View Full Version : Help, I'm a sex addict


DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 09:56 AM
So I've come to the realization that I'm addicted to sex. I've suffered from this my entire life, but it wasn't until a few years ago when I tried to stop that I realized that I might be having a problem.

Just the last couple of months I've come to realize that I need help. I don't feel comfortable talking to people face-to-face about this. I feel considerable amount of shame about it. So I'd prefer an on-line forum. Somewhere where there's no risk about anybody knowing anything about me, so I can be totally and completely open.

Any tips on good ones?

Rebelyell
10-17-14, 10:08 AM
Gee you make it sound like a bad thing, why?

sarahsweets
10-17-14, 10:12 AM
Because an addiction impairs your life and has negative consequences.

Gee you make it sound like a bad thing, why?

DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 10:55 AM
Because an addiction impairs your life and has negative consequences.

Yeah, exactly. It's the same underlying problem at the core of any addiction. Whenever the addict feels any kind of emotional stress or other psychological problem in life, they (we) use or do something that gives an even greater psychological effect. The thing we do acts to drown out the psychological distress.

The downside with it is that it prevents an addict from working on themselves and growing as people. We never learn how to deal with all the things in life that causes us distress. Ie, the root cause. We only ever deal with the symptom, ie the distress.

That's why an addict tends to come across as immature and emotionally stunted. Learning to deal with **** in life is a big part of what it means to grow up and become mature. If you don't, you, emotionally, you stay at whatever age you first developed your addiction.

Suffering from ADHD, of course, makes it all the more harder to overcome addictions. Since the addiction is a strong psychological impulse, and we've got a weak impulse control.

For me I've used, porn, sex, love, relationships, masturbation and regular sex pretty much interchangeably. I'm not trying to brag, but I'm a quite good looking, tall, muscular guy with a big penis. I even modelled for underwear in my youth. Which in any other circumstance might sound awesome. I certainly got laid a lot.

But I've used sex for all the wrong reasons. I've used it in order not to feel things. To drown out emotions. This thing that people talk about a lot regarding emotional connection when having sex. Never had it. Don't know what it even means. To me sex is basically just the rubbing of parts and orgasms.

And all my male friends, pretty much all look just as good. When we go out picking up girls we're like super stars. But we're all sex addicts. It's gone so far that we joke about it. It's just a big tragic joke at this point. It's being stuck and not having the tools to get out of it.

Also, my story is so stereotypical for any addict it's not even funny. I came from a dysfunctional home with emotionally and physically abusive parents. Growing up I had plenty of reasons to want to drown out emotions. So I did. And now I'm 39 and have pretty much gone nowhere in life. Been married twice. Both of them was a total disaster. In retrospect, both my wives were sex addicts. I think every girl I ever dated was one. Except one girl I met last year. She was 18 years old. I felt I could relate to her. Which should tell you everything you need to know about the emotional growth of my life.

Even if that girl was the world's most emotionally mature 18 year old, no way should a healthy 39 year old be able to build a meaningful and mutually beneficial relationship with her. That's just pathetic. I've realized that I need help.

But it's not only sex I've used. I've used training. That's why I've always been in such fantastic physical shape. I've used exercise as tool to drown out emotion, rather than what I should be doing. Focusing on getting healthy and fit. So I've damaged myself time and time again. Always over-trained, and pushing the limit of what my body can take.

DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 10:55 AM
Wow.. .that was a long letter. Felt so good to get that off my chest.

peripatetic
10-17-14, 11:25 AM
we can't really recommend other forum sites on here due to guidelines, but i just want to commend you for having such remarkable insight on your situation and also for the courage to share it here.

i wish you well in getting some support. maybe there's an "anonymous" group in stockholm that you could sit in on without sharing for a while and as you get more comfortable you could open up? i really think that in-person therapy is going to be your best chance of success, ultimately, but i can appreciate not wanting to talk to people about things that are so uncomfortable. though i don't have an addication, i have a really hard time being open about certain things about my mental health unless i'm basically forced to, and it doesn't really do me any good. so, just noting because i say i think being open is ultimately most helpful, but i know full well i'm not in ways.

i wish you well with this and we also have a private relationships section, and a private co existing section, if you wanted to talk more in depth and less google-ably. just let any orange know and we can get you passwords.

DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 12:00 PM
we can't really recommend other forum sites on here due to guidelines, but i just want to commend you for having such remarkable insight on your situation and also for the courage to share it here.

i wish you well in getting some support. maybe there's an "anonymous" group in stockholm that you could sit in on without sharing for a while and as you get more comfortable you could open up? i really think that in-person therapy is going to be your best chance of success, ultimately, but i can appreciate not wanting to talk to people about things that are so uncomfortable. though i don't have an addication, i have a really hard time being open about certain things about my mental health unless i'm basically forced to, and it doesn't really do me any good. so, just noting because i say i think being open is ultimately most helpful, but i know full well i'm not in ways.

i wish you well with this and we also have a private relationships section, and a private co existing section, if you wanted to talk more in depth and less google-ably. just let any orange know and we can get you passwords.

At this point I'm not comfortable with meeting people face-to-face regarding this. I just have too much shame about it.

I'm already in therapy. That was the reason I came to this realization. My therapist is primarily focused on addiction. So she had plenty of insight.

If links to other forums is a no no. Then please feel free to send them to me in a PM. I'd rather go to a forum that specialises with sexual addiction. I've googled and found plenty. But not sure which ones to go for.

Rebelyell
10-17-14, 12:07 PM
Sorry but **** i wish I had this problem and could get some like it's water.

Fuzzy12
10-17-14, 12:11 PM
Sorry but **** i wish I had this problem and could get some like it's water.

Being addicted to sex and being able to have sex whenever you want isn't the same. :scratch:

peripatetic
10-17-14, 12:22 PM
Sorry but **** i wish I had this problem and could get some like it's water.

i don't think you're appreciating the nature of the problem here.

maybe you missed these parts:

But I've used sex for all the wrong reasons. I've used it in order not to feel things. To drown out emotions. This thing that people talk about a lot regarding emotional connection when having sex. Never had it. Don't know what it even means. To me sex is basically just the rubbing of parts and orgasms.

I just have too much shame about it.

being unable to stop having unfulfilling, emotionally disconnected sex that carries such shame is not something desirable. it simply isn't.

DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 12:31 PM
Sorry but **** i wish I had this problem and could get some like it's water.

I suspect that I've never really had real sex. It's all just been a method to relieve pain. So I don't think I've had more sex than you. Probably less. I might have gone through the motions. But not real sex.

The problem with being addicted to stuff like this is that you will obliterate yourself if necessary... just to get laid. I'll just say I'm into whatever it is that will make them horny. I'm a master at reading a woman and telling her what she wants to hear.

And it's not like it's really deception. I don't know what kind of sex I like. I wouldn't know what to answer if a woman would ask me what I'm into sexually. The women I've been able to connect with and had relationships with are also sex addicts. So they too have obliterated themselves. So it's two non-entities going through the motions of having sex. I can't imagine any more meaningless activity.

I used to hate getting blow-jobs. The simple reason was that the sensation wasn't intense enough. And I was incapable of relaxing enough to enjoy it. I've managed to stay off masturbating for ten days once. After that I actually enjoyed it somewhat. So I'm not beyond hope. But I really need to break this spell to be able to grow as a person

DrZoidberg
10-17-14, 12:40 PM
My main resistance to making this thread was that I might sabotage the odd chance that a woman here might want to sleep with me. That's by definition insane, since everybody here is anonymous. Nobody has flirted with me yet here in the four years I've been a member. And I can't even think why they ever would.

Tmoney
10-17-14, 02:08 PM
Its true. An addiction like this can make you feel weak, ashamed and infearior. Almost like a secet identity that if it got out it would be very embarassing.

Go online and look for specific forums, discussions, and then hopefully you will get the will power to seek out professional help face to face.

Good luck. I wish good thingsfor you!

PolaBear
10-17-14, 08:15 PM
First thing- Respect in being able to talk about this.

That's why an addict tends to come across as immature and emotionally stunted. Learning to deal with **** in life is a big part of what it means to grow up and become mature. If you don't, you, emotionally, you stay at whatever age you first developed your addiction

Never heard it described in that way before, makes sense and can relate in some ways.

Rebelyell
10-17-14, 08:44 PM
I didn't mean to dismiss you or take.away from the reality of your problem Dr zoid.Ive never had an addiction that Has negatively affected me in life so it's hard to relate I suppose.Dont mean I.dont care tho.everything I've ever been thru has been feel it in your face amd.deal with it pain, even tho life H's sucked somewhat for me I.never felt like I needed to get a needle or fix to numb me.Did I.want to.defintely but chose not too.

apoeticdevice
10-17-14, 11:44 PM
My main resistance to making this thread was that I might sabotage the odd chance that a woman here might want to sleep with me. That's by definition insane, since everybody here is anonymous. Nobody has flirted with me yet here in the four years I've been a member. And I can't even think why they ever would.


I have had thoughts like this but completely unrelated to sex/this subject at all in other areas of my life. I hope you find a good forum that can help you. Have you ever tried meditating? I only ask because you said you hate BJ's and have a hard time relaxing. Have you been able to release the negative impact of your past? Letting go of negative emotions/past circumstances is difficult but once you master it I think you will definitely feel better. I am horrible at relaxing but sometimes meditation really helps me and I know it can sound lame but it really has calmed me down when I have felt I could burn the world away.

Pilgrim
10-18-14, 12:14 AM
I'm like this. A sex addict. When I was younger I was always on the lookout.
And I always attracted those types of females. I've always just wanted to connect with someone.
I got hurt once and the funny thing was she was just like me a loser.
The best thing I ever did was start seeing a psychologist.
I still don't exactly know why I behave this way. Trying to coverup the emotions I have toward my mother.
With age I want sex just as much. I think the same.

