View Full Version : Be careful what you wish for....

05-28-14, 11:57 PM
Hello, I have been away from the forum for some time, but just thought I would pop in and have a bit of a chat about our life of late, My eldest son who is 13 almost 14 has struggled with DAMP (adhd with dcd and aspergers traits) for years, I have had issue with his behaviour forever, at primary school he struggled academically but behaviour was never to much of an issue, he slipped through the cracks as he would be off with the pixies rather than learning, had focus and concentration issues but was not causing to many problems behaviourally, he would save that up for home as a way with not coping at school he would let all his frustrations out at home and the family would cop the brunt of it.

I would often wish that they seen that side of him, so as to give him the help he needed as they never seemed to worried about his struggles, well since starting secondary school last year things have gotten a whole lot worse, last year he was serverly bullied and he struggled to fit in, this year it has escalated his behaviour has shown his true colours, playing up, getting into trouble, distracting others, being disruptive, unable to focus, behind in his work and acting immature (all comments quoted from the school).

He is medicated with concerta and zoloft, we have an appointment at the school this arvo and I have made an appointment for his paed on Monday, I have also made an appointment to go back and see the psych.

Could it be that his medication just is not working?

I am not sure how to approch the school as they are obviously fed up with his behaviour and I don't wont to use ADHD as an excuse but they dont seem to understand that he has issue's in these area's and he may need some help to control his behaviour. They are all about ringing home and telling us what he is doing wrong and I apprechate being told what is going on, I try and talk with him about it, but I sent him to a private school hoping that he would be kept in line so to speak with some form of discipline, rules and consequences to his actions.

I will update how we get on.

05-29-14, 02:59 AM
The meeting at the school went alright, apparently if he is able to behave himself in one class with one teacher (male teacher he gets along with) then he is chosing to behave in this way and has control over his behaviour unlike some people who cant control there behaviour, this got my back up a little as it was basically saying he doesn't have a deficit and he is just chosing to be a bugger, I said how he has to work harder than others to control his behaviour and I think they just disregarded that, anyways, they have put some measures in place to try and help him so I will be interested to see if this helps.

05-29-14, 04:37 AM
I dont know the laws in the UK but here, we have IEP's for kids classified with adhd. This is a plan that the school and parents agree to that includes accomodations and strategies that will help the child. This plan also lists what kinds of consequences there would be and ways to re-direct the child. If you are interested in reading about this just for information purposes then google wrights law. I know it wont apply to you but it can help give you a better explanation of what Im talking about.
If it were me and my son, I would be all up in their space if they chose to treat him like that. Its not ok IMO.

05-29-14, 07:40 PM
We are in Australia and as far as I know I don't think there is anything in place as to accomodations for kids with adhd, (if anyone knows differently, please let me know).

I will show his Paed all the comments that are written and hope that he will advise me further, to me everything that is written is full on adhd unmedicated behaviours, yet they havent thought of putting things in place to help.

I feel like I am hitting my head up against a brick wall as when I said he has to try harder that others to do the work and that he struggles academically one of them said that he handed in some work that was not up to scratch so she sent him of to do it again and it was much better, therefore he can do it he just chooses not to.

I am really quite angry that they are just labeling him as being bad and saying if he can control it in one class he can control it full stop. I am not condoning his behaviour but feel that they could help him better control him self, they are going to put some different seating arragments in place and monitor him closely.

Adhders tell me if this doesn't sound familiar? each bullet point are different teachers comments:

*not fully focussed

*call out to others students, or attempt to move around to room without permission, attempt to engage other students in disruptive behaviour, attempts to be "funny" when answering or asking questions.

*easily distracted during class, consistently pushing boundries, disturbing others and disobeying class rules

*too easily distracted, or he is the one to initiate distractions, inappropriate talking or silly actions.

*finds it hard to keep focused, can be distracted or distracting.

*needs to focus more

*usually disruptive, he speaks before he thinks and often realises what he has said is wrong, but to late, it is out.

*his attitude towards me is quite poor.

(And the one subject that he is not having an issue with)

* behaviour not an issue, focussed on work, not interrupting others.

And because of this one class, the fact that he can behave to them means, he has complete control over his behaviour and he is chosing to be a brat.

What do you all think?

05-29-14, 08:25 PM
I think he has one teacher who gets it and several other teachers who are clueless.

It's too bad the leadership is also clueless.

One of the first things we noticed about ADHD and Autism is the inconsistency.
One day everything goes fine, the kid is "on" and it's hard to tell him or her from the other kids.
The next day, or even just later the same day, the switch gets flipped "off" and it's not even the same kiddo.

Also, ADHD is a development disorder. There are areas where your child has a particularly hard time,
seeming to be about 10 instead of nearly 14.
Dr. Barkley refers to this as The 30% Rule. (

A good book on how to work with these kids at school is called "Lost At School" by Dr. Ross Greene.

05-29-14, 09:00 PM
What is the subject he is doing well in?

05-29-14, 09:11 PM
Thanks Lunacie, you are spot on, hoping to educate them if they are willing to learn, I will look into that book, thanks.

willow129 Re: Be careful what you wish for....
<hr style="color:#D1D1E1; background-color:#D1D1E1" size="1"> What is the subject he is doing well in? surprisingly Maths, he has always struggled with maths and I would have thought it was one of his weakest subjects but apparently he is doing well both with his behaviour in this class and getting his work done.:scratch: Maybe it is just as Lunacie said he might be the only teacher that understands him or gets it?

05-29-14, 09:14 PM
Also I should mention his maths teacher is a male and most of his other teachers are females, one that is having a really hard time with him is a new teacher fresh out of college with a law degree, so she is not coping very well at all with his antics.

05-30-14, 01:18 AM
For whatever reason, the math class is just easier for him -- perhaps he is stronger in that subject, perhaps the teacher is clearer about directions, perhaps the logical, concrete nature of math is less confusing for him. It makes sense that he behaves better in a class he finds less frustrating.

The book Lost at School by Ross W Greene is a good resource.

06-01-14, 08:01 PM
We see the paed today, so it will be interesting to see how we get on.

06-02-14, 04:31 AM
He might like math because there is a definite start, beginning and end to a problem. There are formulas and only so many ways you can solve problems. This could be a source of comfort to him in an otherwise chaotic environment.