View Full Version : Extreme Agitation


BellaVita
05-15-14, 01:50 AM
I don't know how to deal with this....

Anyways, some questions...

What's the difference between extreme agitation/agitated states in PTSD and dysphoric hypomanic states in Bipolar?

I have no clue how to calm this.

It's like, once it's triggered I'm stuck like this for quite a while. I go days being agitated constantly.

I sometimes have periods when I'm less agitated. But I think I'm almost constantly agitated.

And also something that comes with the agitation usually is very paranoid type thinking. Maybe delusional but I can't tell.

I feel all this angry energy inside.

This is freaking ******* me off. I'm so upset. Thanks for listening.

Nicksgonefishin
05-15-14, 01:59 AM
Eat a snickers. (((BELLA)))

peripatetic
05-15-14, 01:59 AM
agitation is different from anxiety. clinically at least. i don't have anxiety, per se, or bipolar, but i have had agitation...and ..i don't know about "extreme", but i get very...it isn't always a home remedy situation. and if you can't control yourself and you're ******* up ****...or depending on what your thoughts are about things... if that's what it is, you need to talk to a professional. seriously.

the only thing that stops mine is medication. strong medication.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 02:05 AM
Eat a snickers. (((BELLA)))

I can't. Lactose makes me very irritable.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 02:09 AM
agitation is different from anxiety. clinically at least. i don't have anxiety, per se, or bipolar, but i have had agitation...and ..i don't know about "extreme", but i get very...it isn't always a home remedy situation. and if you can't control yourself and you're ******* up ****...or depending on what your thoughts are about things... if that's what it is, you need to talk to a professional. seriously.

the only thing that stops mine is medication. strong medication.

Oh yeah, no home remedy can "cure" me. Nothing.

I wake up this way, go to sleep this way. I haven't been sleeping well due to it....

I am actually...I don't want to go into detail, but becoming a bit violent. (at times)

Please no judgment....

I know I need to see a professional. I've looked up/called like 30ish psychiatrists in this area, no luck so far. I have an appointment with a PA on Friday to ask for sleeping meds cuz I'm almost out....and can't sleep without them.

peripatetic
05-15-14, 02:32 AM
HAHAHA!!!

bella, seriously, i am the last person to have any grounds for judging someone for losing their ****. i mean...really.

you can get help by presenting at emergency services. i mean, it's not ideal, but...better to go there than to get taken...trust me. and sleeping pills...if it is agitation...aren't going to fix that. i really encourage you to go in and at least talk to someone sooner than later. because if it is that... however "extreme" you are feeling it is right now, it can get a lot worse and it can be a lot harder to get under control and it really ******* sucks when you've gotten to a point where it takes a loooong time even with **** tons of medication. sleep deprivation just makes it worse in every way, too. try to not stop eating as well.

i don't really know if what you're dealing with is the same thing, though. it may not be agitation at all. but that's all the more reason you need to talk to someone.

Nicksgonefishin
05-15-14, 02:38 AM
Have you done a body scan?

Fuzzy12
05-15-14, 02:48 AM
I think I can relate to that. The agitation, anger, the angry energy, feeling violent .. and the Slightly paranoid thoughts. We talked about it back then and you thought it might be a mixed episode.

I think it would be best if you can see someone. Maybe going to the hospital isn't a bad idea. What's a pa? Can they do anything else apart from prescribing sleeping pills ?

I had to find an outlet for all the anger in me and I got quite violent too. I kept hitting pillows, punching doors and wall s or myself. But that didn't give me much relief. What did give me some relief were sort od mindfulness exercises. Like just allowing the moment. Or focussing on the sensation of whatever I was doing at that time, eg walking. That actually helped quite abit.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 02:56 AM
HAHAHA!!!

bella, seriously, i am the last person to have any grounds for judging someone for losing their ****. i mean...really.

you can get help by presenting at emergency services. i mean, it's not ideal, but...better to go there than to get taken...trust me. and sleeping pills...if it is agitation...aren't going to fix that. i really encourage you to go in and at least talk to someone sooner than later. because if it is that... however "extreme" you are feeling it is right now, it can get a lot worse and it can be a lot harder to get under control and it really ******* sucks when you've gotten to a point where it takes a loooong time even with **** tons of medication. sleep deprivation just makes it worse in every way, too. try to not stop eating as well.

i don't really know if what you're dealing with is the same thing, though. it may not be agitation at all. but that's all the more reason you need to talk to someone.

Thanks, I don't know if I can bring myself to a mental hospital....I had a bad experience going to one. (got baker acted)

I really wish I could be responsible about this. I honestly am not thinking straight so can't come up with much of a response or elaborate well....(edit - okay I ended up writing a response.)

