I wonder what you call obsessive thoughts that do not involve believing, or being afraid, that you will do what's in the thoughts? In the thoughts I'm having it's often not even me hurting someone, but rather a family member violently hurting another family member, although sometimes it's me, but I'm never afraid I will actually do it. I'm just repulsed by the pictures that I see (cause I see these thoughts as pictures) and most of all that my mind brings out such thoughts, although I've learned to look at it as "These thoughts comes from my mind. In that way they're a part of me. However; they do not define who I am. I do not agree with the thoughts." It's tireing though. Actually it is about me too sometimes, but in the form of "I probably want/wanted this or that bad thing to happen to a family member, or someone else close."
These thoughts only involves people who are very close to me.

I wonder what you call obsessive thoughts that do not involve believing, or being afraid, that you will do what's in the thoughts? In the thoughts I'm having it's often not even me hurting someone, but rather a family member violently hurting another family member, although sometimes it's me, but I'm never afraid I will actually do it. I'm just repulsed by the pictures that I see (cause I see these thoughts as pictures) and most of all that my mind brings out such thoughts, although I've learned to look at it as "These thoughts comes from my mind. In that way they're a part of me. However; they do not define who I am. I do not agree with the thoughts." It's tireing though. Actually it is about me too sometimes, but in the form of "I probably want/wanted this or that bad thing to happen to a family member, or someone else close."
These thoughts only involves people who are very close to me.
Could these thoughts be a form of flashbacks to earlier events?

May I ask your age?

People think a great many strange things. I wonder if the ADD mind, being more scattered, is more likely to come up with strange, almost random thoughts.

Could these thoughts be a form of flashbacks to earlier events?

May I ask your age?

People think a great many strange things. I wonder if the ADD mind, being more scattered, is more likely to come up with strange, almost random thoughts.
No, they're not flashbacks.

I'm 28 and I've had these thoughts since around my early teen years. It was worst during my teen years. Maybe because I've got more used to it now, and am more blasé about it, even though it still bothers me; "Not now again! Oh, would I cut up the dog? Yeah sure *sarcasticly* then I'd probably do...*sarcasticly*.

I've thought that about the ADD mind too.

It is odd really. We think we know who we are. Sometimes we even think we have a handle on things. And then it is like our brains are penetrated by some alien being. Some things pop into our minds that seem completely foreign to us.

Perhaps someone else will comment. I would love to hear more about this.

Have you talked to a doctor about this? Are you on any kind of medicine?

Honestly, I have similar happenings. Sometimes it's me accidently hurting someone or watching them become hurt but I don't necessarily believe that it's OCD or ADD related. I don't think it's strange to worry about the ones we love in daymares/nightmares. Hell, I'll even admit that there are times that I wish ill upon those that tick me off. Fantasize about them getting what they deserve.

I don't think you're strange and I know it can be bothersome but to me it's perfectly normal. At least my pdoc thinks that I'm normal in some ways :)

Have you talked to a doctor about this? Are you on any kind of medicine?
The answer is no to both of your questions.

Honestly, I have similar happenings. Sometimes it's me accidently hurting someone or watching them become hurt but I don't necessarily believe that it's OCD or ADD related. I don't think it's strange to worry about the ones we love in daymares/nightmares. Hell, I'll even admit that there are times that I wish ill upon those that tick me off. Fantasize about them getting what they deserve.

I don't think you're strange and I know it can be bothersome but to me it's perfectly normal. At least my pdoc thinks that I'm normal in some ways :)
In the thoughts I'm having people are being hurt deliberately and in quite sadistic ways. It's very seldom it has anything to do with being angry at a person. Sometimes I think that there's this part of me who's trying to provoke and shock the rest of me. I'm a sensitive person. I always leave the TV when "Sensitive persons be warned" is anounced.

What do you do when you have such thoughts? Do you feel any need to punish yourself? I will usually do something that hurts physically for the moment (hit myself), but that's not damaging, cause I don't really want to harm myself. I just feel I need to react to the thoughts. Sometimes it becomes a vicious cycle though, in which case I try to make one hit and a "Go away all stupid thoughts!" do for several thoughts, and also try to not hit, but just get really tense for a moment and think the "Go away" thing, but it also depends on the severity of the thoughts.

