Heyas all...

I am a 22 year old male that was recently diagnosed with ADHD.

(this is really long, and i apologize in advance, but i feel its important, you can skip to the bottom of the post to see the major problems, but toanyone that bears with me, THANKS A TON!)

I have been battling with this, misdiagnosed, from early ages in school, as depression.

Well thats not completely true....I have been depressed as i have had issues with loss in my life. (i was born into a much older family, and uncles aunts, family, and father died while i was young, so i was exposed to it early on)

Now the question I ask, and the doctor asks, is: What came first? the depression? or the ADHD? is one the cause of the other? or are they independant issues?

For now i have been prescribed Adderall XR 20mg (morn) and 5-10mg of standard adderall in the mid day "if i feel i need it"

Well i need it, this afternoon i forgot my medications in my backpack, so they were inaccessable when i felt that I needed them, so i got VERY irritable, as well as VERY disoriented (about 5 hours after taking XR). I realized, after becoming short and quite cynical, that i had yelled at my wife unintentionally.

This brings me to my workplace issues. (this all takes place before diagnosis and medicating, until otherwise noted)

I work for Barnes and Noble Booksellers. We are opening a new store in a local mall, and they hired me on about a month ago as a bookseller. After april 13, I will be selling books to customers, For now we set up and organize the store.

It is important to note that previously i was working for myself, as I owned my own retail business for nearly 4 years. (that went sour, due to differences in attitude with my partner, so i was asked to leave.)

Moving along,

I ran into a few issues that reminded me of my school days: not staying on task, wandering about to keep occupied, getting drowsy when trying to focus on one thing, and feeling like i was rushed, or that I needed to be somewhere else at most times. There were times that this was not constant, and I was fine, but i knew something was wrong.

I was wandering around the lower floor, picking up garbage, kinda looking for something that i forgot what it was, as my store manager (really intense, focused, micromanaging woman) asked "what are you doing down here?" I really didnt have an answer for it, so i just answered "not really sure."
She took me upstairs and informed me of what i SHOULD have been doing. As we talked, i apparently said "you know I think that.............." trailed off and walked away as she puzzled over my unsual actions.

she brought this to my attention, quite irritated that i had the nerve to wander off while talking to her.

I apologized and got back to work.

a half hour later, i was in a different section. needless to say i was verbally reprimanded, and put back where i belonged.
I had just started there the week prior, and have gotten complaints that i dont finish what im doing, as well as i stop talking suddenly in the middle of the sentence and act as if nothing was wrong.

I called my wife at lunch, and explained the situation. She was quite worried and upset, since shes been trying to tell me this is how ive been at home. I would play 2 MMORPG Games, Work on multiple internet windows, watch a movie and read a book at the same time....as well as the "not finishing sentences", not to mention the fact that I would go on tangents constantly in disussion.

After much frustration, i promised to seek help.

The next day I went to the county's walk in clinic, within 5 hours (lonnnng wait for us uninsured and low income people :/) i walked out with a prescription and medication, as well as plans to get therapy for help on this....

Fast forward to this most recent tuesday. I returned to the clinic, feeling MUCH better, focus wise, but quite drugged at times due to the Adderall.

But since the meds were really doing their job, and most issues were because im getting used to them, my doctor put me on adderall XR.

the next day, i woke up and took my new XR. i headed to work, quite anxious. I had previously tlaked to my manager that I have to get this taken care of, and it was somewhat understood, but not really approved of. I planned on going back on wednesday, where we are in the story now.

I went in, and talked with my manager after tracking her down.

I mentioned what changed, and she somewhat looked at me as a cow looks at an oncoming train. I then explained i will need to take meds while at work, as well as I might be out of it a bit, and that i could really use the opportunity to be around someone just in case i get dizzy or whatever...

She said i didnt look good, (i felt really groggy) and that she wanted to know if i really felt i could do the job. (sorting and unpacking books, carrying many boxes, that sort of thing).

I answered honestly "I dont know."

She replied with a somewhat irritated "What do you mean by that? im trying to open a store here..."

I snapped sharply back " IM NOT SURE YET, I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL!" (not yelling ,but quite pointed....)

She looked at me somewhat confused and said "why dont you head home and get some rest, and figure out what you need to. get this problem fixed."

I then of course headed home.

now as I am adjusting to the Adderall XR, im really talkative, as well as deep within thought most of the time.
I realize i don't like the way the store runs,(10 manager type people) I don't Like the management or their attitude. I dont feel comfortable with them, or confronting them with issues, especially ADHD related ones and the fact that Im shifting feelings so often because I have to still "tweak" the meds with my doctor before im ready to be set on them.

I really think that I might need a different job.

I am at a loss, I am having a hell of a time dealing with this, and feel like a failure. I really need to find a place of employment that is ADHD friendly. I read the articles on here but they didnt help that much, good tips, but nothing solid.

My fear is that I will lose my job over these issues, and will have a very hard time finding one that i can accomplish successfully, and have a good support system in place.

