View Full Version : Am I standing in the way of my family's happiness?


choochoo
08-22-14, 11:06 PM
I was diagnosed with severe adhd 2 1/2 years ago but didn't start on meds until three months ago. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and perhaps I was expecting too much but I just feel so exhausted. I feel that my family would be better off without me. I don't think I'll ever be able to change and I can't bear it to disappoint everyone anymore. The meds help regulate my temper and keep focus but I'm still the same sluggish procrastinator and dreamer that's no help to anybody and bringing the family down. I want to be a better wife and mother and I do try but I can't keep up.

My husband is older than me, successful at his work and well liked by everyone. My family even likes him more than me and they keep reminding me of how lucky I am to have him, as if I didn't know. I'm currently on my fifth attempt at a university degree, half way through and I have to get straight A's for the rest of my classes in order to be able to get into a master program so I can get certified. I don't have a dime or earn a dime but I have given him two beautiful daughters.

Even though he would like to have the third child he can't bear the thought of going through another pregnancy. Both because they were hard on me and because they were so hard on him because of my inattentiveness. I feel like I'm ruining his life and I just want him and our daughters to be happy. I love them and I want to be with them but I wish they could have a wife/mother without this disorder so they can have a better functioning family. Will it get better or will I always stand in the way of their happiness? It's not like this disorder is ever going away :(

apoeticdevice
08-23-14, 01:01 AM
Hello,

Someone recommended this book ( http://books.google.com/books?id=nyaobFUD2BUC&printsec=frontcover&dq=mindfulness+practice+for+adhd&hl=en&sa=X&ei=VH_2U4iiNNL-yQTWt4CYBg&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=mindfulness%20practice%20for%20adhd&f=false ) to me yesterday and I enjoyed the first two paragraphs. Maybe it will help you as well. Also, I recommend that you read "Driven through Distraction." I feel that the more I learned about my disorder the easier it made me to adjust the issues I had that I could not quite see too clearly. Everyone kept telling me what I did wrong and I was just blind to it. Honestly, you will be great just hang in there. Every day is a fresh start. I just started taking my medicine today because I have been very stubborn about it. It has been a year of me seeing a therapist, learning as much as possible about ADHD and really changing my mindset to more positive and not being afraid of making mistakes.

I am hard on myself too but honestly there is no point. It gets us nowhere.
:)

Also, your husband sounds like he loves you dearly and supports you. Don't feel down for things your family tell you. If they haven't read anything about ADHD they shouldn't even dare say a thing because they can't comprehend what you are going through. Aslong as your husband is patient and understanding you seem to have a good team player.

kittyb21
08-23-14, 01:26 AM
Choochoo,

NO, your family would not be better off without you!

Just because your parenting/wifely style is different to some others, doesn't make it worse. Please stop beating yourself up and be kind to yourself.

Are you in any kind of talking therapy? It sounds to me like you would really benefit from this as it is coming across that your self esteem is very low, you need help in accepting yourself...and a good therapist will also help you develop some coping strategies for some of the symptoms of the ADHD.

Please hang in there, YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.

HUGS XX

Flia
08-23-14, 07:21 AM
Maybe you haven't reached the correct dose of the medicine. It can take quite a while to determine which medicine and what dose that is best for you.

Ask the doctor to try other doses or other meds.