View Full Version : They Don't Get It


BellaVita
07-29-14, 11:09 AM
They don't get what it feels like to have a mixed episode

To have a mood disorder

To battle it every single day

If they only knew.....

Please explain comment ANYTHING what it's like with bipolar and fitting social norms and trying to please people or people not understanding not even in the slightest

I'll add on later maybe how miserable a mixed episode is

Fuzzy12
07-29-14, 11:16 AM
I think, I have only had a mixed episode once and I'm not even sure if that's what it really was but it was absolutely hell. It felt like being continuously punched hard in the stomach while at the same time having my lungs squeezed. Mentally I was absolutely exhausted but still full of this restless, violent, destructive rage that just couldn't be alleviated. When I had to move, I felt like my limbs were made out of lead but when I had to be still, I couldn't stop moving, hitting, punching, screaming...uggh...

I don't think I even tried explaining it to anyone except you guys. How do you explain something that you don't understand yourself?? People don't even understand depression, how could they ever understand the violent pain and anguish of a mixed episode?

BellaVita
07-29-14, 11:32 AM
Wow, thank you Fuzzy. :goodpost:

BellaVita
07-29-14, 11:38 AM
The internal pain with mixed episodes is the hardest for me.

Abi said that means severely depressed

So that + restless (but not ADHD restlessness, like, painful stabbing restlessness) and ANXIETY that is like your whole body is anxious and you quiver sometimes

And racing racing racing thoughts that take over and control your mind

You can't stop them if you tried

Have to let them do their thing

And having to hide it all but then eventually turning out like in Fuzzy's post because it's impossible to hide for so long....sometimes it can just be a butterfly landing on a house and the whole thing collapses.

But more like fire is unleashed and you burn internally and everything is painful and screaming and if only something would take away the pain

BellaVita
07-29-14, 11:44 AM
PS above post not an exaggeration.

Fuzzy12
07-29-14, 11:50 AM
The internal pain with mixed episodes is the hardest for me.

Abi said that means severely depressed

So that + restless (but not ADHD restlessness, like, painful stabbing restlessness) and ANXIETY that is like your whole body is anxious and you quiver sometimes

And racing racing racing thoughts that take over and control your mind

You can't stop them if you tried

Have to let them do their thing

And having to hide it all but then eventually turning out like in Fuzzy's post because it's impossible to hide for so long....sometimes it can just be a butterfly landing on a house and the whole thing collapses.

But more like fire is unleashed and you burn internally and everything is painful and screaming and if only something would take away the pain

Yes!! :eek:

I remember that feeling of being on fire and trying to tell myself that it's just like a seriously bad case of heart burn :doh: and I remember having a screaming fit because I thought that the bottle of shower gel was empty (though it wasn't as I realised a few minutes later when I actually bothered to check...:rolleyes:)

silivrentoliel
07-29-14, 12:41 PM
I've only ever had one mixed episode, and that was after my miscarriage. It was the second worst feeling in my life (the first being the miscarriage and all the **** that came with dealing with that). It was a weird feeling of every atom in my body vibrating, my brain being abuzz (is that a real word?) and unable to stop vibrating... the lack of sleep but soooooo desperately wanting too. I wanted to cry hysterically, laugh, and scream all at once... Just remembering it makes me cringe.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this :( I wish I could do more than mere words... no one should ever have to experience something like that... especially not by yourself.