View Full Version : Therapy for Me


jende2
10-07-14, 03:22 PM
I think I know the answer to this question, but I'll just throw it out there. Do you think I could benefit from therapy to help me cope with boyfriend's ADHD? I found a reputable clinic near my house, therapist has experience with ADD, and she has an opening this Thursday. I think I'm going to go. I feel like I need help.

BF is willing to go to therapy too - with me. But to see us as a couple means waiting a week or two for that, due to BF's work schedule. I think I need to go now and get started. Thoughts?

Has anyone ever done therapy- or even a Support Group - and found it helpful?

VeryTired
10-07-14, 04:19 PM
Hey, jende--

Great move! Go for it! I am all in favor. If you do, I hope you find it very valuable in every way.

One thing therapy (for me alone) helped me realize is how my whole life had gotten sucked into someone else's issues at center without my even noticing it as that happened. I didn't mean that to happen, my partner didn't intend to do it to me, but the force of ADHD can be mighty, and it's very possible for a non-ADHD partner to find her or his world being pervaded by someone else's ADHD-related issues. In therapy where the focus is on you alone, it can become possible to reclaim the space at the center of your own life if you have lost any of it along the way. Anyway, I would say that the ideal therapist for you is someone knowledgeable about ADHD because that disorder is affecting your life as well as your boyfriend's life.

I am super pro-therapy in general. I also know that everyone is different, so of course my experience may be useless to you. But I found (and my partner agrees) that our very sincere and extended work in couples counseling together (off and on for two years--that's a lot of hours and dollars!) ultimately helped us very little. We tried, and we thought well of our counselors. But for us--at that time--the issues weren't really standard relationship ones, so that kind of counseling didn't address the concerns.

Both my partner and I found that by addressing what we were struggling with separately, much more positive change has occurred for us as a couple. So for me that's regular old one on one therapy. For my partner, the amazingly positive thing has been an adults-with-ADHD-therapy group he participates in. He was SO not enthusiastic about it when it started, and he is not at all the kind of person you think of when "group therapy" comes up. I really give him points for trying it despite all that. And many of his greatest accomplishments and realizations have come from his work in the group. His attending that group has been extremely positive for him--but also for me! In a quieter way, my going to my therapist has probably been good for him as well as it is for me.

Last thought: for me these boards are a support group. I learn every day, whether I am reading or writing here. Anything that breaks down the walls and reminds me that I am not struggling alone, that the challenges and problems can be named, shared, understood by others … this is essential. If there were an in-person support group for partners of adults with ADHD in my city, I'd go. I don't really like groups in general, but when the challenges are this real, I feel like any kind of resource is to be cherished and embraced.

dvdnvwls
10-07-14, 04:24 PM
Go. Keep your expectations on the low side. Don't pressure yourself that this has to "work" - just be open and learn all you can. Be prepared if necessary to come away saying "This person may be good, but not for me". But definitely go.

jende2
10-07-14, 05:51 PM
Thanks for your replies! I just made my first appointment for next Thursday, October 16th.

Pentax
10-07-14, 11:04 PM
Double and triple what Very Tired said, Jende.

Thinking of you on the 16th

sarahsweets
10-08-14, 04:36 AM
I think most people can benefit from individual therapy.

ToneTone
10-08-14, 09:43 PM
I double and triple what SarahSweets says.

Tone

TLCisaQT
11-03-14, 12:33 AM
Yes!!!! I've been going for years and feel sometimes like it's the only thing that helps keep me sane!!!!! :) If you have someone good, then they can help you feel empowered and communicate in a positive way, and even tell you how you can make some changes that can help in the relationship.

jende2
11-03-14, 10:07 PM
Just a quick update - I've seen an ADHD therapist twice, we have gone once as a couple, and this week the therapist wants to see him alone. He's actually got the appointment written down on his calendar! Let's hope he keeps it!!!
The addition of an Adderall booster at 4:00 P.M. each day is also helping tremendously. My boyfriend actually said to me, "These meds really help me. I just have to remember to take them as scheduled." Yes, you do! :)

VeryTired
11-04-14, 01:00 PM
Great to hear the positive reports, jende! Good for you (both). Keep us posted on how it goes.

dvdnvwls
11-04-14, 04:22 PM
Just a quick update - I've seen an ADHD therapist twice, we have gone once as a couple, and this week the therapist wants to see him alone. He's actually got the appointment written down on his calendar! Let's hope he keeps it!!!
The addition of an Adderall booster at 4:00 P.M. each day is also helping tremendously. My boyfriend actually said to me, "These meds really help me. I just have to remember to take them as scheduled." Yes, you do! :)
Excellent news!

A little note of caution: When he comes back from his individual appointment, don't press him for specifics of how it went, and don't look for results. I know it's tempting, but doing those things will sabotage his progress.

TLCisaQT
11-11-14, 11:25 PM
That is good news :) I will continue to wish good things for you both!

duckotaco
12-30-14, 05:03 PM
I am wary of this kind of stuff. It depends from how good the specialists you're dealing with are. If they're good then it will help, also a lot. If they aren't, they might make matters worse.

What we need is UNDERSTANDING as much as we can about the issue at hand, finding a diagnosis (even on our own, I don't think doctors are God and I think everyone should understad they're not and can misdiagnose while you could well, over the internet, understand more than they do), constantly observing the patterns and scrutinize so we can understand why they do what they do. The more one understands, the more one knows what to expect and the more easily he can solve the problems at hand.

Now, you can do that alone through intelligence, research and books/internet, or you can be lucky enough to find people who can give you a shortcut, which is what I'm hoping to do in this forum. But there is no guarantee you will and there is no guarantee the support group will help. I am wary of all psychologists as well, they are often much sicker than their patient. Not always. Just often. Again if one finds a good one that's perfect. Else it's better to figure out things alone.