View Full Version : Is there Any Way to Get Past Feeling Jealous of "smart" People?


sbcy
08-09-14, 12:58 AM
In school, did anyone else often feel extremely jealous of students who seemed to be able to be able to catch on to anything quickly AND worked their asses off so they excelled in several areas? All my life I've work my *** off trying to be good at SOMETHING, but I can't seem to ever compete with people who actually TRY because I have grown up being unable to consistently concentrate on and quickly comprehend things consistently in a reasonable amount of time. But in some sense I'm known to be highly "focused" - I'm obsessive and keep at a task until it's 100% done and then triple check that it's done (I also have OCD). I have inherently high standards due to genes and how I was raised. The main problem in my situation is that I actually have a craving for information and knowledge (and curious) ...but usually I end up confused, lost, slow, unable to process anything that is worthwhile, etc. Being an ISTJ, I'm not particularly spontaneous, street smart or good with "hands on" tasks unlike all the cliches that go with stories of ADHD success. Basically, I was supposed to be book smart but can't concentrate, so I fail.

Is there any getting past this?


PS: I'm not just referring to school situations here, but I think it's a situation where the differences between people's ability to learn is quite visible.

dvdnvwls
08-09-14, 01:17 AM
Jealousy is weird, because there are so many things a person could be jealous about, and nobody seems to be jealous about all of them. :)

Are you really talking about jealousy? Or just about wanting something that's good? In other words, do you actually have bad feelings against those "smart" people? Is that what you want help in overcoming?

If so, one way to look at it is this: What did they do to deserve being the way they are? Nothing. What did you do to deserve being the way you are? Also nothing. You might be caught in the "deserving trap" - thinking that you deserve as good as they have - when in fact none of us deserve any "smarts" at all.

sbcy
08-09-14, 02:46 AM
Jealousy is weird, because there are so many things a person could be jealous about, and nobody seems to be jealous about all of them. :)

Are you really talking about jealousy? Or just about wanting something that's good? In other words, do you actually have bad feelings against those "smart" people? Is that what you want help in overcoming?

If so, one way to look at it is this: What did they do to deserve being the way they are? Nothing. What did you do to deserve being the way you are? Also nothing. You might be caught in the "deserving trap" - thinking that you deserve as good as they have - when in fact none of us deserve any "smarts" at all.
That's true, but then comes the cliche saying you have to do the best you can with what you have. I don't know what to do with what I have anymore. But some smart kid coming out of poverty who overcomes all the odds is clearly doing the best he can with what he has AND succeeding in the traditional sense.

If I could just be able to pay attention and be able to perform at least an average level consistently, I wouldn't have this strong feeling of jealousy toward smart people. The comparison would appear more clear cut, they're just smarter than me, what could I have done? Like a talented athlete or something. There are plenty of things that a person average intelligence/ability can excel at and/or enjoy if they're committed. Does that make any sense to you?

petester
08-16-14, 05:26 AM
Educate yourself to the point that NOBODY can call you on ANYTHING

sbcy
08-16-14, 05:27 AM
Educate yourself to the point that NOBODY can call you on ANYTHING

That's impossible these days. Information is always changing and growing.

Fraser_0762
08-16-14, 05:46 AM
Yes, there is a way around it. It's realizing that intelligence isn't black and white. It's not as simple as being smart, or not.

There are many different kinds of intelligences. Just because somebody excels in a particular area better than yourself, doesn't make them more intelligent in all areas.

I sucked at school (and I mean, sucked!). Yet I have an IQ level that is through the roof. Then there are those who absolutely excelled in school, always got perfect grades, made it look effertless. Yet they have a low/average IQ.

The reason for that is because intelligence displays itself in many different forms. Nobody is truly an idiot. Everybody is better than everybody at something.

sbcy
08-16-14, 06:05 AM
Yes, there is a way around it. It's realizing that intelligence isn't black and white. It's not as simple as being smart, or not.

There are many different kinds of intelligences. Just because somebody excels in a particular area better than yourself, doesn't make them more intelligent in all areas.

I sucked at school (and I mean, sucked!). Yet I have an IQ level that is through the roof. Then there are those who absolutely excelled in school, always got perfect grades, made it look effertless. Yet they have a low/average IQ.

