhibiting difficulties in social and/or educational-professional persuits then I highly encourage you to "stay on the self championing unweiding pragmatic merry go round" of openly making appointments with reputable health care professionals until your situation is alleviated...

My next advice in this scenario is to find champions... or menotrs / support / guides... to urge / comfort / remind etc. and keep you steadfast and open in your quest to find good medical input....

It's easy to get sucked into self research.... ifs and buts... doubts.... fear..... maybe this... maybe that..... wait a bit.... etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Though, the most direct path to alleviation is a practical and steadfast one...... one that looks at your world with potential..... with practical assessment and ongoing working the pro's and crutching the cons ( edit: no, reframing the cons... ) .... Too often we inflate the cons.... which ultimately leads to treatment loops and bogville....

Keep your head up soldier.... there is more to you than your unrealised potential.... and that is the foundation that matters.

05-26-14, 01:00 AM
I have done like hours of testing before and even though I took my adderall that day, I swore it was so easy I could have done it without it. At the end of the test the lady said, you obviously took your medicine today. I think those tests are stupid.

You can actually have a normal attention span when you start out on things, so those tests would make sense. When I got diagnosed I just answered some questions aloud and on a paper, although I don't know how I appeared on the outside to the psychiatrist. I think it is a trial and error thing with medication.

I think your parents will take some time to understand and adjust to the idea. I mean this is your life not theirs. If your grades improve, maybe that would motivate them.

on the things you said at the end
don't tell your psychiatrist you tried meds :)
If you have the hyperactivity problem, I would try exercising to get your energy out.
If you have a hard time sitting still for long, maybe break up your homework into pieces so you dont get too tired to finish it, that works for me. :)
Take your homework seriously, because in college you'll kick yourself for not taking life seriously in high school. This weight on your shoulders, take it easy. High school is fun and the pressure of school isn't as bad as it looks like right now.