View Full Version : Turning a corner?


Tabbycat
07-12-14, 01:21 PM
I've posted a little before - I've been out of work for over a year, except for a short contract job that's ended. I've been in a major depressive episode for 6 mos, have been in bed for about 6 weeks. I have little support outside my psychiatrist, just an aunt who occasionally has brought food & meds.

I had the most intense mtg w/my dr this week - I finally have some answers. I had to be overly responsible as a child/teen, dealing w/2 alcoholic parents & a disabled brother. My aunt & grandparents tried to help but couldn't do much. I did learn what I "should" do from them - go to college, get a good job, get married, etc. I did all those things, but had episodes of depression throughout. This time has been the worst.

I realize now that the feelings of responsibility & "should" have damn near killed me. I have lived my life trying to please others & be a good girl. Being out of work so long was the trigger - basically panicked & collapsed b/c I couldn't do what I was conditioned to do.

I have no idea where the road goes from here. No sense of who I really am, what I like, etc. My dr. has insisted that I take the time to figure some of that out. I'm going to. When I'm stronger, I'm going to travel a little, see some places I've never seen (I tent camp - being frugal is a must). Hopefully more answers will come.

I really hope I will be able to work again, if not, I'll have to look at disability. The important thing is that I'm still alive, I have a little peace now, & maybe can find some happiness. Don't need much, just a bit. I hope sharing this might be helpful for someone...