Yeah the sleeping pills don't really help the agitation.

Just writing about all of this is making me super agitated and angry....

I think I need a benzo again or something.

How can I tell if it's agitation? It's like, an internal angry ENERGY, also affects me physically. (jerky, rapid movements...moving around a lot.) It affects my breathing, sharp breaths. And any little thing/noise/whatever sets me off. Even the air around me bothers me...I hate how it feels against my face. And people bother me. Rambling.....but yeah mostly this angry energy thing.....

It feels like my mind is on edge.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 03:00 AM
Have you done a body scan?

?????

What's that?

BellaVita
05-15-14, 03:07 AM
I think I can relate to that. The agitation, anger, the angry energy, feeling violent .. and the Slightly paranoid thoughts. We talked about it back then and you thought it might be a mixed episode.

I think it would be best if you can see someone. Maybe going to the hospital isn't a bad idea. What's a pa? Can they do anything else apart from prescribing asking pills ?

I had to find an outlet for all the anger in me and I got quite violent too. I kept hitting pillows, punching doors and wall s or myself. But that didn't give me much relief. What did give me some relief were sort od mindfulness exercises. Like just allowing the moment. Or discussing on the sensation of whatever I was doing at that time, eg walking. That actually helped quite abit.

Yep, hmm. I remember that.

A PA is a physician assistant. I was hoping she can also refer me to a psychiatrist.

Outlet, yeah. I've been drawing mostly....or pacing. And some writing.

I've done other not healthy things as a means of getting rid of some of the agitation...

Thanks for the tips, I wish I knew mindfulness. Honestly too agitated to even look into it though.

Fuzzy12
05-15-14, 03:16 AM
Yep, hmm. I remember that.

A PA is a physician assistant. I was hoping she can also refer me to a psychiatrist.

Outlet, yeah. I've been drawing mostly....or pacing. And some writing.

I've done other not healthy things as a means of getting rid of some of the agitation...

Thanks for the tips, I wish I knew mindfulness. Honestly too agitated to even look into it though.

I was too agitated and too upset to really look into it either.

Someone on here (might hsve been nick actually) suggested to just focus on the sensation of my current activity.

So if I was walking I could focus on the feeling in my feet, the way the impact felt in my toes when touching the ground, rolling off, lifting, etc.

Or sometimes I focused on how the air on my face felt (though not if that annoys you) or even just the sensation of washing ny hands. It s quite a pleasant feeling.

Not sure if it will help you but I found it quite soothing and in that state it was about the only thing I managed to do.

peripatetic
05-15-14, 03:19 AM
i can definitely relate to wishing i could have been more responsible than i was about a thing...but you are actually coherent...you can present yourself still...or at least call someone.

i'm sorry you had a bad inpatient experience. i would encourage you to consider that that's ONE experience. there is a huge range of how things go down from facility to facility and even between IP doctors and staff. i have no idea what "baker acted" means...but if you mean you got put on an involuntary hold (here we have 72 hour ones and two week ones)... the thing is...if what you have is agitation and it continues... you can get to the point where decisions are being made for you. i'm not trying to freak you out...but .. seriously... **** can get real ugly and what you think is extreme right now... adjectives are relative and i'm sure what you're feeling is extreme for you. i'm just saying that before it gets extreme in a way that results in intervention... at least call a crisis line.

and with the needing a benzodiazepene... i can appreciate feeling like that's a viable solution...along with the mindfulness fuzzy suggested. and those are great solutions to a lot of things. i think when i see the title of your thread ...and that you are saying some things that indicate... resonate to some degree with experiences i've had... those aren't solutions for what would clinically be written on your chart as severe agitation. if you message me, i'll tell you what i've been given and perhaps that will explain why untreated agitation is kind of big ****in deal.

as for how would you know...bella, only a trained clinician can say what it is for certain. nobody here can say that you have x caused by y. and i appreciate your concerns about the mental health system, but i've seen you make other threads about having symptoms at times and... the self diagnosis and self treatment plan... i just don't see that it's working out well for you and IF, IF, you're going toward psychotic agitation... you need to have it addressed by a professional. as horrible as you feel now, and as concerned about the hospital as you are... regret is a more terrible thing.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 03:37 AM
I was too agitated and too upset to really look into it either.

Someone on here (might hsve been nick actually) suggested to just focus on the sensation of my current activity.

So if I was walking I could focus on the feeling in my feet, the way the impact felt in my toes when touching the ground, rolling off, lifting, etc.

Or sometimes I focused on how the air on my face felt (though not if that annoys you) or even just the sensation of washing ny hands. It s quite a pleasant feeling.

