View Full Version : Parenting children with ADHD friends


embrace
05-21-14, 12:22 AM
What advise would you give to a non-ADHD parent, whose 4 y.o. child has an ADHD friend, about playing together at the non-ADHD parent's home, ie rules, enforcing rules, keeping the interactions positive?

sarahsweets
05-21-14, 04:08 AM
I think the first thing I would think about would be if they want advice. Some parents dont.

LynneC
05-21-14, 06:01 AM
What advise would you give to a non-ADHD parent, whose 4 y.o. child has an ADHD friend, about playing together at the non-ADHD parent's home, ie rules, enforcing rules, keeping the interactions positive?
I would recommend keeping the playdate short, especially at the age of 4. Are you leaving your child at someone else's home and you will not be there to supervise?

Lunacie
05-21-14, 11:07 AM
What advise would you give to a non-ADHD parent, whose 4 y.o. child has an ADHD friend, about playing together at the non-ADHD parent's home, ie rules, enforcing rules, keeping the interactions positive?

Other posters seem confused by this. Let me see if I have it straight.

Neither you or your age 4 child have ADHD. Your child has an age 4 friend who does have ADHD.

You want to know about supervising these children when they play together in your home. Right?

BRAVO to you for wanting to understand more about this and make the relationship between the kids work well. As well as prevent frustration on your part.

There is some really good information in Dizfriz's Corner: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130
.

sarahsweets
05-21-14, 12:31 PM
get a super soaker and squirt a child whenever they get out of line adhd or not. It works with cats. ;)

zette93
05-21-14, 03:09 PM
I would recommend that for the first few playdates, the mother of the ADHD child also stay during the playdate. That way she can help teach the child the rules of the house, and the hosting parent can see how the mother redirects the child and perhaps even get tips from her on what works when the kid gets wound up.

My son was always much more hyper in a new environment until he got used to it. Even with my 4 yo NT twins, all playdates still have both moms there -- drop off playdates seem to start in maybe 1st grade or later.

Stevuke79
05-21-14, 03:31 PM
I have no idea what you are asking, but I really want to because then I can respond and I'm sure I will be absolutely brilliant.

Can you tell us about the kinds of problems you've seen at the play dates?

Stevuke79
05-21-14, 04:09 PM
Zette93, suggesting that she ask the other parent to attend sounds a little severe unless the issues are equally severe. And if the goal is to learn the other parent's methods, wouldn't it make more sense for her to attend at the friend's home first?

Nicksgonefishin
05-21-14, 05:10 PM
What advise would you give to a non-ADHD parent, whose 4 y.o. child has an ADHD friend, about playing together at the non-ADHD parent's home, ie rules, enforcing rules, keeping the interactions positive?


Your friend has a 4yo with a 4yo adhd child that comes over to play?
I would think that standard rules apply. Unless the child comes with special instructions like a gremlin. In that case suggest to your friend to follow said instructions.

If this is some long version of SWIM. Standard rules still apply. It is your house and you make the rules.

Personally I'd relax and be attentive to all the children's needs and be mindful that one has adhd but not stigmatize the child or treat him/her differently.

zette93
05-22-14, 09:54 AM
Zette93, suggesting that she ask the other parent to attend sounds a little severe unless the issues are equally severe. And if the goal is to learn the other parent's methods, wouldn't it make more sense for her to attend at the friend's home first?

The kids are only 4 years old! Nobody in my area does drop-off playdates at that age. She can make the request in a way that frames it more like, "Would you like to come over for coffee and let the kids play?"

To the OP: have you had this child over yet? Has there been some difficult behavior on a previous playdate, or have you just heard that the kid has ADHD and want to be proactive?

Stevuke79
05-22-14, 10:01 AM
The kids are only 4 years old! Nobody in my area does drop-off playdates at that age.

That wasn't my experience but if it were so that begs my second question/point: curious you didn't suggest she goes to the friends house.

LynneC
05-22-14, 02:51 PM
The kids are only 4 years old! Nobody in my area does drop-off playdates at that age.
This was also my experience, FWIW...

zette93
05-22-14, 03:32 PM
That wasn't my experience but if it were so that begs my second question/point: curious you didn't suggest she goes to the friends house.

It would be odd to invite yourself over to someone else's house. If you're setting up the playdate, you either suggest your home or someplace like a park or similar to meet up.

Stevuke79
05-22-14, 04:37 PM
Is that how it's done?

Well even if in most places it's considered rude to invite yourself to your child's play date, it would clearly not be the case in an an area where "Nobody in my area does drop-off playdates at that age".

It would be expected and not rude. After all, no one ever does otherwise.

Ms. Mango
05-22-14, 08:23 PM
Is that how it's done?

Well even if in most places it's considered rude to invite yourself to your child's play date, it would clearly not be the case in an an area where "Nobody in my area does drop-off playdates at that age".

It would be expected and not rude. After all, no one ever does otherwise.

I'm not understanding the need for snark here. The scenario described in the op sounds like an informal thing where kids are running around the neighborhood, in an out of one another's houses. On a formal playdate with kids that young it would not be unusual for the parent to stay. I do think it would be a bit odd to propose a play date at someone else's house. The parent who suggests the play date usually either offers to host it in his/her home or that everyone meet elsewhere--like a park or playground.

Perhaps, if the OP returns, she'll clarify. (See what happens when you use snark--it's contagious.)

embrace
05-23-14, 12:37 AM
Thankyou everyone for your responses. I must admit I was a little discouraged by some of the remarks, especially since I am honestly attempting to embrace an ADHD neighbourhood friend (her brother and father also has ADHD) into our life.

Its always informal, all the kids playing outside together. At times they end up at my house. The neighbourhood rule is that the kids get permission from both parents (host and guest parents) to enter inside a house. When the ADHD child is with us, it gets quite chaotic, so I have taught and enforced my own house rules to all the neighbourhood children. I make it clear before the kids enter, what the expectations are, ie no running, sit quietly to watch tv, or the rules of whatever activity we are doing eg baking cookies, everyone gets a turn to stir.

I have gone to some effort to research ADHD so that I can be as supportive as possible and to make the social interactions as positive as possible. Anyway, for those who have presented positive responses and advise, thank you!

I think the best gem was the advise about keeping things short! Thanks!

LynneC
05-23-14, 05:05 AM
Thanks for explaining... helps to understand what your exact situation is. :) Sounds like you are handling things well, and kudos to you for wanting to understand more about ADHD.
If you are interested in learning more about ADHD you can read the essays in Dizfriz's Corner...very helpful information for parents of ADHD kids
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130