View Full Version : Social anxiety. What are you scared of


daveddd
09-10-14, 08:47 AM
We know social anxiety is the most common comorbid with ADHD

And most likely you have poor self regulation skills if you have social anxiety

What is it your anxious about

For me it seems interactions are worse than being judged

Especially emotional related ones

Flory
09-10-14, 08:56 AM
I don't like feeling trapped in a room
With people like at a dinner table or forced into and environment where I have to be still and behave. It's like all my impulsive /disruptive behaviour bubbles up and I physically can't take it. As a result I've developed a bit of an anxiety over situations where I feel trapped including places like trains, planes buses.

People think I'm rude because I will get up and walk out a lot , it makes me feel panicky when I'm
In big groups too many people talking quickly becomes background blurry noise that I can't process, also I have great difficulty waiting to speak and find it hard when I have something to say and knowing when to say it etc etc

stef
09-10-14, 09:08 AM
-not knowing what to say
-thinking of something to say but the conversation has already moved on
-sharing way too much, rambling and appearing strange

It'ls less of an issue as I get older. The thing is that I still have this very strong accent when I speak French, which makes things extra difficult; at the same time it's "helpful" because when I say something odd, people will assume it's a linguistic or cultural problem ;)

I think I'm now actually less comfortable in the states (except for my family).

Tmoney
09-10-14, 09:54 AM
For me it's vulnerability to a physical attack. I feel like I always have to be prepared and aware in the event something goes down.

Always looking around and profiling strangers. Have to sit in a particular spot in restaurants and bars and have to be facing the door with my back to a wall, and I must have an escape route.

I have to sleep on a particular side of the bed, you can't turn on my light by the switch. that way the intruder is in the dark which gives me a fighting chance. Hotel rooms can't be on the first floor and i have to be in the bed furthest from the door.
Until I get to know people, everyone is a suspect.

When I was a kid I was the same way. If my mom was not home at bedtime I would stay up and wait for her to get home before I could go to sleep. Even at the early age of 9.

I don't freak out or stress out when I'm in postions that are vulnerable, but I'm definitely not comfortable!

I had a violent upbringing a I observed a lot of things at a young age that I should not have been subject too.

LL05Man
09-10-14, 10:20 AM
"Let us go around the group and let everyone tell us about themselves......"

Any icebreakers like this, fill me with dread.

daveddd
09-10-14, 10:50 AM
Yea. I go blank

daveddd
09-10-14, 05:42 PM
i also get extremely anxious if anyone walks by or is behind me when I'm on the add forums for some reason

Ananas
09-10-14, 05:45 PM
I used to have nasty social anxiety, cold sweaty hands, fast heartbeat and all that.

Luckily it stopped after a couple of years. Now I only get that with really hot girls I want to impress.

eclectic beagle
09-10-14, 06:38 PM
Illusion of transparency, for one thing.

daveddd
09-10-14, 07:39 PM
Illusion of transparency, for one thing.

I'm curious for you to expand on that a bit, if you want

daveddd
09-10-14, 09:53 PM
I'm curious for you to expand on that a bit, if you want

i didn't mean to sound therapy like or anything

i tend to have difficulties verbalizing internal thoughts and feelings or whatever

so it helps to hear others accounts

eclectic beagle
09-10-14, 10:56 PM
i didn't mean to sound therapy like or anything

i tend to have difficulties verbalizing internal thoughts and feelings or whatever

so it helps to hear others accounts

Is fine. I don't like feeling exposed, whether or not it's an illusory sense of exposure doesn't seem to matter. That feeling creates and then spurs anxiety.

daveddd
09-10-14, 11:31 PM
Is fine. I don't like feeling exposed, whether or not it's an illusory sense of exposure doesn't seem to matter. That feeling creates and then spurs anxiety.

yea i get that

i think its related to me not liking people around me when I'm on the forum too

i just may not be positive as to what i fear being exposed

eclectic beagle
09-11-14, 12:30 AM
i just may not be positive as to what i fear being exposed

For me it just comes across as a vague sense of exposure. Maybe of lacking in experience or being naive.

