View Full Version : ADD is new to both of us


wildcat1234
08-22-14, 12:11 PM
Hi, I've been with my boyfriend since January, and in March of this year, he was diagnosed with ADD. He said he had been putting off getting evaluated for a while because he didn't want anything wrong with him, but I supported him through the process, and we found out together that he has ADD.

I love my boyfriend, he's my first love, even though before him I was in a 3 year relationship with someone I thought I loved. I would do anything for him, and I'm always here if he needs me. I thought him having ADD wouldn't be a big deal, but it's harder than I thought.

My boyfriend can be the sweetest guy in the world, and he can treat me like I'm his whole world. Our relationship took off fast, but we have already been through so much together in our few months of being together. He tells me he loves me, he gave me a key to his place, and most of the time, I really believe it, and I feel so loved.

Until I don't. Like I said, I was in a relationship before him, and this guy was super attentive (overly attentive at times) and I was the center of his whole world, until one day I wasn't. Within days, he randomly stopped texting me, stopped wanting to see me, and acting distant, and then it was over, just like that.

My boyfriend now acts like that frequently. I text him and I don't hear back for ours, even though I know he's seen the text. He'll pull away from me when he's upset or stressed, or when I'm out of town or vice versa, he doesn't even seem to miss me and I still won't hear from him for hours and hours. In my relationship before, these were signs something was wrong and it was about to be the end, and sometimes I get that paranoia my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore.

I don't completely understand yet how ADD works and neither does he. I don't know if these are actually signs he doesn't love me, or at least not as much as I love him, or if this is classic ADD. I need some help. Help as to distinguishing if my boyfriend really loves me or not, help with how to deal with it and be supportive, I just need help. I don't know what I'm doing.

I love my boyfriend, and I completely support him and his ADD, but it hurts me too. I have these old scars, and I don't like feeling anxious and worried about our relationship.

apoeticdevice
08-22-14, 01:06 PM
Hello,

Would you both be willing to read ADHD books? I have a couple on relationships that I would really recommend because I know how ADHD can affect a relationship. I live it, but in this situation I am the one with the ADHD. :D The more you both know about ADHD the better you can work through it and better understand where each other stands. One of my issues that I have overcome relatively fast was that my BF felt that I did not listen to him when I felt that I was listening to him.

Anyways, the first one I would recommend to everyone is "Driven through Distraction." That one is not partner related but it is the first "RUSH" of information that made me feel hope when I was newly diagnosed and was lost.

Also, "What Does everybody else know that I don't" is great.

The relationship one's that have REALLY helped me are "ADD & Romance" and "You, Your Relationship & YOUR ADD."

Goodluck.

ToneTone
08-22-14, 07:25 PM
Your job at this point is to honestly assess whether you like this person and whether you like the way he treats you. If you don't like the way he treats you, you should say so and be specific. Then if he thinks the condition is the problem, that's his job to bring that up and to persuade you that he can meet your requirements/needs for a relationship.

You do NOT want to be making excuses for how bad you're feeling based on his having ADHD.

Think of it this way perhaps: let's say his behavior IS based on ADHD. There are probably women out there for whom his behavior wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Or women for whom his strengths would dwarf his ADHD weaknesses. But for you and many others (for me if I were in your situation) I would find his behavior completely intolerable, and I have ADHD myself! I would absolutely not give a pass to someone who fails to make me feel treasured (especially early on) just because that person has ADHD.

You do not want to be going into a relationship having "hope" that treatment of ADHD will result in better treatment of you. That's a disastrous path. Evaluate him on how he treats you RIGHT NOW.

Whether he "loves" you is NOT the issue. HOW HE TREATS YOU and how you feel are what's important. I've loved women that I didn't treat well at all! And they were smart to have dumped me after a period.

Trust those doubts! They are telling you something, especially this early in the relationship. At this point, if you aren't feeling reassured and valued and courted, tell him that. If he can't meet what you need, move on to find someone who can.

Good luck.

Tone

VeryTired
08-22-14, 10:03 PM
Hi, wildcat--

Welcome to the Forums. Sympathy to you for the difficult situation you find yourself in. Here's my take on it.

You are concerned that your discomfort with your boyfriend may result from a previous bad experience. But I think that's irrelevant here--don't make the mistake of thinking this is all about your history, issues, vulnerabilities … unless you are saying you think your ex had ADHD too, and it's a pattern for you to be drawn to people who share that trait. Anyway, I'm saying that you should just ask yourself direct questions about whether things are as they should be between you and your boyfriend NOW.

