View Full Version : Should have built up some resilience when I still could


Fuzzy12
07-21-14, 06:18 AM
I'm going to pieces again. Had a ****ty weekend and now I can't stop hurting.

I finally met my psychiatrist last week and I told him I'm becoming more depressed again but he thought I'm doing extremely well and am just a bit stressed. There was no time to really talk about it much. I'm supposed to be monitored monthly but they only managed to see me after 6 months so there was just too much to discuss. He said we'll review the situation again in my next appointment, which I'm assuming will be end of this year..

Uggh.. I don't know what to do. Maybe the best would be not to think about it and just somehow get through the next few months and hope that this thing, whatever it is, will pass soon. It's just that it's quite difficult to do anything at all when I'm feeling so crappy.

finallyfound10
07-21-14, 01:29 PM
(((Fuzzy)))

Could he be correct? After all, the parents and in-laws are coming and that stresses you out, you are going back to your home country for the first time in 5 years for a long time and that is stressful.

I'm not saying that you for sure aren't falling back into depression but as with many of our disorders, it is hard to identify them separately. Stress and depression can mirror each other at times.

Do you see a therapist who can talk to on a regular basis? As in CBT or ACT? If not, you must find one. It is so extremely helpful. I've had wonderful results from finding a good one. Right now, I have a fairly good one but haven't been to her in months and I can tell a difference for sure. I really do need to call her!

Keep us posted.

silivrentoliel
07-21-14, 01:43 PM
I often get told I have "situational anxiety or depression" based on **** going on in life, and it's annoying as hell to be blown off like that.

Why do you only see him twice a year? That seems a bit odd, unless he's just the script writer? Are you able to find a therapist? They are huge amounts of help

ferrarl
07-21-14, 02:12 PM
When we hurt there is always a cause for it. Sometimes we can do nothing about the cause but its still helpful to know what it is. Other times we can get rid of the source by resolving a conflict we had with someone, replacing a habit we didn't even know about, or trying to find all of our happiness in the God you believe in.

If someone you loved was in your shoes, wouldn't you do everything in your power to help them? In the same way, many people around you that love you are willing to go to the same lenghts but you just need to be real with them and show them you need help. If there is enough love, there comes a point where you start feeling it and it starts healing you. Sometimes the amount of love necessary is more than the people around you can supply where belief in higher power can really transform your life.

Fuzzy12
07-21-14, 02:14 PM
When we hurt there is always a cause for it. Sometimes we can do nothing about the cause but its still helpful to know what it is. Other times we can get rid of the source by resolving a conflict we had with someone, replacing a habit we didn't even know about, or trying to find all of our happiness in the God you believe in.

If someone you loved was in your shoes, wouldn't you do everything in your power to help them? In the same way, many people around you that love you are willing to go to the same lenghts but you just need to be real with them and show them you need help. If there is enough love, there comes a point where you start feeling it and it starts healing you. Sometimes the amount of love necessary is more than the people around you can supply where belief in higher power can really transform your life.

I know this sounds crazy but I need a lot less love in my life!! A LOT LESS!!!! It's all the people around me who love me way too much that are driving me absolutely crazy!!! :(

ferrarl
07-21-14, 03:08 PM
I know this sounds crazy but I need a lot less love in my life!! A LOT LESS!!!! It's all the people around me who love me way too much that are driving me absolutely crazy!!! :(

Even though people around you are doing the best to love you, sounds like they are loving you the wrong way. Sometimes showing love is saying nothing, sometimes its listening for an hour without giving any advice, and sometimes its a hug when you least expect it. You are probably mistaking attention for love.

stef
07-21-14, 05:01 PM
the titlle of your thread is " building up resilience" but that is so hard when it comes to moods and depression! because it's all so unpredictable...it's not like idk, taking vitamins and keeping warm in winter to not get colds, or eating to train for a marathon :grouphug:

phantasm
07-21-14, 05:16 PM
That seems very odd to have appointment every 6 months. :scratch: Unless he's the only doc in your whole city or something. Good grief!

I'm curious if they would take you on an emergency visit, if you were really having a bad episode? I know my doc does, although I haven't tried it yet, even though he has told me that I shouldn't wait a day if I'm feeling hopeless.

Could you try that? To get in on an emergency basis, and just tell them the basics, like your having major anxiety and depression and such?

