View Full Version : Recently diagnosed with PTSD


scatterbraingrl
08-14-14, 06:29 AM
Hi all, I was lurking around this website a lot last year & got some good advice, new medication, & was feeling pretty good for a while after a bad ADD/depressive state. Fast forward to today, & I read an article last week about an 18 year old girl that was taken out of ICU due to a car accident. I was also in a car accident when I was 20 (& another traumatic when I was almost 2, but I'm going to focus on the car accident for this post because they're both long stories). To summarize the relevance of the article, the girl's injuries were eerily similar to the ones I had, in particular 2 broken legs in the same spots. I felt horrible reading about it, but because I was in front of a couple of people, I couldn't get too emotional about it then & thought "wow, poor girl" & tried to get it out of my mind. I definitely remembered it for days, but I didn't consciously obsess over it... but it sure has haunted my subconscious.

However, my anxiety has flared up really badly since reading that article, which has really frustrated me because I *thought* I had gotten better control of my anxiety over the years. I talked to a spiritual healer & a psychiatrist recently, & to my surprise, both of them suggested I have PTSD! I had had some PTSD symptoms after my car accident in college, but it didn't occur to me that I could have it lingering around for almost 2 decades. I now know it can happen, & I feel like I always knew that; I guess I just didn't expect it would happen to me. I had ADD before the accident, & I've always had it, but it gets worse than I can handle sometimes, even though I've been off/on meds due to the anxiety reoccurrences. I haven't always been the best eater, so I've gradually changed my diet, cut out fast food, still trying to limit processed foods, eat more organic, etc, but lately I haven't even been able to drink any alcohol or caffeine, & it's not like I'm trying to get drunk or anything. I guess you can say I've been living life in the fast lane... & that lifestyle isn't going to be able to last much longer.

Now I'm just being hard on myself that I wasn't more vigilant before & get PTSD taken care of years ago :( It's hard not to, but I do blame myself a lot & overanalyze EVERYTHING. I've wanted to be strong & handle this anxiety mostly on my own because I didn't want to be on meds. I'm now realizing that it's been partly steering my life 1 way while I've been impatiently trying to steer it the other. I'm very moody, often irritable, easy to anger, impatient, & many other classic symptoms. I've been an emotional mess as of late, & reading about Robin Williams' situation hasn't helped at all because there are depression related articles everywhere. It's made me very sad & his death has definitely affected me more than any other celebrity death.

Anyway, today I'm feeling very overwhelmed by this new diagnosis, sad, & partly relieved all at the same time... I say partly for now because I'm just starting a road to recovery hopefully. I had a massage tonight to help work out some unbearable neck/shoulder tension I've had for at least a week, & I still feel tense. I've been doing my yoga more regularly & am taking vitamin supplements, esp. vitamin D because my levels were low again (they were also low last summer, coincidentally because it's too hot here!). In general, my anxiety tends to flare up the worst at night... like now. I've hardly slept this past week either, & the only times I could fall asleep were from pain medication. I've also had sleeping problems related to anxiety before, but not this prolonged.

I know this is a long post, & I thank anyone for getting this far. If you have any comforting words, good thoughts, prayers, anything... I'd grately appreciate it. This is the toughest it's ever been for me.