One thing you don't seem to be factoring in is that initially intense romances are common among people with ADHD--this is sometimes called the new-relationship hyperfocus. You described it as your boyfriend treating you like you're his whole world. That can be thrilling and feel great when you are falling in love. But maybe it's not all that healthy--no one should actually BE anyone else's whole world. That would be claustrophobic and confining. And consider that the parts of it that do feel wonderful are likely to come to an end at some point, perhaps suddenly and without warning. Will that be OK with you if it happens?

If you read some of the books about being the partner of someone with ADHD, you'll find a lot of discussion of what it's like when the ADHD partner's hyperfocus unexpectedly shuts off. If this happens to you, you'll see a lot more of those distancing behaviors you are talking about not liking now. And whether or not they mean he's about to break up with you, you have to decide whether you can put up with them. You are wondering whether he really loves you--but consider that he probably really does love you and yet still may be likely to treat you in ways that don't make you feel loved. That's not going to get any easier as time passes.

I suggest you read backwards in time on the Non-ADD Partner Support board here at the Forums. By doing that, you can listen in on a lot of conversations that took place a long time ago but still have real relevance for you.

all good wishes--let us know how things go for you--

Pentax
08-23-14, 06:52 AM
He'll pull away from me when he's upset or stressed, or when I'm out of town or vice versa, he doesn't even seem to miss me and I still won't hear from him . welcome to the site, Wildcat

..what Wildcat has written is enough like what happens offline in my relation, on occasion, that I'd like to ask if it is ADHD related. There are occasionally these total non-responses, to what in other people in my life offline would generate some kind of response, whether facial, or a question asked to find out more, or even one of those social sounds or brief phrases that signify recognition that something was said, or that he's listening but has nothing to say at the moment. Like Wildcat, sometimes the complete silence in place of any response happens via media. I've waited him out when suddenly texts, email or talk on the phone goes silent, to see how long it would take before he would surface and often he never does. Sometimes he returns to the subject days later, but sometimes the blackout is his last response on the matter.

I've wondered what that's about. It has happened when he's highly stressed, so that may be cause, but doesn't address why the response blackout. It happens very often, when I tell him about some difficulty in my life, say that I just got a sudden deadline dropped on me at work. Complete silence, not even an um hum. And no comment about my difficulty later

Since he expresses his difficulties and I listen and talk with him about them, and often help him with them if he asks for it, which he often does; but there's a blackout when I tell a difficulty or ask him to listen, it feels very uneven emotionally, as if my needs didn't matter to him, and he expected always to be the center.

But it seems to come down to the zero response, the wall of silence, when he's stressed or when I appeal for comfort or help. He's a very affectionate man overall. What's up with the non-responses that Wildcat and I've described?

Mine is highly verbal, we've known each other for a long time, and we are working on using verbal communication when we hit rough patches. I've been stumped by what the blackouts are.

VeryTired
08-23-14, 07:04 AM
Hi, Pentax--

Great description of something I would imagine many of us have experienced. I certainly have, word for word as you've put it. I find it very hard.

It sometimes seems as though as only one of us (not me!) is allowed to have a bad day, be upset, get sick, need help. Manifestations of my distress typically cause distance or withdrawal from my partner, and sometimes even frustration. We've tried to talk about it, but he can't really explain it to me, and I find this extremely disturbing. It's not at all that he's callous, but it's certainly not the case that he can or does respond to my need in these situations, depute caring about me very much.

I don't know if this is the same as what the OP was talking about, but it's an important problem. I hope more people will have something to say about it.

RobboW
08-23-14, 08:13 AM
I have the response blackouts. Sometimes it could be an issue that occurs regularly and I've tried to talk about it a number of times, got nowhere and so ignore it in future to stop the depressive stress from it. Other times, for instance a txt message, I may not feel like responding straight away or be busy with something, then forget to respond. It gets too late to respond so never do. There's also the general non or lagged response with a verbal question or statement. This is mostly because I'm thinking about something or doing something and know I will forget what it was if my attention is allowed to divert. A normal person just could never really get this aspect of ADD and it helps if you allow us to mentally change gear to attention because if it's forced instantly, that can set off a temper episode.

RobboW
08-23-14, 08:19 AM
I'll have to think about the empathy withdrawal. It's not something I've consciously tried to work out yet, but it is from the emotional disregulation and trigger avoidance side of things.

