View Full Version : Living In Fear Because of False Stories


BellaVita
10-27-14, 09:54 PM
I've finally got it at last partially figured out why I'm SO scared of authority figures and going to new places like the doctor.

I'm terrified of getting in trouble.

dvdnvwls wrote this to me and that's when I "got it":
"Exactly!!! Major false belief: that anybody in real life's goal is to get you in trouble. It was once true at home, maybe also in school, maybe even church - but no more. Everyone in your new life either likes you or isn't paying attention to you at all."

That's EXACTLY what I believe! And I didn't even fully know it! (The bolded part)

I've always been afraid of new doctors, but the whole thing of being afraid of anyone in a "high position" or authority figure started April 2013 when my Dad punched me in the face, then the cops came, then my Dad told the cops lies about me saying I act demon possessed, and then they baker acted me and placed ME in a mental hospital!

Also, my Dad later made me lie to the Florida adult and children services, when they came to investigate a possible abuse/neglect case (which it was :(), and he had me tell them that no, I didn't get punched in the face. He threatened and said if I didn't then he would kick me out.

So therefore, I'm scared of doctors, cops, psychiatrists.

I'm now on the opposite side of the country, far away from my Dad.

I really need to overcome this, somehow, because I live in fear every day.

I can't even stand to hear knocking on the door because I get flash backs of when the cops banged on the door to wake me up to come get me. :(

I get extreme panic attacks when I do hear knocking, so we have to tell people not to knock.

Also I can't answer phone calls cuz I'm scared it's someone calling to get me in trouble.

I'm so exhausted living like this, in constant fear, but my brain doesn't know the difference and thinks everyone is out to get me and get me locked up and in trouble.

Pilgrim
10-27-14, 10:29 PM
I had to tell some lies like this. Terrible secrets to keep. The thing that helped was being able to talk about it with someone who understood a lot. And I had complete faith in her; that was the hard part. This can take a while but these feelings evaporate.
Goodluck

Unmanagable
10-27-14, 10:37 PM
The fear seems to be a very reasonable response to a series of highly traumatic events. It definitely doesn't feel reasonable when you're the one experiencing it, though. Our brains go right back to the unrecognizable and unresolved feelings of the traumatic events each time we're faced with stress. Hoping the new doc opens up healthier treatment options for you and can help ease your mind.

BellaVita
10-27-14, 10:39 PM
I had to tell some lies like this. Terrible secrets to keep. The thing that helped was being able to talk about it with someone who understood a lot. And I had complete faith in her; that was the hard part. This can take a while but these feelings evaporate.
Goodluck

Thanks it's good to know they will evaporate.

Sorry to hear you had to endure a similar thing, no one should have to go through this. :grouphug:

Maurice
10-27-14, 10:45 PM
I've finally got it at last partially figured out why I'm SO scared of authority figures and going to new places like the doctor.

I'm terrified of getting in trouble.

dvdnvwls wrote this to me and that's when I "got it":
"Exactly!!! Major false belief: that anybody in real life's goal is to get you in trouble. It was once true at home, maybe also in school, maybe even church - but no more. Everyone in your new life either likes you or isn't paying attention to you at all."

That's EXACTLY what I believe! And I didn't even fully know it! (The bolded part)

I've always been afraid of new doctors, but the whole thing of being afraid of anyone in a "high position" or authority figure started April 2013 when my Dad punched me in the face, then the cops came, then my Dad told the cops lies about me saying I act demon possessed, and then they baker acted me and placed ME in a mental hospital!

Also, my Dad later made me lie to the Florida adult and children services, when they came to investigate a possible abuse/neglect case (which it was :(), and he had me tell them that no, I didn't get punched in the face. He threatened and said if I didn't then he would kick me out.

So therefore, I'm scared of doctors, cops, psychiatrists.

I'm now on the opposite side of the country, far away from my Dad.

I really need to overcome this, somehow, because I live in fear every day.

I can't even stand to hear knocking on the door because I get flash backs of when the cops banged on the door to wake me up to come get me. :(

I get extreme panic attacks when I do hear knocking, so we have to tell people not to knock.

Also I can't answer phone calls cuz I'm scared it's someone calling to get me in trouble.

I'm so exhausted living like this, in constant fear, but my brain doesn't know the difference and thinks everyone is out to get me and get me locked up and in trouble.

First I am terribly terribly sorry that that happened to you to begin with.

Second I understand to an extent how you feel about some a-hole pounding on your door like a stormtrooper. It still sparks a sick feeling in my stomach to this day. And God help you if you do pound on my door and you're not the police!!

