View Full Version : Texting a partner with ADHD


Vivid_thoughts
07-27-14, 06:24 AM
Sorry if this seems out of order - but I never really venture in to this area of the forum. I have been having a read today and noticed that quite a few partners seem to have issues when texting and partner with ADHD, I have several issues with texting (Me having possible ADHD) so thought I'd share how it goes wrong for me!

(Any other folk with ADHD that agree / disagree please feel free to say)!

I get a text - wife, mate, mum, who ever it is. I hear the text, so I look at my phone to read it. This seems pretty normal to most. However this only happens 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time, I hear the text, but in work / car etc I know I will have to look at it in 5 - 10 minutes time. Within 10 seconds, I've now forgotten that after I do what I am doing I need to read the text. It might actually be 3 hours later before I remember, but more than likely I will completely forget until the point comes where I have to look at my phone for something else.

I read it, then I feel bad I haven't responded. So not only do I need to reply, but add an apology in as well. Trying to write this in a text becomes very mentally demanding. So I am now trying to repsond to a text from 4 hours ago, I feel guilty, I know I have to put at least 2 messages worth in to apologise and answer, so I almost start to sweat and I am am panicking over having to write this text. This can lead to 2 things -
1) I don't respond - That's the simple way - Hopefully it'll all get forgotten about or will have been resolved by now anyway.
2) I write a badly written short text, because I can't cope with the long one (despite who much I talk) also stressing because I have sausage fingers and an android phone! Predictive text does help a bit, but the stress of it all is the worst!


I hope that helps a little bit for non-ADHD partners to understand why some texts don't get a reply, or a strange one at that!

Vivd Thoughts

Fuzzy12
07-27-14, 06:36 AM
yes that happens to me too though i think that 4h isn't extremely long, depending on the content and importance of the text. I usually procrastinate for weeks though im a millon times better replying to texts than returning phone calls.

MADD As A Hatte
07-27-14, 07:33 AM
Preface: I'm an old fart. Just to give you some context, I come from an era when:

Critically important advice was sent my telegram, for example:

Darling sad news grandma funeral tuesday ticket at Heathrow QANTAS love Daddy

WTF? I didn't even know she was dying. I'm not kidding you, these were the days when time was money, and every character was worth a king's ransom.

.. when one went travelling on the cheap, and one's mail would be held for weeks in Rome General Post Office addressed to you c/- Poste Restante; god knows what was in the little blue envelopes when you eventually turned up to collect your aerogrammes. I once sent an air letter from Sydney to a boyfriend who planned, when he left, to be in London in June. The letter told him I was breaking up with him. The letter sat there until he eventually arrived in the UK (after a detour past the girlies in the Greek Islands) in October. Such is life. Good decision on my part.

I was young when STD phone calls cost $20 a minute. It was a privilege to phone anyone on their birthday. Two seconds for everyone to scream "hap bir" into the phone.

The point is, communication is a LEARNT BEHAVIOUR. It is a PERCEPTION. It is only since the invention of the telephone answering machine in the 70's, that people expect you to "hop to it", in terms of personal communication. As in all areas of your life, you don't have to abide by any rules you don't actually agree with.

In my experience, there are two kinds of people who correspond / contact you.

The best kind of people take responsibility for their own initiation of the contact. If you don't get back to them, they call you back / text you again. No big deal.

The other kind of people seem to think they're king of the mountain, and sending you a text / call / voicemail means you are now beholden to jump when they say jump.

Here's how you deal with this.

Turn your phone off, or to aeroplane mode when you're not available to answer.

Do not use voicemail.

Do not respond immediately to anything. Unless it's a new job offer. Train them like you're training a toddler into acceptable behaviour in your own home

If the people who are texting / calling want to be in touch, they'll call you back / text you again / wait for your response.

If not, **** 'em. Seemples.

RobboW
07-27-14, 07:43 AM
I'm pretty poor with communications too. I have improved by having a more suitable phone.
I got a 5" screen Android and it has an alert LED to jog my memory. The big screen makes entering text a lot better and I also changed the keyboard app to a better one.

