View Full Version : Never ending nurture

06-06-14, 10:41 AM
So... for a while know i've had the thought cross my mind that i'm infantlike... in many ways...

-Always looking externally for direction ( yet only really "trusting" my own agenda if that makes sense )
-Craving nurture

This post ( by Pilgrim struck me...

So, there is this whole emotional regulation aspect... the 3 years behind peers or whatever it is... yet... we are almost perpetually cycling from half full to 1 and 1/2 full... ( various amplitudes and frequency dependant upon personal factors tho the cycles remain the same )...

What are the mechanisms behind a craving for companionship in the common sense ( aka heightened with regard to NT peeps )


A lefty...

Could it be some sort of "attachment" coping mechanism... whereby emotional balances manifest in primary whiplash... triggering the seek mate... need mate loop...

Could it be like craving chocolate... that... um.... whatever it is thing in chocolate thats like love hormones and such... in that our brains are pulling a swifty on us trying to feed their receptors... quote from ...

Chocolate and Neurotransmitters
Chocolate impacts neurotransmitters as well as hormones, and this impact may be responsible for its psychopharmacologic effects in some people. Chocolate may balance low levels of mood-regulating neurotransmitters, including serotonin and dopamine, according to the "Journal of the American Dietetic Association."

As a supplimentary...

-is there existing research on this... or
-does anyone have any personal experience either identifying or separating causation between biological drivers VS individual attachment history ...?

Any other thoughts on this would be greatly apprieciated...

Even if you have ADHD and have never experienced feeling half full as an individual?


06-06-14, 11:03 AM
Not sure I exactly understand your question.

I can hugely relate to these two points:

-Always looking externally for direction ( yet only really "trusting" my own agenda if that makes sense )
-Craving nurture

I don't understand this:

Could it be some sort of "attachment" coping mechanism... whereby emotional balances manifest in primary whiplash... triggering the seek mate... need mate loop...

I think, humans have evolved to find a long-term mate because evolutionary it makes sense. You need a mate to procreate and I think, humans tend to find long term mates because our gestation period is rather long and because human infants take a very long time to reach adulthood. So we have been selected by evolution to crave a mate, I guess.

Is that what you are asking? (I'm guessing, you are not :scratch:) :scratch:

What do you mean by "half full"?

06-06-14, 11:10 AM
Your right ( thankyou! ) even I struggle to understand that bit reading it back!

It means;

Because our emotions are "Strong" / "Disregulated"... we are more disposed to enter a "need someone" state... out of stability or survival dependance... rahter than any specific life experiences

06-06-14, 11:56 AM
Yes, I'm sure that plays a part. I also think because we are generally quite impaired maybe we need a mate more than other people to help us with the things we suck at (either directly by just doing things for us or indirectly by for example providing external motivation, structure or stimulation).

If we want someone else more than others I'm not sure..

07-05-14, 12:34 PM
Are you referring to the emotional lability of adhd and its connection to leading to co dependency?

If so, I will say this, I am not a codependent person because of my ADHD. My spaciness kept me isolated and rather than be tormented by it, I actually was quite fond of it. Though I don't live alone now, I've only felt lonely once or twice in my life and that was when my depression was running so high that I felt dissatisfied with my own internal stimulation or thoughts.

I don't like being around people at all unless it's to talk about something interesting. But...maybe I'm an anomaly.

My point was, that we all have adhd on here, but we may have all coped differently and I was just presenting my self as an example of one possible way an ADHD person can turn out in their social dependency.

I will be honest though and say even though I do not like being around people, I find this pervasive need for approval that I hate. I honestly think it is that aspect that makes me so drained with people. I'm trying so desperately to get a conversation that they enjoy, not one I enjoy, and at some point I feel more like a performer, comedian or clown because of it. I walk away with dirt and grit beneath my skin and feel ashamed at the levels I stoop to... just for a laugh or applause.

I care what people think so much, that being around them terrifies me because I know ill compromise my own values just to please them, but when I'm alone, I'm free to be myself, as I am, not as someone might want me to be.

The studies on it, point to an ADHD parent. We know adhd is genetic but we also know that the environment can trigger it, worsen it, or in some cases make it appear.

A parent that is ADHD could be less attentive to their childrens needs. The parent could have a shorter temper, or be less clear/consistant than a child may need.

Freud had a theory on the super ego, that its really just our parents or parental figures talking to us. If a true authoritative presence was never there, then the ability to self regulate may not be there as well. This could include emotions. One could be stuck in infancy if they never had a true parent, so to speak.

I believe in both nature and nurture so when looking at this, at where your adhd comes from, you always have to ask "how much can I control, how much can I not."

For the stuff you can control but is hard to control, use psychological strategies, for everything else, there is medication.

I hope that helped, I apologize if I misinterpreted your question or didn't give a good answer but take this answer as an opinion and research into it if you need more concrete evidence.

Good luck

07-07-14, 05:49 PM
Craving development?

I think all people in general (at least all mammals, most birds) seek this psychological/physiological craving to some degree.

When the biological circuitry involved in emotional self regulation, is less mature, the craving is more?

When the biological circuitry involved in emotional self regulation, is more mature, the craving is less?

Development occurs at any age, but development occurs easier in early development.

Nature's goal for human growth is for the eventual maturation of self-motivated, self-regulated and self-reliant adult.

The infant lacks these attributes.

We may say that the natural agenda is really the transformation of regulation from dependence on another individual to independence, from external regulation to internal regulation..

-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", P 78.