The reason for that is because intelligence displays itself in many different forms. Nobody is truly an idiot. Everybody is better than everybody at something.

Yes, I agree with you - intelligence is not black and white. I've always been in search of something I wouldn't suck at but I've never found anything in my case. Not book smart, not street smart, not particularly artistic, not a "people person", etc. (I realize there's a lot more to intelligence than those stereotypes)

I have put a tremendous amount of effort into becoming good at certain things, likely in hopes that I can persuade myself that I can become good at something, but it has always ended up being an up hill battle of falling behind. I have at times been able to get ahead temporarily in some way by working ahead to find out things others don't know yet, but that's becomes trivial soon enough once others start trying 1/8 as much as me.

Tmoney
08-18-14, 07:45 AM
Yes, I use to feel jealous and like I got cheated when it came to book smarts. But, I had good street smarts, I was a tough kid, and I use to stick up for and protect the weak which was usually the smart kids.

As I got older the jealousy diminshed. I realized that I was very good at many things but not as smart as others. I'm sure they were jealous of me because I was a fighter, a good athlete and I could make kids laugh.


Same as an adult. I don't let the fact that I'm not the smartest guy in the room stop me from being all I can be. As you get older you also start to realize that all the people who you thought were so smart can really do some dumb things too!

No man walks this earth without weakness or fault. So in my opinion they are no better or worse than me!

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!"

stef
08-18-14, 08:29 AM
As I got older the jealousy diminshed. I realized that I was very good at many things but not as smart as others. I'm sure they were jealous of me because I was a fighter, a good athlete and I could make kids laugh.



I am "booksmart" and was always jealous of people for these very things...
At HS graduation this girl who was super popular, on danceline and had the lead role in the musical said to me with regrets, "OMG you have a gold tassel". I couldn't beleive it. I would have given anything to trade places with her.

Unmanagable
08-18-14, 12:05 PM
I used to feel the same way until I began purposely immersing myself in various community arenas full of said "smart" people. I would typically avoid these places in the past due to not feeling worthy enough of their company.

I was finally able to look beyond my mind chatter of how much "better" I thought they were when I was able to see them out of their comfort zones and in a casual arena. They may have more knowledge of particular subjects, and can retain and recall them much better, but that's about it.

When I was finally able to stop looking down at myself because of what my mind was trying to convince me of, those other folks no longer seemed intimidating to me.

sbcy
08-18-14, 06:28 PM
I was finally able to look beyond my mind chatter of how much "better" I thought they were when I was able to see them out of their comfort zones and in a casual arena. They may have more knowledge of particular subjects, and can retain and recall them much better, but that's about it.


It's great you discovered that, I hope to one day find something like that within myself. I'm not good in the "casual arena" so it feels like worst of both worlds. I don't know, I'm just too slow and anxiety filled to be good anywhere I guess.

Kirby Albee
08-22-14, 01:03 AM
I felt dumb or frustrated in school; way later, in postsecondary,- I felt smart--so long as I avoided anything outside the arts, and so far as I could get love for intuition and tenacity rather than organization and know-how. In some fairly narrow places, I felt smart as hell; and it broke my heart to feel like whatever gift I had fell apart outside those narrow parameters. Graduating was like being abandoned. It sucks to feel half-smart, too.

Kirby Albee
08-23-14, 03:43 AM
What I'd meant to write, and forgot, in the above, is I've experienced jealousy of smart people who got to use their smarts, and of smart people who were smart in more than a limited way.

MADD As A Hatte
08-23-14, 05:54 AM
Educate yourself to the point that NOBODY can call you on ANYTHING

I second the motion. With a qualifier:

Yes, you can get past feeling jealous. Jealousy is about feeling somehow inadequate, not up to the task, what have they got that I haven't?

But it's like comparing apples with not apples. It's all in your head. Like it was in mine, most of my life, until I got fantastic marks at university at the end of last semester. Here's how I see it ...

You have to pick the one single thing you're already naturally good at, and commit whatever time and energy it takes to get better at it than EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND YOU.

