View Full Version : OCD/anxiety/clingyness About Relationships


Dja427
10-05-14, 06:33 PM
Anyone else experience this? It's really awful sometimes especially when it involves my so far 8 month relationship with my girlfriend. We really love each other and would do anything for each other but i find myself to be very clingy. My girlfriend knows that I have OCD and all so she is tolerant of all my obsessive thoughts about spending time with her and how much were going to see each other when college starts but she doesn't like them. She just understands. I feel like it's cause tension in the relationship but I don't know how to stop them. All I want to do when I feel this way is cry in her arms. It's kind of like she provides the comfort a mother would provide. I tend to feel really lonely when I can't text her or hear her calming voice. The love is still there but there is a lot of neediness on my part. She said before that I can be as clingy as I want but the problem is being clingy and needy doesn't feel good mentally. I really want to spend the whole rest of my life with this girl. She is my world.

Little Missy
10-05-14, 07:49 PM
Well....nobody can handle a cling-on. Unless they really dig being clung-on.

cmk1988
10-15-14, 01:39 PM
I feel right there with ya man. we should talk more try sending me a message

Stevuke79
10-15-14, 03:33 PM
A few things,.. I totally relate to you.

I always took forever to fall and once I did it's all-in and forever.. and it was so hard and so terrifying getting here the first time that I could never imagine letting myself go through this to be so comfortable with another person ever again AND that's actually a moot point because I could never feel this way about anyone else anyway!

I'm OCD, ADHD, lots of other craappp,.. I can relate to crying in a GF's arms,.. and I feel like these are the most horrible confessions a man can make. It's just who you are.

Here's one thing that might help. When I was in love for the 1st, 2nd and perhaps the 3rd time too I was CERTAIN that I could never feel this way again; she was my everything. Each of them in their own time. People would say, "yeah, that's what it felt like when I fell in love the first time." I wanted to correct them: "no this is DIFFERENT! She's my world and the only one for me that there could ever be,.. this isn't like anything you or anyone else has ever experienced and if this doesn't last I will never feel this again". Second time: same thing. 3rd time: same thing. And then I have a friend a year or two younger than me telling me about his love, his romance and his relationship is so unique, .. and he's so afraid to lose it because then he'd never be able to find this again..."

And I stop him right there, "Um.... actually... you don't have to worry specifically about the 'never feel this way again' part so much..."

And you might not like this last bit. Odds are, you will love your next love (and I'm sorry. there probably will be a next love) MORE than this one. This is your first one, to love someone lots takes practise.

Dja427
10-15-14, 05:37 PM
A few things,.. I totally relate to you.





And you might not like this last bit. Odds are, you will love your next love (and I'm sorry. there probably will be a next love) MORE than this one. This is your first one, to love someone lots takes practise.

I doubt that man. The reason being that isn't always the case at all. My girlfriend's parents for example started dating in high school, lasted through college(keep in mind with no Skype and only letters to communicate) and are now very happily married. also keep in mind they were each others "first loves" I don't think it's necessarily a matter of "practice". A lot of it is but at the same time a great deal of luck is involved. In other words some people are lucky enough to find their soul mate on the first try while others are not. Also I agree love takes practice but I believe it takes practice with only ONE partner. Each argument or fight you have gains you experience and practice. So you gain that practice from the ONE person you love. If a couple truly "loves" one another they'd do ANYTHING within reason to keep the relationship strong. That is how my girlfriend and I are. A first love can be your only love for life. It's been 8 months so far and the honey moon phase is over. We've already had to deal with some challenges and those challenges have actually made us STRONGER. We made a promise to stay together unless one of us cheats. My girlfriend doesn't break promises. EVER!!

BellaVita
10-15-14, 05:38 PM
A few things,.. I totally relate to you.

I always took forever to fall and once I did it's all-in and forever.. and it was so hard and so terrifying getting here the first time that I could never imagine letting myself go through this to be so comfortable with another person ever again AND that's actually a moot point because I could never feel this way about anyone else anyway!

I'm OCD, ADHD, lots of other craappp,.. I can relate to crying in a GF's arms,.. and I feel like these are the most horrible confessions a man can make. It's just who you are.