The phone became a hobby for me. Custom firmware, software mods etc.

dvdnvwls
07-27-14, 04:14 PM
Do not respond immediately to anything. Unless it's a new job offer. Train them like you're training a toddler into acceptable behaviour in your own home

If the people who are texting / calling want to be in touch, they'll call you back / text you again / wait for your response.

I do this. I do this with a vengeance. But I'm not so sure it's good for me. I suspect I've lost friends over it, and certain I've lost work over it. (Some of my work requires being part of an informal network.)

ToneTone
07-27-14, 04:21 PM
I'm just the opposite. I find texting to be totally addictive and irresistible. When I was in a relationship, I would literally stop walking in the middle of the street to read and respond to a text. Could be midnight and danger around me and I was lost to hyperfocus.

Eventually I suggested that my partner and I not text each other, because I found I couldn't regulate myself around texting.

Tone

stef
07-27-14, 04:41 PM
i forget to answer the few texts i get because i don't SEE them anymore.

I'm so relieved i didn't have to deal with this when i was younger and it would affect relationships. (DH and I text when we are meeting up or late from work etc) i don't have to worry about the "tone " of a message, etc.

dvdnvwls
07-27-14, 05:32 PM
There are times for me when the pressure or emotional intensity of face-to-face communication is great enough that I much prefer being able to use text.

Before text was widespread, I sometimes tried to resolve relationship issues by writing notes, because what I needed to say was too likely to overwhelm me if I had to face my ex while saying it out loud. That whole note writing possibility got rejected, despite my attempts to explain, so I had to just be overwhelmed and choke out the words as best I could.

Text is important. Use the right tool for the job, I guess.

RobboW
07-27-14, 05:53 PM
Our lives are very busy and a txt is always a good, fast way to find out something to allow a decision to be made. It certainly doesn't replace a conversion though.

Eaaqas
08-06-14, 05:23 PM
My dad recently got me a Pebble Watch. I will get a text sent to my watch and think "Well, I've read the text. Now I don't have to get up to look at my phone!"

Text response rate? 2% ;)

SirSchmidt
08-13-14, 08:41 AM
There's nothing wrong with not responding immediately. Unless there's an urgent situation, texts are generally not critical to respond to quickly. If someone really needs an answer I would expect them to call and leave a voicemail.

daveddd
08-13-14, 09:14 AM
Sorry if this seems out of order - but I never really venture in to this area of the forum. I have been having a read today and noticed that quite a few partners seem to have issues when texting and partner with ADHD, I have several issues with texting (Me having possible ADHD) so thought I'd share how it goes wrong for me!

(Any other folk with ADHD that agree / disagree please feel free to say)!

I get a text - wife, mate, mum, who ever it is. I hear the text, so I look at my phone to read it. This seems pretty normal to most. However this only happens 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time, I hear the text, but in work / car etc I know I will have to look at it in 5 - 10 minutes time. Within 10 seconds, I've now forgotten that after I do what I am doing I need to read the text. It might actually be 3 hours later before I remember, but more than likely I will completely forget until the point comes where I have to look at my phone for something else.

I read it, then I feel bad I haven't responded. So not only do I need to reply, but add an apology in as well. Trying to write this in a text becomes very mentally demanding. So I am now trying to repsond to a text from 4 hours ago, I feel guilty, I know I have to put at least 2 messages worth in to apologise and answer, so I almost start to sweat and I am am panicking over having to write this text. This can lead to 2 things -
1) I don't respond - That's the simple way - Hopefully it'll all get forgotten about or will have been resolved by now anyway.
2) I write a badly written short text, because I can't cope with the long one (despite who much I talk) also stressing because I have sausage fingers and an android phone! Predictive text does help a bit, but the stress of it all is the worst!


I hope that helps a little bit for non-ADHD partners to understand why some texts don't get a reply, or a strange one at that!