I'm sorry Mrs. Fuzz. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug005.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

Fuzzy12
07-21-14, 06:38 PM
just got my periods. :doh:



it did cross my mind that maybe this was just another bout of pms because i couldn't understand why i was just so incredibly miserable. Im relieved and im also feeling ridiculously sorry for myself for having such a stupid body:doh:

thanks for the support guys:grouphug:

VeryTired
07-21-14, 06:52 PM
I agree with Stef. It just doesn't work this way. And while I have been wholly unimpressed with the psychiatric care you've gotten (because it was so hard for you to get your ADHD diagnosed and you keep reporting that they can't see you), I also think it sounds as though your psychiatrist may have things right.

It is completely terrifying to feel even the possibility of depression looming again when someone has been through all that you have. But there's a world of difference between experiencing normal stress under stressful conditions and spiraling out of control with major depression unrelated to stressors. It's not that you shouldn't think about how you feel, but rather, that you should think self-calming thoughts about how it's normal to be anxious in your situation, and that does NOT mean you are about to be swamped in depressive misery.

PMW is awful--and it makes it so hard to be objective about everything else about how one feels. Hang in there!

Fuzzy12
07-22-14, 10:06 AM
Thanks so much for the input guys. I'm definitely feeling much better today so I think it was just a bad bout of PMS. Phew...

I didn't get these PMS symptoms after I started taking anti depressants and even since stopping them. This week was probably the first time in about 2 years. It's strange but I do remember that when I used to get them previously, it was always in combination with existing stress. Maybe stress triggers them or they combine with stress and somehow the result is an exponential blow-up of emotions.

But yes, stress is definitely an issue at the moment and I don't see that reducing anytime soon so I need to learn how to deal with it.


Even though people around you are doing the best to love you, sounds like they are loving you the wrong way. Sometimes showing love is saying nothing, sometimes its listening for an hour without giving any advice, and sometimes its a hug when you least expect it. You are probably mistaking attention for love.

Yes, probably I am and they are definitely loving me in the wrong way. I wouldn't mind being loved if it came with less attention and more importantly, less responsibilities or obligations...

That seems very odd to have appointment every 6 months. :scratch: Unless he's the only doc in your whole city or something. Good grief!

I'm curious if they would take you on an emergency visit, if you were really having a bad episode? I know my doc does, although I haven't tried it yet, even though he has told me that I shouldn't wait a day if I'm feeling hopeless.

Could you try that? To get in on an emergency basis, and just tell them the basics, like your having major anxiety and depression and such?

I'm sorry Mrs. Fuzz. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug005.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

It's not supposed to be every 6 months. I was supposed to see them every month for the first 3 months and then every 3 months but they just weren't able to see me sooner as there were no appointments available. Well, I had an appointment last month apparently, but they never informed me about it...:rolleyes:

When I had my mixed episode (or whatever it was) earlier this year, I did desperately try to make an appointment but they just didn't have any. I've asked my psychiatrist what I should do in an emergency and he told me to call the suicide helpline. They don't have emergency appointments. :rolleyes:

Another problem is that every time I see someone different. I'm supposed to be under the care of the consultant but mostly I see one of his junior doctors and they rarely stay longer than 3 months. I think the consultant is an idiot so I'm happy to see a junior doctor but it would be nice to speak to the same person every time. I really liked the junior doctor I saw last week but he's leaving at the end of this month again.. :rolleyes:

I probably do need therapy but somehow I'm still not keen on it. My psychiatrist puts in an application for me for psychotherapy every once in a while but I keep getting rejected as there are no places available. I could go private but the consultant psychiatrist doesn't want me to mix private and NHS care and I'm just not that keen on therapy anyway...


It is completely terrifying to feel even the possibility of depression looming again when someone has been through all that you have. But there's a world of difference between experiencing normal stress under stressful conditions and spiraling out of control with major depression unrelated to stressors. It's not that you shouldn't think about how you feel, but rather, that you should think self-calming thoughts about how it's normal to be anxious in your situation, and that does NOT mean you are about to be swamped in depressive misery.


It does help knowing what exactly it is. I was so relieved when I got my periods yesterday and realised that it was just PMS I sort of broke out in tears.. :doh:

You are right though. I need to stop catastrophizing every time I feel a bit down. I'm really scared of sinking into a bad depression again or worse, having another mixed episode but brooding about it doesn't help of course. On the contrary.