KarmanMonkey
09-11-14, 08:53 AM
For me it's a lot of what Stef said, with the added piece that I find I devote a lot of my limited reserves of concentration to try and prevent foot-in-mouth or speaking out of context, or saying something that just is way out in left field... And trying to figure out how much explanation people need when I make one of our patented intuitive leaps; I'll often give too much explanation or not nearly enough.

I also find in general that my thoughts tend to be quite abstract and amorphous, and when I try to express my thoughts, the words seem... Inadequate. Like those puzzle pieces that look like they should fit together, but if you force it, it not only doesn't fit, but it just ends up looking... wrong.

fracturedstory
09-13-14, 08:29 AM
Being murdered or taken advantage of. Oh PTSD.

I remember the days when it was all about not knowing what to say, getting embarrassed by what I said and feeling rejected.

I suppose I still feel awkward when I don't know what to say. I mentally rehearse so many conversations in my head now though, and I'm impulsive.

Do people with social anxiety get angry at people a lot? When someone makes fun of one of my special interests I get really angry. I don't say anything but I feel like leaving that person and never speaking to them again. Could be a mood trigger.

x2startermom
09-17-14, 02:13 AM
Quoting others:
-not knowing what to say
-thinking of something to say but the conversation has already moved on
-sharing way too much, rambling and appearing strange
-vulnerability to a physical attack
-difficulties verbalizing internal thoughts and feelings, etc.
-feeling exposed/vulnerable
-prevent foot-in-mouth
-speaking out of context
-FAR!!! Left talk
-how much/little to share
-intuitive leaps going awry

For me sharing is kind of hard, not so on the internet. Wasn't and still not really encouraged to share myself with others irl. My parents are overprotective. I consistently feel that I have to play it close to the vest. Really looking to be a better me but finding it EXTREMELY difficult.

regulargirl
09-19-14, 03:32 PM
The panic attacks, and general discomfort of being in social situations are the things that make me the most anxious, also knowing people are looking at, and judging me.

Wookiee
09-22-14, 04:40 PM
All of the above for me too.

I was bullied at school because I was overweight and shy.
I think a lot of my social anxiety stems from that.

So now when I am around people (Especially people I dont know) I think they are judging me on my appearance and so I get nervous and then start to say stuff which is relevant only to me or I mumble or ramble.

I also hate being in a conversation and waiting patiently for my turn to speak and before I get a chance the conversation changes and I am left thinking of something else to say.

I also hate being interrupted while I am talking. It basically guarantee's I will lose track of what I was saying and then I feel like I must look either dumb or it looks like what I was saying was not worth talking about.

I am also neurotic so I think every single thing that is about to happen is going to end badly.

phantasm
09-23-14, 02:16 AM
I mentally rehearse so many conversations in my head now though, and I'm impulsive.


I have the worst problem doing this. :faint: It is soooooooo exhausting to think of all the possibilities a conversation can go, and figure out a response. I have been doing this a LOT recently. I hate getting stumped and not knowing what to say. I forget so much, when I'm in a big conversation, and the moment I stumble, then I can't think anymore. I hate feeling stupid and looking stupid. Only to walk away and then remember what it was that I was trying to say. :doh: It's just the worst feeling to forget stuff.

I'm often sarcastic, and to especially people who don't know me, they may have no clue what I'm talking about and think I'm so odd. That reaction makes me so nervous because then I feel judged.

sarek
09-23-14, 03:06 AM
I have spent decades in the social anxiety prison. My prime motivator was my total inability to stand up for myself in any way and my mind rephrased that inability and turned into an anxiety behind which I could cleverly hide.

I found out it is not an actual anxiety. It is a smokescreen that allows me to sit still and do nothing and still feel that I have an excuse for that inaction so I do not have to feel bad about it. Its horribly convoluted.

The beauty (or ugliness) of it all was that it was so cleverly hidden that it took me all this time to figure it out.

JJJJJJJJJJ
09-27-14, 03:09 PM
-not knowing what to say
-thinking of something to say but the conversation has already moved on
-sharing way too much, rambling and appearing strange


I really identify with what Stef wrote.

My case was quite mild. It made me introverted and avoid social situations when I could. However, when I had to attend a wedding or work related event I would.