HADDaball
10-18-14, 03:19 AM
Gee you make it sound like a bad thing, why?

you get sore sooner or later...

;)

DrZoidberg
10-18-14, 07:11 AM
I have had thoughts like this but completely unrelated to sex/this subject at all in other areas of my life. I hope you find a good forum that can help you. Have you ever tried meditating? I only ask because you said you hate BJ's and have a hard time relaxing. Have you been able to release the negative impact of your past? Letting go of negative emotions/past circumstances is difficult but once you master it I think you will definitely feel better. I am horrible at relaxing but sometimes meditation really helps me and I know it can sound lame but it really has calmed me down when I have felt I could burn the world away.

I only started medicating for ADHD four years ago (when I was 35). My life really didn't start until then. Not really. As soon as the medication kicked in I've been working on myself non-stop. Two years ago I found yoga. Best thing that ever happened to me. Through the yoga I found meditation. I do that every day now. Sometimes twice a day. I do 90 minutes of yoga every day as well.

I don't hate blow-jobs any longer. I still have a hard time enjoying them. But it's much better now. Slowly my body and brain is being rewired to function normally. I do believe I have the medication to thank for this. Just giving me a chance to function at all. To not be totally insane.

DrZoidberg
10-18-14, 07:12 AM
I'm like this. A sex addict. When I was younger I was always on the lookout.
And I always attracted those types of females. I've always just wanted to connect with someone.
I got hurt once and the funny thing was she was just like me a loser.
The best thing I ever did was start seeing a psychologist.
I still don't exactly know why I behave this way. Trying to coverup the emotions I have toward my mother.
With age I want sex just as much. I think the same.

So how have you been working on it? Has anything helped? We can talk in PM's if you're not comfortable talking about it in open forums.

Laserbeak
10-18-14, 10:09 PM
So, you are tall, handsome, have a big member, perform well, and many, many women want to jump into the sack with you? What's the problem again?

Pilgrim
10-19-14, 03:43 AM
So how have you been working on it? Has anything helped? We can talk in PM's if you're not comfortable talking about it in open forums.

To be honest like you I think the medication helps a lot .
Seeing a GREAT councillor will be worth the effort to find them.

I think there could be 2 problems in this situation. Firstly the ADD.
Secondly some of those feelings that sprung up over your parents. I think finding peace with that is also key. Just letting those experiences no longer having a big impact on you.

sarahsweets
10-19-14, 04:13 AM
One of the biggest misconceptions of sexual addiction is that its so fun to have it or that someone is lucky to have it.

DrZoidberg
10-19-14, 09:57 AM
So, you are tall, handsome, have a big member, perform well, and many, many women want to jump into the sack with you? What's the problem again?

Because I manipulate and use people. I use them just like an alcoholic would use alcohol. I do it because I'm an addict and because I can. If I hadn't had the physical features going for me chances are I would have turned to some other method of numbing myself.

It eats away at trust. Anybody I've had relationships with don't expect to be treated well. I'm not going to psychoanalyse them. But I'd say these tend to be women with extremely low self esteem. Whenever they assert any sense of self worth they always leave me. I think that's a good summary of the patterns in my life.

I'm not an abusive partner. I'm kind when it comes to most things. I've also never been unfaithful because I've always been open about the fact that there is no way I can be faithful. And if they make that demand on me.. well... we're just not meant for one another. I've literally put having sex with other women as more important than anything else in any relationship I enter into. If they've ever had an issue with me sleeping with others. Well.. that's the end of that relationship. It's a pattern.

I'm also not jealous. I don't mind if my girlfriends have sex with others. That can be interpreted in any number of ways. I'm not sure I understand it myself. But I suspect that it has to do with that I don't really care about women. They're just tools to use for me. It's not just me being confident with women.

I'm not superman. I do have a problem with having this much sex. I have a hard time getting and staying hard. If I just refrain from ******* a couple of days, it's fine. But I never get that far. Even if I refrain from masturbating. I still do it. But not quite once a week. Refraining from masturbating is only about keeping my penis in working condition. It's mental torture not to masturbate. It requires extraordinary willpower on my end.

If I wouldn't fight it I'm sure I could spend all day every day only masturbating. Doing nothing else for all eternity. Not eating, drinking, sleeping. Just doing that. This preclusion is not good for my career.

Of course, other people's jealousy of me getting to **** so much is an ego boost. But it's not really good for anything. It also acts to destroy whatever chances I have to meet girls who want a dependable guy. The thing with having slept with many women is that they can talk to each other. Stockholm is not a big city.

There's also the thing about most of my friends, probably, also being sex addicts. These are, by definition, people who can't help me with this. If they could they would have helped themselves out of it already. I need to make new friends who are more balanced and normal regarding sex. But people like that tend to shy away from me.

It doesn't help that being a neurotic basket-case about sex is normal in our society. We live in an extremely sex negative culture. We all do. There is no culture with a healthy attitude toward sex. Sure, Sweden is one of the better ones. But it's still pretty bad.

Being good in bed is a skill. Just like any skill it requires plenty of practice, plenty of different partners of varying skill level, and open and honest communication about it. But since women who sleep around are ****-shamed, and get into relationships long before they're mature enough for it, our cultures ability to spread the practice of good and healthy sex is lost. As is our cultures macho male ideal for men (which no man ever can live up to) and which creates a huge insecurity for all men, preventing them from communicating and learning from each other.

So we don't. So most people suck at sex. I've slept around a lot. So I'm comparatively good in bed. It makes it very hard to build a good relationship with a non sex-addict. Inexperienced girls are just boring to have sex with IMHO. At least repeatedly.

Once learned it makes it super easy to manipulate women. Just give them a couple of powerful orgasms and they're basically ready to be my dog and willing to put up with any ******** from me. This is only because it's so few men who know how women's bodies work (I've been told by the women I've slept with).

I'm really not bragging. I'm just explaining how this particular gilded cage works for me.

Right now I would like to have a life which is about something else than having sex. I want a goal in my life that manages to keep me focused and motivated that doesn't involve around manipulating women.

DrZoidberg
10-19-14, 10:01 AM
To be honest like you I think the medication helps a lot .
Seeing a GREAT councillor will be worth the effort to find them.

I think there could be 2 problems in this situation. Firstly the ADD.
Secondly some of those feelings that sprung up over your parents. I think finding peace with that is also key. Just letting those experiences no longer having a big impact on you.

I'm actually right now working on that. Medication is like magic for me. The ADHD almost completely goes away. Is totally manageable now.

I've been working the last couple of years on the wound left in me from my parents. As well as my ex-wife. She did a bunch of **** things to me. Probably due to her rampant sex-addiction. I do know she's been seeking help for it since.

I'm convinced that the result of working on those two has led me to being able to see and admit my sex addiction. I'm convinced they are connected. Slowly slowly I'm starting to open up and see things deeper down.

DrZoidberg
10-19-14, 10:51 AM
As far as I'm concerned my sex addiction is purely a hindrance for me to build a stable and healthy relationship.

Also, adapting myself to become whatever it is that women want (in order to get laid) is pretty automatic for me. I'm sure it is based on some sort of fear that women couldn't possible want me for who I really am. So even if I do manage to score, I'm not playing out my sexual fantasy. I'm basically just being someone else's pleasure tool. I don't even know what it is that I want from sex. I've never worked on this aspect of myself. I wouldn't know how to.

Unmanagable
10-19-14, 11:51 AM
Coming from the perspective of one of the females with extremely low self-esteem who used to purposely seek out males like you, everything you've explained strongly resonates with me. When you're a female sex addict, you're typically just considered a **** and are endlessly shamed by your peers and family. Males tend to get labeled as studs and get pats on the back. Learning to harness that manipulative power and spend all of that pent up energy continues to be a struggle for me at times. Wishing you luck in harnessing yours.

DrZoidberg
10-19-14, 12:21 PM
Coming from the perspective of one of the females with extremely low self-esteem who used to purposely seek out males like you, everything you've explained strongly resonates with me. When you're a female sex addict, you're typically just considered a **** and are endlessly shamed by your peers and family. Males tend to get labeled as studs and get pats on the back. Learning to harness that manipulative power and spend all of that pent up energy continues to be a struggle for me at times. Wishing you luck in harnessing yours.

Thanks. These words make me so happy. It's some confirmation of that I'm not completely crazy.

Pilgrim
10-19-14, 05:02 PM
I'm actually right now working on that. Medication is like magic for me. The ADHD almost completely goes away. Is totally manageable now.

I've been working the last couple of years on the wound left in me from my parents. As well as my ex-wife. She did a bunch of **** things to me. Probably due to her rampant sex-addiction. I do know she's been seeking help for it since.

I'm convinced that the result of working on those two has led me to being able to see and admit my sex addiction. I'm convinced they are connected. Slowly slowly I'm starting to open up and see things deeper down.

The same. Medication does wonders. When it wears off I'm back to my old self.
Randy as.
As for the emotional baggage sometimes this is really tough. At least I can face it. And I know what's happening.
This mentor I have is my port in the storm, a real pressure release.
Going around hurting women or getting hurt for me was no way to live.
Although some of the thought patterns remain to this day. Hopefully it won't remain an issue.

Rebelyell
10-19-14, 05:33 PM
I don't know why any one with a low self esteem would seek out a.sex nut or douchebag in 1st place.? Im. Not a sex addict but I'm a motorcycle addict and I ride em like.a virgin on prom night, throttle to the.stops.lol

Pilgrim
10-19-14, 06:15 PM
I think you do it due to thought patterns. And your trying to fix something internally.

Rebelyell
10-19-14, 06:21 PM
I'm really been thinking of just having sex to numb myself right now.trying to find someone ....