For example, at age 52, I have started my first year of a university degree. Psychology. This degree requires a huge amount of writing. Essays, reports, critiques, reviews, lab reports, case studies. Sheesh. Even the statistics course - mathematics - requires massive amounts of writing.

"Writing well" means being good at expressing yourself in the written word. So, given the nature of this degree, I treat "writing" as a "hidden subject". I deliberately allocate time to improving the skill of expressing myself IN WRITING. I subscribe to all sorts of websites and blogs and stuff that feed me hints, tips, tricks, words of the day etc. etc. etc. to improve this very technical skill.

Having casually "interviewed" other students outside lectures and tutes about how they approach their essays etc, I can tell you ... NONE ZIP ZERO NADA of the other students I have spoken to, who are doing their first year of psyche, are treating "writing" as a serious skill.

So who's "SMART"? The smart arses who think they know it all already?
Or me, who thinks I know nothing and has the humility to admit it?

My point is ... there will always be people who are "smarter" than you.
But they are only "smart" in the things they are personally already "smart" at. Believe me, natural smarts (talent) expires at around age 20. After that, you've got to work on your skills to consistently be the best at anything.

Work out what you're interested in, what you love.
That will be your natural strength.

Then slog it out, put in the hours, and get really really really phucking good at it.

apoeticdevice
08-24-14, 12:14 AM
I can relate to this thread as this is an ongoing battle I have with myself. I feel that when I was younger I was able to retain the information I read and that I am meant to be book smart. I was so afraid and frustrated before I knew that I had ADHD because I had to keep rereading sentences and even pages in my books to even have the phrases click into my head. I am happy to know that I have ADHD now but I am still frustrated by this lack of progress I see and feel. Every time that I am in a conversation and I think of a reference and can't name the damn thing but know details about it.. I really feel a little part of me dying.

I feel that I don't have friends for this reason, because dull people bore me and I feel I am not adequate enough to become friends with brighter people. Maybe I am just overanalyzing it and can be friends with those who I deem smart. But, it still feels crummy when you find so much information interesting and can't do a damn thing to retain it or to share it with others.

Batman55
08-24-14, 12:28 AM
You have to pick the one single thing you're already naturally good at, and commit whatever time and energy it takes to get better at it than EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND YOU.

I don't mean to act like a "debbie downer" or anything here, but I do tend to count myself among a rather small crowd of folks who've never found anything they excel in. As for things I'm good at--there are some, but these are generally small and narrow areas that do not generalize onto anything useful or marketable. Why the small pockets of ability, so inflexible, you ask? The most obvious reason for this, according to my own view (and it's said we often know ourselves best eh?), are the deficiencies caused by 1) ADD, more specifically, god-awful executive functions 2) Learning issues, for example I don't retain spatial information, and I'm a very slow reader w/ some comprehension problems. A third issue is poor ambition and poor work ethic, but these are influenced by the first two.

I think the OP relates to *some* of this (although I can't speak for him). So the question then is would your advice be any different for someone like this, someone who seems to have no direction to go in?

And yes, I can also relate to being jealous of smart/accomplished people, it comes with the territory, methinks.

kittyb21
08-24-14, 12:49 AM
I was desperately jealous of people who I considered smart and successful for years, especially through school, uni and during my 20's. I have a high IQ but struggle for various reasons to be 'high achieving/successful', can't concentrate, get bored, everything goes too slowly for me so want to learn and finish it much quicker than is allowed, can't get things out of my head onto paper etc etc.

The past few years I have spent a lot more time with 'successful' adults, high earners, amazing careers....this has led me to realise that a)they are definitely no smarter than me, 2)they are certainly no nicer than me because of their perceived success, 3)It is my right to feel good about myself no matter what my career/pay packet is, 4)a lot (but not all) of these types are pretty ******* dull and uninteresting, they may have been able to choose a path and stick to it, but that is where they begin and end, they can talk about their work, how much their house/car cost, how much their renovations cost but nothing else (YAWN!!), 5)much of their time is consumed with 'keeping up with the jone's' and public image (YAWN AGAIN!!), 6)one particular dr, who is married to a dr, has a million pound house etc etc, has frequently told me how dissatisfied she feels with her life (whilst I'm scratching around trying to make ends meet, LIKE I GIVE A ****!!)..