As I'm sitting here typing there are pieces of such thougts flying around in my head, but I don't let them get through. They're just like glimpses.

One thing which I haven't mentioned and which is linked to the above in some way is that when I was around 11 or 12 I accidently read two articles about violent pornography. The articles stated how awful it was and gave examples of what was done to these poor women. I had no idea that this would be in the articles when I started to read them.

After this I started to see like a film in my head, with several episodes, where a woman was being sexually tortured and it was filmed. I couldn't shut off these thougts, they forced themselves on me.

I told my parents about it, and they naturally got very worried, and decided that we would go to the children's psychology/psychiatric team in the municipality. I did not want to do this. I didn't want to talk to strangers about it. Anyways we went, and the first time I started crying and refused to talk when the psychologists asked about it. The second time I hid and thought my parents wouldn't go without me, but they did and told the psychologists about everything, which made me feel very angry and betrayed. After that I came along, but didn't bother to talk to the psychologists. I don't think we went there for a very long time. If I remember it right my mother later has told me that it wasn't really helpful.

I have a very vivid imagination, I find it easy to picture myself in other peoples situations, and I've been aware about horrible things that happen around the world from a young age. When I was 9 I knew about torture methods that were being used in Turkish prisons or by the Guatemalan army cause I had read about it in novels for youths and teenagers. When I was even younger my parents couldn't leave the TV on during the news cause I understood that what was on was for real.

I'm proud of being this way, but still, maybe this sensitivity also makes me more sensitive in other ways.

I have also at times felt slightly paranoid. Especially when I was around 17. Altough I never really belived that someone was trying to poison me etc.

I have often felt that there's only a thin wall between being like I am and being mentally ill, for example schizophrenic. The difference is that I'm aware of what's reality and what is not.

lol Man I lost my entire post and now have to start over I hate it when I do that. OK Futs suck it up and move on!!!moving on.

I have experianced many times the thoughts and dreams you have described above and there is no simple answer as to why. I believe its a combination of not only my disorders or past but also my general personality. I will try and give specific examples and do my best to get across how I know what is real and what is made up and how I deal with each instance.

First of all I spent most my childhood in one abusive home after another. Its believed that like many children who suffer repeated offenses I found a way to bury my "issues, traumas?" deep into my subconscious, I still at times of great pain find a way to hide deep within my mind were my body functions but my is off to the stimuli around me. I had many nightmares as a child but it wasn't until my teen years when I woke up screaming after a nightmare were a young girl about 5 was being brutally raped and then beaten for it. When my mother and step father came running in I just started babbling about this little girl and how sad and how I had to help her but couldn't see her face and didn't know who she was...freaky huh? Yah tell me about it. Anyways, I noticed that my step father quickly made an exit stage left and my mother was crying. I was informed that I did in fact know the girl, she was me 11 years ago...what a strange and wonderful machine the mind is, to take what could have/probably would have broken any adult woman and lock it away until the child was old enough, strong enough to deal with the traumatic experiance. Don't get me wrong it took years for me to finally lay this incident and this particular nightmare to rest.

I occasionally have nightmares or daydreams were someone has hurt one of my kids; whether it be mental, physical or sexual. I know that it happens, I do not hide from reality nor will I deny that it could happen. These "things" do not break me nor cause a panic but do bring to the forfront of my mind the great inportance of preparing my children for the real world. Do not talk to strangers, do not go near this house and that house they are people who hurt children, this is how to react in this situation, you can trust mommy and daddy and tell us anything that scares you, makes you uncomfortable, this is how to defend yourself. Sometimes, I think my mind is just trying to help motivate me in preparing my children for the real world because kids are forced into real world instances and experiances well before WE/THEY are ready.

The last instance is when I will "see" someone I know or love hurting me. For instance I once had a dream that someone I had trusted with all my heart would stab me over and over. This was so freaky because this is someone I trust right? Well, it made me a little self conscious around her and a little more aware of her actions and words, facial features. It didn't take long before I found out that my friend was not a friend at all...I consider this my sub-conscious which has time to note slight changes in actions or behaviours and examine them to my "active" mind which is trying to process stimuli from just daily acts of living.

lol am I making any sense?

Futs,
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.There're really no words, they all sound petty. I knew you lived through an abusive childhood in some way, but this I didn't know.