Before this discussion I never associated social anxiety with ADD. I assumed mine had more to do with my lead (heavy metal) problem and adrenal fatigue.

Regardless, this certainly improved during my first couple of years of detox. I once posted (http://www.printfriendly.com/print/?source=site&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonibasu.com%2Farchives%2Ffdc%2F77 047.html) about that in a detox group.

daveddd
09-27-14, 03:55 PM
I really identify with what Stef wrote.

My case was quite mild. It made me introverted and avoid social situations when I could. However, when I had to attend a wedding or work related event I would.

Before this discussion I never associated social anxiety with ADD. I assumed mine had more to do with my lead (heavy metal) problem and adrenal fatigue.

Regardless, this certainly improved during my first couple of years of detox. I once posted (http://onibasu.com/archives/fdc/77047.html) about that in a detox group.


interesting

my anxiety has a real strong psychological basis though

Rebelyell
09-27-14, 09:39 PM
Being used and taken advantage of by people.

Greyhound1
09-27-14, 11:23 PM
Being misjudged, excluded and forced chit chat.

BellaVita
09-27-14, 11:26 PM
We know social anxiety is the most common comorbid with ADHD

And most likely you have poor self regulation skills if you have social anxiety

What is it your anxious about

For me it seems interactions are worse than being judged

Especially emotional related ones

Yes!!!!

Interactions are what I am scared of, most often if I can't predict the outcome.

I'm kinda a creeper....I observe the person for x amount of time before interacting with them so I understand them better before interacting....helps me fit in.

(Oh my did I just say fit in? :eek:)

Crosswired
10-02-14, 07:00 PM
I am usually having an internal mental battle on what to say. Should I say something clever? or funny? or should I just try to say something not stupid? As I am going through this battle, the conversation has moved on beyond me and I just stay quiet....

Rebelyell
10-02-14, 09:07 PM
Being alone, or getting old and have no one to take care of me.

Little Missy
10-03-14, 06:08 AM
Being alone, or getting old and have no one to take care of me.

Me too.

eclectic beagle
10-04-14, 06:02 PM
Misunderstanding.

Chicky75
11-30-14, 08:45 PM
Mine mostly happens with people I live with, either family, friends, or strangers, it doesn't matter. I have this fear of being judged, I think. Having people think I'm being lazy or a slob or doing nothing around the house.

I read an article this morning a woman with social anxiety wrote, talking about how she will be afraid to leave her room, to the point where she'll go without eating or using the bathroom. I thought I was the only one who did that.

Right now, I'm kind of living my nightmare. One of my roommate's has her fiance's mother and sister staying with us; and I guess he's staying with us too, for the whole MONTH that they're here. I was already slightly uncomfortable particularly around this roommate because she's never around and always seems to think I'm strange, but now there are four of them.

Distracstacy
12-02-14, 07:17 PM
II totally feel the same way, like I'm living my worst nightmare.

I got diagnosed with ADD recently. I did it myself actually, my psychiatrist send me to do the necessary psychological and neurological tests for 2 days and afterwards I got it confirmed. He didn't really help me any further, he just asked me what I wanted and gave me concerta. Maybe because I'm a fifth year medical student and thought I could handle it myself. But I felt like I was making this stuff up and saw it as just some excuse for who I was.

There also wasn't any support from my friends or family, I stood alone. I moved to another city to have a fresh start and I tried to change and study my best. I'm trying so hard, but I just can't do it. I'm screwing everything up again. I can't be in time even though I try all the tricks. Everybody looks strange at me, because I'm the 'new' one who's always late. I got really scared for being late I didn't dare to go to school anymore. Not being able to tell anyone, because I'm so ashamed of not being able to do the normal things.

Even the obligated lessons I skipped. Last Friday I had a group work which I really didn't want to miss. I got to bed early, couldn't sleep, overslept, again to late. In front of the door I decided I didn't dare to come in. But they saw me outside. I told I was sick on fb, on which they'd replied but we saw you walking outside???

I don't know what to do anymore. My fear paralysis me. I want to run away, think of something else and just avoid it. Too bad that's not possible.
I never felt that alone in my in tire life

ahmeda
12-03-14, 04:06 AM
Well, all what u have described sounds familiar. I have especially difficult with specific social situations:

1) Social situations with semi-good friends/ acquaintancies like work colleagues and neighbours.

