View Full Version : Trying to be happy

07-31-14, 10:24 PM
I feel like I can't feel my own emotions and am not in tune to myself.

I'm a mix of symptoms. I'm so not myself.

I'm worried ab my not remembering my first day of work at my old job. My supervisor had aggressive tendencies. I suffered a panic attack... Twice. Woke up and my lips were blue. On the first day I experienced some form of psychological shock as part of acute stress disorder and don't remember the first two days. She threatened me... They continued throughout my time there. But I don't remember the worst, first one.

It's weird. This really happened. Ya know? No one cares or knows what to think. All the good people anyway.

I'm still not recovered. Nowhere near. This is what they call bullying in the workplace. I'm just weird now. Very anxious. Stressed, over the top, unstable, etc.

08-01-14, 06:53 AM
I guess, sometimes our brain comes up with its own ways to protect you from severely damaging and hurtful memories. It sounds really extreme what you had to go through, no wonder your brain is trying to suppress it. If that's healthy in the long run I'm not sure but for now, maybe just go trust your brain on this one. I mean, try not to worry too much about it now (i.e., about the fact that you can't remember) though I guess you should mention it to your therapist (you have one, if I remember right, isn't it?)

You are not weird. Stressed, hurt, anxious, unstable, maybe, but not weird. You've had a very traumatic experience. Give yourself time to recover from what happened. You know, just be good to yourself. :grouphug:

08-01-14, 07:30 AM
I experienced some workplace bullying (2001-2002) - actually 4 of us were "targets", and it took me several months to get over it; and then months into my next job (in a very good, healthy environment), I was terrified that I would be fired at the slightest mistake.

08-04-14, 07:40 AM
Thanks, Fuzzy and Steph. I was really feeling terrible when I made this thread. Thanks, Fuzzy. I really appreciate your reassurance and support. I need to know that for the bad times. Stef, so sorry you experienced it as well. Glad you're doing so well now.

08-04-14, 08:32 AM
thanks - it was so long ago! you really can move on from these bad experiences, even if it still seems difficult right now.

08-06-14, 01:54 AM
Daydreamin, I do not know if there is such a thing as an action you can take to do something about this.

But sometimes that is not necessary at all. Just BE you, go with the flow and see if things change. They usually do.

08-12-14, 05:54 PM
I know what bullying is all about ive gotten it for years and still do when it gets to be too much I lose myself in a really good book in that way I disassociated myself from the world with the bullies in it.

08-19-14, 12:19 AM
Thank you Sarek and Petester. That's a good way of dealing with bullying and Sarek, thanks, the post is comforting.

08-19-14, 09:05 PM
Daydreamin, do you find yourself trying to remember? Like, do you kind of obsess over the moments that are a blur from those days? I'm curious if you talk to your therapist and try to do some kind of hypnotherapy. A way to bring out what you blocked, so you can work through it.

It's kindof like, if you are trying to think about how or what occurred, you know it was bad or whatever, and you can't feel like moving on until you reconcile your thoughts to start healing. I don't know if that's what you are feeling or not, if you are trying to figure it out, I think hypnotherapy is a possibility. My doctor does it, and you want to be able to trust the person very well, who does the hypnotizing.

Just a thought.

It sounds like it was very tramatic whatever you went through. Did you ever press charges, or anything? I want to go beat them up for you. :mad: I can't imagine any reason why they would bully you, you seem like such a super good person. I guess the upside is that you were able to leave that place and find another job. It sucks that you are carrying this with you though.

08-28-14, 04:04 AM
Phantasm, I'm working w hypnotherapy apps. Thank you so much. You're spot on with the reassurance. Thank you for saying you can't think of why they'd bully me. You're right and I needed to hear that. That was very therapeutic! I really appreciate the last paragraph in that way, thanks so much!

08-29-14, 04:30 AM
Whoops! Wrong thread. She's bullying me but I exposed her and got integrity and respect and two new friends. It's not too good to be true, it is true!! :)

08-29-14, 04:36 AM
Sarek and Petester, thank you! I just exposed her!