Unmanagable
10-19-14, 08:13 PM
No disrespect meant rebs, but referring to a sex addict as a sex nut or douchebag, if that's what you were implying, really isn't cool. That would be the same as someone referring to you as a (insert random derogatory term here) biker dude, or lazy-a*** adhd dude, or whatever.

An addiction is not something you have control over, and it really bugs me that when it involves sex, it often gets downplayed or viewed as something that should be enjoyable. That doesn't do much to help relieve the overwhelming shame felt by those who struggle with it, or make them comfortable enough to even talk about it.

If I read that wrong, my bad.

HADDaball
10-19-14, 08:55 PM
I'm sure there's some kind of therapist you can talk to in your country.. like a sex addict specialist

Rebelyell
10-19-14, 09:00 PM
Having an addiction costs one lots of money that's for sure.most of us are . trying to numb the pain that.o7r disabilities have caused us or.to.fill a.hole.in our heart the really can't be.filled maybe temporary, that's the fix but not.long term nor does the euphoria lst.nearly.long.enough till regret sinks in.

DrZoidberg
10-20-14, 01:28 AM
No disrespect meant rebs, but referring to a sex addict as a sex nut or douchebag, if that's what you were implying, really isn't cool. That would be the same as someone referring to you as a (insert random derogatory term here) biker dude, or lazy-a*** adhd dude, or whatever.

An addiction is not something you have control over, and it really bugs me that when it involves sex, it often gets downplayed or viewed as something that should be enjoyable. That doesn't do much to help relieve the overwhelming shame felt by those who struggle with it, or make them comfortable enough to even talk about it.

If I read that wrong, my bad.

The diagnosis is just an explanation. Not an excuse. I'd say sex nut or douchebag is a fitting label. It's like I'm watching myself doing it all but unable to stop myself.

Rebelyell
10-20-14, 02:28 AM
I call myself a motorcycle nut or powersports nut,and so do others I mean it's a different addiction but if I take all my stuff and put it on front lawn it looks like a geico commercial.Thats simply not normal having to have 12 bikes and.wanting more, most people have like. 1 Or 2.In all the bikes I've ever owned If i added them up it would be close to 100 grand. People think it's cool but sadly it's embarrassingly sad.It all started after mom died, I know what it.is, trying to fill big hole in my heart that can't be filled but it's like I.dont know how to.stop.If this isn't an addiction then it's @ least a addictive personality.

Raye
10-20-14, 02:53 AM
*Mod Note*

The OP has expressed this is an issue. This
is a support forum, not a place for jokes and
out of the way comments concerning members
problems that interfere with their lives.

Thanks
Raye

Flory
10-20-14, 01:46 PM
I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling zoidburg xx

PookDo
10-20-14, 01:48 PM
Ok excuse my ignorance but what is the difference between being a sex addict and a nymphomaniac or is it the same thing?
I am in no way poking fun at anyone. I have wondered if I am addicted to sex but I don't know. I am however addicted to caffeine and stimulants

DrZoidberg
10-20-14, 04:04 PM
I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling zoidburg xx

At least now I know that I have this problem. Before I had the addiction, but was in total denial of what was going on. I just thought I had a high sex drive. So it's actually a relief to admit it to myself. Just that fact alone makes me feel stronger and better.

There's always a great liberating feeling to peel off yet another layer of self-deceit.

Rebelyell
10-20-14, 04:06 PM
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle

DrZoidberg
10-20-14, 04:22 PM
Ok excuse my ignorance but what is the difference between being a sex addict and a nymphomaniac or is it the same thing?
I am in no way poking fun at anyone. I have wondered if I am addicted to sex but I don't know. I am however addicted to caffeine and stimulants

Since I didn't know I looked it up

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality

It's got answers to all your questions. The answer is: it depends on why you are asking. The same behaviour can be defined in different ways depending on what you are talking about.

Definitions of disorders are really only to give us tools to to help us manage our mind's various peculiarities. The same behaviour can be described in different ways depending on which approach the sufferer chooses to take.

After all, the mind is still largely a mystery and psychology is an extremely soft science.

PookDo
10-20-14, 05:22 PM
Zoidberg : that's me hypersexual

Laserbeak
10-20-14, 06:03 PM
Because I manipulate and use people. I use them just like an alcoholic would use alcohol. I do it because I'm an addict and because I can. If I hadn't had the physical features going for me chances are I would have turned to some other method of numbing myself.

It eats away at trust. Anybody I've had relationships with don't expect to be treated well. I'm not going to psychoanalyse them. But I'd say these tend to be women with extremely low self esteem. Whenever they assert any sense of self worth they always leave me. I think that's a good summary of the patterns in my life.

I'm not an abusive partner. I'm kind when it comes to most things. I've also never been unfaithful because I've always been open about the fact that there is no way I can be faithful. And if they make that demand on me.. well... we're just not meant for one another. I've literally put having sex with other women as more important than anything else in any relationship I enter into. If they've ever had an issue with me sleeping with others. Well.. that's the end of that relationship. It's a pattern.

I'm also not jealous. I don't mind if my girlfriends have sex with others. That can be interpreted in any number of ways. I'm not sure I understand it myself. But I suspect that it has to do with that I don't really care about women. They're just tools to use for me. It's not just me being confident with women.

I'm not superman. I do have a problem with having this much sex. I have a hard time getting and staying hard. If I just refrain from ******* a couple of days, it's fine. But I never get that far. Even if I refrain from masturbating. I still do it. But not quite once a week. Refraining from masturbating is only about keeping my penis in working condition. It's mental torture not to masturbate. It requires extraordinary willpower on my end.

If I wouldn't fight it I'm sure I could spend all day every day only masturbating. Doing nothing else for all eternity. Not eating, drinking, sleeping. Just doing that. This preclusion is not good for my career.

Of course, other people's jealousy of me getting to **** so much is an ego boost. But it's not really good for anything. It also acts to destroy whatever chances I have to meet girls who want a dependable guy. The thing with having slept with many women is that they can talk to each other. Stockholm is not a big city.

There's also the thing about most of my friends, probably, also being sex addicts. These are, by definition, people who can't help me with this. If they could they would have helped themselves out of it already. I need to make new friends who are more balanced and normal regarding sex. But people like that tend to shy away from me.

It doesn't help that being a neurotic basket-case about sex is normal in our society. We live in an extremely sex negative culture. We all do. There is no culture with a healthy attitude toward sex. Sure, Sweden is one of the better ones. But it's still pretty bad.

Being good in bed is a skill. Just like any skill it requires plenty of practice, plenty of different partners of varying skill level, and open and honest communication about it. But since women who sleep around are ****-shamed, and get into relationships long before they're mature enough for it, our cultures ability to spread the practice of good and healthy sex is lost. As is our cultures macho male ideal for men (which no man ever can live up to) and which creates a huge insecurity for all men, preventing them from communicating and learning from each other.

So we don't. So most people suck at sex. I've slept around a lot. So I'm comparatively good in bed. It makes it very hard to build a good relationship with a non sex-addict. Inexperienced girls are just boring to have sex with IMHO. At least repeatedly.

Once learned it makes it super easy to manipulate women. Just give them a couple of powerful orgasms and they're basically ready to be my dog and willing to put up with any ******** from me. This is only because it's so few men who know how women's bodies work (I've been told by the women I've slept with).

I'm really not bragging. I'm just explaining how this particular gilded cage works for me.

Right now I would like to have a life which is about something else than having sex. I want a goal in my life that manages to keep me focused and motivated that doesn't involve around manipulating women.

Have you ever thought the women may be using you too?

I'm tall and have been told I'm handsome (though somewhat overweight), but I'm way too nice and not very self-confident so I get friend-zoned almost immediately.

Little Missy
10-20-14, 06:20 PM
Have you ever thought the women may be using you too?

I'm tall and have been told I'm handsome (though somewhat overweight), but I'm way too nice and not very self-confident so I get friend-zoned almost immediately.

Sometimes the friend-zoners are the best mates of all.

Rebelyell
10-21-14, 02:50 AM
I wish more women saw it like that lil.

DrZoidberg
10-21-14, 05:16 AM
Have you ever thought the women may be using you too?

I'm tall and have been told I'm handsome (though somewhat overweight), but I'm way too nice and not very self-confident so I get friend-zoned almost immediately.

I'm not talking about using in the moralistic sense. I very rarely lie to women I sleep with. At the most I do mislead them. Mostly I'm lying to myself a lot.

If I use a woman sexually only to dampen my anxiety and she uses me for the same reason. That's just a double tragedy. There's nothing about that which is remotely healthy or good. Even though it's done out of mutual respect and honesty.

Look... I detest our sex negative culture. I detest that young people aren't encouraged to sleep around by society. Most things that really awful and bad in society can be traced back to sex shaming in some sense. Everything from rape, to low self esteem, to inability to connect emotionally as well as bodily shame all stems from people refraining from having sex. Because it's held up as some sort of virtue. If ever there was a perverse virtue, this is it.

Yes, I get where it comes from. It stems from an agrarian culture where property had to be held within the family. Knowing who the father was to children was critical. So we took no chances. But our sexual instincts evolved to suit hunter gatherers. Parenthood was largely communal. Knowing who fathered what child was dodgy at best. And it didn't really matter. Since everybody was so closely related. Infidelity wasn't a big deal.

But now we have a highly mobile post-industrial information based society and access to condoms, pills and abortions. There is no need what so ever to maintain outdated moral codes that best suit a highly patriarchal agrarian society. That world is dead. It's only surviving remnant is sexual moralism. And it is dying painfully sloooooooooooowly. It isn't helping that Christian moral codes (written for an agrarian society) is still seen as a helpful moral guide.

