View Full Version : Being unable to deal with challenges


Fortress
07-17-14, 04:31 PM
I want to know if everybody has the same issues I do with efforts. Be it at school, work or videogames, it seems like I'm ok with doing something as long as it comes easy for me. As soon as it becomes more taxing on my brain and I actually need to focus and give some effort, my brain seems to scream like a child "NO NO NO I DON'T WANNA" and I can barely get it to work.

It's become slowly more of a plague in my life. I loathe working a job more than anything in the world. School is ok until I need to put some effort in, then it takes everything of what little energy I have to try and if that seems to fail, I go crazy and throw stuff on the wall like an angry kid. Even videogames **** me off when they're trying to push me past my automatic challenge solving mode. It feels like I just don't have the energy to push my brain further than what comes naturally to me; it hasn't been obvious till now because I've been doing ok, with ups and downs, till now just relying on my capabilitise that do not require too much mental effort.

I'm here to ask how familiar this seems to you. D'you guys think like this just comes along with ADD's dopaminergic system deficiency, or does this sound like underlying depression or mood problems? Not looking for a pro answer of course, just personal experience and opinions. Thanks.

It's like I want to feel good for taking on challenges, but can't bear feeling the hardships of the actual challenges? Anyone knows what I mean?

peachy27
07-27-14, 04:45 PM
I'm new to the world on ADD-I, but this seems pretty common from what I've read so far, and I know that sounds like me for sure.

Once I hit the age of taking on responsibility, my life has been one long endless string of avoiding things that appear too challenging. And I know I'm very intelligent and more than capable, but I can never bring myself to do it. It really just all boils down to the fact that we lack motivation. Whether it's just the ADD, or a combo of depression, anxiety, etc. - I don't know, and I'm trying to figure that out for myself right now. I'm constantly watching other people and wondering how on earth they have the energy and motivation to achieve all the things they do, and yet I can barely manage to function at home. My medication has been helping me somewhat, but even with the extra focus and kick that it gives me, I have to do part of the work myself - and sometimes it just seems like too much. Even something seemingly simple, like a video game - I've given up on a number of games when it got to the point where it required me to put in some real mental effort. I no longer find it fun and turns into work.

I agree that challenging yourself is usually worth it in the end, when you see the results and the pay off. But for us, unlike many people, the thought of that end result simply isn't enough motivation. It is very much a "plague of life," as you say...

Sorry I don't have any advice, but just letting you know you're not alone!

ABadder
07-30-14, 09:28 AM
I want to know if everybody has the same issues I do with efforts. Be it at school, work or videogames, it seems like I'm ok with doing something as long as it comes easy for me. As soon as it becomes more taxing on my brain and I actually need to focus and give some effort, my brain seems to scream like a child "NO NO NO I DON'T WANNA" and I can barely get it to work.

It's become slowly more of a plague in my life. I loathe working a job more than anything in the world. School is ok until I need to put some effort in, then it takes everything of what little energy I have to try and if that seems to fail, I go crazy and throw stuff on the wall like an angry kid. Even videogames **** me off when they're trying to push me past my automatic challenge solving mode. It feels like I just don't have the energy to push my brain further than what comes naturally to me; it hasn't been obvious till now because I've been doing ok, with ups and downs, till now just relying on my capabilitise that do not require too much mental effort.

I'm here to ask how familiar this seems to you. D'you guys think like this just comes along with ADD's dopaminergic system deficiency, or does this sound like underlying depression or mood problems? Not looking for a pro answer of course, just personal experience and opinions. Thanks.

It's like I want to feel good for taking on challenges, but can't bear feeling the hardships of the actual challenges? Anyone knows what I mean?
Amen!! I hear what you are saying. I've learnt that if I think about a task at hand to much I struggle and procrastinate.

At times, I catch myself out and realise I've just finished a task I don't enjoy doing but I can't remember what "mood" my brain was in when I started. Kind of like when you drive home but can't actually remember driving home, you just realise you're home.

The trick is not to think about the task too much but if only I knew how to do this!!!

RobboW
07-30-14, 09:36 AM
Yeah, I can relate to this. I find as I get older and my responsibilities pile up and routines disintegrate, I feel paralysed by the thought of tackling things that are not superficial. I get too many things "on my mind" and my ability to "do" dissolves.
I'm trying to get my wife to see this but she either cannot or will not. If she won't try to understand, it will end up being the thing that pulls our relationship apart. There's always just too much on my plate to feel I can accomplish much.

Fuzzy12
07-30-14, 09:38 AM
Isn't one of the symptoms listed in the DSM "Avoids tasks that require persistent mental effort " or something like?

I'm like that as well by the way.

Looked it up:

"often avoids or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort"

flubio123
08-10-14, 11:45 PM
I want to know if everybody has the same issues I do with efforts. Be it at school, work or videogames, it seems like I'm ok with doing something as long as it comes easy for me. As soon as it becomes more taxing on my brain and I actually need to focus and give some effort, my brain seems to scream like a child "NO NO NO I DON'T WANNA" and I can barely get it to work.

It's become slowly more of a plague in my life. I loathe working a job more than anything in the world. School is ok until I need to put some effort in, then it takes everything of what little energy I have to try and if that seems to fail, I go crazy and throw stuff on the wall like an angry kid. Even videogames **** me off when they're trying to push me past my automatic challenge solving mode. It feels like I just don't have the energy to push my brain further than what comes naturally to me; it hasn't been obvious till now because I've been doing ok, with ups and downs, till now just relying on my capabilitise that do not require too much mental effort.

I'm here to ask how familiar this seems to you. D'you guys think like this just comes along with ADD's dopaminergic system deficiency, or does this sound like underlying depression or mood problems? Not looking for a pro answer of course, just personal experience and opinions. Thanks.