RobboW
08-23-14, 09:04 AM
I did some preliminary thinking and feel the empathy withdrawal is part of a general learned emotional withdrawal. When I was young I used to swing between extremes of emotion and it caused problems in aggravation situations. I'm seeing this with my youngest daughter too. I eventually learnt to switch off emotion to try and prevent blow ups. This works to an extent but I can become overloaded and blow up still, if pushed too far.
The problem is it also stifles other emotional responses. A general thing, not selective. Feelings are there but it's hard to process and respond to correctly. I find my daughter is very happy or angry but see signs of her now learning to switch off a bit.
It's about switching off after learning that your emotional responses are not acceptable to other people in context to the circumstance.
The more I see as my daughter grows, the more I realise she is like me. I worried she was bipolar but now think not. Just very bad emotional disregulation. She is a real thinker like me too. That is part of the distraction and non response side of things.

daveddd
08-23-14, 09:12 AM
I did some preliminary thinking and feel the empathy withdrawal is part of a general learned emotional withdrawal. When I was young I used to swing between extremes of emotion and it caused problems in aggravation situations. I'm seeing this with my youngest daughter too. I eventually learnt to switch off emotion to try and prevent blow ups. This works to an extent but I can become overloaded and blow up still, if pushed too far.
The problem is it also stifles other emotional responses. A general thing, not selective. Feelings are there but it's hard to process and respond to correctly. I find my daughter is very happy or angry but see signs of her now learning to switch off a bit.
It's about switching off after learning that your emotional responses are not acceptable to other people in context to the circumstance.
The more I see as my daughter grows, the more I realise she is like me. I worried she was bipolar but now think not. Just very bad emotional disregulation. She is a real thinker like me too. That is part of the distraction and non response side of things.

very well put!!

just to add a little science to it

Psychiatry Res. 2014 Jul 16. pii: S0165-1781(14)00596-4. doi: 10.1016/j.psychres.2014.07.017. [Epub ahead of print]
Regulation of sadness via acceptance or suppression in adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Matthies S1, Philipsen A2, Lackner HK3, Sadohara C4, Svaldi J5.
Author information

Abstract
Emotion dysregulation is a recognized symptom of adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The aim of this study is to induce sadness in adults suffering from ADHD and to investigate the impact of emotion regulation strategies on sadness intensity, and psychophysiological measures. Thirty-six adults diagnosed with ADHD were randomly assigned to either expressive suppression (SUPP) or acceptance (ACC) of emotion. Sadness was induced using a film clip. Participants estimated the intensity of sadness and the perception of being overwhelmed with emotion before (T1), immediately after (T2) and 2min after the film (T3). Physiological measures were obtained. Sadness induction was effective in both conditions. The perception of being overwhelmed with emotion increased between T1 and T2 in both conditions, but persisted until T3 only in the expressive suppression condition whereas a decrease was observed in the acceptance condition. In ADHD expressive suppression of sadness seems to be associated to a prolonged recovery from the perception of being overwhelmed with emotion. Emotion-regulation via acceptance in contrast appears to allow faster recovery from the perception of being overwhelmed with emotion. To our knowledge, this is the first study to identify suppression as a critical mediator between an induced emotion and delayed recovery from emotional reactions in adult ADHD.
Copyright 2014. Published by Elsevier Ireland Ltd.
KEYWORDS:
Acceptance; Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); Emotion regulation; Expressive suppression; Sadness

Pentax
08-23-14, 09:23 AM
I did some preliminary thinking and feel the empathy withdrawal is part of a general learned emotional withdrawal. When I was young I used to swing between extremes of emotion and it caused problems in aggravation situations. I'm seeing this with my youngest daughter too. I eventually learnt to switch off emotion to try and prevent blow ups. This works to an extent but I can become overloaded and blow up still, if pushed too far.
The problem is it also stifles other emotional responses. A general thing, not selective. Feelings are there but it's hard to process and respond to correctly. I find my daughter is very happy or angry but see signs of her now learning to switch off a bit.
It's about switching off after learning that your emotional responses are not acceptable to other people in context to the circumstance.
The more I see as my daughter grows, the more I realise she is like me. I worried she was bipolar but now think not. Just very bad emotional disregulation. She is a real thinker like me too. That is part of the distraction and non response side of things.

Wow, thank you, Robbo and Dave. You've given me a new snapshot of possibilities of what emotional stress does when it hits ADHD neurology or hits living an ADHD life. I'll be rereading your posts.