It's been an interesting time for me, full of many light bulb moments.

Madd is right, it is a self esteem issue, you need to find ways to feel better about yourself..

LOVE xx

Rebelyell
08-24-14, 12:50 AM
Get good at something you do well.lets just say just like money intelligence isn't everything and there's more then meets the eye in life.we often don't nearly give ourselves not nearly enuff credit due to low self esteem an confidence issues.

kittyb21
08-24-14, 12:57 AM
I don't mean to act like a "debbie downer" or anything here, but I do tend to count myself among a rather small crowd of folks who've never found anything they excel in

I struggle to find one thing I excel at, so I have stopped trying. At this point in time I refuse to engage in the conversation with myself about what I should have/want to be. I've gone over it for so about 20 + years, it's ******* dull. I have started and quit 2 degrees, I can't be bothered with that at the moment.

I have to work to support my family, I have just been offered a new job which I hope I'll like, I needed the right aptitude and some experience which I had. I've had 2 days in the office so far and I've gotta say my colleagues and boss all seem a bit bonkers (perfect) and it is quite fast paced so hopefully boredom will not be my friend for a while.

This is all I can do for now, and I am happy with that.

apoeticdevice
08-24-14, 01:34 AM
I was desperately jealous of people who I considered smart and successful for years, especially through school, uni and during my 20's. I have a high IQ but struggle for various reasons to be 'high achieving/successful', can't concentrate, get bored, everything goes too slowly for me so want to learn and finish it much quicker than is allowed, can't get things out of my head onto paper etc etc.

The past few years I have spent a lot more time with 'successful' adults, high earners, amazing careers....this has led me to realise that a)they are definitely no smarter than me, 2)they are certainly no nicer than me because of their perceived success, 3)It is my right to feel good about myself no matter what my career/pay packet is, 4)a lot (but not all) of these types are pretty ******* dull and uninteresting, they may have been able to choose a path and stick to it, but that is where they begin and end, they can talk about their work, how much their house/car cost, how much their renovations cost but nothing else (YAWN!!), 5)much of their time is consumed with 'keeping up with the jone's' and public image (YAWN AGAIN!!), 6)one particular dr, who is married to a dr, has a million pound house etc etc, has frequently told me how dissatisfied she feels with her life (whilst I'm scratching around trying to make ends meet, LIKE I GIVE A ****!!)..

It's been an interesting time for me, full of many light bulb moments.

Madd is right, it is a self esteem issue, you need to find ways to feel better about yourself..

LOVE xx

You're totally right. I think we get down on ourselves but really have the upper hand with a more interesting life. I know so many of those dull types and it just helps me appreciate my personality and interests so much more than having people value me as smart.

MADD As A Hatte
08-24-14, 10:44 AM
... who've never found anything they excel in. ...

... (and it's said we often know ourselves best eh?) ...

... So the question then is would your advice be any different for someone like this, someone who seems to have no direction to go in?

And yes, I can also relate to being jealous of smart/accomplished people, it comes with the territory, methinks.

Love ya work! Good questions! From the top ...

With respect, I said something like "figure out what you're NATURALLY GOOD AT" (I didn't say what you "EXCEL" in).

We're all naturally good at something ... for example, you express yourself clearly and effectively in writing. Mayhaps you're naturally good at writing, or telling stories, or debating, or doing research, or journalism, or political cartoons, or script writing, or existential observation, or philosophy. or anthropology, or boring the **** of the legs of a chair ! Laughing with ya, not atcha!

Which leads me to the second point... Urban myth. About knowing oneself. We know ourselves least best. The filters are too strong. For example, you would like to believe you're good at nothing. However, the evidence shows you are quite good at engaging intelligent women in entertaining and considered debate. Ain't too many folks can do THAT!!

Three. My advice would be explicitly the same for directionless types. What do you like to do? Nothing. Yeah yeah. Give me 15 minutes alone n a room with you and GUARANTEED I can get past that Hollywood wild-west cardboard cutout. I'm an expert myself in constructing the "meh" facade. "Meh" is an illusion. and not a particularly robust one.

