View Full Version : Feeling abandoned


fracturedstory
09-23-14, 06:55 PM
How do you deal with it? I know it's a part of bipolar depression (which is why it's posted here instead of the depression section) and sometimes I've just got to grit my teeth and get through it, mainly because it's proven very difficult for me to get any professional help for my mood issues.

It just seems much harder because my hormonal issues have also hit too. I just keep telling myself that the people I think hate me don't really feel that way but I don't believe it, yet. I've felt this way mildly for a long time but could avoid feeling hurt by it but now it's hit and is so powerful I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I also haven't been able to cry when I really needed to as well, which makes me get no release of these emotions.

Oh well. I guess I need to keep soldiering on, right?

Rebelyell
09-23-14, 07:46 PM
It sucks when one is there for everyone but the minute you need a shoulder and no one's around

Flory
09-23-14, 08:12 PM
People are sh*t. As soon as we lower our expectations and become self reliant. The easier life becomes

Rebelyell
09-23-14, 08:21 PM
I don't have high expectations for many people anymore flory

Flory
09-23-14, 08:22 PM
Me either Rebs :( but I'm a lot happier this way oddly. Expect the worst hope for the best I suppose

Rebelyell
09-23-14, 08:41 PM
Even at work I'm told they don't expect much from me so i don't give it to them either.treat me like an idiot I'll give you back double

fracturedstory
09-24-14, 01:13 AM
Guys, you're reading into this post the wrong way. I only felt like people abandoned me, because of depression.

Anyway I'm feeling much better now.

I need to work out ways of avoiding falling into that trap again.

someothertime
09-24-14, 03:04 AM
Good to hear your feeling better frac... a small thing and also something I need to work on is lowering the "commodity" in others... actually, its a total remake of worldy perception...

Not quite there yet I just know I have to catch myself making conclusions and laugh... or reverse...

Something like that anyway... actually... I'm often admirable of your people skills... ( social outlets )...

Probably may not appky to you thougj worth throwing out there...

InvitroCanibal
09-28-14, 10:26 PM
What meds are you currently on if you don't mind me asking?

As for me Currently, I take Latuda at around 15 mgs a day. I say "around" because I cut a 60mg tablet 8 ways and take 1/8th in the morning and 1/8th at night. This cuts the cost signifcantly.

I used to feel a constant backround depression but since i've been taking lurasidone it's gone away. I notice a lot of the doses doctors start their patients on are too high. It causes really bad akathesia if the dose is too high, but at the low dose range it has zero side effects for me and most other reports i've read.

I hate feeling like an advertiser though, but it really has made a signifcant improvement for me and so I wanted to spread the word, so to speak. I've also noticed I don't get manic either, and overall it has been quite stabilizing.

I still take Lamictal (100mgs) because it seems to improve my ability to focus as well as my memory. Doesn't really do much for my mood however, as far as I can tell.


As for the psychological aspects. I found when I was depressed that realizing other people didn't think about me as much as I thought about them, helped me realize that what I did was relatively insignifcant to other people. I know that this might make someone depressed, but for me it felt like a relief because I was reminded that I wasn't living my life under a microscope. I was now free to fail. I knew that if I failed, people would forget about it the next day. Life does indeed go on.

I think bipolar people can get stuck in the past too much. We have a different perception of time. The world may move on to tomorrow but we may still be stuck in yesterday. The key is to imagine where you wanna be if you had no limitations and set your eyes foreward rather than backward. Make a story of yourself as a better person, who is this person, what do they doand how did they get there, what do they want and what makes them happy. Perhaps you aren't living the life you want to live and analyze the steps it might take to become that person. Then focus your energy little by little by working towards it. Make sure it's something you can start working towards today.

For me, I found imagining myself as someone that could be in a position to help other people, was all I ever wanted. I wanted to be someone that faced my fears and over came them, was healthy, and didn't hyper focus on watching TV or video games or other meaningless distractions. I wanted to be someone that was present in the here and now. Reminding myself of that now makes me smile because a few years ago, I didn't believe it was attainable.

I believe all people need a better version of themselves that they strive to be, and that is obtainable. When you wake up one day and see you are that person, you'll smile and feel happy. You may slip up again, but failure and messing up is part of life. Just keep your eye on your dreams and aspirations and live your life as if you'll die tomorrow.

The other side of it though, is you're gonna just have bad days or years but it's important you don't stop and wait for yourself to feel better, that you act even when you feel terrible. I think depression often comes when we stop to lick our wounds, we lose inertia and start slipping out of the present and into yesterday. So, the final word is that you need faith in yourself and the future, and faith is an act of courage when all evidence feels contrary.

As F.D.R said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”