View Full Version : Hmm...it's probably not bipolar


fracturedstory
06-12-14, 11:55 PM
Even though I have every symptom in the book, except for staying up for many days on end. I used to have extremely high moods with a rush of creative ideas and even got pretty damn delusional. Then I'd crash into a brief but intense depression with suicidal ideation. Alcohol made me worse, more rapid cycling and mixed.

But I recently started anti-depressants and my moods seem level. I still get anxious from time to time though. I'm on a very low dose (10mg) so it's like I get some high and low moods but nothing as extreme as before.

So, if it's not bipolar then what is it? I feel like I have some very over reactive neurotransmitters. This must have happened once I took Ritalin because it basically made me hyper and have symptoms of mania, and I was on it for a few years. And those side effects never went away.

My food sensitives even increased. Fish makes me hyper... I mean WTF? And toothpaste! Or sometimes I'm just hyper. The kitchen makes me hyper. I was never originally hyperactive in the ADHD sense too.

I'm not disappointed either. If I can decrease these moods and not have to be on mood stabilisers for life, then I'm good with that. Problem is if it's not bipolar then can it be completely treated?

Something tells me my PTSD was making me that way too. That's when Ritalin made me more impulsive. But I don't think it's the primary cause.

Andi
06-13-14, 10:20 PM
What makes you think that it's not bipolar? Did your doctor indicate that he/she doesn't believe it is? Based on your history here I have to say that I agree you have presented many of the hallmarks and have no idea what else it could be. Sorry. I can't imagine how much it sucks to not really know. Sometimes a label is comforting in a way that you can research, associate, and cope.

daveddd
06-13-14, 11:15 PM
Emotional dysregulation. Common in aspergers ADHD and PTSD

So you got it three fold

fracturedstory
06-14-14, 01:17 AM
Yes, the label was comforting.

I think it was a bit more than emotional dysregulation as my moods seemed to follow a cycle. Not all my emotional outbursts were out of a certain mood though. I was pretty much anxious anytime. And I was about 25 or 26 when they started.

Ritalin seemed to change me before the PTSD. The PTSD just made it impossible to stay on Ritalin. And it wasn't just anxiety, it was, for a want of a better word, mania.

My doctor just seems to be saying the same things doctors do. You can't have bipolar because you're too rapid cycling. You should have gone on a higher dose of SSRI if they stopped being effective. Nevermind the fact that I have autism and am very sensitive to medication.

I'm on a low dose anti-depressant and I'm still experiencing symptoms similar to mania. I get these ideas that turn a bit paranoid. I can't even remember what it was about. I think it was about how the general population saw ADHD. I thought of friends and family members as deniers. I suppose it's not too delusional.

I'll have to work this out with my new psychiatrist. Getting my call through is difficult enough and then it's going to be a long wait to get one appointment. I could always go back to my old psychiatrist, tell him I'm doing better with the anxiety/depression on anti-depressants, but then again he was the one who refused to look into my concern about bipolar in the first place.

I had a hormone disorder before I got the full mood disorder symptoms, but it was never euphoric. It was just depression/anxiety/etc. Usual PMDD symptoms.

I guess I'll just see what these anti-depressants do. Did those people who became manic on them get those symptoms immediately?

I almost feel like I'm having mixed moods. I feel somewhat normal, more normal than I've been in ages, then I'll start to feel anxious. Actually I'm feeling very uncomfortable around people. I knew I felt some social anxiety toward people before, but this is distrust and annoyance that they're even there. I was pretty depressed last night too. I wouldn't say it got as bad as it usually does though.

I suppose to answer you question, Andi, I've always had some doubt. Yes I have had moods last days and rarely, weeks, but I always seemed to stay in control (if I avoided alcohol, went to bed on time, tried to stay organized and busy, used CBT) and I've never stayed up for nights on end. Some nights I could stay up late but my ADHD symptoms were so severe the next day I decided to go to bed at a certain time, even if I couldn't sleep right away. My symptoms were still manageable if I didn't sleep but stayed in bed. I was very hyper the next day though. Sometimes it was a good way to keep depression away.