Not sure if it will help you but I found it quite soothing and in that state it was about the only thing I managed to do.

Thanks, I can maybe do that for 2 seconds at a time.

Then it starts ******* me off.

Stupid mindfulness is over rated.

Sorry, not trying to be rude at you but just upset at everything....

I actually just went to go wash my hands in warm water, so thanks for the tip. It didn't really help after but felt kinda good doing it.

I can't even remember what it's like to not be in this state....

BellaVita
05-15-14, 03:43 AM
i can definitely relate to wishing i could have been more responsible than i was about a thing...but you are actually coherent...you can present yourself still...or at least call someone.

i'm sorry you had a bad inpatient experience. i would encourage you to consider that that's ONE experience. there is a huge range of how things go down from facility to facility and even between IP doctors and staff. i have no idea what "baker acted" means...but if you mean you got put on an involuntary hold (here we have 72 hour ones and two week ones)... the thing is...if what you have is agitation and it continues... you can get to the point where decisions are being made for you. i'm not trying to freak you out...but .. seriously... **** can get real ugly and what you think is extreme right now... adjectives are relative and i'm sure what you're feeling is extreme for you. i'm just saying that before it gets extreme in a way that results in intervention... at least call a crisis line.

and with the needing a benzodiazepene... i can appreciate feeling like that's a viable solution...along with the mindfulness fuzzy suggested. and those are great solutions to a lot of things. i think when i see the title of your thread ...and that you are saying some things that indicate... resonate to some degree with experiences i've had... those aren't solutions for what would clinically be written on your chart as severe agitation. if you message me, i'll tell you what i've been given and perhaps that will explain why untreated agitation is kind of big ****in deal.

as for how would you know...bella, only a trained clinician can say what it is for certain. nobody here can say that you have x caused by y. and i appreciate your concerns about the mental health system, but i've seen you make other threads about having symptoms at times and... the self diagnosis and self treatment plan... i just don't see that it's working out well for you and IF, IF, you're going toward psychotic agitation... you need to have it addressed by a professional. as horrible as you feel now, and as concerned about the hospital as you are... regret is a more terrible thing.

I was talking with a friend on the phone to help calm me down. Except it didn't really work.

So now trying to calm myself.....or, mostly just trying to be alone in my agitation for a bit. I hate showing it to other people.

I don't have a self-treatment plan. Or self-diagnosis, I don't think....

Oh! I remember my old stupid psychiatrist said I have "irritable mood disorder" ....which isn't even in the DSM.

So....I just don't know what else to call it.

I know I need it addressed.

Maybe the title shouldn't be EXTREME agitation. I felt that way when I wrote it. But it is constant and it's pretty....on the more severe end at times.

Which I know are all good reasons to go in...I just can't...well, I won't..idk...

*sigh*

Around here, it's like, not even something people do. Going into the mental hospital is really looked down upon.

But yes regret, I'm already dealing with that. :( I've done some bad things recently.....and I wasn't able to control it. I don't know why it happened, except for....well I'll just say it...I hit myself sometimes because of the HUGE amount of energy I feel. This angry energy. I don't want to mess up the house around me so I hit myself instead.

I guess it's as a way of relief. I feel really pent-up most of the time....

peripatetic
05-15-14, 04:27 AM
Around here, it's like, not even something people do. Going into the mental hospital is really looked down upon.

But yes regret, I'm already dealing with that. :( I've done some bad things recently.....and I wasn't able to control it. I don't know why it happened, except for....well I'll just say it...I hit myself sometimes because of the HUGE amount of energy I feel. This angry energy. I don't want to mess up the house around me so I hit myself instead.

I guess it's as a way of relief. I feel really pent-up most of the time....

unsure what you mean in the first bit i quoted. "around here..." where is "here"? honestly, it could mean anywhere, i spose, because ******** exist everywhere. if you mean here on the forum, though, yeah, the psych ward isn't a common experience amongst members, but you'd hardly be the first. and i think it's not much discussed because it's not so much an adhd thing. but anyone who'd look down on you for addressing these issues in THE way that could potentially give you a way to resolve or at least manage them... does not have your best interests in mind, is ignorant, and should not be given audience except to be told to **** off.

now the second part...

bella, if you have urges to smash yourself...or to beat it out of you...

what information or reassurance do you need to be convinced to get some actual help? not later, but sooner? i mean... you said in that post that you can't...you won't. is that the case? i mean...you posted this thread ... i'm hearing you... i believe this is actually happening to you... and i'm telling you that you need to talk to someone before this gets worse. do you not see the potential danger? agitation makes you all the more prone to acting impulsively... and i don't know if you mean in the vernacular sense of "delusional/paranoid" people often employ or if you mean clinically, delusional, that you are having distorted thinking/persecutory delusions, but if you do mean that in the technical sense as well... have you ever lost insight before? because if you are prone to all of the above, when you're not able to talk yourself out of it anymore, the potential for disaster is HUGE.