There exists no animal on the planet that is, at all, capable of performing an unnatural sexual act. If you can do it, it's normal and natural for your species. That's just a fact. And we can either roll with it or chose to be filled with shame about all those filthy thoughts in our heads (that we all have and know that everybody else also has). Humanity needs to be better at talking about it.

Sorry about the rant. Just needed to explain where I'm coming from and why the concept of mutual sexual "use" isn't at all relevant to my psychological issues regarding sex. I have zero shame about me ******* (having sex... man I hate the censorship of this forum) this much. It's not the amount of sex I'm having that is the problem. The problem is that I'm using my fully natural and normal sexual urges and drives to drown out troubling thoughts. Or even just to wrestle me away from being bored.

I've never once in my entire life experienced boredom. Because whenever that thought pops up I'm Mr-horny trying to get laid.

What I'm trying to do now is to break the vicious circle. I want to be able to have unpleasant thought in my mind. I want to be able to look at myself honestly and accept who I am. But to be able to do that I have to have the courage to do it. I'm not there yet. Right now whenever I'm getting close my lower brain takes over and wrestles attention of where I need it. It's a hamster wheel of vagina. And I'm stuck.

DrZoidberg
10-21-14, 05:25 AM
Sometimes the friend-zoners are the best mates of all.

I friend-zone plenty of women. I don't have any problem with having female friends.

Right now my first wife is divorcing her husband and I'm being her friend and support helping her through this. But of course she has rampant out-of-control sex addiction. As well as most other addictions known to humanity. But those are less prominent. The first night she slept over after her divorce became official I told her I had friend zoned her. I thought her friendship was too valuable to gamble it away by having sex. I wanted to **** her. Wanted to so badly. I still said no.

She just couldn't imagine that anybody could reject her. Especially not me. She basically shrunk before my eyes. Tried every trick to get laid. She knows all my buttons.

I saw myself in her. I saw what I was. I didn't like it. I still have great love for her. We had a very loving and mutually supportive relationship. Stormy. But affectionate. It ended well. So we're still very good friends.

DrZoidberg
10-22-14, 09:14 AM
I hate that I'm so ******* crazy. Everyday it's like a battle I'm fighting and losing. So frustrating. So what did I do yesterday. I decided to actively ignore all the girls I'm currently seeing. Didn't go so far to tell them this. I'm not clever enough for that. To keep myself busy and not keeping my thoughts on sex I decided to sort through a couple of cupboards at home. Isn't that the ultimate proof of insanity? Anybody with a very clean home can't be ok.

Decided to check messages on the Internet. Of course there's some girl who has found me on a dating site and is coming on strong. She's sexy and an obvious sexual freak. So all my discipline goes right out the window. I really can't be trusted with computers. Anyway... so this is what I do the rest of the night. And while I'm chatting with this girl I'm also chatting in parallel with a bunch of other girls.

Also, while I'm internally screaming "noooooooo" at the back of my mind I contact a girl I dated this summer. A great girl. Apart from the fact that she had severe borderline and could go utterly and completely off the rails at any moment. Not a good partner for life. I just contact her and jokingly asks if she wants to be my sex slave. She says yes. Not a good answer.

I end up masturbating and only thinking of sex that entire evening. Also, keep in mind that I haven't watched porn for over a year now. So it's not porn addiction or anything like that.

I hate being crazy

Rebelyell
10-22-14, 10:15 AM
I wish I had better communication skills to talk to women, not to take anything away from your thread.

DrZoidberg
10-22-14, 10:43 AM
I wish I had better communication skills to talk to women, not to take anything away from your thread.

I'm willing to be your guide to if you like. That's the least I can do for the world. But let's take it via pm. If you do contact me you can't be sensitive about it. I will most likely tell you things that might be hard to hear and accept. Sexual attraction is cruel and merciless.

silivrentoliel
10-22-14, 02:10 PM
I'm very close to someone with a sex addiction, but theirs is more the high of attention, not so much the sex. It's a hard thing to admit, it took them years and years (decades even, no joke) to be able to even just nod at the suggestion. I applaud you for being able to talk about it, I'm very proud of you :)

DrZoidberg
10-22-14, 03:31 PM
I'm very close to someone with a sex addiction, but theirs is more the high of attention, not so much the sex. It's a hard thing to admit, it took them years and years (decades even, no joke) to be able to even just nod at the suggestion. I applaud you for being able to talk about it, I'm very proud of you :)

Thanks. But I'm 39. It wasn't until last year I admitted it. And not until just a couple of weeks ago I had to admit that this is nothing I can deal with alone.

Of course I've suffered from this my entire life. But was in denial about it. Of course pretty obvious to anybody really. All the clues are their. But the power of self denial is strong.

Rebelyell
10-22-14, 05:19 PM
I don't think I'm sensitive when it comes to hearing stuff or sex.itself, I'm not a.prude and I sure as hell don't sugar coat nothing myself and am.blunt to the.point like a shovel to the head.

Batman55
10-23-14, 12:11 AM
I'm willing to be your guide to getting laid if you like. That's the least I can do for the world. But let's take it via pm. If you do contact me you can't be sensitive about it. I will most likely tell you things that might be hard to hear and accept. Sexual attraction is cruel and merciless.

I think the most important points you can teach is that a guy needs to 1) be himself and 2) to like himself.

If you do not believe in teaching that first point, I can't see you being a good influence. The last thing shy/awkward guys (like myself, I can't speak for rebel, though) need to hear is that they need to fit some ideal that is the total opposite of their nature. You can't make a cat bark, my friend.

DrZoidberg
10-23-14, 02:10 AM
I think the most important points you can teach is that a guy needs to 1) be himself and 2) to like himself.

If you do not believe in teaching that first point, I can't see you being a good influence. The last thing shy/awkward guys (like myself, I can't speak for rebel, though) need to hear is that they need to fit some ideal that is the total opposite of their nature. You can't make a cat bark, my friend.

There are different ways of being yourself. Being attentive to what the woman does and responding can also be, "being yourself" even if you're behaving in ways you rarely do.

If a person is shy then taking any initiative to flirt with women, by definition, is not "being yourself".

Personally I don't think the advice "being yourself" is particularly informative. I understand now what it means. But when I was young and inexperienced that line only confused me. I interpretted it as not giving a ****. Which I then did. Not good advice for me. I have since learned. But maybe that's just me.

mathonwy
10-23-14, 03:09 AM
I think the most important points you can teach is that a guy needs to 1) be himself and 2) to like himself.

If you do not believe in teaching that first point, I can't see you being a good influence. The last thing shy/awkward guys (like myself, I can't speak for rebel, though) need to hear is that they need to fit some ideal that is the total opposite of their nature. You can't make a cat bark, my friend.

1) No no no no no!!!!

What if being yourself means showering once a week, eating Kraft Dinner and a 1 liter of coke every night and saying the first thing that comes to mind anytime you interact with another person?

These are NOT healthy habits to have in life let alone attractive qualities when it comes to dating.

Yes, you shouldn't pretend to be someone that you aren't. But, and its a big but, you should also not delude yourself into thinking the world will conform to you just because you want it to. Dating is like fishing. The better the bait, the more fish you will catch. That's a fact of life my friend. You can deny it all you want but you'll only hurt yourself in the process.

2) Yes, absolutely. So many people enter into relationships hoping to fill that hole in their life and this dooms the relationship from the start. Liking and being comfortable with oneself is highly underrated.

DrZoidberg
10-23-14, 03:43 AM
Yesterday I managed to avoid flirting with any girls att all. I stayed home alone with my thoughts. I fixed a broken cupboard to keep my mind occupied.

I feel really good about that. I think this thread is helping me. So thank you everybody for willing to listen to me. I think it has really helped me. I hope at least. Tonight my first ex-wife is coming over. So tonight I won't have any opportunity to talk to women.

Rebelyell
10-23-14, 10:13 AM
I don't think your crazy Dr zoidberg.

DrZoidberg
10-23-14, 10:29 AM
I don't think your crazy Dr zoidberg.

ha ha... thanks mate :) But I do think I'm crazy. I'm not ok. And I don't want to think I'm ok. Not now. If I did that I will lose the push and momentum to fix myself. I want to have this motivation.

That goes back to the discussion of being who I am. There are versions of me. There's better or worse ways of being who I am. I can be tweaked. I love myself enough to believe that I'm worth the effort to improve myself. I can change. Medicating for ADHD proved that to me.

I started out with low self esteem. My parents had their own mental problems to deal with. They simply didn't have any extra time or energy to give me any attention. So they didn't. Growing up, nobody took the time to show me that they cared about me. Or even listened to what I had to say. So I started believing that I didn't matter. In all my relationships I adapted myself after the girls I was dating. I became what they wanted me to be, because, hey, I didn't matter. This is a common thread throughout all my relationships with all people my entire life. All my girlfriends and partners have had so much problems and issues in life that mine didn't matter, or were secondary.

Funny thing. I'm a manager. I've always quickly been put in charge of stuff without having to make much of an effort for it. I've always been told I'm a born leader. There's nothing wrong with my confidence. Or my brains. I can get **** done. My sense of lacking of self worth goes really deep. Below all this.

I just never learned to respect myself. I still barely know how to do it. My core is so weak I can barely hear it when listening inward. I think the voice scares me. I suspect that is what the addiction is about. Trying to fill my life with ******** to drown out my inner voice telling me stuff.

It's as if I'm afraid that if I assert myself and my own, that nobody will like me and I'll be all alone.

Rebelyell
10-23-14, 10:37 AM
Well you deserve to be well and healthy. I had parents that cared but I saw rest of the world didn't from a very young age, when I struggled in school no one would help me even tho I reached out.i feel I can adopt to be anything to people to fit in with any group .my life sounds almost the same way but I never became a sex addict where I used people.i masturbated a alot and when I can't get off like other night because of my meds,I got so frustrated I almost got up and punched a hole in the wall.i guess I just shrunk into depression and myself for most part, I'm really tired of people and their ilk and therefore I'm left to my devices to do things by myself but it's not what I want anymore especially since I got a taste of being in a relationship this past summer.