I do think it's normal to be a bit stressed in my current situation but the problem is that I don't know how to deal with this stress or the stressors. There isn't an easy solution to them and I don't see them resolving any time soon. Or ever. So in a way, stress-induced depression is equally worrying for me as it doesn't come with an expiry date either.

Anyway, I really need to find a way to become more resilient. I did a bit of exercise today morning, just 5 mins of cardio, which is probably nothing but it's a start. And I need to learn how to self soothe, how to think positive thoughts in a way that they actually make me feel more positive. Sigh, any idea how to do that??

Funnily, I am not able to day dream so much when medicated but I'm wondering if my day dreams might have provided me a bit of protection from extreme negative emotions..or severe anxiety. I mean, i know, it does. Sometimes it helps to be able to escape reality..:scratch:

dvdnvwls
07-22-14, 10:35 AM
Personal opinion:

If love is not the answer, then the question is wrong.

Fuzzy12
07-22-14, 10:59 AM
Personal opinion:

If love is not the answer, then the question is wrong.

Question: "Have you seen my keys? :scratch:"
Answer: "Love! :)"
":scratch: :scratch: :scratch:"

;)

finallyfound10
07-22-14, 12:33 PM
I could go private but the consultant psychiatrist doesn't want me to mix private and NHS care and I'm just not that keen on therapy anyway...


I'm from the US so I don't understand NHS. Is there a "good" reason not to mix them or is it for his convenience? Does he want to keep all NHS for all of the medical records to be available to both the psychiatrist and therapist for continuity of care purposes? That would be a good reason but totally necessary, I'm not sure. I think a lot of us see a therapist in one practice and a psychiatrist in another. I realize that for some diagnosis it's far better to have them in the same practice though. I would seriously look it this more.

I was not keen on therapy either. I wasn't raised with it in my world and my mom was very anti anything having to do with emotional/mental health issues. I'm telling you though, if I hadn't experienced it's benefit myself, I wouldn't tell others to go. The key is finding one you click with.

ferrarl
07-22-14, 03:41 PM
Yes, probably I am and they are definitely loving me in the wrong way. I wouldn't mind being loved if it came with less attention and more importantly, less responsibilities or obligations...


Awesome that you are feeling better now! But about what you just said about people around you loving you the wrong way, I think it might be something that you want to bring up for your own sake and for theirs. Someone might be doing their best to love you and care for you, but since their way of showing love to you isn't the way how you best feel loved, they are going to be frustrated and so will you. It's good to have a conversation about how you feel loved and how they feel loved every once in awhile and life is going to be a bit more enjoyable. :)

VeryTired
07-22-14, 05:19 PM
Fuzzy--

This will sound woefully inadequate, but sometimes something is better than nothing, even a small something.

Here's what I do. I have a list of reliably good things that I promise myself I can do/have if the need really arises. It's like a deal with myself in advance that if the trouble (whatever it is--stress, depression, anxiety, whatever) gets bad enough, I will deploy my trusted alleviation strategies. These things don't cure my problems or even directly relate to them, but they are tools I have to generate some positive force to counter the trouble. They are good in themselves, and it makes me feel better to have action plans formulated.

These things include: going out for ice-cream despite any diet or other constraints; going to a silly movie in the afternoon; shopping online for kitchen equipment (like really pretty wooden spoons); going to the bookstore and buying a pile of books that are fun to read rather than useful for work; sleeping late, skipping household chores, and ordering take-out rather than cooking. I know! It's so shallow and unhealthy a list--no volunteering to help the homeless or running 10K. But there'd be no value in the list if it consisted of things that I think are supposed to make me me feel better, it has to be things that actually do feel good.

If you can't change what stresses you, get ongoing support through therapy, or say no to the people in your life, then I think you really need a list of your own of private things you can do and have when the going gets tough.

dvdnvwls
07-22-14, 06:56 PM
Question: "Have you seen my keys? :scratch:"
Answer: "Love! :)"
":scratch: :scratch: :scratch:"

;)

Yeah, okay, okay. :) :doh:

Real love for each other is a positive force, even though it may be messy sometimes, even though details may go wrong. Love that isn't (mainly, overall) a positive force in the lives of the people involved, isn't love - is it? (I guess tricky exceptions could perhaps be shown.)

Family relationships without love are IMO very very difficult to justify continuing, regardless of their social importance. I guess there's a certain amount of variation in that idea from one culture to another, even one family to another... but... IMO there needs to be a limit somewhere.

Hoping I'm not simply an idealistic dreamer.