A big hug to you.

Futs,
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.There're really no words, they all sound petty. I knew you lived through an abusive childhood in some way, but this I didn't know.

A big hug to you.

I did not mean to upset you, nor did I expect you to feel pity or empathy towards me. Without my past experiances I would not be the woman, daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend that I am today. I've learned that you can destroy a person with nothing more then words and I know that there are somethings that should never be kept in the dark, it should be out front for everyone to see and acknowledge and do something about. Whether it be to teach your own children how to defend themselves or maybe following up on a hunch about a student or close neighbor. Every 3 seconds a child is victimized in America alone its time we stop hiding and pretending it doesn't exist and do something about it.

I live very much as the tag line below states...I remember where I come from and that I will not go back!!!! nor will I allow my past the power to make or break me any longer. :soapbox:

:eek: Just realized I've hijacked your thread...sorry :(

I did not mean to upset you, nor did I expect you to feel pity or empathy towards me.
Well, I can't change who I am. I hope you understand that I wasn't patronizing you in any way. I felt the same way when I read in the paper about a Chechen woman who's husband was brutally murdered by Russian troops, before her eyes. She became a suicide bomber.

EEk put my foot in my mouth on that one didn't I? I didn't mean to sound so harsh only wanted you to know that the past no longer haunts me and that I am ok. Because, like you I am extremely sensitive to others as well.

Big hugs, I did not feel patronized
Cherity

Violent, sadistic, and/or sexual thoughts are very common in OCD, although from what you describe it does not seem to be OCD. Even religious obsessions (worrying that one might die "in sin," for example, if one is Catholic and hasn't confessed recently) are sometimes seen.

The reason I suggest that what you describe is not OCD is because you never suggested you actually *do* anything based on these thoughts, other to quickly smack yourself upside the head a bit and tell them to "Go away!" I think that's kind of normal and doesn't really count as a compulsive ritual. :P I think someone suggested PTSD, and that's certainly a possibility, although it may fall into some other anxiety disorder category.

Me, my only experience with obsessional thoughts were occasional suicidal ideas that I never had any intention of acting on, but I think I understand a little bit of what you're experiencing.

EEk put my foot in my mouth on that one didn't I? I didn't mean to sound so harsh only wanted you to know that the past no longer haunts me and that I am ok. Because, like you I am extremely sensitive to others as well.

Big hugs, I did not feel patronized
Cherity
What do we have fots for, if not to put them in our mouths? ;) :D

It's good to hear that you're ok. :eyebrow: :)

Do you like being extremely sensitive to others or do you see it more as a problem?

Violent, sadistic, and/or sexual thoughts are very common in OCD, although from what you describe it does not seem to be OCD. Even religious obsessions (worrying that one might die "in sin," for example, if one is Catholic and hasn't confessed recently) are sometimes seen.

The reason I suggest that what you describe is not OCD is because you never suggested you actually *do* anything based on these thoughts, other to quickly smack yourself upside the head a bit and tell them to "Go away!" I think that's kind of normal and doesn't really count as a compulsive ritual. :P I think someone suggested PTSD, and that's certainly a possibility, although it may fall into some other anxiety disorder category.

Me, my only experience with obsessional thoughts were occasional suicidal ideas that I never had any intention of acting on, but I think I understand a little bit of what you're experiencing.
That's true; I've thought about that too. I don't do any rituals. Only want to hurt myself physically a little bit - and how much depends on the severity of the thought, it's never really harmful though.

Unless you call, hitting myself with clenched fists on the forehead and saying "Go away all stupid thoughts!" and then stroking myself on the forhead -- because I'm a good person, it's the thoughts that are bad, a ritual. It doesn't necessarily have to be clenched fists on the forehead, but it's got to be both hands and then stroking.

