View Full Version : Acknowledging Childhood


willow129
08-30-14, 10:30 AM
Umm hmm! Not sure where to put this post! I'm just needing a place to put my thoughts down...or express myself to other human beings.

And I'm not like, terribly bothered or depressed right now, just thoughtful. I think it will be best for me to not dwell however, and get on with the day. (Boyfriend is not home and neither is landlord/housemate so I will have to push to occupy myself though.)

I'm looking forward to seeing a new therapist. Right after I stopped seeing my old one, when I was moving, my sister and parents had a fight. My sister then sent my parents an email detailing everything she was upset about and also talked about me and my brother and the things they had done to us that were wrong. She then sent it separately to the entire rest of the family. >.< I was a little like...gah she brought me and my brother into this. But honestly I am not upset, it's a waste of time to be upset as it's already been done. However, she wrote about things I'm fairly certain I have never told anyone myself. I used to talk more about the neglect with my childhood friends, but hardly ever, it's hard for me to put it into words and it gets harder the more time goes on. Even with my old therapist, we did not go into my childhood too much. The one session we did left me anxious and I know he saw that I was bothered. I think it's fine that we didn't really go into it much because I think I couldn't walk down memory lane when I was already so utterly unhappy with my old job. Also, my boyfriend has not even seen the state of my parents' house, I made a point in the past of bringing boyfriends to my parents so they (boyfriend) could get a grasp on things. But the fact that my current bf has not been there isn't really a commentary on him, it's more that I've become much more independent of my parents so haven't had as much of a need to explain them to others. But he knows my mom hoards and that things were screwy when I was a kid. I've realized though, that someone like him, even though he had his own problems arising from his parents' divorce when he was a kid, his parents are sane and were capable of caring for him. I suspect he does not actually have any suspicion about what neglect can be, and I suspect he probably feels that my problems with my parents are more like what he went through.

The only place where completely blatant honest talking about the past happens is with my siblings who were there. (So I'm being unspecific but I don't want to be mysterious, we weren't physically abused, but definitely neglected.)

Anyways, my sister's openness to talking about our upbringing has made me want to be more open too. I mean not all the time, but I think I do need to acknowledge my childhood if you know what I mean. I think the best place to do this would be with a therapist. I also think it might be appropriate to share a bit more with my boyfriend. Anyways I guess what I'm thinking is this letter my sister wrote may actually be a tool for me to talk about things a little.

stef
08-30-14, 10:46 AM
you really should discuss this with a new therapist now that you feel ready!:grouphug:

Lunacie
08-30-14, 11:13 AM
That sounds like a good idea - let the therapist read your sister's letter -

or some of it - and then talk about the parts you think are affecting you.

dvdnvwls
08-30-14, 04:22 PM
One of the few things I did truly learn in therapy:

The part you'd rather not talk about just yet, is exactly the part you need to talk about first.

VeryTired
08-30-14, 07:33 PM
Hi, Willow--

I just want to say that it sounds like you are really on the right track here, and doing the right thing. You get to decide when and how to do it, but talking to your therapist about this is just the right idea--and to your boyfriend probably also. If it's comfortable, by all means do talk with your siblings also. No one else in the world can ever really know what your shared experiences growing up have been--your siblings are the only other people who were there at the time. The older you get, the more important that's likely to seem.

One of the things that's great about growing up is that we get to leave our childhoods behind and make our own choices. But make what choices we may, our childhoods are still where we come from. They're part of us. So understanding them and feeling at peace with whatever was right and wrong with them is important.

I'm sending good wishes your way--

willow129
09-02-14, 10:21 AM
Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate it :)

1 week till phone consultation with possible therapist who said we could either meet or she would help me find someone

this is her description:

She specializes in Anxiety
Depression
Trauma and PTSD

and then in other issues she lists ADHD among many other things

here's a bit of her bio
Suffering results from our disconnection from our self, our bodies, friends, families and world. This may manifest as anxiety, depression, illness or other difficulties depending on an individual's in-born biology and life experiences....experienced in treating Anxiety, Depression, Relationship Issues, Sleep Disorders, Trauma, Stress-related conditions and Chronic Illness. ....I am most interested in facilitating lasting change at the deepest level.
.... extensive training in many areas including Gestalt Therapy, Mindfulness Meditation, Somatic Experiencing, Focusing & Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.....work is informed by my long-term study and practice of Mindfulness Meditation, Yoga and Dance. I use Somatic Experiencing to facilitate trauma resolution.

(Hopefully it's ok if I post this)

and she takes my new health insurance! bonus.

Anyways it sounds like she works a lot with people who have experienced trauma, but I think I really do need someone who knows about ADHD ha...I mean I haven't been diagnosed but...I'm looking back at how I have treated my unstructured last couple of days and I'm just trying not to be angry and hating at myself!!! Argh.

sarahsweets
09-02-14, 10:53 AM
Acknowledging the past is the first step in letting it go.