View Full Version : Parenting ADHD with a traveling Spouse


greenreddew
10-09-14, 11:44 AM
Morning all!

I joined a couple days ago and getting my feet wet. Finding time to get through many threads and learning all I can.

Ry was dx with ADHD last year ( actually a year ago this month!) and we started Ritalin. He is doing great and even his teacher at the time was happy about the change in him.

My biggest worry right now is how to help him and discipline while my DH travels. DH travels all the time. As in, leave on a monday and come home fri or sat only to leave again monday. He is rarely home so Ry does not see him as a authority figure which has them both butting heads with each other. So while I try to handle things I know works, DH tries to do it a completely opposite way which makes it worse.

Another problem we are having is that since he travels so much, schedule and routines are 'our' thing. We have a system when he is not home. It works for us and yet when he is home, well you can imagine. So Ry gets mad and upset that his world is upside down.

Any advice to help out would be great. We are a small town so not many resources available.

Tmoney
10-09-14, 02:15 PM
I can tell you that the traveler coming back and inadvertently disrupting the schedule is a big part of why the child is rebelling. He is blaming the traveling parent for the chaos.

First step is to get with the traveler and set up a plan on how to join in on the schedule upon returning. They need to understand that it is in their best interest and is the best method of approach for a successful relationship.

Also, if the traveling parent is the disciplinarian it is even more important. The behavior modification must be the same for both parents. Otherwise they become the scape goat.

Team approach, no blaming or under-minding is essential for a healthy balanced household.

communicate communicate communicate!

I wish good things for you!

greenreddew
10-09-14, 02:23 PM
Thank you for replying.

Since DH travels so much, it is mostly me that does the disciplining. Since I am the only one home most of the time, it will fall on me to take care of. I dont mind it, I just do not know how to help Ry realize that daddy is also an authority figure at home.

I have tried to explain to DH that his travel for work does add chaos to our routine while home, however he does not always realize it. I am trying to think of easier ways to help both DH realize that we have a routine and Ry to realize that daddy being home is not a horrible negative to it all.

Sorry, my brain is all over at the moment..lack of sleep does that to me haha.

Trailala
10-10-14, 07:40 AM
My husband was travelling like that last year, Mon morning to Thur late night.

We found that setting up a FaceTime account on an old iPhone (then an iPad mini, both could only use wifi) and encouraging our child to "call and talk to daddy" helped a lot. We had some family FaceTime chats and would often call together to say goodnight but after a while the kid would get excited about something or would call dad whenever he wanted to ask one of us a question but I was busy or couldn't hear.

Occasionally, the question asked would be a "can I do or have x" type, which my husband would send a text to me to let me know if the answer given wasn't wasn't a standard expectation.

Making husband available with more frequency helped more than I anticipated when he came home. By us being careful to talk about permissions granted or schedules changing, we manage to keep dad established as a source of information and authority for our child.

Dizfriz
10-10-14, 05:42 PM
How old is the child?

Dizfriz

greenreddew
10-10-14, 10:29 PM
Evening.

Ry is 7.

We try to skype when we can. With the time changes and him on site all day, it is hard to get a time down for them to talk. During the summer, it was easier since school was out. Now that school is back, he is in bed by 8 and many times, DH is unavailable all day.

The good thing is that his teacher says he is doing well and not acting out. Gives me some hope that I doing something right lol.

sarahsweets
10-13-14, 04:27 AM
I don't know what to say ideally. Consistency is THE most important thing in an adhd child's life. He has to understand this and you are going to have to explain this way to him. He could benefit from some info about how the adhd brain works. What role does he play in the treatment your son receives from the doctor?

Dizfriz
10-13-14, 08:22 AM
I might suggest you look at the information at my corner. It doesn't have any answers but a lot of information and some ideas that might be of some help.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130


Dizfriz

ccom5100
10-13-14, 11:13 AM
My dh travels Mon-Thurs or Friday most weeks. It is hard, but we've pretty much worked things out. He calls every night before dgs goes to bed. We talk for a while first and I let him know how the day went and if there are any issues he needs to address with dgs when he gets on the phone with him. Since dh is home less often and I'm the primary disciplinarian in the house, dgs naturally enjoys being around him more than he does being around me, but that's OK.

When dh is home, I pretty much leave him in charge of getting dgs where he needs to be, both physically and behaviorally. He does enforce the rules, but does it in his own way. I think it is healthy for dgs to experience our different approaches to things, but I also think it is important that both dh and I are on the same page as to what is expected of dgs.

greenreddew
10-21-14, 08:26 PM
Sorry been MIA for awhile. Been a bit crazy here w DH schedule and all.

DH has ADD himself so I assumed he would understand everything going on with Ry and ways to help me help him. However, to DH... its just give him his pill and he will be fine. He doesn't believe into looking at therapy type settings. I have a friend who also has the same issues but a step ahead of me. She is going to help me look into other options for Ry to help w anger and understanding.

CCom: we do that. DH calls all the time to talk to them. When he is home though, anger is his first reaction to things Ry does wrong so it makes Ry not see him as a parent. explaining to DH over and over gets me nowhere so i know it is also his hard headedness.