View Full Version : How to be less wordy with her...

09-13-14, 04:14 PM
I have ADHD and autism, my son has autism, daughter is just ADHD, at least I am pretty sure. My BF has ADD.

Our house is a three ring circus much of the time, lol.

While it is overwhelmingly great fun and all, my daughter is always doing something it seems, like, to annoy her brother. He and I are super rules followers and she is the one half paying attention or knowing the rules but doing it anyway.

At school is one thing, as I can't go to school every day to make her mind. I figure that if the teachers just want to keep telling me she is smart and not take that possibility seriously, they can just keep wasting their time sending home notes and never giving her a consequence... Maybe they will see why I tell them when they let it go too long and it gets worse.

But at home it's another story. I can deal with things as they happen.

But the combo of diagnoses I have doesn't seem to work well, and my approach seems to just fail, lol.

My son and I both highly value reasons for things and can obsess and analyze anything for HOURS. So that tends to be my "go to". I explain everything. Probably in way too much detail. That, in itself is a grueling punishment, lol. If she does this or that, mommy will lecture me for hours on end and make me answer questions about it, too...

Which works great for my son and I. But for her, I don't always know what to do besides the same thing that works for us. Then I end up wasting a ton of energy trying to get a point across that I don't think is making it anywhere... And I know she will do it again the second I finish talking... Sometimes while I am talking.

Specifically it is with her brother, which is normal since he is the only kid to play with. But he is withdrawn and doesn't like much contact unless he initiates it, like me.

She wants to play or gets bored and instead of asking him to play, she will walk over and kick him or sit on his legs. She won't stop until he finally hurts her and walks off or melts down entirely. By the end of this, she will be laughing and he will be crying usually, or just left overwhelmed and angry.

It seems rather constant unless she has something to do but she gets bored so fast then, that she goes back to bugging him.

Then, if I am having a rough day, sensory wise, she will get to jumping around and get him wound up, then within ten minutes they are both bombarding me and I feel backed into a corner. Lol. Not funny, really, but the ridiculousness is at times.

So... Does anyone have any ideas? As you can see, I am very wordy... So my apologies, now. I have tried social stories like with my son but she just kind of walks off. Talking just makes her have to stand there forever, but she is horribly antsy and can't take it in...

And as I type this, I have seen three things and heard two "ow"s, lol. So better see what the damage is and make sure it doesn't progress.

Apologies again for this long post... Mine always are. I do realize this probably isn't the best forum for my wordiness. To anyone who reads this, thank you for letting me borrow your focus for a bit and taking the time to read this.

Little Missy
09-13-14, 04:45 PM
Maybe just keep things very simple and matter of fact. It is worth a try.

09-13-14, 04:57 PM
I was also very wordy, explaining for the 400th time why you can't do X, Y or Z.

It didn't work with my ADHD granddaughter either. Works even less well for her Autistic sister.

It took practice for me to limit myself to just a couple of words.

Instead of saying, "Kat, how many times have I told you to turn off the bathroom light?!?!"

I began saying, "Kat, the light please."

We both found ourselves less frustrated.

Those times when I found myself totally overwhelmed because no one was using their "indoor voice" or

was arguing about something totally pointless (from my perspective) I'd say,

"If I don't get some quiet in 60 seconds I am going to scream."

Warning them I was going to scream and giving myself permission to keep my promise

prevented my yelling at the kids and making all of us feel bad.

I can't remember the last time I had to give that warning.

Either it worked, or they're just growing up. ;)

09-14-14, 04:43 PM
How old are your kids? When DS was 5, I used to have to reduce things to very simple statements. Here's an example I wrote in an email to his preschool teacher:

The biggest thing is to keep discipline statements as short and concrete and direct as possible, and to issue them with authority. You said that you told him, "My job is to keep you and the other children safe, and what you are doing is not safe." My sense is that this is too long and indirect for him. He does better with, "Stop climbing." or "Get off the table." or "If you put the legos near her face again, I will take them away."

09-14-14, 08:43 PM
My daughter is 9. My son is 13.

I guess I got lucky since it works for my son and did for me.

I think she is just super impulsive, because it seems she would know by now when it comes to things. Before she got older, I kinda stopped trying as hard because I figured it was an energy waste, lol. I figured something as a consequence would occur and she would choose to stop. Definitely not the case, lol.

Thanks for the tips... Less words. Now how to do that... Will be working on it. Brain never just keeps it simple no matter what. I could potentially discuss the pros and cons of crayon colors if I got to thinking about it. Thankful for my therapist. Maybe she will be able to help with that part. :)