DrZoidberg
10-23-14, 10:57 AM
As do you. We all deserve to be well and healthy. And we all have our own battles to deal with.

Batman55
10-24-14, 12:43 AM
Yes, you shouldn't pretend to be someone that you aren't.

That is what I meant. For me, a lot of the typical advice about the best way to present yourself to the world/women/whatever, is the opposite way of how I am. In other words, I would have to learn to act, but the rub is, I'm also a terrible actor... shy/awkward/anxious whatever it is, it's very hard for me to act convincing around people, anyone really. It's written into my biology, seemingly: my body language is stiff/tense no matter what!

I'd be willing to listen to some advice from someone experienced with mating, but you need to have some bedside manner, some tact, some empathy. If you're going to say things that are hard to hear, you need to do so with a feathery touch. That's the only way you can connect with one like me, or any other person with extremely limited experience.

sunnydaysahead
10-24-14, 01:00 AM
there's someone out there for everyone...

the PROBLEM of course is FINDING that person... but life is kinda worth it,,, if you can find someone that GETS YOU... someone that accepts YOU for who YOU ARE, who you want to become, and all that..

does that make sense? and I honestly... swear on everything I love,

I believe, you don't FIND them until you've given up looking... once you become happy with who YOU ARE,, and LOVE YOURSELF.. then it's like BAM, there they are...

good luck... from the bottom of my heart,,, good luck.

DrZoidberg
10-25-14, 11:54 AM
I don't want this to be a thread about how to get laid. It's actually a thread about how to NOT get laid. So I ask those of you who wish to discuss this to make your own thread.

Thanks

I'm back to square one again. This is hard. I really can't just do nothing.

Rebelyell
10-25-14, 03:58 PM
Well I thought I had that sunny, maybe I had nothing anyway Dr zoid.Ive can you get a hobby or when the urges start have a plan in place that I'm gonna go.clean, ride.bike walk, do something.that interests you and.tries.to take.your mind.off it.i.know.that.is.easier said then.done but at least we can try.

Rebelyell
10-25-14, 04:02 PM
I have a.couple.of friends that are addicts, recovered.drug.addicts once in awhile they have a setback and look at.it.as that a.setback.they.dont beat.themselves up over it.1 of my friends said if you look at being.30 years sober and fall off the Wagon your gonna have a . brutal time.dealing with.it, that's why . an.addict has to.go day.by.day that's all you get.these were his words not mine but.maybe hear in that could.help you in someway.

freshtodef
10-26-14, 12:38 AM
So I've come to the realization that I'm addicted to sex. I've suffered from this my entire life, but it wasn't until a few years ago when I tried to stop that I realized that I might be having a problem.

Just the last couple of months I've come to realize that I need help. I don't feel comfortable talking to people face-to-face about this. I feel considerable amount of shame about it. So I'd prefer an on-line forum. Somewhere where there's no risk about anybody knowing anything about me, so I can be totally and completely open.

Any tips on good ones?

I apologize but I have not read through the whole thread, just the original post. So I don't know the whole conversation taking place about your issue.

But I wanted to chime in because I had some relevant issues, too, and was able to mitigate them to a certain degree.

Specifically, while taking Adderall (at varying doses) + Lexapro at 20 mg/day, my libido would get out of control. Like clockwork, after each Adderall dose kicked in, I would immediately just HAVE to "relieve" myself. The more Adderall I took, the more my libido got out of control. But it wasn't just something I would have to "get over with," I would sometimes, I'm embarrassed to say, spend hours at a time watching adult videos. It was just out of control.

Anyway, for me personally, adding 10 mg/day of Abilify helped noticeably reduce my libido to a more normal or reasonable range. I don't know the science behind it, and I sort of just stumbled on the solution accidentally, but for me personally, adding Abilify to the Lexapro (and of course trying to keep my Adderall consumption lower, too) was significantly effective for this issue. Obviously you should consult with your doctor and figure out what works best for you, but I just wanted to share my personal experience because it seemed relevant.

Best of luck!

DrZoidberg
10-26-14, 07:56 AM
I have a.couple.of friends that are addicts, recovered.drug.addicts once in awhile they have a setback and look at.it.as that a.setback.they.dont beat.themselves up over it.1 of my friends said if you look at being.30 years sober and fall off the Wagon your gonna have a . brutal time.dealing with.it, that's why . an.addict has to.go day.by.day that's all you get.these were his words not mine but.maybe hear in that could.help you in someway.

Thanks. My impression of the substance addicts I have as friends is that once they go sober they switch their addiction to sex or exercise. Which at least won't destroy their bodies.

DrZoidberg
10-26-14, 08:02 AM
I apologize but I have not read through the whole thread, just the original post. So I don't know the whole conversation taking place about your issue.

But I wanted to chime in because I had some relevant issues, too, and was able to mitigate them to a certain degree.

Specifically, while taking Adderall (at varying doses) + Lexapro at 20 mg/day, my libido would get out of control. Like clockwork, after each Adderall dose kicked in, I would immediately just HAVE to "relieve" myself. The more Adderall I took, the more my libido got out of control. But it wasn't just something I would have to "get over with," I would sometimes, I'm embarrassed to say, spend hours at a time watching adult videos. It was just out of control.

Anyway, for me personally, adding 10 mg/day of Abilify helped noticeably reduce my libido to a more normal or reasonable range. I don't know the science behind it, and I sort of just stumbled on the solution accidentally, but for me personally, adding Abilify to the Lexapro (and of course trying to keep my Adderall consumption lower, too) was significantly effective for this issue. Obviously you should consult with your doctor and figure out what works best for you, but I just wanted to share my personal experience because it seemed relevant.

Best of luck!

Abilfiy looks like a pretty hard-core solution? I take Dex for my ADHD. At the dosages I take them it actually lowers my libido. Making it more manageable.

I'm not going to discount medication at all. But that's maybe a couple of years in the future if nothing else works.

Little Missy
10-26-14, 08:44 AM
Abilfiy looks like a pretty hard-core solution? I take Dex for my ADHD. At the dosages I take them it actually lowers my libido. Making it more manageable.

I'm not going to discount medication at all. But that's maybe a couple of years in the future if nothing else works.

Not to lessen your desire to better yourself, but I have always wondered how is it exactly therapeutic to turn the public into asexual eunuchs via Rx.

freshtodef
10-26-14, 11:44 AM
Not to lessen your desire to better yourself, but I have always wondered how is it exactly therapeutic to turn the public into asexual eunuchs via Rx.

Never said it was a libido off switch.

That's quite a leap from "noticeably reduce my libido to a more normal or reasonable range" to "asexual eunuchs via Rx", Jackie Joyner-Kersee!

Little Missy
10-26-14, 12:01 PM
Never said it was a libido off switch.

That's quite a leap from "noticeably reduce my libido to a more normal or reasonable range" to "asexual eunuchs via Rx", Jackie Joyner-Kersee!

Oh, I sure didn't mean it the way it seemed to read. I was musing more on how easily Dr.'s write for those types of drugs without intending the side effects they produce which then...ugh, I always do this and get misinterpreted.

freshtodef
10-26-14, 03:11 PM
Oh, I sure didn't mean it the way it seemed to read. I was musing more on how easily Dr.'s write for those types of drugs without intending the side effects they produce which then...ugh, I always do this and get misinterpreted.

hakuna matata! I was probably being a bit overly defensive. *all good vibes here* :-)

sarahsweets
10-28-14, 04:44 AM
Is there any sort of group or organization that you could think of that you could get in touch with so you wouldn't feel so alone? I'm not saying to go all 12 step just that sometimes knowing you are not fighting something solo helps.

DrZoidberg
10-28-14, 05:28 AM
Is there any sort of group or organization that you could think of that you could get in touch with so you wouldn't feel so alone? I'm not saying to go all 12 step just that sometimes knowing you are not fighting something solo helps.

That was why I created this thread. To find such a thing.

DrZoidberg
10-31-14, 09:04 AM
Still haven't found any group to join.

But I haven't had sex or been looking for sex since tuesday. That's better than it's been since this summer

Rebelyell
10-31-14, 10:32 AM
Well its a good start

mildadhd
10-31-14, 11:23 AM
Hi Dr Zoidberg,

Have you ever read "Scattered" by Dr. Mate?



P

Tinatheawesome
11-01-14, 05:03 AM
Could be ocd

DrZoidberg
11-01-14, 06:18 AM
Hi Dr Zoidberg,

Have you ever read "Scattered" by Dr. Mate?



P

I haven't. Is it good on addiction.

Right now it's like every day I decide that this day will be the day I will let go of my compullsion. But it's a battle I lose every day.

mildadhd
11-01-14, 10:53 PM
I haven't. Is it good on addiction.

Right now it's like every day I decide that this day will be the day I will let go of my compullsion. But it's a battle I lose every day.

Yes.

Being conscious of the difference between implicit memory and explicit memory in general is really helping.






P

Maurice
11-02-14, 02:36 AM
Here you go, now you have found it. If this is what you really want.

http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/OtherCountries/meeting.php?country=Sweden

Sex Addicts Anonymous In Sweden

The rest is up to you!

Best of luck to you!!

P.A. There is also a place called SMART Recovery.

DrZoidberg
11-04-14, 06:57 PM
It's just getting worse and worse. It's like my failure adds to my sense of worthlessness increasing the urge to supress my emotions with sex.

Maurice
11-04-14, 07:52 PM
Still haven't found any group to join.

But I haven't had sex or been looking for sex since tuesday. That's better than it's been since this summer

Yeah, you have.