Here's one thing that might help. When I was in love for the 1st, 2nd and perhaps the 3rd time too I was CERTAIN that I could never feel this way again; she was my everything. Each of them in their own time. People would say, "yeah, that's what it felt like when I fell in love the first time." I wanted to correct them: "no this is DIFFERENT! She's my world and the only one for me that there could ever be,.. this isn't like anything you or anyone else has ever experienced and if this doesn't last I will never feel this again". Second time: same thing. 3rd time: same thing. And then I have a friend a year or two younger than me telling me about his love, his romance and his relationship is so unique, .. and he's so afraid to lose it because then he'd never be able to find this again..."

And I stop him right there, "Um.... actually... you don't have to worry specifically about the 'never feel this way again' part so much..."

And you might not like this last bit. Odds are, you will love your next love (and I'm sorry. there probably will be a next love) MORE than this one. This is your first one, to love someone lots takes practise.

Hey some people marry their first love!

I can really relate to the OP and to you Steve....

One thing that helps me is it keep myself very busy, with things I enjoy. Anything to distract you. Eventually over time you'll get used to not seeing her as much, and it'll become a special treat whenever you two *do* get to see each other.

OP - maybe you could plan special dates so you have something to look forward to?

Dja427
10-15-14, 05:46 PM
Hey some people marry their first love!

I can really relate to the OP and to you Steve....

One thing that helps me is it keep myself very busy, with things I enjoy. Anything to distract you. Eventually over time you'll get used to not seeing her as much, and it'll become a special treat whenever you two *do* get to see each other.

OP - maybe you could plan special dates so you have something to look forward to?

I think a lot of it has to do with finding the right person. If you find the right person on the first try and you both put effort in then your first love will last. and I've been getting less clingy lately.

BellaVita
10-15-14, 05:50 PM
I doubt that man. The reason being that isn't always the case at all. My girlfriend's parents for example started dating in high school, lasted through college(keep in mind with no Skype and only letters to communicate) and are now very happily married. also keep in mind they were each others "first loves" I don't think it's necessarily a matter of "practice". A lot of it is but at the same time a great deal of luck is involved. In other words some people are lucky enough to find their soul mate on the first try while others are not. Also I agree love takes practice but I believe it takes practice with only ONE partner. Each argument or fight you have gains you experience and practice. So you gain that practice from the ONE person you love. If a couple truly "loves" one another they'd do ANYTHING within reason to keep the relationship strong. That is how my girlfriend and I are. A first love can be your only love for life. It's been 8 months so far and the honey moon phase is over. We've already had to deal with some challenges and those challenges have actually made us STRONGER. We made a promise to stay together unless one of us cheats. My girlfriend doesn't break promises. EVER!!

I agree wholeheartedly with this post ^^^ :goodpost:

Dja427
10-15-14, 06:13 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with this post ^^^ :goodpost:

It is quite true. Love is a choice.

Stevuke79
10-15-14, 06:42 PM
Hey some people marry their first love!

Some people do. I said "probably". :)

And this PARTICULAR guy, I hope that however it happens he has the happiest most amazing romantic life that this world can offer, whenever and with whomever that happens for him. Only the very best things.

However, let's pretend I hadn't said "probably", and let's evaluate the validity of that statement. Statistically speaking you are on very safe ground telling ANYONE and EVERYONE YOU MEET who is in HS and thinks they have met the love of their life: you won't marry your first love.

Between the unlikelihood that HS sweet hearts end in marriage and the fact that when they do the divorce rate is nearly 8 times higher (implying they will have a "next love") I would have to tell close to 1,200 HS sweet hearts that they will have a "next love" in order to be wrong ONCE. (<2% marriage rate of HS sweet hearts and a divorce rate of ~25 per 1,000 marriages; compared to 3 -6 divorces per 1,000 if you marry later). Sources below:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12491534
http://brandongaille.com/20-high-school-sweethearts-marriage-statistics/
http://www.nytimes.com/uwire/uwire_LHUI022520084548195.html?pagewanted=print


Now wait. Btw, that's NOT what I said. But I would be very safe to say it.

I doubt that man. The reason being that isn't always the case at all. My girlfriend's parents for example started dating in high school, lasted through college(keep in mind with no Skype and only letters to communicate) and are now very happily married.

Ah, sorry. I didn't realize it had happened once. My bad.

Here's the thing: all I'm saying is that no matter what, you're gonna be just fine.

Dja427
10-15-14, 07:36 PM
Some people do. I said "probably". :)

And this PARTICULAR guy, I hope that however it happens he has the happiest most amazing romantic life that this world can offer, whenever and with whomever that happens for him. Only the very best things.

