View Full Version : Just wondering....


BellaVita
10-22-14, 04:08 PM
So was talking with dvdnvwls (we are friends in person) and he says I exhibit a group of symptoms relating to Asperger's/Autism....

I sort of just feel like listing some symptoms, mostly for my own sake but also for any input:
-Since I was a baby, I would line things up every day. I wouldn't go to sleep unless I had my toys lined up all away around the crib. There's also old pics of me in my baby albums of me with my dolls lined up and smiling. I did this almost every day.

-I didn't talk to anyone other than my mom up until around the age of 4. People were then surprised saying "she can talk?" cuz they didn't know I could.

-I have always had trouble making friends, I never understood what the social rules were, and at a young age of 8 or so I began researching like crazy body language and how to interact...for example how close you should stand to someone when talking, body signals that meant they wanted to leave the conversation (like the person looking out the window or towards the door), how to tell when smiles were genuine or fake. This went on for years. I also have a math disability and so for math I had to memorize every little calculation cuz I couldn't do it in my head, or I would memorize tons of questions with answers not knowing how to do them but I knew they'd be on the test - that's how it was like with social skills for me.

-I have trouble making eye contact, it doesn't come natural to me. I remember at age 13 researching how to make it "appear" that you're making eye contact, like by looking at the place in between the eyebrows. (Even that is difficult - I tend to look at the person's mouth and then look away and then back at mouth when they're talking)

-Extreme difficulty with transition -meltdowns and hours of crying would occur when these took place cuz I felt overwhelmed and didn't know how to cope - this is one of my main issues today

-Routine: I'd have meltdowns for hours as a kid and still have them if one little thing in my routine is changed. It has to be the same every day, even down to same food and same order of doing things. I literally freak out if things are out of order or don't happen how I'm used to.

-I have intense interests - like my whole life I've always had like one or two things I'd extensively research and be obsessed about and would talk about these subjects to people for HOURS without stopping and I actually still do this (you guys may see this a bit how I'm very interested with MBTI :o) actually THAT'S when people found out I could talk - once I warmed up I talked to them for hours and hours about my interests.

-I have sensory issues, like can't handle certain textures for example, even this morning I was throwing an actual fit cuz I didn't like the way the cleaned blanket felt against my skin. (So I began whining and hitting the bed :o)

-Every conversation I have with new people is usually things I've seen other people do or I use a list of common things in my head to say...like I am always having this inner dialogue "should I smile? Do I walk closer or would that be awkward? Okay is my tone of voice matching the situation? Do I look at them?"

-Back to the body language thing - I didn't get facial expressions and would often get in trouble for smiling when I was getting yelled at cuz I didn't know I was smiling. Another story, starting around age 6 I was trying to copy facial expressions and one time during a show with my kindergarten class I had been copying my friend's facial expression the whole time, and my mom talked to me after asking why I looked like that and I just said "I was doing Nikki's facial expression!" Cuz I thought that was how I could appear normal.

Anyway - I know no one here can diagnose and this was more just an interesting thing for me to see if I could possibly have something close to the spectrum or maybe it's just a mix of my disorders that I'm already diagnosed with.

Thanks for reading and letting me share these parts of me that aren't so obvious on the forums ;)

Conman
10-22-14, 04:22 PM
hard to say since like you said, youve got a few things going on. could be some overlap, but id say youve got some autistic tendencies like me and others on the forum

Lunacie
10-22-14, 06:00 PM
You definitely have some autistic traits.

I do too, without being full fledged autistic I think.
With a lot of overlap with ADHD for me.

Are you wondering if the bipolar is a misdiagnosis
and you actually have autism?

That is not uncommon - doctors think it's mostly
boys who have autism.

When girls have these traits they diagnose them
with bipolar.

They tried to put that diagnosis on my granddaughter.
We asked them to keep looking.

The therapist talked to his mentor, who has a daughter
with autism, and the two girls were so much alike he
had to agree it was autism.

BellaVita
10-22-14, 08:20 PM
You definitely have some autistic traits.

I do too, without being full fledged autistic I think.
With a lot of overlap with ADHD for me.

Are you wondering if the bipolar is a misdiagnosis
and you actually have autism?

That is not uncommon - doctors think it's mostly
boys who have autism.

When girls have these traits they diagnose them
with bipolar.

They tried to put that diagnosis on my granddaughter.
We asked them to keep looking.

The therapist talked to his mentor, who has a daughter
with autism, and the two girls were so much alike he
had to agree it was autism.

Hmm, no not really wondering if bipolar is a misdiagnosis (as much as I'd like it to be) but I was just wondering if there is perhaps more to it than that.

Oh! Another thing is I'm very literal and I absolutely can not understand metaphors, also I'm gullible and was often tricked as a kid into believing things when people were actually being sarcastic. I'd be like, "Oh wow, really!?" And then they'd make fun of me....

But I think maybe there are some things I don't understand about myself but when looked at as you see written down appear like it could be autism-related or something similar.

I met someone at the park the other day who likely has Asperger's and in my whole life I've never felt more comfortable - we stood 10-20 feet away from each other during the whole "convo" and the convo was kinda just off and on talking about subjects that were kinda unrelated but we were interested in. (Both talking about separate topics) and we didn't even need to face each other or make eye contact and it was like I was home. And I didn't have to worry about social rules which was extremely nice - cuz they obviously weren't either (or not outwardly anyway)

Thing is, it didn't feel awkward at all.

fracturedstory
10-24-14, 12:48 AM
I've noticed that a lot of people who have bipolar had a childhood very similar to those with Asperger's syndrome, might even have the disorder co-morbid.

My friend has a few AS traits but not to the degree of mine. One of my sister's also lined things up, again not to my extreme. So it's hard to tell.

I think you may be somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

I think not understanding body language at 8 is ok though. The curiosity seems a very grown up thing to do. I didn't even do that when I was 20.

fracturedstory
10-24-14, 12:51 AM
You definitely have some autistic traits.

I do too, without being full fledged autistic I think.
With a lot of overlap with ADHD for me.

Are you wondering if the bipolar is a misdiagnosis
and you actually have autism?

That is not uncommon - doctors think it's mostly
boys who have autism.

When girls have these traits they diagnose them
with bipolar.

They tried to put that diagnosis on my granddaughter.
We asked them to keep looking.

The therapist talked to his mentor, who has a daughter
with autism, and the two girls were so much alike he
had to agree it was autism.

Maybe sometimes they misdiagnose them with bipolar but the symptoms manifest very differently. Bipolar is more than acting out and having meltdowns. In children it's usually rapid cycling too.

You know I'm not yet diagnosed with bipolar so I'm very touchy over the subject.

I don't think anyone here doubts BellaVita has bipolar.