Hello! I am new here but have long wondered if my husband has ADD. Please someone help me in what I can do to make my marriage last. I am desparate. I know you cannot diagnose my husband but would love for someone to tell me if these are signs.

First, my biggest complaint is that he does not listen to me and constantly uses the TV as a distraction. He has to have the TV on constantly; therefore, I usually have to repeate what I am saying serveral times. After awhile I get so upset that I stop talking. I've asked that he turn it off (esp at dinner) but he will not.

In addition, he never discusses anything serious w/me. For instance, a family member of mine was recently diagnosed with a serious disease. He "seemed" concerned but then began to mention something that was going on on the TV. I was so hurt I ran away and cried.

I have not been married long and I want to make this last. He will not seek help and says that "it is me" and that I knew his personality before we got married. I guess in other words live with it. I do know that he was on medication as a child.

Other characteristics that he shares: doesn't like crowds or people he does not know, needs alot of attention, gets up in the morning and runs out the door.

I am at my wits end because I really don't think it is me. I just want to feel like I am important to him. The one attribute that he does not have that ADD people are often diagnosed with is that he is very organized and constantly on time.
So could this mean he does not have ADD.

Thank for listening.

It is hard to convince a person with AD/HD that he or she could benefit from some help. Many of us ADDers are stubborn. Also in many cases the more we are pushed to do something the less likely we are to do it.

Maybe you could sit down and talk to him about the TV issue at a time when he is not watching it. Becareful how you phrase things. Instead of telling him that he needs to turn off the tv and listen to you. Tell him that when the TV is on and he doesn't respond to you that it really hurts you.

Try to get in the habit of using "I" messages instead of "you" messages. When you use an "I" message he will probably be less likely to feel like you are blaming him and shut down on you. Using "I" messages may also help him become more aware of your feelings .

Our brains really do shut down when we are in very stressfull situations. When you told him about your friend his brain may have actaully shut down. He may not have been able to deal with it emotionally and just automatically tuned you out.


Not liking crowds can be associated with AD/HD too. Sometimes the stimulation is just too much. It can also be associated with anxiety. Anxiety and anxiety disorders often co-exist with AD/HD. Yet again when overwhelmed the brain can shut down.

You might just attempt to see what his feelings are about things you are unhappy with such as the tv and see what his fears and hopes are. Then evaluate them with him in hopes of reaching a solution. I would attempt to suggest that he seek help if he thinks that there is a problem. He has to do it on his own, pushing him into something will only push him away.

Hi thanking both of you for your thoughts/suggestions. Some days I don't feel as bad/worried as others but I do get so hurt when I walk into a room and he doesn't seem to care if I am there and continues to watch the TV. He will of course kiss me hello but would never turn the TV off and give me his full attention.

He won't admit that there is anything wrong w/him. He does admit that he is "Hyper" and that it has been a problem since he was child and was medicated as a child too. Where ever we go I am axious as I know that it will be a short time before we have to leave. For instance, when we go out to dinner he has to get the bill quickly (as soon as we are finished eating) so that we can leave ASAP. I'm never sure what the "rush" is to get home. I"ve asked but he always rattles off a million tasks that need to get completed else where.

He really believes that he is extremely busy. Where as I feel as though I have too much time on my hands as we do not have children and our families do not live that close. I used to work 60 hours a week and go to school. Now I work 40 and have completed school.

He has agreed that when we move to our new home - which is soon; we will begin to have dinner at a table. Now we sit in front of the TV while we eat bc we do not have a kitchen table as our kitchen is small and only has a breakfast table. I didn't discuss that there will be no TV yet - taking one step at a time.

Is it common for an ADD person to be in a rush all the time and to feel overwhelmed with their "busy" life?

As for getting him to seek help, I've mentioned it once but like you said you cannot pressure someone to get help. He assumes if he's lived like this all his life why bother to seek help now. Also, he has never been married or lived with anyone (except a friend), so that has been an adjustment for both of us.

My focus at this point is to find ways for ME to cope with his behaviour without getting angry and upset. He is not good at communicating so it makes it difficult. I need to figure out how to deal with it bc I know at times I do not deal with it in the correct way. Afterall delivery is everything.

One thing I do know is that he does really love me and he would be lost without me which makes all this worthwhile. I was thinking of seeking help myself from a marriage couselor even if I need to go alone.

Thanks for listening.