Thirdly, life is just too short to live in constant fear. Especially unreasonable fear. I think a healthy amount of paranoia helps keep me safe and away from trouble.

I have never feared doctors but have pretty much been terrified of cops and have an extreme dislike/distrust for them. To the point of if I'm driving down the road and I hear sirens and look in the rearview mirror and see blue and red lights, my heart races, I immediately get a huge surge of adrenaline and where it might just be a minor speeding ticket, I will risk everything and go into survival mode and do everything in my power to flee and escape if I believe I have half a chance.

I first started this when I was 16 and just got my license and once I was successful it then became a challenge and my response. The last time I did this was in 1993. I am very very fortunate that I never wrecked, killed anybody, killed myself, or got caught.

And just because you don't have to let someone terrify you, I don't believe that you have to trust them either.

I hope this in some way helps a little bit.

BellaVita
10-27-14, 10:47 PM
The fear seems to be a very reasonable response to a series of highly traumatic events. It definitely doesn't feel reasonable when you're the one experiencing it, though. Our brains go right back to the unrecognizable and unresolved feelings of the traumatic events each time we're faced with stress. Hoping the new doc opens up healthier treatment options for you and can help ease your mind.

Thanks, nope I don't like it and wish I could simply delete all of my fear and anxiety.

Yeah, so true.

Thanks so much, I really hope so too.

BellaVita
10-27-14, 10:53 PM
First I am terribly terribly sorry that that happened to you to begin with.

Second I understand to an extent how you feel about some a-hole pounding on your door like a stormtrooper. It still sparks a sick feeling in my stomach to this day. And God help you if you do pound on my door and you're not the police!!

Thirdly, life is just too short to live in constant fear. Especially unreasonable fear. I think a healthy amount of paranoia helps keep me safe and away from trouble.

I have never feared doctors but have pretty much been terrified of cops and have an extreme dislike/distrust for them. To the point of if I'm driving down the road and I hear sirens and look in the rearview mirror and see blue and red lights, my heart races, I immediately get a huge surge of adrenaline and where it might just be a minor speeding ticket, I will risk everything and go into survival mode and do everything in my power to flee and escape if I believe I have half a chance.

I first started this when I was 16 and just got my license and once I was successful it then became a challenge and my response. The last time I did this was in 1993. I am very very fortunate that I never wrecked, killed anybody, killed myself, or got caught.

And just because you don't have to let someone terrify you, I don't believe that you have to trust them either.

I hope this in some way helps a little bit.

Thanks for the words Maurice.

Yikes, sorry about your fear of cops. I understand.

I agree life is too short to live in constant fear and that doing so will prevent me from doing things like helping people, one of the things I love doing most. I don't want someone else animal or person to miss out on help I could provide simply because I was stuck in fear.

I'd feel terrible.

I feel like my whole purpose in life is to try to help everyone I meet and make them feel loved or at least not weird and accepted.

Anyway, I wish so bad I had the choice to not "let" fear take control, but I think since I went through something so traumatic (and the abuse lasted for years before that event) it's going to leave a scar and be difficult to heal...

But I'm finding that meeting the right people and being in a safe environment and having a dog to protect me is helping me.

dvdnvwls
10-28-14, 01:03 AM
... the whole thing of being afraid of anyone in a "high position" or authority figure started April 2013 when my Dad punched me in the face, then the cops came, then my Dad told the cops lies about me saying I act demon possessed, and then they baker acted me and placed ME in a mental hospital!

Also, my Dad later made me lie to the Florida adult and children services, when they came to investigate a possible abuse/neglect case (which it was :(), and he had me tell them that no, I didn't get punched in the face. He threatened and said if I didn't then he would kick me out.

So therefore, I'm scared of doctors, cops, psychiatrists.



The truth is, though, that you're not scared of actual psychiatrists, doctors, or cops at all.

What you are afraid of is the massive load of lies that you were taught. All those lies had just one purpose: to fill you with fear, so that you would stop thinking for yourself, thus making it easy for those who told the lies to control and manipulate you. (Fear of punishment, to make you obey; fear of outsiders and civil authorities, to make you not report abuse; fear of the rest of society, to make you afraid to leave, and to prevent you from learning that your life doesn't have to be the way the liars wanted it to be... and other fears too, I'm sure.)

Just one small problem for the liars: Obviously they managed to get lots and lots of fear into you, but you never really stopped thinking for yourself. And because of that - because you were too smart and too strong for them to break completely - here you are. You're going to be okay.

Way more than okay, my love. :) :grouphug: