View Full Version : Wanting to hear from both


Pentax
07-28-14, 08:32 AM
A question for the over-40 members in LTRs.

As I understand my question, it's about the biology of ADD/ADHD, not about matters like trust, truthtelling, not blaming, etc. I'm interested here in biological change over time.

Very interested in the description of observed change that both non ADHD and people with ADHD have seen

Have there been any changes in the neurologically generated behaviors of your or your partner 's ADHD as you, if you have the condition, or as he or she ages into the 40s or beyond?. Unmedicated abatement or increase?

This is probably a hard question to tease out from the impact of biological change that everyone goes through after 40.

Pentax
07-28-14, 08:41 AM
This site is a gold mine of reporting facts based on having lived them. It's also stupendous because people who haven't had that experience in particular train their mind and/or knowledge of professional literature on a matter.

I'm beginning this thread asking for feedback from having lived it.

;) May it go anywhere after that...:cool: and given the freedom of this forum, I'm sure it will. :lol:if it goes anywhere. So grateful for you all

RobboW
07-28-14, 09:25 AM
What's LTR?

I'm 45, undiagnosed but have so many freakin symptoms and have been "different" all my life that I must be some form of ADD.

It's been getting worse as I age, but I think mainly because life is getting more complicated as the children age. This also causes a lot of trouble between my wife and I, plus money problems make things worse with me having employment issues from it.

Things have snowballed.

I think if children were not part of our lives, things would have been stable with minimal complication.

Pentax
07-28-14, 09:40 AM
Hi, Robbo

LTR = long term relationship.

I can see that life getting more complex would yes make things worse.

Lunacie
07-28-14, 10:55 AM
Stress definitely makes my symptoms worse.
Monthly hormonal fluctuations impacted the (undiagnosed at that time) ADHD.
Menopause was crazy - I thought I was developing Alzheimer's.
Things have settled back down and I'm doing pretty well now at 63.

My long-term relationship ended 12 years ago.
My daughter and I live together, she is also divorced,
I'm helping raise my two special needs grandkids.

The depression has eased considerably since the divorce.
The anxiety did not, and I finally saw a psychiatrist for meds.
I don't know why, but the Sensory Disorder has gotten worse.

Pentax
07-28-14, 03:16 PM
Going through menopause must have been a heckkk of an experience. Glad you're on the other side of that. :umm1: They don't tell you that it will take years to get through that menopausal hormone boom and bust, do they

Thanks for your remark about stress, in this part of your life, Lunacie. You and Robbo saying that flags me that it's imperative to have low stress at home, for me (do I need it!) and even more, 2x, 3x for my SO. Thanks.

Lunacie
07-28-14, 03:25 PM
Going through menopause must have been a heckkk of an experience. Glad you're on the other side of that. :umm1: They don't tell you that it will take years to get through that menopausal hormone boom and bust, do they

Thanks for your remark about stress, in this part of your life, Lunacie. You and Robbo saying that flags me that it's imperative to have low stress at home, for me (do I need it!) and even more, 2x, 3x for my SO. Thanks.

The brain fog didn't really last that long, but the hot flashes sure did.
It was still worth it not to have PMS 16 times a year. :D

stef
07-28-14, 04:09 PM
it's hard to say, maybe it's getting worse - but then I have a more demanding job then in the past, yet at the same time i have better coping strategies now....

(i am 46 and have been married for a long time!)

RobboW
07-28-14, 05:29 PM
We've been married 21 years. I probably should have mentioned that, thanks Stef.

I guess the accumulation of life's baggage can become like a racehorse's weights, but as you get older, those weights slow you more and you end up behind the herd, still running, but just want to stop and look at the grass now and then.

sarahsweets
07-31-14, 04:38 AM
I want to answer this but I'm confused about what the question is?

Pentax
07-31-14, 09:14 AM
Thanks, Sarah.

I'm writing as a person without ADHD, who is in a relation affected by it, planning to make the relationship permanent. In my case a permanent relationship will entirely occur in the years that the body ages.

I know from my own changes and from the changes of my parents in their 50,s, 60s 70s, 80s and 90s, that there are body changes that produce new mental behaviors, and of course changes in what the aging person physically can do, can't do, attend to, not attend to. I'm wanting to ask about that, related to ADHD.


I need two knowledge bases, the experience of nons and the experience of people with ADHD, if I am to learn not just to fend for myself in relation, letting him go his way and not being engaged with him; but to do what he and I both want me to do, interact realistically with my well-over 40 partner in a way that helps him and contributes to our interface.

Have there been any changes in the neurologically generated behaviors of your ADHD in the last 10 years of your life? I think I've remembered that you are about 40.

Stef made a good contextual remark: as we get on into our 30s and beyond, our task loads usually get more complicated. That's good to keep in mind.

However, I'd like to ask about biological change in ADHD matters, compared to earlier decades of life.

Watching my parents and me and my friends in my age bracket change, I don't presume that biological change after the age of 40 is always worsening.

GRbiker
07-31-14, 12:16 PM
I am 48, and have been in my relationship for 11 years.

I feel that I am in the best all around physical shape in years.

Mentally/ neurologically, not so good, but I feel its getting better. I was diagnosed about three years ago, so there was a lot of stuff going on before that has created a pretty big psychic burden.

As I have accepted my condition, taken action to treat it, and had a little bit of time to see some results, I know that I can and will get better in many ways, just don't know the time frame for these improvements. I know my anxiety and depression that plagued me before has diminished a great deal, and I'm better able to check myself before things get out of hand.

How long has your guy been diagnosed? I can't speak for those who were diagnosed earlier in life, I suspect they might feel an age related decline, unless there is some big positive change, like a commitment to a relationship.

Pentax
07-31-14, 07:28 PM
Thanks GR

That's great news about the anxiety and depression getting better. Your first remark about being in good physical shape has to be something that helps the whole of it.

...I'm still finding out when he was diagnosed. He doesn't speak with me about that part of it easily. He was 19 the year that the APA issued the first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) that listed ADHD, so he grew up before the diagnosis existed.

...so you found out at 45, wow. More power to you GR.

sarahsweets
08-01-14, 03:55 AM
Well pentax I am 39 but physically I have never felt so good. I am in much better shape than I was 10 years ago. ( I used to weigh 289lbs and lost 147lbs) I finally feel comfortable I my own skin. I am fortunate that I have a good husband. This September we will have been married 19 years and we are still disgustingly in love so that has helped me. I do feel more easily forgetful but I think thats due to my 3 kids and being the unpaid events coordinator of the family.

Pentax
08-01-14, 09:06 AM
You, and you and your family are phenomenal.

I love your no-BS bottom line posts