look, the only reason i'm posting on this thread is because i don't want you to have to learn this lesson "the hard way"...or over and over again...if possible. i and i hope you don't endure some things i wish i wouldn't've. it would be unbelievably irresponsible and callous for me to not point out how seriously in need of professional assessment you are based on your reporting of what's happening. that said... you're an adult and your choices are yours to make. i wish you well in sorting this x

Fortune
05-15-14, 04:45 AM
Around here, it's like, not even something people do. Going into the mental hospital is really looked down upon.

Sometimes it is your best option for a good outcome.

Like if you are in seriously bad shape, what other people might think is probably of least concern.

I am sorry for picking that one thing out. It does suck that people have these attitudes and beliefs about hospitalization and the like, and that it actually literally discourages people from seeking help, but if you need the help what else are you going to do?

peripatetic
05-15-14, 07:02 AM
oh! i forgot to say one thing....which i realized right as i was about to go to sleep, naturally:

regardless of whether you try to ride it out, you should absolutely, without a doubt, print out this thread and show it to the person prescribing you whatever medication on friday. there's a lot of medication that's considered "activating" and anyone, giving you any medication, needs to know you're having these symptoms. good luck x

BellaVita
05-15-14, 07:51 PM
unsure what you mean in the first bit i quoted. "around here..." where is "here"? honestly, it could mean anywhere, i spose, because ******** exist everywhere. if you mean here on the forum, though, yeah, the psych ward isn't a common experience amongst members, but you'd hardly be the first. and i think it's not much discussed because it's not so much an adhd thing. but anyone who'd look down on you for addressing these issues in THE way that could potentially give you a way to resolve or at least manage them... does not have your best interests in mind, is ignorant, and should not be given audience except to be told to **** off.

now the second part...

bella, if you have urges to smash yourself...or to beat it out of you...

what information or reassurance do you need to be convinced to get some actual help? not later, but sooner? i mean... you said in that post that you can't...you won't. is that the case? i mean...you posted this thread ... i'm hearing you... i believe this is actually happening to you... and i'm telling you that you need to talk to someone before this gets worse. do you not see the potential danger? agitation makes you all the more prone to acting impulsively... and i don't know if you mean in the vernacular sense of "delusional/paranoid" people often employ or if you mean clinically, delusional, that you are having distorted thinking/persecutory delusions, but if you do mean that in the technical sense as well... have you ever lost insight before? because if you are prone to all of the above, when you're not able to talk yourself out of it anymore, the potential for disaster is HUGE.

look, the only reason i'm posting on this thread is because i don't want you to have to learn this lesson "the hard way"...or over and over again...if possible. i and i hope you don't endure some things i wish i wouldn't've. it would be unbelievably irresponsible and callous for me to not point out how seriously in need of professional assessment you are based on your reporting of what's happening. that said... you're an adult and your choices are yours to make. i wish you well in sorting this x

By around "here", I meant the place I'm staying at. They're very alternative-treatment based and scoff at those who seek help in the mental health system.

I honestly was just posting this thread to get information....

I DO see the potential danger. That's why I'm looking for help and going to the PA tomorrow.

The delusional bit...I believe certain people are doing things to hurt me, that even though they say they aren't I'm convinced they're lying.

I have lost insight before...but I don't think that's happening right now. But it's hard to tell in the moment it occurs.

Yes, I do appreciate you pointing these things out to me...and I am definitely more aware than ever that I need professional help.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 07:58 PM
Sometimes it is your best option for a good outcome.

Like if you are in seriously bad shape, what other people might think is probably of least concern.

I am sorry for picking that one thing out. It does suck that people have these attitudes and beliefs about hospitalization and the like, and that it actually literally discourages people from seeking help, but if you need the help what else are you going to do?

Thanks...yeah....

BellaVita
05-15-14, 08:01 PM
oh! i forgot to say one thing....which i realized right as i was about to go to sleep, naturally:

regardless of whether you try to ride it out, you should absolutely, without a doubt, print out this thread and show it to the person prescribing you whatever medication on friday. there's a lot of medication that's considered "activating" and anyone, giving you any medication, needs to know you're having these symptoms. good luck x

Thanks, we don't have a printer but I'll be explaining it to them.

BellaVita
05-15-14, 08:01 PM
I have a weird question: Just me explaining my behavior to the PA, could that give them reason to lock me up?

