View Full Version : ADHD under control and now... depression? oh great...


heylookacastle!
09-05-14, 11:14 AM
I have been attempting to get my ADHD under control for two years and during this time I tapered off Zoloft and immediately went into depression denial.

I have had 3 significant episodes of major depression in the past 10 years and I became convinced that everything could be fixed if I just got my ADHD under control (after being diagnosed 2 years ago).

I started Adderall, got off Zoloft and Clonazapam, only to start experiencing little to no effect from the Adderall that had gotten me so far in tackling my ADHD.

I tried every other medication for ADHD available in Canada and Adderall XR was by the best but whenever my symptoms get under control... this low level feeling of hopelessness sneaks in and I am unable to shake it.

I metabolize Adderall XR crazy fast and require 3x daily doses.

I just gave a sample to a genetic study a few days ago to confirm the above statement and to help determine what anti-depressant would be good to add to the Adderall.

I'm just soooo frustrated.

I became so focused on my ADHD and so convinced that I didn't need anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds because I have spent the majority of my life getting poor results from them thanks to all of the doctors missing or refusing take ADHD seriously.

I'm so god damn fed up with psychiatrists, medications, and misdiagnoses.

I'm sick of getting somewhere with one or the other (stimulant or anti-depressant), only to have the ADHD or the depression rear it's ugly head.

Now I am faced with restarting an SSRI or an SNRI as well as some possible genetic factors that could interfere with how I react to all of them (thank god I am only waiting on results that will finally determine what is what...)

I'm stressed, frustrated, and feeling like an idiot for denying one or the other.

It was like my ability to be self aware went out the window and I just now am coming to terms with the fact that things are not as cut and dry, easy to treat, as I would like.

Now ANOTHER trial... ANOTHER set of possible side effects, and ANOTHER round of what ifs...

I'm paralyzed by the possibility that things might actually get worse instead of better and my ADHD symptoms will start coming back full force, on top of the depression...

I've been feeling like I've been hanging on by a thread for the past year... every day bringing new challenges medication wise, as well as having no clue how things will turn out because of the lack of stability caused by trying to change my ADHD treatment without realizing that this is a separate issue that NEEDS to be dealt with.

So here I am.

Everything up in the air for the millionth time and feeling like myself and my husband can't possibly take another moment of things even getting the tiniest bit worse.


Why couldn't I have been more self aware?

Terrified of adding an anti-depressant but realizing I have no other choice.

Fuzzy12
09-05-14, 12:15 PM
First of all stop blaming yourself. Self reproach feeds depression!!

Do you exercise regularly? Daily cardiovascular exercise can do wonders for your mood though I know how difficult it is to exercise (or do anything at all) when you are depressed.

Hang in there. I know, it's frustrating but hopefully you'll soon find a combination of meds that works well!! :grouphug:

heylookacastle!
09-05-14, 04:12 PM
:thankyou:

I REALLY don't exercise as much as I should.

I was doing great when I got back on the Adderall and I bought a one month unlimited yoga membership for myself and my daughter thinking it would help us (she also has ADHD)...

We went to one class and that was it. Don't get me wrong, I really like it at the time but I couldn't bring myself to go do it afterwards.

How do you find the energy? I struggle as it is just going to the grocery store and doing the dishes... I have to force myself to do even the most basic things.

I'll keep exercise in my mind and will work towards incorporating more.

I really appreciate your reply.

:grouphug:

sarahsweets
09-06-14, 05:09 AM
Don't blame yourself for needinga trial and error approach to meds. They way we learn is to try different combos to see what works even though it sucks that we have to start from square one to figure things out.

heylookacastle!
09-09-14, 10:46 PM
I hope I don't need to restart at square one with too many antidepressants... maybe I'll get lucky Effexor will work just fine. Here's hoping!

Thanks Sarah. :D

TL;DR at bottom.

I ended up going in to see my pdoc this morning and got to talk to her about everything.

The head of psychiatry sat in on the appointment to ask a few questions since she was concerned about my Adderall dosage being off label. The resident pdoc had titrated me slowly up to 40/30/30, but the department head became concerned that it was too high and had her lower it down to 30/30/20 at the last appointment and wanted to meet with me to ask a few questions and to ensure all was on the up and up.

I initially went in expecting to be under a microscope but after we talked and she asked a few questions, she assured me that she was comfortable with everything and that we could move forward which was a massive relief. I encountered some pretty accusatory pdocs thanks to the type of medication and other peoples crappy behaviour and I had been expecting the worst.

She was happy when I told her that I wanted to stay with the Adderall dosage as it is because my current depression/anxiety symptoms would make it almost impossible for me to judge any benefit from a higher dose and currently I have zero side effects.

They introduced Effexor XR at 37.5 mg and we will increase it weekly until I see any benefit or major side effects.

Now I just need to push forward daily and try not to dwell on the positive end result... roll with the daily punches of life I guess.

I'm hoping that Effexor is the missing piece to this puzzle and eventually I will be able to get it to a point where I can achieve a balance between both medications and finally be able to move on with my life.

I've started making little changes in my every day routine and I am definitely feeling impatient but happy that I was able to ease the department head's mind, as well as advocate for myself in the process.

I feel like tings will go smoother from here on out and I definitely feel like the medical team is truly on board without any judgment or preconceived ideas.

Sorry this post was long. Just wanted to share where I am at.

Thanks again for the words of encouragement guys. Means alot to me right now.

:thankyou:

TL;DR Added Effexor XR 37.5mg to Adderall XR. Fingers crossed! :)