Now that you're here :) Robbo and Dave, do you have any thoughts about Wildcat's originally posted situation? I may have tugged the thread away from her original direction (sorry, Wildcat, if I did... I do think it's hard to figure out the difference between a person's non- response due to things Robbo identified, and a person's non-response due to lack of affection or caring)

daveddd
08-23-14, 09:32 AM
Wow, thank you, Robbo and Dave. You've given me a new snapshot of possibilities of what emotional stress does when it hits ADHD neurology or hits living an ADHD life. I'll be rereading your posts.

Now that you're here :) Robbo and Dave, do you have any thoughts about Wildcat's originally posted situation? I may have tugged the thread away from her original direction (sorry, Wildcat, if I did... I do think it's hard to figure out the difference between a person's non- response due to things Robbo identified, and a person's non-response due to lack of affection or caring)

it does sound like avoidant strategies i have used personally , so it doenst mean he wants to break up

well , it doesn't have to mean that i should say

Pentax
08-23-14, 09:45 AM
Manifestations of my distress typically cause distance or withdrawal from my partner, and sometimes even frustration.

This situation often is when I get interrupted or my sentence completed before I can get a sentence out, as well: when I'm describing something from my own life, or asking for some airtime myself.

Since he has a very poor track record of guessing what I'm going to say, that immediately throws me into these options

1) Giving up, because starting to talk about something in my life has been blocked, firmly,, again.

2) Patiently asking for air space, saying, I just need a minute to complete telling you something, then we can move on to other topics. Let me get a couple sentences out.

3) Getting into a round and round with him, in which he insists that he already knows what I was going to say (not), and me saying no, I had started to talk about something else, but him then disagreeing with me that no, I was talking about what he thought and he didn't need to hear it. This is very head-bending, folks. If it weren't for ADHD I'd think he had suddenly veered off the rails. His accuracy guessing what I was going to say is nearly always off!

Robbo has given me food for thought that the silences and the interruptions, that very often happen when I'm wanting to do what he does, ask for sympathetic listening, that I'm wondering if the interrupting is also a way to keep his stress at bay?

Why is it so stressy to hear a little about other people's lives? ;) Often with me, even an "um hum" or "I can't talk now" would go a very long way. That's a sincere, well intentioned question.

I trust that it is large stress that produces the silence or emotional backing up, and am not criticising that it is. Robbo you really did suggest that the impact of frustration and stress on you is high in these situations. Wanting to learn

Me, due to my past life which definitely had bad parts to it, I know that if I absorb too much, block too much and keep too much in, sort of using my insides as a dump for my feelings, instead of getting them out some way, even if it's whacking a tennis ball, I will corrode and start to implode. BTDT. So my whole thing these days, as non-ADHD is to get feeling out, when feeling happens, in a safe way for all around, and look at it and do something about it.

Robbo, thanks so very much. I'm as intense a person as I've ever met, as far as I can tell, even as intense as my Mr. Right but you've suggested to me that there's something about how these situations hit people with ADHD that is possibly much more intense than my emotional responses.

AKA maybe you have to deal with a bigger emotional wave, and so the silence, the getting emotional distance and my guy's interrupting me when I speak up about myself are ways of regulating a big wave, as a person with ADHD Just guessing.

Thanks, all

daveddd
08-23-14, 09:49 AM
my take on the fast switch or relationship hyper focus (new term for me)

the first part of the relationship for everyone is the fun, carefree, time

with adhd there is a tendency to over do things, or if we like something, we really really like it

then the next step is when intimacy starts to play a role, this is when the drop off may occur, not because we don't love you , but because intimacy can be one of those bad feelings that we desperately (yet often sub consciously )attempt to avoid

daveddd
08-23-14, 09:56 AM
This situation often is when I get interrupted or my sentence completed before I can get a sentence out, as well: when I'm describing something from my own life, or asking for some airtime myself.

Since he has a very poor track record of guessing what I'm going to say, that immediately throws me into these options

1) Giving up, because starting to talk about something in my life has been blocked, firmly,, again.

2) Patiently asking for air space, saying, I just need a minute to complete telling you something, then we can move on to other topics. Let me get a couple sentences out.

3) Getting into a round and round with him, in which he insists that he already knows what I was going to say (not), and me saying no, I had started to talk about something else, but him then disagreeing with me that no, I was talking about what he thought and he didn't need to hear it. This is very head-bending, folks. If it weren't for ADHD I'd think he had suddenly veered off the rails. His accuracy guessing what I was going to say is nearly always off!

