View Full Version : School is making things worse


Bubs84
09-25-14, 07:27 AM
Hi, I'm new on here joined today to see if I could get some advice and speak to people that understand. Where do I start my son is 8 years old and has been diagnosed with adhd/odd. Although life at times can be hard as you all ready know.

My problem is with his school it started last year when he first started. He's just started with a new year and new teacher. My son came home from school yesterday and was upset which then led to angry outbursts. He said he was made to miss his lunch hour and stand outside the head teachers office. Then he had to miss his last 2 lessons which were re and German. Instead he had to sit in a class on his own and write out 200 words then do his time stables.

Then he said the day before that the teacher got all the class to sit down so she could ask them all a question. My son sat there ready, and she asked the class in front of my son " put your hands up if (my son) has ever hurt you, or distracts you in class" is this just me thinking this is wrong and abusive? Please help.

Also the teacher apt old all the class in one lesson if you finish your work and do it neatly you can go on the computers. Which my son found hard to do but he did his work neatly, correctly and in time. So when he asked can I go on the computer now please, he was told, not you, you can't be trusted.
They wonder why my son plays up!!!

I would like to point out my sons teacher is the deputy head of the school.

zette93
09-25-14, 09:37 AM
This is wrong on so many levels. Hopefully someone in the UK can weigh in on what your rights are and how to go about exercising them.

In general though, this sounds toxic. If the deputy head is this abusive, I don't know how you're going to effectively change how he's being treated. Do you have any other options besides staying at this school?

MomToOne
09-25-14, 04:43 PM
Then he said the day before that the teacher got all the class to sit down so she could ask them all a question. My son sat there ready, and she asked the class in front of my son " put your hands up if (my son) has ever hurt you, or distracts you in class" is this just me thinking this is wrong and abusive? Please help.

Reading this makes me so angry for your son and for you also. Wrong? Definitely. This is shaming and is not helpful at all, particularly given his age and diagnosis. If only kids with ADHD could curb their behaviour just from being reminded of it! I assume the teacher is aware of the diagnosis? Not that it should matter, but if she is aware then it makes it particularly cruel.

Is there a school counselor or other administrator who can intervene and help address this? Preferably someone who has a good understanding of ADHD and ODD and can advocate on your son's behalf. I don't know much about the school system outside of Canada, but if there was no support in the school, then my next step would be to go to the school board and maybe even change schools immediately if that is an option.

With my son, I tend to back up the teacher/administrator as much as possible. I feel it is important that he sees his teachers and parents as being aligned. However, if what your son says is happening in the classroom is accurate, I believe he needs to hear that shaming is never acceptable, and that he is right to be hurt and angry. IMO, it is the teacher's responsibility to address the behaviour without involving the rest of the class.

Bubs84
09-26-14, 02:21 AM
Thanks for the replies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is wrong, my son was off sick yesterday with belly ache, not sure if he really had it or just didn't want to go to school. Can't blame him. There is no one there to turn to. They do know about his condition but they just say we know what it it is but he acts like he want to and just blames his condition it's just naughty behaviour apparently from a naughty boy!!! I'm going in today for the complaints procedure and follow the rules properly then going to the education auorthity. He does not want to change school as in his words I have some friends there and I find it hard to make new friends, so in a new school I won't have anyone.

I just feel hopeless no child weathere they have adhd/odd should have to go through this at school, I'm at my wits end with no where to turn.

MomToOne
09-27-14, 04:28 PM
Did you go in Friday to find out how you escalate this?

I really hope that you find a solution. All the better if that doesn't involve changing schools. However, as much as your son wants to stay with his friends he WILL make new ones, particularly if he is in an environment where his needs are understood. I have noticed a huge difference in my son in terms of how other children relate to him since we began treating his ADHD and his behaviours began to change.

Wishing you lots of strength and good luck with the process.