It's like I want to feel good for taking on challenges, but can't bear feeling the hardships of the actual challenges? Anyone knows what I mean?

A combination of 6 years of smoking weed, the last two of which I meditated regularly and semi-regular meditation now keeps me from saying one of two things
1) **** it - watch TV (my hyperfocus crutch which I used to enjoy)
2) **** THIS and wanting to punch a wall
Instead, I focus on my breath, go for a walk, let myself chill out and then return to it. I repeat this process until I am too tired to do anything else then go to sleep. Usually, I've only done 10% of what I was looking to do. Then again, starting that 10% is usually the hardest part. The next time I approach it I'll get 30% done and so on until it's done. At work I have a generous boss who allows for projects to go undone for some time (she guesses openly that I have ADD - just waiting on my assessment right now).
Let me be clear - this isn't an easy solution - sometimes it's incredibly painful but most things in life worth attaining require growth - pain is often times a part of self-growth. I luckily have a high tolerance for pain.

petester
08-11-14, 09:56 PM
Yep ive had add all my life and had maybe 5 legitimate jobs the longest lasting was 4 mo im currently in need of a job but cant bring myself to look for one I have severe anxiety disorder so just making small talk with anybody makes me sweat profusely and hyperventilate much less explaine myself in a job interview I spent about 15 yrs growing and providing weed for cancer patients because it was legal where I use to live now I lay awake for hours sometimes thinking about what its going to be like being homeless ive been to some job interviews in the past but because my hyperactive mind just wants to get it over with I talk so fast they cant understand me and think im on drugs the only thing that really slows my brain down is alcohol and thats destroyed my stomach and liver also my mind.

Chicky75
08-12-14, 12:00 AM
It really just all boils down to the fact that we lack motivation.

Sorry, I have to disagree, at least for me. I have this same problem, but the longer I've lived with it, the more I've realized that it's more to do with not knowing how to break a more complex task down into simpler steps.

If someone gives me the first step of a complex task or problem, I can usually go from there...

Or if I'm given a physical task to do over and over, one that isn't mentally complex, but requires mental concentration just to keep going when I'm physically fatigued, etc., I can do it.

Sometimes even just talking it out with someone and listing all of the things that need to be done as part of a larger project helps to make the order in which they should be done clearer.

But if I'm just given a difficult challenge and told to do it all on my own, without any help or being able to talk to anyone about it, I'll usually end up lying down somewhere (if I can) to "think" about how to tackle it, which of course leads me to just falling asleep and doing nothing.

Corina86
08-12-14, 04:32 AM
@Fortress

I'm pretty much in your situation: I like to do stuff, I really do, but it must come easy. Anything that puts strain on my brain, particularly my concentration, attention and working memory is pushed aside. I only do the things I want to do in my imagination. The annoying part is that I believe I would be capable of doing most of those things if I could get going.

I'm 99% sure it's my ADHD, not depression or anxiety, because... well, I'm like this even when I'm feeling very good and relaxed. Anxiety definitely makes me procrastinate certain things even more, but that's on top of ADHD and it's only for the things that cause me fear or embarrassment. ADHD is also procrastinating the things I want to do, but take effort, like reading or even talking. When I was depressed, I was pretty much the same, except that I didn't even fantasize about being better, I just fantasized about suicide or murdering others.

I have no solution for this though, I'm still putting my hope in medication, I even a prescription for Concerta, but I can't find it anywhere.

Tmoney
08-12-14, 09:19 AM
I always look at challenges like I look at certain social situations, what is the worst thing that can happen!
What, I make a fool out of myself and cause other people to laugh? Then so be it! So what! Laugh away. I laugh at myself too!
I just don't care! If the worse that can happen is for me to do something dumb and it makes people laugh, so what! I can handle that.

I treat people with respect. I care about other people and if that is not enough to win their respect and friendship, then I don't want to be friends with them. Once I accepted this in my life, the anxiety and depression diminished and I was a much happier person.

So what, I'm going to let another person who may or may not have beigger issues than me determine how I feel about my self? I don;t think so! I have met some messed up people in my life, to think I would be worried about them judging me is just not going to happen.

How about this, let the man who has no faults or weknesses come judge me! I have traveled the world and have yet to meet such a person! You know why, he doesn't walk this earth!

You have to believe in yourself and be strong enough not to let what others think of you determine what kind of person you are!

"Don't let the things you can't do interfere with the things you can do!"

someothertime
08-12-14, 09:33 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseveration
More broadly in clinical psychology, it describes mental or physical behaviours which are not excessive in terms of quantity but are apparently both functionless and involve a narrow range of behaviours, and are not better described as stereotypy (a highly repetitive idiosyncratic behaviour).

I loved reading this word in a Barkley book... procrastination is truly an oversimplification. That word should be erased form the psyche of every single ADDer on earth.


apparently both functionless and involve a narrow range of behaviours
need to focus and give some effort


you see, the general pop would like to yarn on about perspective and motivation. these are counterproductive if not innacurate.

as adders, we "know" things and methods when we see or do them ( most of us )... hence, rewind, seek and play need to be utilised with the right tape in ( the one that reframes tasks in both perception and approach.... ) + ( EDIT: and also paving the way to have no tape or change them! )

i'd be a fool if i told you it's easy, permanent or clear. tho' by ditching the current perception as a minimum...... the space is created for alternate ways and view....


i.e.


1. imagine someone else doing the task ( just now.... proving a point )

2. imagine some weird whacky japanese game show where for each tiny step you do, they throw a random food item at you.


this is the beginning of reframing and "modifying" stuff so the perceptual doesn't get a chance.... takes time... takes falling down.... tho improvements can be made....