Robbo has given me food for thought that the silences and the interruptions, that very often happen when I'm wanting to do what he does, ask for sympathetic listening, that I'm wondering if the interrupting is also a way to keep his stress at bay?

Why is it so stressy to hear a little about other people's lives? ;) Often with me, even an "um hum" or "I can't talk now" would go a very long way. That's a sincere, well intentioned question.

I trust that it is large stress that produces the silence or emotional backing up, and am not criticising that it is. Robbo you really did suggest that the impact of frustration and stress on you is high in these situations. Wanting to learn

Me, due to my past life which definitely had bad parts to it, I know that if I absorb too much, block too much and keep too much in, sort of using my insides as a dump for my feelings, instead of getting them out some way, even if it's whacking a tennis ball, I will corrode and start to implode. BTDT. So my whole thing these days, as non-ADHD is to get feeling out, when feeling happens, in a safe way for all around, and look at it and do something about it.

Robbo, thanks so very much. I'm as intense a person as I've ever met, as far as I can tell, even as intense as my Mr. Right but you've suggested to me that there's something about how these situations hit people with ADHD that is possibly much more intense than my emotional responses.

AKA maybe you have to deal with a bigger emotional wave, and so the silence, the getting emotional distance and my guy's interrupting me when I speak up about myself are ways of regulating a big wave, as a person with ADHD Just guessing.

Thanks, all

without adhd , sharing your feelings is a great and common method of self regulation , probably something you never even thought twice about


the reason this is so effective for non adhd people is because of empathetic attunement , your literally sharing your feelings and the empathetic listener absorbs part of it

the problem with us, the emotions are too highly contagious, even just being in the same room , let alone listening and regulating

we can become flooded and overwhelmed by them , due to our adhd , so we attempt to avoid others negative emotions as well , as a learned behavior most likely

Pentax
08-23-14, 10:15 AM
Hi, David

Yes, feelings-sharing can be a good thing. But my SO and I don't do as much of that, as I might with, for example, a woman friend. I mean (referring to myself) getting them out of my body, not necessarily with someone, and looking at them, to deal with them and then go on. This is not natural to me at all, but had to be learned. No reason to tell my bad old history, but believe me it doesn't come with the non-ADHD tool kit, and we have to learn to do it. I only need some empathetic attunement, since my body and mind generated my feelings, and so I am the person to attend to them. But I do need some opportunity to communicate my mental landscape to my intimate, daily partner from time to time. I think, for me (not generalizing about other people without ADHD, and of course it would be impertinent to generalize about this about people with ADHD), the sense of feeling lonely and isolated if my daily, intimate partner "silences me out" or otherwise blocks my description of myself as a persistent initiative from him (whatever his own needs are, and I recognize that he has his own needs and thoughts) is basically a problem of mental loneliness, of mind. In our shared time and space, the silences and blockings put me so to speak in solitary confinement, if they happen regularly when something about me comes up.

And the paradox of living under one roof with someone who you love, who doesn't allow you to show, in ordinary life, what is going on with you, is rather extreme.

I suspect that you've touched on it...that the sheer, expansive excitement of beginning a relation is not the same thing as intimacy. From my non ADHD experience of intimacy, intimacy has more risks, potential for more joy, but definitely risks, and has things like follow through and taking the consequences of one's actions in it. I think intimacy is harder!! So I'm on the page of what you said about that.

But to what you said about flooding the person with ADHD, and also what your quotation of the abstract of the 2014 scientific article said, about the longer recuperation time after an emotional event for someone with ADHD, I think those are the really striking things that I'm going to be thinking over. I'm a visualist, mostly thinking in images, and so when I even see a darn TV show or movie, let alone have an emotionally tinged interaction (plus or minus) with my SO, it replays visually, with attendant body echoes of feelings, for a long time before it subsides.

And yet, and yet... I think you and Robbo sound like you're talking about something more overwhelming. I can see, in light of that, the attempts to avoid negative emotions.....if you're getting very big waves where let's say people without ADHD are getting medium or smaller waves, you'd be worn out, after awhile, and certainly operantly conditioned to avoid the next big emotional tsunami arising in you.

Much appreciation. You all may have explained why, long before my lightbulb started to come on about the possibility of ADHD in the man who is dear to me, he said that he simply couldn't live with conflict. He avoids participating in, changes the subject of, or checks out of it, in his work situations as well.