Vivd Thoughts

great post!

you read my mind or actions or whatever


predictive texts and spell checks screw me big time

also the more time that passes since i received the text without responding , the more anxious i get

yet i continue to avoid responding:scratch:

daveddd
08-13-14, 09:17 AM
I do this. I do this with a vengeance. But I'm not so sure it's good for me. I suspect I've lost friends over it, and certain I've lost work over it. (Some of my work requires being part of an informal network.)

I've definitely lost work because of this

sometimes ill very unprofessionally purposely do this to avoid work, i can't say no to people when i should




i have two lingering texts right now that are eating me alive

AbundanceAbound
08-26-14, 02:45 AM
I didn't grow up in the telegram era, but I learned early on that answering machines (and now voicemail) are there for MY convenience, not that of the caller. Now that text is the main form of communication, I miss phone calls. Texts have their place, and are great when communicating with friends/BF while at work, etc., but I do tire of having entire conversations over text that could have been done on the phone. I have asked my ADD-BF to call me instead of texting a while conversation but he still prefers to text, probably because he can more easily do something else at the same time. Many times I need time to myself and that does not mean I want to get into a text conversation that interrupts what I want to do so I do not answer him immediately (we're not talking about anything important, just "I'm thinking about you" texts) but then he asks why I'm not "studying" him (his phrase, which I really can't stand.)

Long story short, just because it's a text does not mean one has to drop everything and reply unless it is actually an emergency.

VeryTired
08-26-14, 01:06 PM
Here's my issue with my ADHD partner and texting:

He send me texts when he feels like it, conveying what's on his mind or asking me to do things or provide info he needs, as is convenient to him. He gets very annoyed if I don't reply quickly enough to him, even if I am working. And it seems as though he almost entirely lacks the ability to project/imagine/infer what I am doing, how I am feeling, what I am thinking/what I need to know in order to respond to his request or question/whether I can logically be expected to understand what's on his mind from a terse message. I think this has to do with his difficulty focussing on someone else, taking into consideration their point of view, etc.

Sometimes, my partner will be in the middle of a text exchange with me and he'll wander away and not finish the conversation, so I'll be left hanging. Here's an example that happened recently:

partner texts me in mid-afternoon: Want to meet for dinner?
me: Sure, how about at that deli near your office?
partner: Great!
me: What time, and should we meet there or at your office?
partner: 6:00?
me: OK, but WHERE shall I meet you?
partner: silence ...no reply at all for a couple hours, at which point I would have already had to leave to meet him if in fact we were going to meet, and as he knows, I had a complicated day in progress which involved going several places and doing several things, so not being able to plan around the final destination was very inconvenient to me.

That was a pretty clear-cut situation, and while it really irritated me, I could see what was happening--he just got distracted, mid-conversation. The ones that bother me much more are when he expects me already to know info he hasn't given me, or doesn't stop to think about what I need to know to do something he wants, or doesn't respond to direct questions I have raised, or assumes that I have nothing to do but focus on whatever is on his mind

I often ask him to call me rather than text me--because a call is a two-way DIALOGUE, so it's faster and easier to get all the info covered and to make sure he's attending to my concerns as well as me to his. He HATES this however, and will go to great lengths to avoid doing it. And that in turn often offends me--it feels as though he uses text as a one-way street, not a means of communication between equals. He asks for what he wants, shares the info he chooses, and can easily not respond to my requests and questions. And it all has to happen on his schedule of priority and attention.

Of course he's not mean, tyrannical, or a bad guy. He's not trying to hurt my feelings and he absolutely doesn't want to make me mad. But he regularly does all those things, and his communications often strike me as rude in the extreme I guess because my understanding of politeness is that its essence is thinking about other people's feelings, needs, wishes, etc, and considering them equally with one's own.

He's odd about e-mails, also. He just about cannot return an e-mail with someone else's subject header, as part of a thread. He always starts a new e-mail with a new subject header and rarely comments on what the other person said, or answers questions, or engages with their concerns. To me, this is like the parallel play of two year olds in a sand box, not real full communication.

As I type all this it sounds to me as though I am being petty. But that's not at all how it feels when this stuff happens. It feels as though I am being rendered invisible by someone else's inability to recognize my existence, and to communicate with me by hearing as well as speaking. It's a big issue in our lives.

Hangingon
08-30-14, 07:29 PM
Since this particular forum is for non-ADD partner support, I will respond as a non-ADD partner.

My long-term ADHD husband does as yours does, answers texts sometimes for awhile, then stops. Most times he doesn't answer at all.

He doesn't answer most e-mails. Takes too much time.

I don't rely on my husband to answer or even read my texts or e-mails at all, although I will remind him. I send them to him and hope that maybe he will pay attention, but doubt it. If it is REALLY IMPORTANT, I will CALL him or discuss it IN PERSON. It is unfortunate that your partner does not want to respond to your calls and this likely needs to be addressed. Explain that you will not call unless it is REALLY IMPORTANT. And stick to that. It may be that your partner does not want to talk on the phone because it is a distraction to what he is doing in his work day and he feels that you call for, well, nothing that important, sorry.

My husband is a busy person and he is ADHD. With his daily texts and calls, I compare it to having about 20 beach balls coming at him at the same time. Which to pay attention to? The colored one? The fast one? The blue one which is his favorite color? ADHDers have a difficult time deciding what is priority. He lives in the moment, answers the most immediate text or call, gets caught up in that, another comes in, forgets the first one. If what I'm saying is not pertinent to him RIGHT NOW and he has other distractions, it gets put on hold, he'll get to it later, and then . . . forget.

Your partner is likely the same. Unfortunately, since you are his partner and he is trying VERY MUCH to attend to what is really important in his life, i.e., what affects his business and livelihood (not dinner times or whatever) and he figures you will understand, you are going to be put on the back burner. It is HARD ENOUGH for him to attend to what is REALLY IMPORTANT without you bugging him too. Don't take this personally!

My best analogy as a non-ADHD spouse is to imagine having a TV show you are really into and want to watch. Your ADHD spouse can't contain himself and starts jabbering away during your favorite show. You don't want to hear it now and want him to contain it, but he can't -- he'll forget what he wanted to say. And you aren't listening. But, well, that's what is happening with your texts to him. He's focused on something else and can't focus on you right now. So either keep reminding him or call him or give it up. And don't take offense He's doing the best he can.

RedHairedWitch
09-02-14, 06:32 AM
I find myself wondering what is the age group of the ADHDers who have trouble with texting?

Anyways...

Here is Very Tired's example:

partner texts me in mid-afternoon: Want to meet for dinner?
me: Sure, how about at that deli near your office?
partner: Great!
me: What time, and should we meet there or at your office?
partner: 6:00?
me: OK, but WHERE shall I meet you?
partner: silence

You're throwing a lot of info at him here. Especially the last line. You are asking two questions and one has options. He probably only really read the first questions which is why it's the only one he answered. Also, it's badgering. So many questions, suddenly this is work.

Try this style and see if it works:

Partner: Want to meet for dinner?
You: YES! Tell me when and where to meet. Let me know by 4.

VeryTired
09-02-14, 08:50 AM
RHW--

Thans for the suggestion. I see what you mean in principle. My experience has been that if I reply as you suggest, often I simply get no answer at all, however. Also, in this instance, I actually needed to know at that moment when and where we would meet because I had lots of other places to go in between and couldn't wait around to get the info. My plans for the rest of the afternoon were affected by whether or not we were meeting, and where.

I like your reply because you are showing me how things look from the other person's point of view, and why (perhaps) my reply was challenging for my partner. This is always valuable. You have often explain things for me this way, very effectively.

But my issue is that the answers to these problems usually seem to lie in my giving up what I need, or agreeing to live on someone else's rhythm. Whereas I always wish there could be compromise, give and take, negotiation, shared problem-solving. But in a case like this, the answer seems to be that those things aren't possible.