However, let's pretend I hadn't said "probably", and let's evaluate the validity of that statement. Statistically speaking you are on very safe ground telling ANYONE and EVERYONE YOU MEET who is in HS and thinks they have met the love of their life: you won't marry your first love.

Between the unlikelihood that HS sweet hearts end in marriage and the fact that when they do the divorce rate is nearly 8 times higher (implying they will have a "next love") I would have to tell close to 1,200 HS sweet hearts that they will have a "next love" in order to be wrong ONCE. (<2% marriage rate of HS sweet hearts and a divorce rate of ~25 per 1,000 marriages; compared to 3 -6 divorces per 1,000 if you marry later). Sources below:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12491534
http://brandongaille.com/20-high-school-sweethearts-marriage-statistics/
http://www.nytimes.com/uwire/uwire_LHUI022520084548195.html?pagewanted=print


Now wait. Btw, that's NOT what I said. But I would be very safe to say it.



Ah, sorry. I didn't realize it had happened once. My bad.

Here's the thing: all I'm saying is that no matter what, you're gonna be just fine.
Statistics don't mean anything to me when it comes to love.

Dja427
10-15-14, 07:38 PM
Some people do. I said "probably". :)

And this PARTICULAR guy, I hope that however it happens he has the happiest most amazing romantic life that this world can offer, whenever and with whomever that happens for him. Only the very best things.

However, let's pretend I hadn't said "probably", and let's evaluate the validity of that statement. Statistically speaking you are on very safe ground telling ANYONE and EVERYONE YOU MEET who is in HS and thinks they have met the love of their life: you won't marry your first love.

Between the unlikelihood that HS sweet hearts end in marriage and the fact that when they do the divorce rate is nearly 8 times higher (implying they will have a "next love") I would have to tell close to 1,200 HS sweet hearts that they will have a "next love" in order to be wrong ONCE. (<2% marriage rate of HS sweet hearts and a divorce rate of ~25 per 1,000 marriages; compared to 3 -6 divorces per 1,000 if you marry later). Sources below:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12491534
http://brandongaille.com/20-high-school-sweethearts-marriage-statistics/
http://www.nytimes.com/uwire/uwire_LHUI022520084548195.html?pagewanted=print


Now wait. Btw, that's NOT what I said. But I would be very safe to say it. also i know of quite a few couples who have been dating since 6th grade. I'm trying to say that statistics are just numbers and don't apply to every couple.



Ah, sorry. I didn't realize it had happened once. My bad.

Here's the thing: all I'm saying is that no matter what, you're gonna be just fine.
Statistics don't mean anything to me when it comes to love. like I said if you truly "love" somebody you will never leave them. And I kinda feel like you're saying her and I won't last. Statistics are just mathematically calculated numbers that don't apply to everyone. and part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is due to the fact a lot of people either a. marry too early or b. didn't marry the right person or c. didn't put enough work into maintaining the relationship. I'm trying to say that if two people are "meant to be" they WILL last

Stevuke79
10-15-14, 09:22 PM
And I kinda feel like you're saying her and I won't last.

I'm not saying that at all!!!!!!!!!!! (how would I know anyway?)

I hope you do - or whatever, I just hope you are happy.

You seemed to be talking about fear of being apart.. and the only thing I want to say is, IF that is what you are afraid of, just know, that you WILL BE FINE, no matter what.

I'm not saying you will not last. I want to reassure you that you can and will have brilliant romantic happiness weather or not you suffer being apart.

That's my only message to you. Take it or leave it. That's the best I can say it. Over and out. ;)

Greyhound1
10-15-14, 09:29 PM
Anyone else experience this? It's really awful sometimes especially when it involves my so far 8 month relationship with my girlfriend. We really love each other and would do anything for each other but i find myself to be very clingy. She is my world.

Hi Dja,
I also suffer from OCD and completely understand. When you have OCD and ADHD anything that is extremely stimulating becomes an instant attraction and major OCD thinking.

I have learned from many years of this type of thinking that clinginess will eventually get old to anyone. If you can; attempt to re-focus or re-direct your OCD thoughts. Thinking about missing her constantly will tend to cause one to be clingy.

I would suggest trying to do something really meaningful for her instead when you feel this way. Try to re-focus your OCD anxiety on something you can be proud of when you see her. I have found writing poetry to my beautiful wife usually pays off with many great advantages.:)

Stevuke79
10-15-14, 09:52 PM
That's awesome! Love that post!