Rebelyell
05-15-14, 10:52 PM
Sometimes people need to be hospitalized to be able to get stabilized.If your deemed a danger to yourself n others can get you put in the psyche ward but locking people up against their will permanently, I believe and hope those days are over.

peripatetic
05-15-14, 10:54 PM
I have a weird question: Just me explaining my behavior to the PA, could that give them reason to lock me up?

that's impossible to say for certain.

probably not. i mean...i don't know how you present in person...you know? i also don't know what there is going on that isn't contained within this thread. at this point, from ONLY reading this thread...i'd bet no, they wouldn't have grounds to detain you. it's conceivable they might offer, but there's excellent chance they would not even do that.

i have to say...that the way you frame it..."lock me up"... it kinda/totally perpetuates a fear and a judgment about hospitalization in general and involuntary commitment in particular. it makes it sound like jail. and like those who've had that happen are prisoners...criminals. that probably makes me as uncomfortable as the idea of going in makes you.

anyway, back to your question...there is a grey area to some extent, i spose, but generally there has to be sufficient reason to think you present a(n immediate, clear) danger to self or others. self harm isn't necessarily going to fit the bill. what you describe above...i would say doesn't...but...i'm online and there could be more to it. if you had a plan and a date and the means and you're ideating and show evidence of distorted perceptions/thought processes... that's almost undoubtedly going to inspire them to suggest signing self in and quiet possibly detaining you if you refuse.

that's but one example, but you can kinda see that that scenario is a little different from what you've reported here as far as the "danger to self" is concerned.

all that said, bella, i cannot stress enough how important it is for anyone giving you medication to know that you feel angry and over energized and have thoughts that remain despite being given evidence to the contrary and that you are self harming to manage that.

when i said earlier the self diagnosis/treatment... what i meant was... i've seen you said that you're "manic", "mixed"...now "agitated"...i feel like you've posted a thread about having "delusions"... i have no idea what "irritable mood disorder" means...but i know the criteria for what diagnosis or two fits with being manic and mixed and delusional. and i don't know if you've been told that by a professional or if you're just finding terms you think fit. however, i DO know that you do not want to take any of the several medications that could exacerbate the symptoms you're currently having. and what medications will do what isn't cut and dry and can vary from person to person, though, certainly, certain diagnoses that aren't properly managed...adding certain types of medication will almost certainly **** your **** up.


the bottom line here is that you really, REALLY, need some professional advice. whether that is the PA person, someone doing triage at your nearest ER, a crisis line, any other mental health line...something that involves talking to someone who is a mental health professional because you can't get relief from this if you don't. if you want to feel better, you're going to have to tell someone who is qualified and in position to advise you or more. that's the bottom line. if you don't tell someone everything that's happening... this suffering you're enduring is unlikely to spontaneously or by your will alone resolve. but, there is relief from how you're feeling.

i doubt you'll be "locked up"...but...i'm not able to say decisively either way.

peripatetic
05-15-14, 11:32 PM
one other thing, bella, because i do realize i'm prolly coming across as a brick wall on urging you to talk to a professional:

i do understand why you wouldn't want to. i understand thinking you can handle it yourself. i also understand that being sectioned ******* sucks.

but i would not be able to call you a friend if i just enabled you not seeking professional advice.

i read the bit about your environment and that you are in a place where people aren't supportive of psychiatric care. i don't really know what to say about that because it isn't my personal experience. what is my experience is that untreated, inadequately treated, or improperly treated mental illness can seriously destroy your life. as ****ty as this is for you now, at age twenty...it just gets far, far ****tier every year that passes without something different happening. i mean, it can get far ****tier every year even WITH treatment. those who shun psychiatry or psychopharmaceuticals etc...

let me put it this way: the person who will suffer for their ideas, is you, so before you agree to suffer for them, keeping in mind that they are not qualified to weigh in on what your situation is... i would encourage you to be certain you have all possible information when choosing how to navigate this concern in your life.

i truly wish you well...and wish for you to fare better than many who've faced these concerns before you. but i'm the last person to deny you your right to refusal and your right to suffer this. if you were telling me that everything is fine and so forth...it'd be different. but you post how much you suffer and if there's something i can do to enable you to seek help, let me know...but as much as what i'm saying isn't what you want to hear, it would be beyond unethical of me to not tell you the truth.

much love to you x

Nicksgonefishin
05-16-14, 12:31 AM
The fact that you're self aware and willing to get treatment it would have to be voluntary.

BellaVita
05-16-14, 01:24 AM
Sometimes people need to be hospitalized to be able to get stabilized.If your deemed a danger to yourself n others can get you put in the psyche ward but locking people up against their will permanently, I believe and hope those days are over.