Flory
09-02-14, 09:48 AM
Ahhh I hate it, especially if I have to read an essay text, I'll just about manage to comment on one of the sentences . I tell people to not send me long texts as I may care greatly about them but it's not the best way to communicate with me :( they do it anyway though uhhh

I am particularly bad at texting back quickly unless it's short texts I see the text preview and in my head I'm like ugh I'll get to that later too busy ferreting around or some other mischief.... Then people get sh!tty....

Can't win

willow129
09-02-14, 10:32 AM
Haven't read all posts here but

Gawd ditch the apology part of the texting back. Who cares. You were doing something. Shocking! You have a real life outside of your phone. Also, why is a short text bad? It's a text. They're not meant for being long messages. If you need to write a long message send an email or call them or something.

Do not feel guilty about this. That's just an energy suck.

HOWEVER I completely empathize with you in that I have THE EXACT same experience about my alarm for my birth control. I hear it and think yeah I'll go take it in a sec, literally in 10 seconds time, like you, I have forgotten I ever had an alarm for birth control in the first place. And sometimes the scenario is this: alarm goes off, I go into the next room, look for my purse, where's my purse? Can't find it! Oh it's under coffee table. What was I looking for my purse for? Oh well.
(LUCKILY my alarm goes off again after 5 minutes. Thank god texts don't do that!!!)

Stevuke79
09-02-14, 10:49 AM
So many ironies of ADHD - like we text incessantly (some of us). But that's a horrible way to communicate with us.

RedHairedWitch
09-02-14, 05:25 PM
Is it really the end of the world if he doesn't get back to you, and you carry on your day? Just don't go to meet him, if he doesn't get back to you by 4. Natural consequenes.

Eaaqas
09-02-14, 07:02 PM
My wife says that I have a problem with knowing the real implications of a text message.

For example, yesterday I was picking up my wife from a bike ride. She texted me "pick me up at this park" when I was already at the park. As such, I thought that I was at the wrong park and drove 3 miles before I figured out that she did not mean I was at the wrong park. :)

AbundanceAbound
09-05-14, 03:09 AM
I find myself wondering what is the age group of the ADHDers who have trouble with texting?

My ADD BF and I are both 50. He texts entire conversations, plus texts me every couple hours when we aren't at work together just to see what I'm doing, and pretty much constantly at work. I have to tell him that I am busy (whether I am or not) if I just want some breathing room at work. He seems to be different from the other ADDers who don't like to text much. Perhaps that comes from having a job where the company conducts a lot of business over Lync chat conversations.

Frankly, I'd like him to call me when he wants to have deep conversations and have said so, but he prefers to text, so we text. I have started changing the subject though, reminding him that I HATE using text for such things, then the subject has been getting dropped. Apparently he is an anomaly for an ADDer.

AbundanceAbound
09-05-14, 03:10 AM
Apparently he is an anomaly for *an* ADDer.

How I wish we could delete posts! :o

Pentax
09-05-14, 10:43 PM
I find myself wondering what is the age group of the ADHDers who have trouble with texting?


I don't know what "trouble" is. That's a value thing. My SO is over 60 and an incessant texter/emailer/ you name it. We just were on Skype and he has his texts and emails feed into the same screen through which we're Skyping, just on the sides. Pretty maddening sounding, isn't it? Well I'm learning to deal. Without getting into the particulars, I don't participate in being put on hold, while he reads his email, etc.


My ADD BF and I are both 50. He texts entire conversations, plus texts me every couple hours when we aren't at work together just to see what I'm doing, and pretty much constantly at work. I have to tell him that I am busy (whether I am or not) if I just want some breathing room at work. :D:D Some of that sounds like me. I'm good humored about what I'm going to say next: when I met this techno whiz, he was entirely plugged in 24/7. I am not, by design. I'm on the net and use computers with my work, but prefer not to be dinged at all the time by empty sounds or ones that have nothing to do with me. Too much pablum and noise. I'm a natural world girl, and a books and 1:1 with people or alone person.

