View Full Version : Feeling like you exist


Fortress
11-05-14, 05:05 PM
So I'm hoping this is not something that comes automatically with ADD, but I'm afraid it is.

I've always had trouble understanding that I exist. I can now identify my feelings as well as my thoughts, but attaching them to Me is difficult. There's certainly some childhood negligence issue here, but what I want to discuss is any link with ADD.

First, getting lost in thoughts is something amazing that raise my creativity and problem solving to amazing levels, but it also feels like it's become an automatic emotion-avoiding defense mechanism, as those usually go away on their own. It feels like I have to "concentrate" just to remember why and how I'm feeling angry or sad or happy etc. and for years, it made me feel like my feelings were fake, because after all, they went away if I didn't think about it, so how was I entitled to keep thinking about them and staying angry on purpose? And should happiness NOT be "forced" by my consciousness? Etc.. I feel like the simple fact that I daydream and lose focus is giving me trouble attaching my feelings to myself.

Second, it seems like my brain's computer can only really handle a single "thread" of consciousness at a time, so when talking to somebody it's either


them,
me, or
my rational thinking.

I can't experience those together, so I'm either


completely absorbed in what they say, forgetting my own feelings
quirky and uncontrolled, saying anything that goes through my mind
able to sustain a conversation, but it only feels like I'm detached and "laying the facts" rationally, which makes me feel bad because I feel like a robot faking it.

Because of all of this and maybe because of past problems (not the least being that being lost in thoughts practically isolates you from peers at school), I have trouble feeling like I exist and I'm a Person, but rather I feel like I'm a bunch of quirks, feelings and thoughts sewn together in a cloudy reality. It makes relationships with others...and myself...harder than I feel they should be. I'm sure many of you have experienced the same problems. I'm wondering if any of you have found a way to learn to feel like you are "you" more constantly, or if one with ADD should just accept their whimsical, floaty personality?

0000000100
04-03-15, 11:08 AM
I can relate to some things you said.

Especially since a damn doctor gave me for some reason no one knows antipsychotics, which caused depersonalisation, making me feel detached from real world. I hate so much the moment I accepted to take 'em !

Maybe the cause is that we think and analyze to much.
I felt kind of the same when I read a book on communication, and now when speaking to others I have to follow those rules.
I felt the same when I learned that if you want to make good drawings - you have to follow some certain rules (Composition, color theory, etc)
And a lot of more times when we are bound to rules.

Corina86
04-03-15, 05:24 PM
rather I feel like I'm a bunch of quirks, feelings and thoughts sewn together in a cloudy reality.

I'm wondering if any of you have found a way to learn to feel like you are "you" more constantly, or if one with ADD should just accept their whimsical, floaty personality?

I'm like this too, but it never bothered me. I feel others are close-minded, one-track-minded and many lack depth to their personality.