D. On jealousy. Methinks we would like it to be an ADD symptom. However, it's universal. Jealousy is a necessary evolutionary trait, to do with mating and reproduction. "Jealousy of smart people" is actually resentment; and it is universal across people like us who are smart enough to know we haven't YET fulfilled our own potential. The question one must ask of oneself is: what am ai going to DO about it?

We're all naturally good at something. I truly encourage all of us with ADD to view it as an obstacle, not a life sentence. I repeat my initial suggestion: we each need to remember what we're inherently good at, and get better at it than everyone else around us.

willow129
08-24-14, 12:02 PM
The past few years I have spent a lot more time with 'successful' adults, high earners, amazing careers....this has led me to realise that a)they are definitely no smarter than me, 2)they are certainly no nicer than me because of their perceived success, 3)It is my right to feel good about myself no matter what my career/pay packet is, 4)a lot (but not all) of these types are pretty ******* dull and uninteresting, they may have been able to choose a path and stick to it, but that is where they begin and end, they can talk about their work, how much their house/car cost, how much their renovations cost but nothing else (YAWN!!), 5)much of their time is consumed with 'keeping up with the jone's' and public image (YAWN AGAIN!!), 6)one particular dr, who is married to a dr, has a million pound house etc etc, has frequently told me how dissatisfied she feels with her life (whilst I'm scratching around trying to make ends meet, LIKE I GIVE A ****!!)..

It's been an interesting time for me, full of many light bulb moments.

Madd is right, it is a self esteem issue, you need to find ways to feel better about yourself..

LOVE xx

Have not read all the posts in this thread but I really agree with the above

I wonder how long you (OP) have been out of school? I really really empathize with you, I used to feel the same way and so frustrated that it seemed like I never really performed to my best in school. I still think that's it's true that I could have done better but, the farther from being a student I get, the less it seems to matter. I am surprised by this but it's true. The thing is in the big wide world there are always going to be people who are better than you at various things. Always always. AND also, you just never really know what people are going to do in their adult lives (see above post!). Grades are not necessarily a predictor of happiness. So, the best thing is, when you're done with all that required schooling, do things for yourself, and do what you can to make ends meet. There is really nothing else required of you! You do not have to get an A+ to earn enough to pay your rent, and otherwise try to fill your life with people and things that mean something to you :) (Making ends meet is where things can be difficult sometimes but I think that's another situation) I agree I think this is a self esteem thing...but I think finding positive things to do is an achievement in and of itself and will help you feel better about yourself. :)

Batman55
08-25-14, 12:24 AM
Which leads me to the second point... Urban myth. About knowing oneself. We know ourselves least best. The filters are too strong. For example, you would like to believe you're good at nothing. However, the evidence shows you are quite good at engaging intelligent women in entertaining and considered debate. Ain't too many folks can do THAT!!


Well, you've certainly got a lot of optimism in you, and that's a good thing. While I like the compliment, not sure I can agree with it! Sure I can write well mechanically, I've got some flair, and have a good vocabulary, but it's unfortunate that the rest of the skills/attributes needed to be a functional writer are not quite there for me.. these include broad knowledge, or at least deep knowledge in one subject.. comprehension skills.. on it goes.

I'd like to believe my poor appraisal of my abilities is just a neurotic George Costanza type thing... but I can't be sure it is... it seems the evidence points otherwise. (Yeah, sorry, but I'm a "realist" type)


D. On jealousy. Methinks we would like it to be an ADD symptom. However, it's universal. Jealousy is a necessary evolutionary trait, to do with mating and reproduction. "Jealousy of smart people" is actually resentment; and it is universal across people like us who are smart enough to know we haven't YET fulfilled our own potential. The question one must ask of oneself is: what am ai going to DO about it?


I'll give you this: I certainly haven't reached my potential. I have always underperformed, or given up quickly whenever I brushed up against something difficult. An example: I went to community college for a short time and was aggravated and depressed that I had to study for all the classes; and that, most likely, I would have had to study and work HARD to get through. And consider I'm from a pretty affluent area where going to a decent college was expected, I just felt I was ridiculously dumb.