:) well, enter Mr. Right, and the volume went up, as did the speed of everything. I was on an old flip top cell, what they used to call a clam shell, and in self defense (have you ever tried to send a text from one of those things?) and because he was obviously uber plugged into every power source and piece of equipment he could use for communication simultaneously, in self defense I got a smart phone and the Texting Began.

I don't care what medium I use with him, any more, if I really need to get in contact with him. :D I communicate, short, or as Abundance's guy, whole conversations, in whatever mode he's in at the moment. So yes, Abundance, I've written 4" texts. I prefer a) real time, then b) Skype or phone calls, third c) emails because they're not time sensitive and d) texts because they're so short that all the intellectual and emotional markers are impoverished...they're just blips. I'll use them all. That's his communication world.

And it's certainly not my style of courtesy but it's his habit to text from banquets, dinners with other people, lectures, concerts. I finally decided that if he embarrassed himself with other people doing that it was his problem, and if he texts me something serious that needs a reply or I want to reply to it, I let it rip. Which means that he ends up juggling a serious set of text interactions while he's supposed to be attending to the conversation of the group he's in. He's gotten some real tomes from me, and I just keep sending replies if he keeps texting me about something that matters, firing off texts beneath the dinner table with someone else. It's his job to handle his embarrassment. He texted me and keeps texting me. By the way, requests to delay the conversation don't work. He doesn't do delayed conversations very well. He's on to something else, so has trouble reconnecting to what was being said earlier.

So mine does respond to texts. He's an over texter, not an under texter.

My only deal with texts as a medium of important communication, is that it is so pinched and impoverished, being designed to be short in a teensy screen. It's no sub for other media. But I couldn't do without it with mine. Texts are pretty much in the moment, where he is, a lot of time. He's an average to lousy email reader, depending on the day. But then his work floods him with emails.

AbundanceAbound
09-05-14, 11:52 PM
Pentax,
I liked what you said here: "He doesn't do delayed conversations very well. He's on to something else, so has trouble reconnecting to what was being said earlier."

Maybe that is why he likes texting so much. I am not opposed to it in principle but I would really prefer long talks, especially about upsetting things, to be at the very least on the phone if not in person. We live ten minutes apart; if he wants to have a conversation about our relationship I'll come over there or you come over here but gee whiz, don't do it over text.

I am probably super-sensitive to text/chat though, especially at work, because my previous boyfriend, an LDR, broke up with me over chat at work. I don't like crying at work. :( My present guy knows this but yet he still brings up issues through chat that are better left to in person and especially away from work.

But as you stated, if something is on his mind he wants to talk about it right d*** now. I'll try to be more sensitive to that.

Pentax
09-06-14, 08:09 AM
Hi, Abundance,

I have to turn off my phone ringer at work. My SO keeps no timetable in his head of when I am and am not available. It doesn't affect when he texts or calls me that I'm with someone else, driving, finishing a piece of work right before a deadline. It doesn't work to tell him that I won't be available for X time, but able to talk later. It's a waste to try to tell him those things. He just calls or texts when it's convenient to him, and yes, I can get woodpeckered by multiple texts, followed by calls, if I don't answer. It doesn't matter to him whether I'm free or not. He can call me all night long, when he's working in a different time zone than I am, every couple hours. My only recourse has been to keep the ringer off at work, in meetings, or when I'm visiting with friends, so they and I aren't disturbed. And though it's not my nature, I've begun turning the phone off when I need a break,

Sounds familiar, right? I'm having to insist on boundaries with this man that are higher and tougher than with anyone else in my past life. His lack of memory, messes, whatever this insistence, repetition and demand on my attention are were beating me to pieces. But then I ve never been near someone with ADHD before. When he's at work on his own work, he's focused. The rest of it, which is where I live with him, was a ka-splosion 24/7.