Yeah, that's what they thought I was last time....got taken in the back of a cop car.

I wasn't, though.

(My Dad lied to them)

BellaVita
05-16-14, 01:34 AM
that's impossible to say for certain.

probably not. i mean...i don't know how you present in person...you know? i also don't know what there is going on that isn't contained within this thread. at this point, from ONLY reading this thread...i'd bet no, they wouldn't have grounds to detain you. it's conceivable they might offer, but there's excellent chance they would not even do that.

i have to say...that the way you frame it..."lock me up"... it kinda/totally perpetuates a fear and a judgment about hospitalization in general and involuntary commitment in particular. it makes it sound like jail. and like those who've had that happen are prisoners...criminals. that probably makes me as uncomfortable as the idea of going in makes you.

anyway, back to your question...there is a grey area to some extent, i spose, but generally there has to be sufficient reason to think you present a(n immediate, clear) danger to self or others. self harm isn't necessarily going to fit the bill. what you describe above...i would say doesn't...but...i'm online and there could be more to it. if you had a plan and a date and the means and you're ideating and show evidence of distorted perceptions/thought processes... that's almost undoubtedly going to inspire them to suggest signing self in and quiet possibly detaining you if you refuse.

that's but one example, but you can kinda see that that scenario is a little different from what you've reported here as far as the "danger to self" is concerned.

all that said, bella, i cannot stress enough how important it is for anyone giving you medication to know that you feel angry and over energized and have thoughts that remain despite being given evidence to the contrary and that you are self harming to manage that.

when i said earlier the self diagnosis/treatment... what i meant was... i've seen you said that you're "manic", "mixed"...now "agitated"...i feel like you've posted a thread about having "delusions"... i have no idea what "irritable mood disorder" means...but i know the criteria for what diagnosis or two fits with being manic and mixed and delusional. and i don't know if you've been told that by a professional or if you're just finding terms you think fit. however, i DO know that you do not want to take any of the several medications that could exacerbate the symptoms you're currently having. and what medications will do what isn't cut and dry and can vary from person to person, though, certainly, certain diagnoses that aren't properly managed...adding certain types of medication will almost certainly **** your **** up.


the bottom line here is that you really, REALLY, need some professional advice. whether that is the PA person, someone doing triage at your nearest ER, a crisis line, any other mental health line...something that involves talking to someone who is a mental health professional because you can't get relief from this if you don't. if you want to feel better, you're going to have to tell someone who is qualified and in position to advise you or more. that's the bottom line. if you don't tell someone everything that's happening... this suffering you're enduring is unlikely to spontaneously or by your will alone resolve. but, there is relief from how you're feeling.

i doubt you'll be "locked up"...but...i'm not able to say decisively either way.

I say "lock me up" because that's what it felt like last time it happened to me.

I did feel like I was in a jail.

Well last time they put me in for a STUPID reason, I guess I'm afraid it could be any stupid reason and BOOM put me in. I didn't even do anything last time.

(My Dad had punched me in the face, then I emailed that he did to my Mom....the cops came over and HE LIED to them....He said I was acting demon possessed. Then he was saying I wasn't taking my medication and they took me in for that.....which wasn't true btw, they counted the wrong things.)

Ah, yes. I guess that does make it self diagnosis. Ooops. My psychiatrist from Florida said I probably have "mild bipolar."

I know, when I was on antidepressants they were making me not sleep and have crazy moods.

Something happened tonight, and I went kinda berserk and cried and screamed for several hours on end....and was hitting self/things around me......boyfriend almost took me to the mental hospital, threatened...which made me worse....(I got upset because I felt threatened by someone)

but we're gonna wait until tomorrow morning and see what the PA has to say.

BellaVita
05-16-14, 01:40 AM
one other thing, bella, because i do realize i'm prolly coming across as a brick wall on urging you to talk to a professional:

i do understand why you wouldn't want to. i understand thinking you can handle it yourself. i also understand that being sectioned ******* sucks.

but i would not be able to call you a friend if i just enabled you not seeking professional advice.

i read the bit about your environment and that you are in a place where people aren't supportive of psychiatric care. i don't really know what to say about that because it isn't my personal experience. what is my experience is that untreated, inadequately treated, or improperly treated mental illness can seriously destroy your life. as ****ty as this is for you now, at age twenty...it just gets far, far ****tier every year that passes without something different happening. i mean, it can get far ****tier every year even WITH treatment. those who shun psychiatry or psychopharmaceuticals etc...

let me put it this way: the person who will suffer for their ideas, is you, so before you agree to suffer for them, keeping in mind that they are not qualified to weigh in on what your situation is... i would encourage you to be certain you have all possible information when choosing how to navigate this concern in your life.

i truly wish you well...and wish for you to fare better than many who've faced these concerns before you. but i'm the last person to deny you your right to refusal and your right to suffer this. if you were telling me that everything is fine and so forth...it'd be different. but you post how much you suffer and if there's something i can do to enable you to seek help, let me know...but as much as what i'm saying isn't what you want to hear, it would be beyond unethical of me to not tell you the truth.

much love to you x

Thanks, I do appreciate the truth.