RobboW
08-23-14, 05:40 PM
I've been thinking a bit more on this and come to a conclusion, and it's a bombshell!

We ADDers have emotional dysregulation and it's basically a problem with the control of chemicals in the brain. Use a tap as analogy. NT people have a nice gentle control and proportion of chemicals with a nice range of emotional regulation to go with that but ADDers have a swing valve. Open or shut, so we get blasted with chemicals and that is exhausting. We somehow learn to suppress those chemicals as we age, but this is a blanket effect and stifles everything, so we learn to suppress dopamine too. ADHD is this effect, we are symptoms of our own chemical suppression. It's as simple as that. When we're overloaded the chemical tap is open full.

That's why we like alcohol, it lessens inhibition. I guess that's also why we like caffeine, added stimulation, and other drugs etc etc. Consuming them allows us to sort of externally regulate some things we have suppressed within because there was no fine control. We try to choose the area of ourselves that is stimulated.
We suppress our emotional responses to prevent runaway chemical blasts. The whole thing is about chemicals.

As an extension to this, maybe comorbid things are just a manifest of the differing chemical suppression in various people, affected by things like diet or maybe some people learn to switch off chemicals way too effectively and it widens the effect past emotion and memory.

Pentax
08-24-14, 12:54 PM
Very interesting, Robbo. I've not read up on the chemical and neurological features of ADHD.

I can from experience agree that suppressing (however it's done) one kind of emotion ends up blanket suppressing, or something...pushing down, numbing, muting out other kinds of emotion too.

Very interesting what you wrote about using stimulants, alcohol, drugs as external regulators, used to counterbalance the chemical tap being open full.

daveddd
08-24-14, 03:36 PM
with all due respect, i would use caution against defining our behaviors as chemical reactions

we are real people, our acts are guided by thought and emotions like other real people

i feel like thats important

wildcat1234
08-24-14, 04:48 PM
Thank you all for your messages and help! I think it really helps me having a support system to go to for this sort of thing, since my family and friends really don't understand ADD, and to be fair, me and my boyfriend don't completely understand it either.

As I said, I love him very much, and I do completely support him and his ADD. I know that it may mean we may need to work a little harder at the relationship, but work never scared me, the thought of being heartbroken scares me. I just don't want to be heartbroken by this guy I love and see myself with for a long time, I know that's a terrible way to think, but I can't really help it. ADD is just a lot different than I thought, and I don't think anyone really know what it's like until they either have it or know someone close to them who does.

daveddd
08-24-14, 04:59 PM
Thank you all for your messages and help! I think it really helps me having a support system to go to for this sort of thing, since my family and friends really don't understand ADD, and to be fair, me and my boyfriend don't completely understand it either.

As I said, I love him very much, and I do completely support him and his ADD. I know that it may mean we may need to work a little harder at the relationship, but work never scared me, the thought of being heartbroken scares me. I just don't want to be heartbroken by this guy I love and see myself with for a long time, I know that's a terrible way to think, but I can't really help it. ADD is just a lot different than I thought, and I don't think anyone really know what it's like until they either have it or know someone close to them who does.

just remember , not showing clear signs of love for adhder doesn't mean he doesn't

intimate feelings are just as difficult as negative ones for us

go slow, if you see discomfort pull back, change to a light hearted topic for a bit


good luck

RobboW
08-24-14, 05:06 PM
with all due respect, i would use caution against defining our behaviors as chemical reactions

we are real people, our acts are guided by thought and emotions like other real people

i feel like thats important

Yes of course, I was just trying to look at the chemical side of repression as a reason for the lessened show of emotion, kind of exploring it by typing thoughts in, but the more I got into it, the more feasible it seems.
The emotions and thoughts are all individual but the general way our bodies work is the same.

wildcat1234
08-24-14, 05:10 PM
Just one more question/comment:

My boyfriend is not being treated for his ADD, well, he's not medicated at least because his doctor feels like he has the potential to abuse substances because of his past with his binge drinking and marijuana smoking. Since meeting me, he stopped smoking marijuana because he knows that I really did not like it, and hardly ever goes out an drinks to excess, however that does happen sometimes but I blame college.
Anyways, does anyone think him not taking medication for his symptoms could explain his behavior?

daveddd
08-24-14, 05:36 PM
part of it

but medication isn't always going to cure addictive problems

definitely a good tool

but if he's a college kid, its what they do, adhd or not