I don't have some kind of ritual that; if I don't perform it, what I see in my head is going to happen. I have however sometimes experienced thoughts, or "conversations" inside my head like the following:
-If I don't put the toothbrush this or that way that means that I want my parents to die.
-No it doesn't. That's ridiculous! *Putting the toothbrush the other way to show that I don't believe in that kind of superstition.*
-Oh, really? So I want my parents to die?
-No! *sigh*

I've done quite a few rituals; especially as a child. For example if I turned around to the left I also had to turn around to the right, or the other way around. Otherwise it would be unfair to the side which I didn't turn too. There was also a period when, when my parents said "Hop into bed!" and I would really jump -- quite wildly until I hit my upper lip on the far end of the bed stead and started bleeding -- then I cooled it down a bit.:) I also said this long string of words, from which I remember:
"Godnatt-Nougat, Nougat-Godnatt" (Goodnight-Nougat, Nougat-Goodnight)
Trust me, it sounds better in Swedish! :D

What I have described isn't really what you think of when you think of people doing rituals due to OCD though, is it?

It's past 3 am. I really need to go to bed. Go'natt-Nogat! :p
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What do we have fots for, if not to put them in our mouths? ;) :D

It's good to hear that you're ok. :eyebrow: :)

Do you like being extremely sensitive to others or do you see it more as a problem?


I feel that being sensitive to others is much like a double edged sword. While it can be an asset in many situations it can also be a major pain in the butt especially when you cannot tell whether the pain you feel belongs to someone else or yourself.

For instance there was a little girl kidnapped and molested and then buried alive by her neighbor...now this bothers me to no end, it even effects my dreams and there is not a darn thing I can do about it...but it will take me a long time to let it go.

A good instance is when my son is down, I just know and can be extra gentle with him and remind him how important he is to me and I can really focus on building up his self esteem without making it seem an obvious ploy.

i did extensive reading on OCD last year, and its not just compulsions and rituals. one of the DSMIV symptoms stated says something like "unwanted, obtrusive, disturbing thoughts"
dont remember exactly what it says, but if you go to a big library, eg. university library, state library, they will have a copy, look it up in there if you want to know (you= anyone who reads this not a particular person), .. although this answer was directed a little at 'exeter'.

i dont claim to know a lot, but i did read that! :)

It's good to hear that you're ok. :eyebrow: :) You've seen my question about the :eyebrow: smiley. This is what triggered it. When I wrote the smiley above I ment to say that I'm sincerely happy to hear this. Later, when I had gone to bed, I realised that may not be what this smiley means. I felt really embarrased at the thought that you might interpret it in some way like "How could you be ok? I don't believe you!" or something, so I thought "I'll post and explain, and say I'm sorry tomorrow." Although when I logged in to do it I didn't, a little bit because I thought maybe I didn't use it in the wrong way, but mainly because I felt like I always let people down, always have to say "I'm sorry" and I felt so tired of it, So instead I shyed away from the forums for a while.

Anyways I wanted you to know how I ment it.



I feel that being sensitive to others is much like a double edged sword. While it can be an asset in many situations it can also be a major pain in the butt especially when you cannot tell whether the pain you feel belongs to someone else or yourself.

For instance there was a little girl kidnapped and molested and then buried alive by her neighbor...now this bothers me to no end, it even effects my dreams and there is not a darn thing I can do about it...but it will take me a long time to let it go.

A good instance is when my son is down, I just know and can be extra gentle with him and remind him how important he is to me and I can really focus on building up his self esteem without making it seem an obvious ploy. I have deliberately avoided to read about what happened to that little girl to protect myself. Also today there was a headline in one of the net papers about a 15 year old girl who had been brutally raped by three men. "Police officer: -This is among the worst I've seen" I thought to myself "No, I'm not going to read it."

I saw in the local news paper that they were looking for persons to support victims of crime, through the court process (as volunteers), and I thought I'd like to do that. That may be something for me. I think I could really be of help, but then I thought: What if it's a case on child pornography and the material is shown in the court? I would be a wreck after having seen something like that. And even if it would just be descriptions of this or other torture-like kinds of crimes it would really get to me. I would be a very supportive support person though.

It really is a double edged sword, isn't it? I remember my father used to say that I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. You know when your really sad about something that's happening in the world, even though your not affected personally.

I think it's an asset to be able to feel with people, to be able to share their pain (even though you might be worried sometimes that they'll think "What are you crying about? Nothing's happened to you!").

It's really great that you can do that (what you described) with your son.

I have found this same trait in myself. In fact, there was a long time where I would discuss with my therapist my fear of being around kitchen knives or sharp objects. It was weird that I feared someone close to me would be hurt by one of these objects.