Lunch at work is my biggest nightmare (thinking pattern: I enter the cafeteria, time stops, people stair, I start to hyperfocus concentrating to get the food without any mistakes/humiliation, getting ready to dart away like 100 meter sprinter). If somebody in that situation would ask me something spontaneously, I would probably freeze out.

But, this is weird, when I am on holiday in a distant place where I know there is now familiar faces, everything goes just pretty well. :eek: It is like I start to expect much much more from myself, when there is acquaintancies around.

There is psychological stuff in my past: my father used to punish me when I was a child if I hassled (mistakingly dropped a glass of milk onto kitchen floor) during eating...I┤ve been on therapy, discussing this a lot, still it is with me every day, and I think ADD worsens it.

2) I am also scared of sort of authority-related situations ie. when there is a possibility that the other side has power over you. Funniest being: I enter into gym, there is a desk clerk, one needs to put the card into the system to enter, desk clerk is there watching, I start to to get anxious, she/he can even say how r u doing, there can be little cue...Ah, it is a nightmare.

ahmeda
12-03-14, 04:17 AM
II totally feel the same way, like I'm living my worst nightmare.

I got diagnosed with ADD recently. I did it myself actually, my psychiatrist send me to do the necessary psychological and neurological tests for 2 days and afterwards I got it confirmed. He didn't really help me any further, he just asked me what I wanted and gave me concerta. Maybe because I'm a fifth year medical student and thought I could handle it myself. But I felt like I was making this stuff up and saw it as just some excuse for who I was.

I don't know what to do anymore. My fear paralysis me. I want to run away, think of something else and just avoid it. Too bad that's not possible.
I never felt that alone in my in tire life

Hi. First of all, I am sorry for your condition: it sounds severe. I can relate to you, I had the worst condition ~10 years ago, couldn┤t even get out from my apartment.

Get help to your social anxiety -it is a very well known sickness. If you have difficulties to get your daily needs, the doc. can even suggest benzos ( I know, I know, dangerous stuff it can be, but there can be conditions in which u just need it for surviving...)

Go to a doctor in private or public sector and try to go to therapy at the same time. I did the therapy finally, but five years too late: 3-year session ended this spring. The therapy was for SAD, not ADD, but it certainly increased my self-knowledge + it was a forum, in which I could easily tell my worries and felt that somebody listens to my worries.

ADD/SAD as comorbidity is a *****: I have the same f---ng combo. But, Concerta can help you. Some people say, that their SAD is gone after concerta /medikinet, since it takes away the hassle from your brain. I have taken SSRIs for my SAD (Currently only Sertralin, it helps, but it increases the brain fog/tiredness for me, will try Strattera additionally on Christmas leave, Concerta/MEdikinet helped my ADD but worsened my anxiety, everyone is an individual).

My background, 37-old-male, MSc. in engineering. Living in dark north (summers are nice, though :)), in Finland. Take care.

Corina86
12-03-14, 05:41 AM
I'm afraid of getting bullied again.

Or making an a** of myself again.

Or unwillingly offending someone... again.

Or pushing away any decent guy which might like me. Or anyone who might want to befriend me.

At the same time, I don't want to keep quiet, because I don't want to be considered a bore and be completely ignored.

I have a very long list of social failures that I don't want to repeat...

someothertime
12-03-14, 08:19 AM
clarity ... and intent... seem to be the things that effect me...

i'm happy being social... with strangers for short periods... especially one on one... or in situations accomodating of "non traditional" mannerisms and interaction/s...

the subject of when you know someone crops to mind aswell... in some cases this eases contact... overwhelmingly though... it seems to deter me... on the surface it appears to be some sort of "they are predicatable" or "our interaction has no spark / dynamic" aka it's like folding laundry... though i do feel there is some sort of subliminal fear about being "found out" to be a fake...... aka.... thy transient self creates a certain self mistrust / uncertainty and that is aside from any self worth things ( related though one could love oneself yet in the conext of others... and being judged..... one is immensely afraid...

i think that's the thing..... being judged.....

on another level..... i/we are conditioned to believe that interactions will leave us unexpressed/misunderstood/unresolved/mispokem etc. etc. etc. and that.... above and beyond the other things i think drives it....... we try from a young age to take part...... and the older we get, for most of us, the more and more we find a lack of facilitation / tools / expression / conformity etc. etc. so our fight our flight entraps us in a lie... any lie..... so that we do not expose ourselves to more pain.

obviously this is not everyones story.... it is an interpretation..... a reaction..... one many of us know all too well....