0000000100
11-05-14, 01:27 AM
People with ADHD tend to get addicted. I to have to fight my instincts. After a time I realized that I am antisexual :D I hate this instict so much, why wasn't I born asexual :)
There was an sex addicted antisexual, he had a hard time cause he kept doing something he hated each day, went to a doctor to help him, that one told him "What's the problem ? You just have to do it more"... >_>

DrZoidberg
11-05-14, 06:45 AM
Here you go, now you have found it. If this is what you really want.

http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/OtherCountries/meeting.php?country=Sweden

Sex Addicts Anonymous In Sweden

The rest is up to you!

Best of luck to you!!

P.A. There is also a place called SMART Recovery.

Thanks I'm already checking out meetings and have found a local one.

DrZoidberg
11-05-14, 06:49 AM
People with ADHD tend to get addicted. I to have to fight my instincts. After a time I realized that I am antisexual :D I hate this instict so much, why wasn't I born asexual :)
There was an sex addicted antisexual, he had a hard time cause he kept doing something he hated each day, went to a doctor to help him, that one told him "What's the problem ? You just have to do it more"... >_>

I can relate to that. There's a dynamic in my head. If I try to abstain from sex and fail, I get all these ****** up urges to do sexual acts that I find abhorrent. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to make myself have less sex by seeking sex that will somehow disgust me and put me off sex. I can't say I completely understand it. But the more I try to avoid the sex the crazier my urges are.

Rebelyell
11-05-14, 09:05 AM
Well maybe don't fight it or try to um keep yourself busy to the urges pass.

DrZoidberg
11-09-14, 03:07 PM
Here you go, now you have found it. If this is what you really want.

http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/OtherCountries/meeting.php?country=Sweden

Sex Addicts Anonymous In Sweden

The rest is up to you!

Best of luck to you!!

P.A. There is also a place called SMART Recovery.

So now I've been to my first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. It was really scary and horrible. But I settled into it after a while. It was me and another guy who was new. I had a panic attack outside before entering. I haven't had one of those for ten years now. What was striking was how ordinary everybody was. It was just like people in general. Another striking feature was when they read from SAA texts describing, pretty specifically how every sex addicts feel. It was very detailed and specific. It as as if they had read my mind. Obviously I'm like any other sex addict. Nice to know I'm finally normal in at least one regard :)

It was also nice to share. I didn't think I would be able to. But once i started it all just flowed out. I also wonder if there's some sort of overlap between being a sex addict and being a narcissist. Some guys had a pretty scary rapey vibe. But most were lovely. And all were really respectful and supportive. A nice crowd.

So, thanks Maurice for the heads up.

DrZoidberg
11-10-14, 09:41 AM
Yesterday before the meeting I had a panic attack. I had another one today. I'm not sure why. I haven't had them since 2002. So something is happening. I'm not sure what. It's like old unresolved **** is coming up to the surface... or something.

Unmanagable
11-10-14, 01:30 PM
Cellular memory.....is my uneducated take on it. Repressed stuff comes back to bite us in the a** in many ways. Lately, mine has been the "nervous stomach" happenings, in turbo action, as a result of setting up an appt. to address issues I thought I were more than long since over. My mind may have tucked stuff neatly away, but my body is obviously still very aware of it all.

Glad you had a good first experience, otherwise, at your first meeting.

DrZoidberg
11-10-14, 04:32 PM
Cellular memory.....is my uneducated take on it. Repressed stuff comes back to bite us in the a** in many ways. Lately, mine has been the "nervous stomach" happenings, in turbo action, as a result of setting up an appt. to address issues I thought I were more than long since over. My mind may have tucked stuff neatly away, but my body is obviously still very aware of it all.

Glad you had a good first experience, otherwise, at your first meeting.

Yeah. Well... the only panic attacks I've ever got prior to this have only come around times when I meet my father. Growing up I was physically and emotionally abused a lot. So that doesn't need any kind if detective to figure out. Also something I haven't really worked through enough. My sex addictive behaviour is triggered by emotional stress. I have an instinct to not feel unpleasant emotions. That's when I go looking for sex. I think the connection between finally managing to let go, and having all this **** bubble up, is pretty clear. I'm not really surprised. I'm expecting more **** to surface.

Until just a few years ago I was totally in denial about my abuse. It wasn't until I started going into therapy just a few years ago that I realized it. I told her that there wasn't much to talk about. I said my childhood was fine and that nobody's childhood was perfect. So she asked me a few questions and then she told me how functional parent child relationships work. Since I knew nothing about having a healthy relationship to parents I had no way of knowing mine wasn't. So... yeah... I have some things to work on. But I cut my parents out of my life almost completely nearly 20 years ago. No traumatic reason really. I just found them emotional parasites. I didn't have the energy to keep my life going as well as being their therapist. I was basically their parent even back then. They clearly haven't dealt with whatever **** they've had in life. But that's not my job to fix. Anyhoo... so basically I'm crazy and as I start letting go and start allowing myself to feel emotions more **** will bubble up.

Little Missy
11-10-14, 04:57 PM
I admire that you seem to be tackling this head on.

DrZoidberg
11-10-14, 05:37 PM
I admire that you seem to be tackling this head on.

Well.. it's all thanks to the medication. Without dexamphetamine I wouldn't have the spiritual calm or strength to look inwards. From the moment I started taking the medication (three years ago) layer upon layer of old crap has peeled off. Without it I'd still be trapped in my frantic hamster wheel of just trying to get to work on time. The place where my parents are. I'm not blaming them for anything. They sucked as parents. But then again, they didn't have the mental tools I have to function properly.

Rebelyell
11-13-14, 11:25 AM
Hopefully things are going well for you.one question I've. Been pondering around with, does like say when a womans and escort or just sleeps with tons of men, how does one dissociate ones self from that, or do you just get to the point where there just a body a statistic not like omg if I do this this person could get hurt.? I'm asking because I'm trying to understand the behavior of some one once close to me, and they've moved on like it was nothing at all. Sorry hope this doesn't trigger anyone

DrZoidberg
11-15-14, 02:31 PM
Hopefully things are going well for you.one question I've. Been pondering around with, does like say when a womans and escort or just sleeps with tons of men, how does one dissociate ones self from that, or do you just get to the point where there just a body a statistic not like omg if I do this this person could get hurt.? I'm asking because I'm trying to understand the behavior of some one once close to me, and they've moved on like it was nothing at all. Sorry hope this doesn't trigger anyone

Well... did they really move on as if it was nothing at all, or was it just a way for her to distance herself from you? As if pretending it was nothing for her would fool herself? I think that's more likely.

I've got genuine emotions for pretty much all women I have sex with. If there's no emotions involved it's no fun. It's getting that mental connection that I get off on... which I'm addicted to. I've tried having sex with escorts, it does nothing for me. Precisely because they're only doing it for the money.

The only women I've had sex with that I haven't had genuine feelings for are women who I've been chatting with on-line.. make a date... and then they turn out to look nothing like their picture. So I'm not at all attracted to them, but they're totally into me. Then I have often told them "do you want to go to my place" even though the back of my mind is screaming "NOOOOO DON'T DO IT. ABORT ABORT ABORT". And of course I feel like **** afterwards. I doubt it's fun for the girl in situations like that either. I mean... everybody can tell. Most people are better at reading body language than they think.

Here's a tip to all of you who do on-line dating. Have a picture that is representative of how you look now. It'll save you a lot of grief and disastrous encounters.

How I manage it emotionally is that I'm not monogamous. I can have genuine feelings of affection for multiple women at the same time. There's doesn't seem to be any upper limit as regards to the number. I still care about all women I've ever had sex with. At least a little bit. When we meet there's a bit of connection still there, even if they've now got three kids and a husband.

All relationships I've ever had have mostly been open. During limited periods of time they've been monogamous. Like when either of us is going through some sort of crisis.

DrZoidberg
11-15-14, 02:32 PM
I can recommend the SAA book to anyone. I just bought it and it's very enlightening. If nothing else it'll teach you how the mind of an addict works.

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addicts-Anonymous/dp/0976831317

DrZoidberg
11-15-14, 02:43 PM
I've identified three distinct addictions I have. What this means is, whenever I have unwelcome emotions I have three default mental escape strategies, which kick in before it occurs to me to think about the actual problem and fix it. They are:

1) Porn.
2) masturbation
3) sex

I embarked on this quest in 2012. The porn was a fairly easy addiction to break. I just decided to stop looking at it. And that was pretty much it. It took about a year before the urges died down. But now I can honestly say that I have zero compulsion to watch porn. I still never watch it alone for fear of the addiction to come back. But I can look at it together with girls and I react like a healthy person does.

The masturbation addiction was worse. Easy to avoid when I'm around other people. But whenever I'm alone the hand just drifts down their. It's not a full on wank. It's more of a constant low grade stimuli. Just like a food addict might snack all the time. Every little squeeze sending a calming jolt. As if I'm constantly eating a bunch of tiny valium pills. This was an extremely hard compulsion to break since my hand would find itself their before my brain was even aware of it. I ended up buying one of those kinky chastity belts and wore those whenever I was alone at home. Yes, you may laugh. I too think it's extraordinarily silly. But it did the trick. It took almost two years of that before the compulsion was broken. It was just these recent months that I've been able to be home alone without the chastity belt and I'm not obsessively touching myself. So now when I'm over the hump I don't think I need the chastity device any longer. But when it comes to addiction... never say never.

