View Full Version : People not understanding why I'm depressed.


wwww789
11-15-14, 10:55 AM
I really am amazed sometimes at how unsympathetic people can be when I tell them about my depression. They always seem to assume that it's something I can control, or that I'm just trying to get attention (I remember when my sister found out about my cutting, she immediately assumed I just wanted attention, despite the fact that I hadn't told anyone prior, and didn't even mean for her to find out).

I often hear people tell me 'You have nothing to be depressed about', right before listing off a bunch of people whom they feel are worse off than me, as if that's going to help in any way what so ever. Why is it so hard for them to understand that depression isn't so simple as they think, and that it can be triggered by the smallest of things?

Lunacie
11-15-14, 11:12 AM
Everyone feels sad now and then - they don't understand that depression is not the same thing.

Same way that everyone forgets things now and then, but ADHD is not the same thing.

My eyesight is terrible. Just because there are people whose eyesight is worse than mine
doesn't mean I don't need to wear glasses.

There are people who have lost a leg and wear a prosthetic, that doesn't mean that I don't
need to use a cane when walking because my knee subluxates from time to time.

Just because someone is worse off than me (has more to feel depressed about) doesn't
have a damn thing to do with whether I feel depressed. Mine isn't related to or triggered by
anything in particular, it's the way my brain works.

finallyfound10
11-15-14, 02:36 PM
That's why I don't tell people. I applaud your openness though! I would be too scared that they would deny it or have some reaction that I could perceive as rejection.

LordranBound
11-15-14, 04:46 PM
Nothings makes me more angry than when someone says "you shouldn't feel bad, people are starving or have cancer" or whatever. I feel like saying to them "That should make me feel better? It makes me feel worse because life is so unfair for them as well.

midnightstar
11-15-14, 07:59 PM
Unfortunately people don't understand depression unless they've had it themselves.

:grouphug:

anonymouslyadd
11-15-14, 08:39 PM
I really am amazed sometimes at how unsympathetic people can be when I tell them about my depression. They always seem to assume that it's something I can control, or that I'm just trying to get attention (I remember when my sister found out about my cutting, she immediately assumed I just wanted attention, despite the fact that I hadn't told anyone prior, and didn't even mean for her to find out).

I often hear people tell me 'You have nothing to be depressed about', right before listing off a bunch of people whom they feel are worse off than me, as if that's going to help in any way what so ever. Why is it so hard for them to understand that depression isn't so simple as they think, and that it can be triggered by the smallest of things?
I've gotten so disappointed at people because of this. Wouldn't it be nice if people would just listen to our concerns and not deny or offer platitudes?

This has actually made me realize how much people struggle to maintain their own happiness in life. If they've never been sad, if they've never been depressed, what does that say about how they experience the world? It seems like understanding among people is a very special trait.

Fuzzy12
11-19-14, 09:45 AM
I've heard a lot of that rubbish (mainly people saying it to my mom but also sometimes to me). There is very little that's more invalidating than being told "Why are you depressed? You've got nothing to be depressed about".

I think, the problem lies with the WHY. Most people don't understand depression. They equate depression with sadness, an emotion that everyone experiences once in a while and that is caused by a particular event or trigger. Depression can be triggered but it doesn't have to be, the trigger definitely doesn't have to big and it's a lot more than just sadness (and sometimes it doesn't even involve sadness). I believe that there is no direct relationship between depression and triggers. Some people can experience the same triggers (or worse) and not get depressed but that is because they aren't vulnerable to depression (either in terms of their brain function or maybe even because they've learnt coping mechanisms..if they exist.)

In fact, if you look at the diagnostic criteria for depression, one point clearly specifies that depression immediately after a significant negative event (like bereavement) does not necessarily justify a diagnosis of major depressive disorder:

The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.

I don't mind if people don't understand why I am depressed. I do mind if they question my depression or "my right to be depressed" or expect me to somehow not be depressed just because they don't understand it.