I know that the company cannot fire me BECAUSE of my ADHD, but i can be fired because i cannot complete my tasks with reasonable accomidations (cant figure those out yet though,.)

I REALLY want to work on computers, possibly tech support/helpdesk for some company with a desk/computer/phone setup. Something with standard hours and minimal possibilities for me to get irritable with people.
A office job would be quite nice but i am not that picky.

My problems are summarized like this:

1. I am currently not able to drive, since the meds are making me feel funky, so I am temporarily getting rides from my mother or taking the bus, limiting options.

2. I did not finish high school due to my issues, but am very well versed in computer technology, Retail management, and have excellent customer service skills.

3. Because of our living situation, My wife and I bring home a total of maybe 150$ a week (currently I am on hiatus from work as i adjust, so my phenominally patient wife is only bringing in about $100 a week). and that barely covers living. So to put it bluntly, we are hard-up. I cannot afford to get my GED in this state, since all programs I have found cost quite a bit ($100-$300)

4. I really dont know where to go to get help with employment. Any groups or organizations I could contact for assistance would be great!

5. I do not feel i can do my job I am currently at, but will do my best when i return soon, since I have to bring something to the table....and this causes issues at work.

6. I will probably be adjusting for another month or so (longer if i have to switch meds) and I dont know how much longer i can put up with the feelings I have gotten, if I am forced to get back to work. I really do not want to lose my temper or be "irritable" as i have been lately.

7. Finally, I want to talk to people (as if you couldnt guess by this half-novel of a post.).......a lot. I have sat and talked with my mother and wife for 5 hours, hardly taking a breath.....this is worrying me slightly.

My goals are

1. Get this ADHD monkey tamed somewhat so i can function again.

2. get some kind of paycheck to help out. I hate feeling lazy.

3. Find some kind of support system, preferably through my employer, as I will spend much of my time there. (my wife and mother have been ridiculously helpful through this really difficult time)

either way, thats about all the info, if i forgot something important let me know...

Please advise, or share some experiences? Maybe you know of ADHD aware/Friendly companies that might be willing to talk to me. I know my problems are destroying my opportunities, but I am doing what I can to prevent that.

Thanks for your time and Patience.....

*pokes those that fell asleep* Its over, you can go now :)

JP.

Jypsy,
Thanks for all the breaks in your post--couldn't have read it without them.

I have been going through almost the identical series of events, except I am a single parent with children to support, and so am trying REALLY HARD to make my job work. Plus, I have advanced degrees. Ironically, in colleges, people who write long stories with lots of tangents are given A's--unlike in the real world.

But if I did not have children, I would be doing just what you are doing.

I doubt, however, that you would have to pay for a GED if you have such a low income. In fact, the state should be paying for you to get the GED and for you to go to a community college or a state university. Try to locate an Advisor at a nearby community college or other state-funded, academic institution.

You have a nice perspective and sense of humor. Your wife is certainly saintly, but I'm sure you have a lot of good qualities to inspire her.

Thanks a lot sosninty, it helps a lot that you responded, I was getting worried for a bit that no one would bother reading my novella of my life :)

Ill look into an Advisor this upcoming week.

The other step I am taking in figuring this out is i read up on our local DWD/DVR (Division of workforce development/Division of Vocational Rehabilitation.) since apparently they help those with disabilities like this get appropriate employment, and if needed, the education for it. I really hope this will allow me to get help breaking into the journalism or photograpy/camerawork field, as I believe that kind of job is ideal: Fast Paced, Constantly Changing, Always learning new things.

Ill post what happens at work today, and while i do not have children to take care of I do have a small sense of pride or an ego to support. I feel like a failure if i cannot do the work I need to do in order to just make it through the day.

I just hope that this will work out and my body will do its adjusting QUICKLY, so i can just get it done.

I wish i had the motivation you do to stick with it and keep plugging away at it, for me, right now, going to work is a nightmare, and I feel irritated and drugged while on the XR, so i fear my reactions at work to customers and fellow staff.

again, thank you.

JP

IMO, based on my experience. Too much adderall. It's a stimulant, and it felt great at first which lead me to believe that little was good so more must be better. I was gravely mistaken. The more I took the worse I felt after a while. There comes a point where I think I just burned out on it and it just seems to last forever. Whew, that's alot of adderall for me that's for sure.
I just think adderall lasts longer than anyone really realizes, well for me anyways. If I take more than once every two weeks now - I am in rough shape. I was a daily taker of adderall, thinking that those 'down times' on adderall was the medication wearing off, it really wasn't wearing off, it was just a different phase of the med. I would go through a half hour where I would be just dogged tired and then suddenly I would switch and suddenly I would feel totally energized and ready to go and i could concentrate etc.
Adderall has been a tricky drug for me to take. But man at first it's like the greatest thing in the world. It deceived me into thinking that I was totally and completely cured of my add. Well that's a long story I just don't have time to tell.
Be at peace