But when it comes to the sex addiction I'm still on square one. It's totally out of control and I don't know what to do to manage it. So I'm hoping going to SAA meetings will help.

edit. I should also point out that when I'm doing any of this compulsively It's got nothing to do with happiness or sexual gratification. There's a huge difference, in my mind, regarding how I feel when I'm doing this because of the addiction and when I'm doing it out of pleasure. I can tell. I can easily tell. It's impossible for anybody outside my head to look at what I'm doing and be able to tell if I'm doing it compulsively or if I'm doing it because it genuinely gives me joy and pleasure. Non-addict sex feels a lot different (in my head) than addict sex. It basically comes down to my frame of mind when I initiate the contact. Yesterday I tried picking a girl up at a bar = compulsion. A couple of days ago a girl (I knew from before) called me up and wanted to have sex = not compulsion. The fact that I hadn't initiated anything made all the difference (in my head).

DrZoidberg
11-21-14, 11:25 AM
Last week was great. This week was a disaster. Two steps forward. One step back.

Rebelyell
11-21-14, 01:40 PM
Being bp I'm stimulated and triggered , it doesn't take much.i have that problem with masturbatory as well.when I'm in public work I really have to make sure I don't even put hands down there with what you say bout hand goes down there for constant lo grade stimulation.

DrZoidberg
11-21-14, 02:29 PM
Being bp I'm stimulated and triggered , it doesn't take much.i have that problem with masturbatory as well.when I'm in public work I really have to make sure I don't even put hands down there with what you say bout hand goes down there for constant lo grade stimulation.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone

Rebelyell
11-21-14, 03:10 PM
Your not I'm not a sex fiend altho I could probably find myself one if I'm not careful.im not a pervert but when I'm home I'm always touching it sometimes I'm not even aware but aside from the feeling is the only way I know.i hope I don't trigger or set you back by talking bout this

DrZoidberg
11-21-14, 04:52 PM
Your not I'm not a sex fiend altho I could probably find myself one if I'm not careful.im not a pervert but when I'm home I'm always touching it sometimes I'm not even aware but aside from the feeling is the only way I know.i hope I don't trigger or set you back by talking bout this

No. It's good. Talking about it makes me aware of it, and helps me fix it.

DrZoidberg
12-01-14, 07:21 AM
I had an interesting evening last night. We were three people, all who in various ways had issues regarding sexual addiction. We were doing yoga and doing various dance exercises. One woman and one gay guy. The other two were professional dancers. So I was the one who sucked at the excercises :)

We had a long talk about this, and how it effected us. The interesting thing was that we came at it from different angles. Well... naturally since we belonged to the different universes of sexuality. What we all had in common was that we didn't respect ourselves enough. We all had had sex just to be kind. Even though we weren't in the mood for it at all.

It's so nice being able to be open about this. Incredibly liberating.

Even though my abstinence is failing miserably. I am getting better and better at detecting which sexual behaviours are due to addiction (the suppressing of other distressing thoughts) and which are of purely healthy playful reasons. Just a couple of weeks ago I had no idea there was any difference. So it's getting better.

DrZoidberg
12-02-14, 07:28 AM
Opening up about this and sharing it with people is transforming my life. I feel so good now. Better than I have in a long time.

Batman55
12-03-14, 12:53 AM
Zoidberg is the man! :cool:

Skyf@ll
12-04-14, 06:51 PM
Zoidberg is the man! :cool:

Pmsl!

:goodpost:

Skyf@ll
12-05-14, 12:46 AM
come to think of it Dr...did the sausage meet the roll?

DrZoidberg
12-05-14, 03:11 AM
come to think of it Dr...did the sausage meet the roll?

Ehe.. what? I don't get it

Maurice
12-05-14, 09:05 PM
I had an interesting evening last night. We were three people, all who in various ways had issues regarding sexual addiction. We were doing yoga and doing various dance exercises. One woman and one gay guy. The other two were professional dancers. So I was the one who sucked at the excercises :)

We had a long talk about this, and how it effected us. The interesting thing was that we came at it from different angles. Well... naturally since we belonged to the different universes of sexuality. What we all had in common was that we didn't respect ourselves enough. We all had had sex just to be kind. Even though we weren't in the mood for it at all.

It's so nice being able to be open about this. Incredibly liberating.

Even though my abstinence is failing miserably. I am getting better and better at detecting which sexual behaviours are due to addiction (the suppressing of other distressing thoughts) and which are of purely healthy playful reasons. Just a couple of weeks ago I had no idea there was any difference. So it's getting better.

Had had sex just to be kind. Lol, to yourself?

You're the only one that can fix yourself!

Did you get a sponsor yet? It really doesn't sound like it.

You need to get serious about recovery!

90 meetings in 90 days.

DrZoidberg
03-09-15, 07:01 PM
Now it's been ten days with no sex, flirting with girls or porn. But now I'm depressed. I've never been depressed before. I know it's depression because my sister has been struggling with it all her life. I chose to see it as me having this depression latently for a long while, and now when I'm allowing myself to feel things, rather than fleeing from the pain the feelings are overwhelming. Right now all my strength and focus is on just getting out of bed in the morning and going to the gym at least once a day. Even if I'm not putting in 100% I'm at least going there doing something.

I've stopped going to the meetings. They were mostly guys ******* prostitutes (which I don't do) or women addicted to love... (which I don't do). My issues may be severe, but they're at least pretty binary. There's no grey area anywhere. It's blatantly obvious when I'm nearing the top of the slippery slide and I manage to avoid getting on. We'll see. It's been 10 days. But it's the longest in my life. At least since my teen years. It's not so much the feeling of liberty, as just letting go. I think my sex addiction is a kind of desire to have control. I'm not allowing myself not to control. I can't say I like it. But it's different. New thoughts are allowed to enter my mind. A lot of feelings I'm not used to.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long journey. And I've just taken the first step

DrZoidberg
03-10-15, 06:29 PM
And today I managed to tell most of the girls I've been seeing that I don't want them to contact me again. I hadn't told them yet because... well... I'm weird in the head. It's scary but liberating.

The one's I haven't contacted are girls who I don't have regular contact with anyway. So it's been an even better day.

Still depressed as hell though. I'm guessing this is one of those, it'll get worse before it gets better situations.

Batman55
03-11-15, 12:12 AM
Do you really think cold turkey is the only approach that will work for you?

How long do you plan to keep it going?

DrZoidberg
03-11-15, 06:00 AM
Do you really think cold turkey is the only approach that will work for you?


I have no clue. But I've got a therapist specialised in addiction of various sorts. I chose to believe that she knows what she's doing.


How long do you plan to keep it going?

For ever. Addictive behaviour is very specific. I can date girls and have sex in a non-addictive way. I can tell the difference in my head. The motivations are completely different. My mindset is different. Sex for addictive reasons the point is to overwhelm the mind with the hunt for sex. My mind is more like a predator. My focus in completely on the girl I'm trying to have sex with. Everything I say and do is geared toward this singular goal. I adapt myself somewhat to better fit what she's looking for.

When I just go out dating I meet her like an equal. I have a genuine interest her. The goal is for me to have fun as well. Not just for me to entertain her. There is no ulterior motive or goal other than the meeting of minds and souls. If we have sex with have sex. If not we don't. Either way is fine for me. The important thing is to spend time with her.

These are very different states of mind, and I have no difficulty separating them. The second kind of dating isn't a slippery slope to the first kind. Basically... if I initially meet a girl when I'm in the sex-addiction state of mind, that relationship is pretty much doomed. It will never be more than sex. Likewise, if I meet a girl when I'm not in the sex-addiction state of mind she'll never slide into the other category.

But bizarre things do happen. Yesterday I met a girl (girl A) I've been seeing a while. I met her in a non-addiction state of mind. We've had a great couple of months. Yesterday it transpired that I'd just about two months ago I slept with her best friend (Girl B). I didn't know they even knew each other. But they've got some sort of conflict now. So they haven't spoken with each other for a while. so they haven't mentioned me to each other. Anyhoo... the sex with her friend with my sex addicts mind.

So these two girls really know two different people. Girl A was very hurt by this. Because the person she thought she knew wouldn't have done this. So now she doesn't want to see me again. which is a shame because I really don't care about Girl B. So now my heart is broken. But I can't say I didn't deserve it.

It's so complicated being in my head right now.

DrZoidberg
03-11-15, 09:49 AM
There's nothing positive about addictive behaviour. Those unwelcome emotional states that I'm avoiding by engaging in the addictive behaviour are still with me if I avoid them. It's always better to just deal with the underlying emotional issue.

The big problem for me is admitting I have emotions at all. When I was a kid my dad would beat me up if I showed any kind of emotions really. That's when all this started. When my first automatic reaction is to listen to my heart and deal with whatever pops up, then I'll beat this. I'm slowly getting better. I'm opening up step-by-step. Making myself more emotionally vulnerable. It takes time. But I'm sure the development is in the right direction now.

omygaudio
04-30-15, 06:22 PM
Does the severity of your sex addiction correspond with your libido? The reason I ask this is that back in the day I was prescribed SSRIs like prozac and I found that desire to fulfill my sexual needs was completely abolished. I jerked off like once a week maybe longer and seemed like a waste of time trying. Porn was a chore.

Or maybe you have already tried the SSRIs and did not experience any sexual side effects but I do think you maybe able to kill two birds with one stone here by treating your depression and also making you less horny.

icarusinflames
04-30-15, 07:38 PM
therapist is primarily focused on addiction. So she had plenty of insight.


I know another man who has sex addiction and he has a female therapist. He's not going very far in his therapy IMO. He can't deal with his real issues with a woman there. He doesn't speak about his whole truth.

Just wondering if you ever tried a male therapist and if you have an aversion to them.

icarusinflames
04-30-15, 07:40 PM
There's nothing positive about addictive behaviour. Those unwelcome emotional states that I'm avoiding by engaging in the addictive behaviour are still with me if I avoid them. It's always better to just deal with the underlying emotional issue.

The big problem for me is admitting I have emotions at all. When I was a kid my dad would beat me up if I showed any kind of emotions really. That's when all this started. When my first automatic reaction is to listen to my heart and deal with whatever pops up, then I'll beat this. I'm slowly getting better. I'm opening up step-by-step. Making myself more emotionally vulnerable. It takes time. But I'm sure the development is in the right direction now.

