View Full Version : Extreme memory loss.


apoeticdevice
10-18-14, 12:07 AM
Hi,

This is a difficult thing to write about but I am tired of holding it in, in fear of...finding out the answer or another problem. I have not mentioned this to any of the therapists that I have seen over the years and when I have I did not specify my concern as they always brush it off or don't know the entire gist of it.

I don't really know how to start...

So, I have horrible memory, I always have.. since as far as I can remember... :3
Well.. I have noticed that there are periods of my life...that I completely forget but instantly remember by a complete random trigger...(triggers that I forget...and can't mention..) I would go months knowing what happened and remembering and then forget it again. Until years or months later something else would trigger it again and I would be hysterically wondering to myself how I could possibly forget something like that for so long.

I think that the reason that I don't mention it now to any therapist is because I really do want to forget it and I am trying to downplay the few memories of it that I have left. Once I was diagnosed with ADHD I figured my horrible memory was because of that.. and let it go. But, I don't buy it completely... and I feel that it is deeper than ADHD or at least ADHD and then some..

At the point in my life that I am currently at.. I have let go of my demons and know my problems and I know how to better myself. I don't feel the need of lurking into something that has happened to me in the past when I feel good about where I am now. But, I just want to know if my memory loss could be PTSD and if so, if I worked with a therapist on if my memories would come back. I have very limited glimpses of my childhood. Entire years where I don't remember a thing and that which I do isn't any good.

I am scared of really looking into this. I even avoid the definitions or anything about PTSD. I always repelled against it while I studied psychology ages ago. But my partner mentioned it to me once and so.. after years of shaking it off...sometimes I dare wonder.. Was my childhood really that bad? Could it be possible that I do suffer from this? Do I want to know if I do? And how obvious does it have to become before I dare dwell into it.....(I already feel that this is me spending too much thought and time...and dwelling into PTSD..and it makes me terribly uncomfortable..)

:(

Corina86
10-18-14, 09:56 AM
Was my childhood really that bad? Could it be possible that I do suffer from this? Do I want to know if I do? And how obvious does it have to become before I dare dwell into it.....(I already feel that this is me spending too much thought and time...and dwelling into PTSD..and it makes me terribly uncomfortable..)

:(

I think only you can answer these questions. Nobody else knows exactly what happened and how you felt and how you feel now except you. ADHD or not, if you have PTSD, you should really talk to a therapist about it, maybe even a psychiatrist. I don't have any experience with this, I don't know if your memories will come back, but I don't think this is related to ADHD and I think it's an issue you should really try and deal with. From other people's experience, therapy does help with PTSD.

SB_UK
10-18-14, 02:55 PM
I can feel new information floating away ie I can feel myself forgetting information.
But I actively encourage it to leave.

There's something that we haven't fully appreciated about memory - we all kinda' assume it's a good thing - but imagine all of the endless depressing rumination which occurs because of memory.

Every thought turns into something unpleasant -

I don't think that I want a memory.

apoeticdevice
10-19-14, 02:04 PM
Every thought turns into something unpleasant -

I don't think that I want a memory.

I understand and agree with that completely but all the memories of my childhood that I have are bad. And as much as I want them to leave they stay. What i wish to recover are the good memories...which I really have few of either. What happens to the other memories? I ask my bf how much he remembers of his childhood and he retained more than I did. I just feel that I did not retain much.

Laserbeak
10-21-14, 10:46 AM
Are you on a benzodiazepine?

Lunacie
10-21-14, 11:31 AM
Someone once posted a cartoon here that showed how an NT stores
and recovers memories - in a very logical manner.

And beside it was the cartoon of an ADDer who stored memories
wherever they found a spot and then had to hunt and hunt to find them
... or would be looking for something else and finds that memory instead.

apoeticdevice
10-22-14, 01:33 AM
Are you on a benzodiazepine?

No? Unless that's in my adderal lol I am not.

BellaVita
10-22-14, 01:51 AM
No? Unless that's in my adderal lol I am not.

Lol that would be a no

Laserbeak
10-29-14, 12:05 AM
OK, then.

For me, Adderall seems to actually improve memory (at least short-term). Like remembering telephone numbers after hearing them only once long enough to write them down afterwards.