Yeah, well as mentioned earlier boyfriend kinda was about to take me but yeah....so I guess he himself isn't totally against it, but the rest of his family is.

This is so stressful......

I wish I knew why I'm like this....I know the only way is through a professional though, so yeah...

Tomorrow at 10:15am

BellaVita
05-16-14, 01:44 AM
Please no more comments guys about how I should go to a mental hospital......

Nicksgonefishin
05-16-14, 02:22 AM
I think you're getting so worked up about the idea that they are going to lock you up you're afraid to ask for help. Unless you're a theat to yourself or others they won't lock you up so get over that! It's just a worry in your head.

That is the worst fear to have. The fear of asking for help. I had that with the dentist. I finally went after 15 years. It was way nicer than I thought. You think that you're worse than you are.

BellaVita
05-16-14, 02:25 AM
I think you're getting so worked up about the idea that they are going to lock you up you're afraid to ask for help. Unless you're a theat to yourself or others they won't lock you up so get over that! It's just a worry in your head.

That is the worst fear to have. The fear of asking for help. I had that with the dentist. I finally went after 15 years. It was way nicer than I thought. You think that you're worse than you are.

Umm Nick, that's because I HAVE been locked up before WHEN I WASN'T a threat.

And please don't say "getting all worked up about"....right, like I'm doing this on purpose.

It's more than "just a worry" in my head. Seriously.

I don't think I'm worse than I am. What would make you say that?

Please stop making assumptions.

Nicksgonefishin
05-16-14, 02:28 AM
(((bella)))

BellaVita
05-16-14, 02:31 AM
Thanks, Nick.

Please be careful before you make assumptions cuz they can seriously be triggering and you don't know the full story.

Fuzzy12
05-16-14, 02:49 AM
Let us know how it goes with the pa today :grouphug:

stef
05-16-14, 03:38 AM
Let us know how it goes with the pa today :grouphug:


Yes, please let us know! :grouphug:

peripatetic
05-16-14, 03:59 AM
I say "lock me up" because that's what it felt like last time it happened to me.

I did feel like I was in a jail.

Well last time they put me in for a STUPID reason, I guess I'm afraid it could be any stupid reason and BOOM put me in. I didn't even do anything last time.

(My Dad had punched me in the face, then I emailed that he did to my Mom....the cops came over and HE LIED to them....He said I was acting demon possessed. Then he was saying I wasn't taking my medication and they took me in for that.....which wasn't true btw, they counted the wrong things.)

Ah, yes. I guess that does make it self diagnosis. Ooops. My psychiatrist from Florida said I probably have "mild bipolar."

I know, when I was on antidepressants they were making me not sleep and have crazy moods.

Something happened tonight, and I went kinda berserk and cried and screamed for several hours on end....and was hitting self/things around me......boyfriend almost took me to the mental hospital, threatened...which made me worse....(I got upset because I felt threatened by someone)

but we're gonna wait until tomorrow morning and see what the PA has to say.

i'm so sorry to hear you're having another rough night.

i do understand why you'd phrase it that way...admittedly, it's difficult for me to see it in that framework because i don't like what it indicates about me or how i might be perceived. but, that's my problem and not the most important thing about your posts or this thread, so, it's all good.


now that i know that, though, the only thing i can say about the awful thing your father did...is that you were a minor. that makes a difference. you're not now...and you're going to talk to someone...who is likely...the fact that you're presenting yourself...and that you're open and wanting some help...all i can suggest is trying to write some stuff down so you're not over flustered...and unless you lose your **** on her or cannot control yourself, you should be fine to tell everything you have so that you can get some real help :)

do you think you'll be able to get any sleep tonight?

one other thing: you might not feel like it right now, but i just want to tell you how much i admire your willingness to hear what i know is not what you want to hear and is distressing as a result. there are a lot of people who wouldn't be able to ...or who would refuse...and it's a real sign of strength and desire to find solutions and, frankly, your ability to think this through and not just react...is a really positive sign. :)

Nicksgonefishin
05-16-14, 08:56 PM
Thanks, Nick.

Please be careful before you make assumptions cuz they can seriously be triggering and you don't know the full story.