TygerSan
12-03-14, 11:22 AM
I'm terrified of the phone. Calling friends and family is actually worse than calling complete strangers for me.

I'll very willingly go to an event that is centered around an activity (like a trivia game/team, for example) even if I don't know anyone.

Open-ended parties where I am with complete strangers, on the other hand, ugh. I'm glad my SO is an extrovert. Makes it easier for me to have an anchor at a party in which I would most likely be a wall decoration otherwise. I do okay after an ice-breaker, but I need someone else to break the ice and start the conversation.

I'm also terrified of performing poorly/being evaluated at work or other places. Seems left over from my days as a perfectionist student. Takes me a bit to be able to internalize the evaluation without it getting personal and my feeling like I'm a failure as a person.

Louder Than Love
12-11-14, 04:37 PM
Yeah, the phone... I avoid the phone like the plague. I don't like for people to look at me especially when I don't know them, I can handle my family atmosphere just fine, they all know how freaking crazy I am, and accept me as just that.

I HATE answering mandatory questions.... "What kinda work you do, son?"," You went to school at Southaven in 97, I bet you know...." " do you attend a church..." on and on.. Can't do that, so meeting new people is pretty much out of the question, unless ive taken A LOT of opiates, or been drinking.

I'm scared somones going to be able to see through my fašade, and think poorly of me when in all reality, I'd MUCH rather be at home watching a movie, or playing Modern Warfare 3, my safe place.... where no one judges me.

Social anxiety is a *****, i'm constantly scared i'm going to end up meeting someone that actually likes me, and thinks they want in on my life, cause if you aren't like me, then no, you can't possibly understand me, not to mention tolerate my anxieties, fears, and frustrations.

mbrandon
12-11-14, 08:47 PM
I don't know how to do the "dance." I'm too direct and obvious. I've kind of given up on caring about this one now, I just throw myself into whatever situation I think I need to be in, screw 'em if they judge me. An older & wiser manager once asked me if I learned the art of tact yet, lol.

I'm constantly afraid I'm going to mess up my speech... It feels like my words are surfing the tip of my tongue and I have no idea what's going on. I often have no idea what I'm going to say when I start speaking, it's like wandering around the house in the dark.

It's kind of ironic tho because I've struggled all my life, I feel like I've overcome it all in a way, I'm pretty indifferent now. The only thing that really bothers me now is I'll get upset with myself after the fact for some way I said/did something.

Also I can be really really mean by accident. I say things and laugh at things that I genuinely think are funny but I hurt a lot of people's feelings. I laugh at the "concept" not the person, and people always take if personally.

I hate small talk.

Why did I decide to post, I could go on an on, lol.

InvitroCanibal
12-12-14, 02:34 AM
I used to have bad social anxiety. Lamotrigine "cured" it.

Peachy87
12-12-14, 04:36 AM
I find that I don't have social anxiety per say. I love being around people. But I don't like that I'm so easily trusting & gullible that I get picked on in a not mean sort of way, but joking, & then I feel like I don't have something witty to say.

mattlebo
12-12-14, 11:01 AM
bars, clubs, party's. i cant do small talk and these are skills you need to survive in these situations. im a deep talker so when I'm at a club, where you cant even hear someone standing next to you, its all body language and the odd word you can get across. i feel like a shy scared little kid in these situations like everyone else understands the rules but me.

Unmanagable
12-12-14, 04:01 PM
I tend to fear being labelled delusional by overly programmed societal buffoons who seem to get off on abusing their power in whatever scripted role they're playing. You have to be mindful who you choose to engage in any meaningful or in-depth conversations nowadays.

I don't fear this, but I surely get tired of having to justify my feelings with why I feel that way to everyone. When did it stop being okay to just feel your damn feelings?