I'm not sure how I came to grips with this issue. Not that I have completely. There are days when hints of it still are there....after times of stress or massive sleep loss.

One thing I have found is that I HAVE an extreme ability to empathize with others. I mean that I can actually feel their emotional pain. I think this may have something to do with the way my brain is wired. I see the "obsessive thoughts" as a preparation for or even prevention of future events that might be harmful to someone else.

For example, when I would see a kitchen knife it was almost as if my mind would race through a million possible scenario's where that knife might actually cause someone harm. So, I would place the knife in a place that would prevent the majority of these scenario's from ever taking place while also making the knife available for use if my wife or I needed it.
And this would happen in a flash of a couple of seconds and some days it would happen MANY times with different objects.

I never fear harm to myself. In fact, I am reluctant to wear a seat belt but refuse to move the car if everyone else isn't wearing one.

I saw in the local news paper that they were looking for persons to support victims of crime, through the court process (as volunteers), and I thought I'd like to do that. That may be something for me. I think I could really be of help, but then I thought: What if it's a case on child pornography and the material is shown in the court? I would be a wreck after having seen something like that. And even if it would just be descriptions of this or other torture-like kinds of crimes it would really get to me. I would be a very supportive support person though.

I think you need to look into it. I'm sure your thinking there would be far more involved then there actually is. I do not work with children I refuse it hits too close to home and I don't think I could recover. I generally work with college students and young women who have been raped. They call the hotline and I sit with them until the officer arrives to take their statement and make sure they get to the hospital/clinic so that they get the physical treatment they will need and forensic evidance the courts will need. I then give them a list of support groups. I'm there to listen, comfort and explain what is going to happen next. I give hugs and numbers never have I testified nor been called to testify.

ClearConfusion,

If it is possible I would suggest you talk to a counselor. What you've descrbed is not uncommon- in fact those kind of thoughts go thru everyone's mind but most of the time people can just expereince them as a flash. I think the ADD agravates this OC tendency because, like you said you are senstive and you have a strong imagination.

I read in Driven To Distraction that ADDers of a certain type often latch on to emotionally strong thoughts as a way to 'anchor' their thoughts. The pain of the bad thoughts is better as far as our brains are concerned than the scatteredness.

I bet if you talked to someone they would be able to help you work thru this and suggest where to go to get medication. Medication can help on both fronts for you- the ADD and the OCD stuff.

I had similar types of things but I am like Futs- I had a traumatic past so i just ended up reliving the trauma. Life doesn't have to be this hard. You are right- it takes a lot of energy to keep on top of this and with treatment you can direct that energy elsewhere.

Thanks Fly Away! :)

I'm going to contact a terapeut that someone's recomended, to talk about all of my problems. Hopefully she'll be able to help me.

I will look up "Driven to distraction" if I can find it here somewhere, or maybe I have to order it.

I also read somewhere (don't remember where) that the brain likes bizarre images.

What kind of medication would be helpful? I will not be prescribed any kind of ADD medication before I'm properly diagnosed (about one year left to wait for the evaluation).

I understand it as you have been helped by treatment, (Correct me if I'm wrong!) cause you use imperfect. I'm glad to hear it!

I am glad your going to talk to someone. I have most definitely been helped by treatment. It was one of the best things I did for myself and my family. I havehad talk therapy and went on medication when it looked like that was needed. I am very thankful to have had access to both meds and therapy.
One thing that I have learned from my therapist is that many of the things that people dx'd with some of these 'disorders' (depression, anxiety, worry, obsessing) are common to everyone. What makes it a disorder is how much it interfers. Have you ever heard the saying- there's nothing new under the sun? Its kind of like that. Whatever you are going thru many other people have done the same to one extent or another. A good therapist will help you to not carry that load all the time of fighting back those thoughts. They will show you how you can 'unload' it.

Take care,

I think you need to look into it. I'm sure your thinking there would be far more involved then there actually is. I do not work with children I refuse it hits too close to home and I don't think I could recover. I generally work with college students and young women who have been raped. They call the hotline and I sit with them until the officer arrives to take their statement and make sure they get to the hospital/clinic so that they get the physical treatment they will need and forensic evidance the courts will need. I then give them a list of support groups. I'm there to listen, comfort and explain what is going to happen next. I give hugs and numbers never have I testified nor been called to testify.<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->
wow cherity, im kind of in awe of you at having the strength to do something like that.

wow cherity, im kind of in awe of you at having the strength to do something like that.