Of course I gave up. Don't get me wrong: don't assume I felt I was "better" than anyone else at CC, it's just I had been led to believe I was bright, and my experience from 10th grade on (high school was hard for me also) really destroyed that image, completely. That really messed with my head, and I'm not sure I've fully recovered. I'm still insecure about my intellect, but at least not as bad as I once was.

MADD As A Hatte
08-25-14, 04:42 AM
Sure I can write well mechanically, I've got some flair, and have a good vocabulary, but it's unfortunate that the rest of the skills/attributes needed to be a functional writer are not quite there for me.. these include broad knowledge, or at least deep knowledge in one subject.. comprehension skills.. on it goes.
...
I'll give you this: I certainly haven't reached my potential. I have always underperformed, or given up quickly whenever I brushed up against something difficult.
...
Of course I gave up. Don't get me wrong: don't assume I felt I was "better" than anyone else at CC, it's just I had been led to believe I was bright, ... I'm still insecure about my intellect, but at least not as bad as I once was.

Brother by another mother, or whatever the expression is!

I could have written this whole post. Exactly the same experience.

BUT THIS IS MY WHOLE POINT. See post #14.

The evidence shows, buddy, I hate to have to repeat myself: you have natural writing talent!

The other things you're short on are all LEARNT skills (deeper knowledge, better writing technique, time management etc.)

I reckon the true grit of living with ADD is in honoring the clever little person you were BEFORE ADD started to take its toll. Honoring that innocent hopeful talented intelligent dear little person, for me, is about having the guts to apply myself to learning the things I didn't learn, unmedicated and undiagnosed, the first time round.

It's about choosing something manageable AND challenging, so that each small accomplishment nurtures the rebuilding of my inner sense of my capable, clever self.

In truth, at uni, I doubt myself every single time we have to do a quizz or submit an essay. But I'm trying my guts out, and I do more homework than everyone else, and I subscribe FREE to Grammar Girl, and to dictionary.com, and other tipsters who FOR FREE send helpful emails to upskill the fans ... and each time I get a good result, honestly, I get all weepy. Like, phuck! I actually AM smart enough for uni. And not only that, I'm smarter than most of the people in the room!! Who woulda thunk it!!

There is NOTHING like our own success, however small, in rebuilding our destroyed self esteem. We each have the opportunity to rewrite our own ADD history, by writing ourselves a new story. One day at a time. In my view, the choice is to let ADD win, or - between now and the day I die - make up for lost time.

I'm sorry to bang on but this stuff winds me up.

Oh! Great idea! Batboy, I want you to sign up with us for NaNoWriMo. Google it. There's an ADDF team for wannabe Hemingways planned for this November. Last year we (the ADDF team) all flunked out, because the daily word count is utterly ridiculously high, so this year we're going to each set our own manageable goal. And write for a month. BLISS!!!!!

Back to the point of this thread. Jealousy of smart people is understandable, but misguided. We each are smart in our own way at something.

So I put it out there again, to anyone patient enough to have read this far:

What are you NATURALLY good at?
What do you LOVE to do?

Get better at that one thing. No ... Get EXCELLENT!!


If you need help finding the resources, post something sensible on the forum and one of us, your ADDF crew, will help you think it through.


End of another rant. All the best MAAHx

PS Warning: sentimentality ahead.

A few weeks ago I was rattling through my dresser, and found a framed photo of my little sister and me, sitting on the front steps of my grandparents house. We're aged 4 and 5 years. She's got this this "WAAAAAHHHHH" funny party girl look on her face. Age 4. So telling of who she became. I, on the other hand, brown eyed and dark hair, am peering quizzically at the camera with a "Wha'? Hey? What'd I miss?! Bugger it!" odd expression.

I put the frame on my bedside table. Now, each morning, I wake up, smack the alarm clock, plant my feet on the floor and say out loud to the five year old me:

"Not this time, kid. Let's GO."

****** if I'm gonna miss the point second time around!

finallyfound10
09-06-14, 03:21 PM
I'm not necessarily jealous of smart people. I wildly jealous of competent people. I'm plenty smart. There are many people that I've encountered that I'm smarter than yet they are more successful in almost every area of life as they are more way more competent than me and I hate that!!

