View Full Version : Honesty with my self


auntchris
04-11-05, 11:51 PM
I was diagnosed Borderline Persontality officially in autumn of '99. I got very angry. I was furious and angry cause I was being labeled again. What is wrong with my personality? I was told by my Psy D when I was in the hospital I had a very cute personality. This is harder than I thought. :faint: I am leaning against the back of my chair trying to find the words with out puttin my :foot: . I say things that I mean at the time, for instance I want to change my behaviour and I do. Then when I think about it I am sick of people telling me what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. The times I most down and full of anger, even rage at times. I wish I could hit something of push someone like I did when I was younger, ususally that was someone in my family. I let other peoople and what they say make me feel bad and end up in tears. What they have said is usuallythe truth that I am not able to admitt to myself yet and it come as a shock.


Does anyone here have a hard time being honest with yourself. That if you say it aloud or admit a therapist then your are holding yourself accountable for your behaviour. When I was in Illinois at a psychiatric hospital my Psy. D told me the most important thing is " Honesty with ourselves."


I also feel rejected or alone alot of the time. I know some people dont understand why I feel this way. I think it has to do alot with what happened in 6 -8 grade. Why do I have a hard time making friends. I am a nice person, even charming and polite, at least that is what others say about me and I am starting to believe it. Anothere thing, is why do I make others more important than myself or those that really love me. There seems to be this love hate relationship with my family but mainly with my parents. I dont blame my sister she was younger than me when I began to turn into this raging teen, now I am an adult whether I like it or not and others hold me accoutable for where I am in life . They dont look at the family dynamics or the past issues of my life cause they dont know me really or do they? I am so confused, and am starting to ramble at the moment. That is another problem I go from pt A to pt D to B to C and back to A again. I cant seem to think say something without feeling like I stuck my foot in my mouth or think " Why did I say that ?"

I am just venting and thinkin g out loud . Just a few feelings does anyone feel like this ? thanks for listening folks.:soapbox:

heartbrokenkid
06-05-06, 02:56 AM
I do feel something similar to u, and the concept HONESTY WITH OURSELVES is indeed important.

sehrita
06-05-06, 04:58 AM
Does anyone here have a hard time being honest with yourself. That if you say it aloud or admit a therapist then your are holding yourself accountable for your behaviour. When I was in Illinois at a psychiatric hospital my Psy. D told me the most important thing is " Honesty with ourselves."

Wow I really heard something of myself in what you wrote. I do or say so many things that are either off topic or don't come out the way I am thinking it in my head. I have been told that I tell a story but skip out the essential parts that help it to make sense. I don't realize when I do this, I only hear about it afterwards when people get angry or confused. I then get mad back, thinking that the other person must be stupid or something to not get it.... Lately I have been trying to combat this and fess up when someone tells me that my story isn't complete, or sounds odd. I then try to explain myself in a better and more complete way...

It is just so hard sometimes. At least I got my cats who don't care what I say or do as long as they get loves, food, and clean kitty box. :) heh, no my boyfriend is fairly understanding about all of this. He is a dear dear man.

See, I ramble too ;)