The first time I was raped I was no more then 6. I didn't talk about it to anyone. My mother said that we can just forget it happened and I'm ok he can't get near me again. YOU cannot forget something like that.

The second time I was raped I was in college and didn't know were to turn so I buried it deep inside myself out of shame. Once is an accident, twice it must be something with me right? (I don't feel that way now but many rape victims do walk away feeling like they should have done something to prevent it from happening and are too ashamed to speak to anyone).

The hotline is for those victims once they know that I'm a rape survivor and that there was nothing more they could have done to protect themselves and they have a right to voice their objections to what just happened to them. They are more willing to open up and to get the medical attention they need and if they aren't alone they are more apt to press charges.

At the last seminar I went to the instructor stated that about 18,000 rapes occur in Nebraska alone and go unreported out of fear and shame.

I have a voice and I will use it. EVERY woman, child has a voice and I will do my best to help them use it. I also happen to have a wonderful man who believes in what I do and more importantly in ME and he gives me the support I need until I can stand on my own again.

im truly in awe of you, like seriously. I dont think i could ever have a head screwed on tight anough to go out and help others ith the same impact as you do, your like a realy good person (about as close as a compliment i can make without it sounding slushy or plastic, although i do totaly mean it).

I do my best but assure you that I fail just as much as I succeed at being a good person. Nobody's perfect. Do your best shinobi thats all anyone has the right to ask.

yeah, thanks futs.

I have definitely had thoughts like this and have experienced what I can only describe as a split from reality...The thing is, I only have these thoughts when I'm in a situation where my ADD is exacerbated...For instance:

In high school, I had a really boring Biology teacher--when he would start rambling, these images would pop into my head (TOTALLY uncontrolled) of me grabbing a book and whamming the teacher repeatedly in the face with it. I would picture his expression when I did it and immediately feel this repulsion with myself. Then, I would shake my head and look around at the classroom, at the expressions of the other students...They were all diligently facing straight ahead and taking notes. If I didn't have them to use as a reference point, I would never be able to tell you if it had really happened or if I had just imagined it.

In other situation, my grandmother was talking to me about something and just going on and on and on...All of the sudden I would have these uncontrollable intrusive thoughts that I went up to her and started pulling her hair out and ripping her sweater...Same thing, I would feel absolutely repulsive, shake my head, look at her carefully--she was still droning on and on...You would think that would be reassurance, but no. I would start to think things like...I wonder if she saw what I was thinking...OMG...and just start freaking out, to where one time, I just got up and said, "grandma, I can't talk anymore."

My philosophy? When you are literally using every ounce of your energy to try and stay still and listen, SO MUCH AGGRESSION BUILDS UP inside of you and this is your way of releasing it...

Ya know, I have these same kinds of thoughts. In TOO much detail. Sometimes it's like diving down a black hole of thought.
I've had them for more than 30 years and they come and go and don't seem to have any pattern to when or why I might think them.

The other day the thought just popped into my head that my 6 year old son would get hold of a real gun from a stupid neighbor kid and blow off the side his 4 y/o sisters head. I saw the whole thing in graphic detail. I was even in the scene.

We've always told him that guns are off limits...even toy guns.

Let me tell you we've had a few conversations about how dangerous guns are since then. The thing that stinks is that it was so vivid in my mind I felt every emotion that I would feel as if I WAS actually experiencing it.
Like any good parent I would trade my life for the safety of my kids any day! Any day!

This is a HORRIBLE curse IMO because it feels like I am trading my life for their safety in situations that are only happening inside my head.

I'm finding that is one of the many reasons I am irritable most of the time and now take anti-anxiety meds.

I mean, you wanna talk about reasons to be isolated from people. Try becoming really close to someone and then without any control on your part you get to see and experience some heinous or violent injury or death happen to them...in your head.
It's almost like being that woman on the show Medium except the stuff isn't really happening and there is no crime to solve...no justice to seek and no way to gain closure....just pop another Xanax and go back to work.

I wish I hadn't read this thread.........I'm only leaving my post bc it might help someone else feel that they are not a FREAK and other people are actually battle the same demons.