I had an experience like kittyb21 where I was around groups of very smart and seemingly very competent people who were researchers, physicians, med students, PhD candidates, post-doc candidates from all over the world and I held my own. We had interesting discussions about their work as well as spending time socializing at clubs, festivals, etc. and getting to know them outside of their school/work selves.


There was a thread on here that I'm going to try to repost as it was really good on this topic asking if we feel like we are living a lie

Stevuke79 said:
Quote: I think the fact that people always tell me I'm smart makes it worse .. it demonstrates they don't see the whole picture.finallyfound10 replied:
THIS!!! Being told I'm smart is actually painful. It's true that it does demonstrate that they don't see the whole picture- there is a deep, dark underbelly of mess that if they saw it, smart would not be a word they would use. At that moment, for me, it automatically creates a compare/contrast film that flashes through my mind of the "smart/unsmart" things I've dealt with in the past and in the present.Stevuke79 replied:
That's exactly what it is Finallyfound .. it's PAINFUL!

It's like you think you're getting a compliment, .. and then you see you're being confused with someone else or they're in the middle of giving you a compliment and they demonstrate they've misunderstood something.

Or this is a little closer (for me anyway) .. it's like I mental note, "Ooooohhhh, .. that quality is important to them? I hope it's not tooooo important to them, because if so then I better say goodbye now: Nice knowing you!! ;)"
Robbo W replied:
I'm not conflicted by the "smart" thing at all. I know I'm smart, but I also know I'm irreparably flawed and will never get the best from myself to unlock it. No point bemoaning that, just have to deal with it. The most frustrating things for me are the lack of organisation and forgetfulness. They impact life every day.

Fuzzy12
09-06-14, 03:32 PM
the comparison is more clear cut in our case. We have adhd and they don't. It's a disorder that means that you cannot or struggle to utilise effectively a lot of the skills that you do have.

there is no 'just' about paying attention or putting in consistent effort. Not for us. These things sound easy because they are easy for others but they aren't for us.

you can still do though of course the best with what you've been given. Everyone can always do that but if you measure your success by other people s standards it's not a fair comparison.

That's true, but then comes the cliche saying you have to do the best you can with what you have. I don't know what to do with what I have anymore. But some smart kid coming out of poverty who overcomes all the odds is clearly doing the best he can with what he has AND succeeding in the traditional sense.

If I could just be able to pay attention and be able to perform at least an average level consistently, I wouldn't have this strong feeling of jealousy toward smart people. The comparison would appear more clear cut, they're just smarter than me, what could I have done? Like a talented athlete or something. There are plenty of things that a person average intelligence/ability can excel at and/or enjoy if they're committed. Does that make any sense to you?

daveddd
09-06-14, 03:56 PM
i hate smart people

stef
09-06-14, 04:32 PM
i hate smart people

what? why ? i think you're super smart yourself , you've posted so much in the scientific discussions etc.:grouphug:
(ecxept maybe the part about being a Browns fan of course ;))

Flory
09-06-14, 06:23 PM
I feel you buddy, it's hard to stick to anything long enough to get good at it :( I have a tolerance of about 3-4 months before my brain is like f**k this sh*t have no idea how people finish degrees or school :(

The only exception to this rule is Taekwondo though I've been injured a while now and out of the loop of that too....green eyed monster syndrome badly over here,

sabotender
09-17-14, 07:40 AM
I tend to think I'm in a better situation than those around me so jealousy rarely happens. It's not that I'm the 'best', but I am clear about what I wanted so I dont really care about the others because its a waste of time to 'wish to improve' on things I dont need just because someone else has it better.

fracturedstory
09-17-14, 11:37 PM
I just accept the fact that there's nothing I can do about it and remember that I do have strengths in other areas.

What can really get me down is my lack of musical talent as someone who is constantly surrounded by professional musicians, but then again I'm good at photography, particularly live band photography.

I have below average math skills too. Can't even focus enough to read a short chapter today. Ahh well. I'll get back to it later.

HoopsFan
10-07-14, 12:59 PM
OP - I recommend reading "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol Dweck.

It's a great read on getting past the idea that we all have fixed abilities.