View Full Version : The one thing I can't stop thinking about...


XPATMA
05-12-14, 11:06 PM
I'm 19 and in college with ADD. With my medication (40mg Focalin) I usually am able to get all of my work done while not having my mind stray too much. However, whenever I find myself going after a girl (pursuing a relationship usually and not just being gaga over someone that doesn't know I exist) I can't focus no matter what. I've had a few times in my life, like the time my dad had an affair and my parents almost got a divorce, where no amount of medicine could help me focus but those times are understandable exceptions. I just feel like I should be able to get through these wandering thoughts with my medication but it doesn't cut it. Just to clear things up, I'm not talking about weird, sexual fantasies or anything but just thinking about the girl in general, whether things are going good or bad. Can anyone relate and offer advice?

dvdnvwls
05-12-14, 11:54 PM
By "pursuing a relationship" do you mean basically that you can't focus to talk to her or to think about her because your mind spins out of control?

Yeah, girls are weird that way. :)

There's probably nothing wrong with your medication; I'm inclined simply to diagnose you with Being Male And Liking Girls And You'll Get Used To It Some Day We All Do. :)

It may be that you are over-thinking the entire situation - maybe you need to stop being a Hamlet and just go talk to her instead of thinking so much.

There's a small chance that your meds are slightly on the high side, and that the extra anxiety of your situation plus the almost-too-much meds are combining to overload you a bit. I don't know about that.

someothertime
05-13-14, 06:49 AM
Facilitate what you need. Develop practical outlets and real world behavioral challenging that brings your thoughts to workable places... in controlled and assessable ways...

A bird in the hand beats two in the bush.

Now... might not be social that you need. Might be comfort... might be expression... moral is... seek outlet and nurturing evolution of driving emotions.

XPATMA
05-13-14, 11:21 AM
I'm not saying that I'm too scared to talk to them or anything like that but sometimes I have schoolwork that I need to get done and I get my mind off of the girl. Usually my medicine helps me focus on schoolwork but it just doesn't cut it here. I just want to know how to get her out of my head for a few hours to get some work done but I guess we'd all like the answer to that.

dvdnvwls
05-13-14, 01:04 PM
Oh, when you said focus you meant focus on work!!! Guess I mis-read.

What have you tried so far, to get your mind off her?

Fuzzy12
05-13-14, 01:55 PM
Slightly unorthodox method but might be worth a shot especially if you can't focus because you are day dreaming about this girl: imagine that you are doing your homework together with the girl. Imagine discussing it with her. For instance you could fantasize that you tell her 'ok girl of my dreams, should we do now math problem 1?' Imagine her sitting next to you, head bent over her work with both of you doing math problem 1. Do the first step. Imagine showing her your result, Gmaybe discussing it with her. Go on to the next step. Etc. Every time you lose focus and start thinking about her, imagine discussing your work with her. You know make your work part of your day dreams. Enact it.

Not sure if this isnt beyond silly but if day dreaming is the problem it might work.

Stevuke79
05-13-14, 06:27 PM
So I take it this is not when you're just pursuing a relationship but you're actually falling in love. If so, I think that's just the way it is for everyone regardless of ADHD and I don't think there's a solution.

And fuzzy, I have imagined myself doing homework and every other chore with them (isn't that what people fantasize about?) In my case I find that it's not actually the chore itself that I'm focused on :)

XPATMA
05-13-14, 08:57 PM
Slightly unorthodox method but might be worth a shot especially if you can't focus because you are day dreaming about this girl: imagine that you are doing your homework together with the girl. Imagine discussing it with her. For instance you could fantasize that you tell her 'ok girl of my dreams, should we do now math problem 1?' Imagine her sitting next to you, head bent over her work with both of you doing math problem 1. Do the first step. Imagine showing her your result, Gmaybe discussing it with her. Go on to the next step. Etc. Every time you lose focus and start thinking about her, imagine discussing your work with her. You know make your work part of your day dreams. Enact it.

Not sure if this isnt beyond silly but if day dreaming is the problem it might work.

Come to think of it I think I've done that before. I'll have to try it again to see if it helps but thanks!

XPATMA
05-13-14, 09:01 PM
As for what I've tried so far I've tried taking short breaks to attempt to clear my kind but that always fails. Taking a longer break to go workout/running is more effective but I don't always have the time/access to that. I've also tried talking about what's on my mind with trusted friends but that takes time and usually makes things worse actually.

dvdnvwls
05-14-14, 12:44 AM
I find that taking a short break to clear my mind generally just focuses me on whatever I was trying to not focus on, unless I do something during that break that actually helps.

I don't want to sound crude or to offend you, but physical release can usually buy you some time for work. If you have philosophical objections to that, it might be time to reconsider.

XPATMA
05-14-14, 01:36 AM
I find that taking a short break to clear my mind generally just focuses me on whatever I was trying to not focus on, unless I do something during that break that actually helps.

I don't want to sound crude or to offend you, but physical release can usually buy you some time for work. If you have philosophical objections to that, it might be time to reconsider.

That did used to help me but for religious reasons I abstain from that now. Thanks for that thought though.