hey guys.

i guess its justthat i spend so much time on the computer, and i just find out everything i want to know by using google - if its not there, i try another search.

some of you may know that my "family history" isnt exactly very open. i dont know who my dad is, and up until last year i didnt even know that HE KNEW i existed. (until a cousin said soemthign to me last year like "but didnt you meet him when you were 2 years old or soemthing?")

tonight.. mum's on the phone, and talking about.. SOMETHING with a friend, and talking about some child, and talking about the effect of whateber this child is/somethign from the father.

she then said "well in sophie's case, it was all going on, she just never saw it happening - he just came and went"

what? i dont know what went on.

and then she said "so i think its just a coincidence that she turned out that way"

WHAT?! turned out WHAT way? whats going on here? what happened? what is she talking about?

and for a split second i imagined myself googling to find the info.. but no. thsi stuff ISNT on the internet. its just stuff i will never know.

it scares the hell out of me and i feel very vulnerable.

hahaha.. im so f^^^ing stupid and nuts. her friend who is on the phone, HER daughter is ALSO called sophie! i think she was talking about her!... maybe???

Sophie,

Are you asking for help in finding your father?

There are a lot of things to consider and I will go into more detail before helping you just so your prepared mentally for every instance.

I was abondoned by my father before I was ever born. I was thrust into a life of physical, mental, sexual and emotional abuse. My father came back into my life when I was about 5 and then quickly left it again at the age of 8 when his new family was starting. There are a lot of painful issue's you have to address before you even consider looking. But, you are over the age of consent so if your asking I will do my best to try and help you.

I hate "secret" stuff. But isnt' there some rule that if your mum is saying a name that is your name, you have the right to ask about it? Upfront and casual?

How could she get mad at that...but I don't know how that situation would play out with you, so judge accordingly!

umm.. i dont know WHAT im asking. its a recurring issue in my life, one that i dont have time for right now.. and it seems to get more complicated all the time.

DYNE540: i have no idea! what youre talking about! but i think i know the thread you MEANT to post that in.. i'm sure that post was unintentional. :)

I have to agree with Nuting Futs on what to do before finding your father, if that's what you want.

Ask your mother up front ,if she was talking about you. Say you over heard. Her reaction should let you know.

If you really want to find out and you think she is talking about you, i'm sure a relative or friend would know something.

Hopefully it was just her friend's daugther and you could get some peace from that.:)

crime scene, youa sked "how could she get mad at that?" oh believe me, she gets mad at anything. everything i could possibly do is always wrong.

others including cherity who said "just ask her". well no, there's no provision for talking in this (what some naive people might call a) family.

i realised somethign today.... now more than ever, im very much on the outskirts of this family. nobody wants to nkow me, nobody tells me aything, and my sister doesnt even talkt o me (she lives in another state, but calls my mum almost every day. i spoke toher the other day on the phone, and thats the first time in a few months).

today is a really bad day too, and i might make anotehr thread about that.

There are a lot of reasons you would need a copy of your birth certificate...school, work. Maybe, you could ask your mother for a copy. Or if you don't want to go that far your an adult so write to the county you were born in requesting a copy. Hopefully, to make things easy it will have your father's name on it and at least you will know that much for later use if you should choose to use that information.

If you want my personal opinion, I think you should hold off a while on finding your father.

You're obviously going through a lot of emotional turbulence at the moment. If you do end up finding your father, and he turns out to be not quite the person you think he is, then it'll only be detrimental to your self esteem, which may be all the more painful in your current situation.

You've talked about wanting to find a way out of your home and make your life more independent. I think you need to address these issues before you add anymore uncertainties into your life, you have enough already.

I'm sorry if this was unwanted advice, ultimately you should make your own choice.

As for whether your mum was talking about you, it could be that she wasn't or it could be that she was. I think a lot of ADD sufferers have very definite tenancies toward paranoia, as an extension of our inattention; if we consider ourselves unable to monitor our surroundings then we're bound to be more suspicious of them.

I know it's easy to say as an outsider, but try to let these things float over you. If your anxiety's getting to a state where it really isn't helping things, then have a word with your psychiatrist about starting Zoloft or another anti-anxiety agent

cherity: i tried the birth certificate thing years ago. trust me! haha. where the space for "father" is, they just have put a dash and its left empty. a father does not legally have to sign the certificate

toby: yeah, i know youre right. this is a recurring issue in my life really, one that i know wont be sorted for many years.
i still need to get independance, sort out my family relationships, my professional life, and keep this boyfriend!
the other thing is.. yeah my anx IS getting to a stat ewhere ir really isn't helping things, and i do have lots of paranoia for the reason you just said really. i cant judge whats happening, i cant read the signs, so i jump to conclusions. but the thing is.. i dont have a psychoatrist or a doctor. i got a referral 2 months ago... and all ive done is kept the letter, i didnt even call.
i figured it was a bad time in my life, but i did tell james (add boyfriend) about it and he was encouraging for me to go, and asked if i wanted him to go. i said that would be good. i still didnt call the doctor.
factors of why are
- bad time/ dont have time to
- mum finding out
- scared of actually talking to this dr
- cost involved of seeing this dr

and i dont know if any sort of drug is necessary. while my anxiety is BAD ENOUGH to be on it,.... its not stable enough. its only once every few days that i get very very anx, and only every few weeks that i have a big breakdown. so i dont see the point in taking a medication for it every day - if that makes sense. its not like im in a permanent state of anxiety.

Ok i'm lost, but try what they said about the birth certificate thing.