That's awesome that you are actually working on yourself. I admire that a lot. Things have to be better, even though going through all this opens up emotions that cause it to feel dangerous. I'm going through more emotions lately just approaching my issues... and it feels like something is rolling through my body, it's so overwhelming the feelings.

I need someone to work out all this issue with, and honestly a huge part of my ADHD has been hiding. SO I need someone I can totally vomit all this up on in a safe, trusting, non-prejorative, non-blaming, yet not too overly sympathetic way that is pragmatic and targets the areas of most need first!

DrZoidberg
05-01-15, 04:46 AM
Does the severity of your sex addiction correspond with your libido? The reason I ask this is that back in the day I was prescribed SSRIs like prozac and I found that desire to fulfill my sexual needs was completely abolished. I jerked off like once a week maybe longer and seemed like a waste of time trying. Porn was a chore.

Or maybe you have already tried the SSRIs and did not experience any sexual side effects but I do think you maybe able to kill two birds with one stone here by treating your depression and also making you less horny.

Treating my libido is dealing with the symptom rather than the cause. The fact that I have a high libido explains why the addiction of choice for me was sex... rather than... letīs say drugs. If I deal with my libido, all that will happen is that Iīll switch addictions to something else. What I need to do is deal with the addictive behaviour.

I havenīt tried SSRIs. Not yet. Iīm going to try to manage this without it. Weīll see how I do. I have plenty of friends whoīve gone that route. So I know the effects.

DrZoidberg
05-01-15, 04:48 AM
I know another man who has sex addiction and he has a female therapist. He's not going very far in his therapy IMO. He can't deal with his real issues with a woman there. He doesn't speak about his whole truth.

Just wondering if you ever tried a male therapist and if you have an aversion to them.

It sounds like my problems are a lot less serious than youīre friends. The gender of my therapist is a non issue for me. Iīve never thought a dirty thought about my therapist.

DrZoidberg
05-01-15, 04:53 AM
That's awesome that you are actually working on yourself. I admire that a lot. Things have to be better, even though going through all this opens up emotions that cause it to feel dangerous. I'm going through more emotions lately just approaching my issues... and it feels like something is rolling through my body, it's so overwhelming the feelings.


Thanks. Donīt worry. Theyīre just feelings. We think they can hurt us. But they canīt. I recommend meditating. Thereīs loads of guides, books and phone apps. Fundamentally meditation is about just letting emotions flow freely without trying to control them.


I need someone to work out all this issue with, and honestly a huge part of my ADHD has been hiding.


Iīve pretty sure everybody at this forum can relate. Most of my mental energy, all of my life, has been spent holding back. Just so I can function in furnished rooms at all.


SO I need someone I can totally vomit all this up on in a safe, trusting, non-prejorative, non-blaming, yet not too overly sympathetic way that is pragmatic and targets the areas of most need first!

I think I know exactly what you mean. Somebody who listens but without allowing you to turn yourself into a victim.

DrZoidberg
05-01-15, 05:00 AM
As for my story so far. I was doing all right until about a month ago, when I was wrongfully accused of a serious crime. I was arrested and thrown in jail. Had my apartment torn apart by cops looking for evidence. Seized all my computers and cameras. It didnīt take them long to figure out they had taken the wrong guy. I had nothing at all to do with the original case. But I did have some drugs at home. And Swedish law regarding drugs are absurdly harsh. Yet, the risks of being caught is so remote that nobody cares. So everybody behaves as if drugs are legal. As did I. I didnīt count on being wrongfully accused.

Being in isolation for three days being cross examined all days is extremely traumatic. Iīve developed all kinds of mental issues from that. So Iīm not really that well equipped now to deal with my sex addiction. Right now my focus is on trying to keep myself from developing a full on depression.

The worst thing about this is how preposterous the original accusation was. The evidence they had against me was laughably flimsy. The cops basically just lied and hoped theyīd find something better after raiding my apartment. Which they didnīt, since I was completely innocent. Iīm still in chock from this realization. Apparently itīs standard operating procedure. Who knew that all those teen angst bands were right all these years... cops are *******s.

Shame about the drugs though. Iīll be looking at jail time for that. Which sucks so much. Most of it was just stuff from my youth I hadnīt cleared out yet. 20 year old drugs. Too old to use, but Iīll be tried as if itīs new an fresh.

icarusinflames
05-01-15, 06:46 AM
That sucks. It's amazing the awful things that can happen. At I'd mention what I have in my cupboards, but I would get too paranoid. Enough to say that sucks and I hope you don't get overly sentenced and maybe you can even get an adjustment on the time. THinking hopefully here. I know. Sorry about all that.

As for my story so far. I was doing all right until about a month ago, when I was wrongfully accused of a serious crime. I was arrested and thrown in jail. Had my apartment torn apart by cops looking for evidence. Seized all my computers and cameras. It didnīt take them long to figure out they had taken the wrong guy. I had nothing at all to do with the original case. But I did have some drugs at home. And Swedish law regarding drugs are absurdly harsh. Yet, the risks of being caught is so remote that nobody cares. So everybody behaves as if drugs are legal. As did I. I didnīt count on being wrongfully accused.

Being in isolation for three days being cross examined all days is extremely traumatic. Iīve developed all kinds of mental issues from that. So Iīm not really that well equipped now to deal with my sex addiction. Right now my focus is on trying to keep myself from developing a full on depression.

The worst thing about this is how preposterous the original accusation was. The evidence they had against me was laughably flimsy. The cops basically just lied and hoped theyīd find something better after raiding my apartment. Which they didnīt, since I was completely innocent. Iīm still in chock from this realization. Apparently itīs standard operating procedure. Who knew that all those teen angst bands were right all these years... cops are *******s.

Shame about the drugs though. Iīll be looking at jail time for that. Which sucks so much. Most of it was just stuff from my youth I hadnīt cleared out yet. 20 year old drugs. Too old to use, but Iīll be tried as if itīs new an fresh.

DrZoidberg
05-01-15, 07:14 AM
That sucks. It's amazing the awful things that can happen. At I'd mention what I have in my cupboards, but I would get too paranoid. Enough to say that sucks and I hope you don't get overly sentenced and maybe you can even get an adjustment on the time. THinking hopefully here. I know. Sorry about all that.

For me itīs an absolute disaster, since Iīve got a good job and and great career going. Iīve never had any contact with any kind of criminal world up until this. Now my career is in serious jeopardy. Everything Iīve worked for my entire life is suddenly thrown out the window. Itīs a total shock. This really came from nowhere. I had no reason to suspect Iīd get pulled into this ****

Everything about this is a total nightmare on par with everything Kafka wrote.

Maurice
05-01-15, 11:50 AM
Drug laws and penalties are severe in the States too. Even though 23 States have legal medical marijuana and three states treat it like alcohol, if you're over 21 years old you can walk in a dispensary and purchase it.

Dude if three days messed with you THAT badly..... Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Sounds to me, you were very fortunate to be in isolation. You wouldn't have enjoyed general population at ALL!

omygaudio
05-01-15, 03:54 PM
Jeez.. I already resent law enforcement, but after hearing what happened to you it got me even more riled up! Why are our tax dollars going toward hiring these dimwits that are clearly clueless, going around ******* innocent people with the long dick of the law, while the gangs, mafia and real bad guys are out there laughing at the hilarity of it all. There supposed to serve and protect not to incite fear and harass. And why are users always singled out and punished?Most are innocent, and addicts should be given treatment instead of harsher bans which only serve to trap them in a system of repeated jail-time and stiffer regulations for everyone. Prohibition has never worked and never will. Confidence in police has eroded significantly because of brutality, racism and **** like this and all it does is make it worse! :mad::mad::mad:

Abi
05-03-15, 09:12 AM
thread temporarily closed for staff review

Abi
05-03-15, 05:24 PM
Thread reopened

Please check out our guidelines on political discourse and do abide by them.

DrZoidberg
05-03-15, 06:31 PM
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

You are aware that this is a site for people with ADD/ADHD? Most of us have had positive experience with stimulants. Weīre the number one most likely group to have tried and used illegal drugs. This is not the place to make sweeping generalisations and pithy remarks about what I should or shouldnīt have done.

Before I got my diagnosis and my medication I used street amphetamines because they helped me. I didnīt think about it in those terms. But that was what I did. I was very young when I used drugs for fun.

I just find it very callous to make that comment in this forum, especially when you yourself have the diagnosis.

Even if I get convicted having used illegal drugs has still benefited my life a lot.

DrZoidberg
05-03-15, 06:35 PM
Jeez.. I already resent law enforcement, but after hearing what happened to you it got me even more riled up! Why are our tax dollars going toward hiring these dimwits that are clearly clueless, going around ******* innocent people with the long dick of the law, while the gangs, mafia and real bad guys are out there laughing at the hilarity of it all. There supposed to serve and protect not to incite fear and harass. And why are users always singled out and punished?Most are innocent, and addicts should be given treatment instead of harsher bans which only serve to trap them in a system of repeated jail-time and stiffer regulations for everyone. Prohibition has never worked and never will. Confidence in police has eroded significantly because of brutality, racism and **** like this and all it does is make it worse! :mad::mad::mad:

I think most people have already realised that the war on drugs is really a war on poor people, and minorities. But a lot of people are racist and enjoy kicking downward. So itīll be a while before the laws are gone completely. But theyīre going. Criminalising drug use has zero social benefits to society. It just makes criminals out of people who have hurt no one.

Anyhoo... I wasnīt really planing on discussing politics. I doubt thereīs many here who is in favour of criminalisation. After all... this is a site for people who have often benefited greatly from stimulants.