Truth be told I was mispercieved but have learned it's better to forgive and hug than rationalize with some one on the low road.

I can't control your reaction or perception. Forgiveness is key.

peripatetic
05-16-14, 09:29 PM
Wow. The low road? Forgiveness? How passive aggressively snarky. :rolleyes:

Seriously dood, communication takes two and you might not be responsible for the others' reactions but you are responsible for your phrasing. Unless that smug thing is working out for you, in which case: carry on because you're great at it.

Nicksgonefishin
05-17-14, 12:56 AM
Wow. The low road? Forgiveness? How passive aggressively snarky. :rolleyes:

Seriously dood, communication takes two and you might not be responsible for the others' reactions but you are responsible for your phrasing. Unless that smug thing is working out for you, in which case: carry on because you're great at it.

Thanks for the compliment! <- First time I have been snarky in this thread. 2nd if you count the snickers comment. Perhaps the snickers comment set the tone for my perceived mood in my second posting as being snarky if one read the whole thread at once.

With the theme of trying to control ones surroundings rather than one's self. Do remember that I have a neurological disorder that impairs my ability at times to communicate effectively and I'm often not perceived as intended.<- First time being passive aggressive. <-the second! lol.

Truth be told I just made the major direct points as I was posting from my phone.

We are all human. We have all taken the low road at times(see previous paragraph). We have all been miss-perceived and made miss-perceptions.

My point that I was trying to make in the beginning was that acute treatment isn't as scary as bella is making it. It is better to get help now rather than wait and be forced to go and forced to stay. The likely hood of being forced to stay dramatically increases when you are involuntarily taken to be evaluated.

Perhaps the issue is that I'm discounting her fear. Bella I know it's scary but remember they are there to help you and no matter which way it goes they are trying to help you the best that they can. <-fear justified and positive reinforcement given.

peripatetic
05-17-14, 01:18 AM
ok, you and everyone else here has an impairment, let's be serious--i didn't just sign up yesterday, i'm aware of the fact that the forums are for people with mental health concerns, many to most of which affect communication. my point is simply this: the way you're phrasing things isn't helpful. and i do believe you're in sincere in wanting to help, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions and

have you dealt with clinical agitation, psychotic or otherwise?
have you been involuntarily committed for any length of time?

because from your approach, it seems pretty clear no, you haven't had any actual experience with those things, yet you're not listening because continuing that approach, is off-putting to someone dealing with something you haven't.

and, yes, it's getting on my nerves to see you posting things that exacerbate, not mitigate, the level of distress. and i realize you're doing it with good intentions, but without any firsthand experience to guide you to not saying things that are going to cause more distress. but acting from well intentioned ignorance and not acting at all aren't the same. and you're pressing on with an approach that blew up last night...and you're continuing. can you see where i'm coming from on this? i'm trying to give you some insight on why you're approach and encouragement might work for you...but...this is not about what works for you.

people have different experiences...it's ok to not be able to opine on something you've never dealt with. and it's tough for me to sit and watch you do it anyway when it makes things more stressful for the person needing help.

that's all. if you want to continue this conversation, i do think we shouldn't press on in bella's thread about this point, we should take it to messaging. although i just got med adjustment and will be out cold shortly, but... what was i saying? oh! yeah, message if you like i'm just trying to tell you that your good intentions...are falling way short. take care

dvdnvwls
05-17-14, 02:15 AM
Nick - imagine that your one and only experience with this was as an anxious teen girl, being suddenly unexpectedly hauled away from your home by the cops and held against your will at your father's request because he had punched you in the face and needed to label you psychotic as his alibi for abuse, and the cops bought his story and did as he asked, and you had a terrible experience while there - how much trust would you have that anyone connected with all that had your best interests at heart?

And how much trust and respect for people who know that, and who then proceed to basically tell you you're just being a silly girl and to get with the program?

BellaVita
05-17-14, 06:41 PM
Hey guys!!! A little update.....

Saw the PA, and she said she can prescribe my medications for me. So, she did.

I'm glad to report I'm doing much better than before, now that I'm on Clonazepam. Yeah, still not perfect, but....

She said that psychiatrists around here are few and often leave their patients without warning (move out of state) and so she is setting me up with a psychologist for therapy/further assessment.

And, if I don't find a psychiatrist, she said for me just to come back every month and she'll handle my meds.

So....progress.

I'm still having random bouts of hitting myself, getting angry/agitated....not to the degree of before, but thankfully yeah as mentioned Clonazepam is helping.

Hopefully the psychologist will be able to help me figure things out.

Of course....if it does escalate further, I think I will admit myself because I don't want to start ruining major things in my life.

Thanks to all who care.