View Full Version : ADHD symptoms making depression worse (Trigger warning...suicide references)


fracturedstory
06-05-14, 12:53 AM
OK, gee, where to start?

Well, I've just come out of the most horrific depression. Well, it's still going on but it's not as horrific as before. I was actually seriously considering suicide. My suicide meter (I made one up) went from a 9.8 back down to a 5.

Basically, it was over being forced back into work when I'm still very much mentally ill. My severe anxiety especially over changes (having to go to a new location) is worse than my depression. When my depression turns to anger I no longer feels anxious, or love for any one or thing.

It got me thinking that I would go to such extreme lengths to avoid making these new steps. It wasn't that the change that made me anxious but putting all that effort into a job. And I remember that when I was on Ritalin I had more motivation and ability to focus, and even though I still had high anxiety it was more of a MUST DO THIS NOW type of anxiety, not being scared of doing this unknown thing and invisible masked ninjas in the street are always trying to take me down. I have PTSD. Don't want people in the street to kill me. They probably won't but I keep thinking they will.

My appointment at the welfare offices was nothing more than a check-up but I still want out of this system so I have to get my anxiety/depression/ADHD/mood disorder sorted before I can make much progress.

So, that's basically it. ADHD + depression = I want the easiest way out, even if it's that way out. To be honest I just don't want to deliberately put myself under that much anxiety. I've got another 6 months to work on that before I have to come in for another interview.

fracturedstory
06-05-14, 08:45 PM
Just me then, hey? Gosh. It really doesn't take me much when anxious/depressed to lead to that way of thinking. It just seems to be related to my ADHD. This is hard. Making changes just involves more steps, so I might take a short cut. No? Medication is also another shortcut. No wonder I can't stand it when people tell me to go on diets or meditate.

I just want the solution now.

Twiggy
06-05-14, 09:08 PM
Suicide is not the answer my dear. You can't come back from it.
Tell your Doctor about this and I really hope you get better.

The quick way is not always the best ., surely things will be getting better for you.

fracturedstory
06-06-14, 02:05 AM
I don't have a doctor yet.

I'm post-those feelings of suicide now. No one's going to get through to me while in that state if they tell me suicide isn't the answer. It seems like it is. And the whole point is not coming back from it. No one really knows what happens after you die anyway. That was another thought that came to me.

Suicide isn't the important part, it's the reason behind always jumping into that state of mind.

I'm now becoming oppositional just for the sake of it. That's not good for my treatment.

It's probably not an ADHD issue then.