Turn that ringer off, friend, and give yourself a break. You can still see that he texted and decide whether or not to interrupt what you're doing to attend to it. Mine certainly does that to me. Since you're in his intimate world, he's likely to keep texting the heck out of you. One of my theories is that he's doing to me, with all those texts that don't care what else is going on is what he's doing to his own attention in his own mind, interrupting himself with something new incessantly. If that's so, there's a physiological component to it, that at best he can only manage, it will always be with him.

I think his perception of the impact on me of His ADHD is low. He's in his moment, not mine. When we do talk about it he often can't remember that he said or did something to me. This is going to be an ongoing part of my life with him. Thank heaven he's not a mean man, he's not at all.

Mine doesn't do any of this with intentional ill will. He just seems to live in his own moment, with no perception or memory of me when he's in one of his text woodpecker twitches...and they are something like twitches...there's some social self discipline that he's able to exert, but there's something almost biological driving him, when he goes into these and other tizzies.

It's important to me that life doesn't become all about his ADHD. Or that I get conditioned by his messing and etc in to a mother role. Expletive that. In all friendliness: turn that ringer off. You need some peace and quiet. Mine has adjusted

TXJK14
11-04-14, 03:18 PM
There was a lot to read, and to be honest, I didn't read all the posts (this should be implied to any thread I post in where there is a lot posted already) but for me whenever Im texting someone or when my phone chimes I have to check it. I can't keep doing what Im doing unless I check it right then and there. A lot of times if Im expecting a text I feel like a dog waiting for it's owner to come home, I just sit there and stare at my phone until I get a reply.

With the latest Mac updates I love that you can get texts on your mac and or iPad regardless the cell service carrier. I kind hate to admit this, but I have an iPad mini mounted in my jeep, and iPad air and I keep my iPhone on me all the time just so I can text someone when I need to or so if someone sends me something I can know about it immediately.

I hate getting phone calls, about 3 minutes into the conversation I've lost what we were talking about, even when Im at my peak moments of the day. To me talking on the phone is a punishment if it's for non-business.

Im not sure if this is because of my ADD or if this is a side effect from being to dependent on technology.

Vivid_thoughts
12-07-14, 06:44 AM
My husband is a busy person and he is ADHD. With his daily texts and calls, I compare it to having about 20 beach balls coming at him at the same time. Which to pay attention to? The colored one? The fast one? The blue one which is his favorite color? ADHDers have a difficult time deciding what is priority. He lives in the moment, answers the most immediate text or call, gets caught up in that, another comes in, forgets the first one. If what I'm saying is not pertinent to him RIGHT NOW and he has other distractions, it gets put on hold, he'll get to it later, and then . . . forget.

SPOT ON!!!!

That's exactly how I feel! I'm lucky that I don't really use text at work and that my role is customer focused and face to face. God forbid I get 3 messages at the same time, if I'm lucky one will be the bank (just the weekly last 6 transactions of my account), then that leaves 2 - one may get a reply, the other will be forgotten about.

Greyhound1
12-07-14, 12:43 PM
I prefer using text messages to most forms of communication. I like the fact that I have a record of our text conversation. To me, this is great. It keeps me honest, on track and organized. I have the whole conversation right in front of me to review before saying something stupid.

I wish, I had a text record of important phone calls. I get a little social anxiety and end up missing or misinterpretating a lot of the conversation. My thoughts are usually more about my social awkwardness than the phone conversation at hand.

Texts are great to me because it eliminates so much pressure compared to a phone call. Phone calls are pressure because you have little to no time to prepare your response. Your are immediately placed on the spot when you answer a phone call you weren't expecting.

I have much better and more accurate responses when I have some time to think things through. I have said many stupid, wrong or misguided thoughts due to the pressure of having to answer a phone call on the spot.

Texting is a much better way for me to get my point across and understand yours. I can proofread and edit my texts before sending and refer back to yours when necessary.

Texting and writing are the only times I don't feel self-conscious or awkward while communicating.