View Full Version : Having Impulsive/Emotional Issues Outside of the Norm


CheekyOne
11-16-14, 10:45 AM
Good Morning Everyone,

It's nice to find a place where others can relate to what I'm going through. Apologies for the book. I'm 31 yrs old, female, no kids and I was diagnosed with ADD about 3 years ago. I remember sitting at my desk at work one day and crying because I could not focus. I finally mentioned it to my doctor and she sent me to be tested. After the impulse test (which ran me up a wall) the doctor said you definitely have it. We talked and he said "it's such a shame that you can't focus because I can tell that you are an intelligent young lady, lets get you on some medicine so that you can shine." It brought tears to my eyes because I too knew that I was intelligent even if i could not put it into words or actions.

In retrospect, I think that I have suffered from ADD for a long time. I went from being a top student to flag roll in pretty short order in middle school and was never able to completely get back on top. I would get frustrated and not be able to concentrate (especially with math) but I knew that I was an intelligent person, I just could not articulate my thoughts (if that makes sense). I never told my mom how I was feeling because I thought that I just didn't want to do school work. I was able to graduate HS and went to college briefly. With a lot of hard work I did really well in college but when it was time to take math, I ran for the hills.

Anyway we started out @ 10mg and I took the test again, I improved but not enough so we went up to 15mg. I have not been back to that doctor since to retest on 15mg. At the time the test frustrated me and with my job at that time, I didn't want to deal with it. So I I take adderall 15mg, up to 3 times a day; he did not recommend XR because he said it's only good for about 12 hrs vs. taking individual pills is around 15 hrs. I also struggle with anxiety/depression so I take 1mg of Xanax daily.

Now on medicine things are better but lately I have been struggling with impulsiveness, lack of concentration and being on an emotional roller coaster. I take my meds although sometimes I am late but I at least take two doses. The past 3 months or so I have struggled and I don't know what triggered it or if there is a cause. I did not struggle initially. I will try to outline some of my issues.

Personality/Background: I'm shy but most people think that I'm a social butterfly because I make such an effort to appear like what the world see's as 'normal.' Despite my shyness, I'm very direct and I usually do not take any crap. In my personal and work life, I believe in speaking my mind (I do try to curb this a lot when it comes to work). The thing is I can lay someone out verbally about something and not blink an eye while doing it but I will cry about it later. So despite the toughness, I have a really soft heart and I don't like to hurt anyone intentionally. I will defend a weaker being without thought. I don't dance because I have no rhythm and I fear looking ridiculous :cool: lol. I can't sing but I love music. I grew up poor but was determined to try and do better for myself when I got older and I've accomplished that.

Work: I switched from a really stressful job in February to a new one and although it is stressful, not as much as the other was. I was in the other position 7+ years. Now, I find myself becoming emotionally impulsive in high stress situations in my new job and speaking my thoughts before I can stop myself. Then I lay in bed at night and worry about what I've said and if I'll get in trouble the next day. I had an outburst on Friday and have worried all weekend about my bosses reaction. I can only hope and pray that she will understand how hard it is to control my impulses.

Relationship: I've always had issues with relationships. I have been in a committed one since 2005 and although he is not perfect, he deserves a medal for putting up with my up and down emotions. I have a hard time trusting and that causes issues with my relationship as I sometimes accuse or assume things without reason. I try not to but it's a struggle. He is aware of my issues and is supportive. I don't think he completely understands it but he does make an effort. My sex drive isn't as high as it used to be but I think some of that may be the time that we've been together.

Social Life: Non-existent. I have friends but only deal with them @ work. Friends who don't work with me I have little to no contact with. I usually stay in the house and don't get out much. I'll try to wiggle out of invites to hang out or attend social events. This is a direct contrast to my boyfriend as he is sociable and wants to constantly be on the go. This can cause issues sometimes because in my world that is the definition of insanity! Who the heck wants to be around PEOPLE :eek:? (lol) Seriously, I envy his social skills and ability to mingle without anxiety.

Things I Enjoy: I'm kind of a nerd. I love the computer/technology so I have lots of gadgets. I've owned a PC since 96/97'ish. Reading/listening to books is my biggest indulgence. I have two cats whom I adore. My boyfriend is someone who can coax me out of my shell. He makes me laugh a lot and I can be myself around him. I worry that a lot of my happiness is based on him. I admit that even these things no longer give me joy like they used to... All over the past few months.

So I'm wondering if others have experienced issues while taking meds? Is it normal? If so, Is it temporary? Any suggestions for getting control over my emotions so that I am not so impulsive? Has my body become used to this dosage? I know that exercise will help and I admit that I don't do that much anymore. I take my workout clothes to work every day and never use them. The thing that drove me to this forum was my work situation. I've been with my company since I was 19. I am an overachiever and a perfectionist to boot. I put a lot of extra stress on myself because my expectations are high but I've always done this. I don't want to loose my job because I can't control my emotions. I'd appreciate any thoughts/suggestions. :)

P.S. Apologies if this is all over the place but it's one of those mornings.
Thank you.

Little Missy
11-16-14, 01:36 PM
Try taking half the amount 3X a day. Sometimes less is more and it can really sort of reset things.

Unmanagable
11-16-14, 02:50 PM
Welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing your story. :)

I ended up having to adjust my IR dosage to 20mg in the morning, then 5mg every 3-4 hours later, as needed. I rarely take more than 2 within a day, and I don't medicate every single day.

I was initially prescribed 20mg three times a day, but the side effects were too overwhelming. I had thought it was no longer working, and the doc agreed to increase my dose to 30 mg three times a day, but the side effects went through the roof. Keeping the morning dose at the original prescribing dose and reducing the afternoon doses made all the difference in the world for me.

Wishing you luck in your pursuit of a therapeutic and effective dose.

CheekyOne
11-17-14, 07:18 AM
Try taking half the amount 3X a day. Sometimes less is more and it can really sort of reset things.

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing your story. :)

I ended up having to adjust my IR dosage to 20mg in the morning, then 5mg every 3-4 hours later, as needed. I rarely take more than 2 within a day, and I don't medicate every single day.

I was initially prescribed 20mg three times a day, but the side effects were too overwhelming. I had thought it was no longer working, and the doc agreed to increase my dose to 30 mg three times a day, but the side effects went through the roof. Keeping the morning dose at the original prescribing dose and reducing the afternoon doses made all the difference in the world for me.

Wishing you luck in your pursuit of a therapeutic and effective dose.

Thank you so much. I will try to decrease as suggested. In retrospect, I realized that I have been taking the white pills manufactured by Mallinkrodt. I usually take the peach. I started feeling this way around the time that I started getting the white pills. Luckily Wal-greens had adderall so I got peach this time. I still have some whites left but I'm taking peach to see how I feel. I will report back.

sarahsweets
11-18-14, 05:10 AM
If you have adhd then you've had it your whole life. There are no tests for adhd so I'm not clear on what your doctor is testing you for.

CheekyOne
11-18-14, 10:03 AM
If you have adhd then you've had it your whole life. There are no tests for adhd so I'm not clear on what your doctor is testing you for.

Hi. I took two tests on the PC. Not sure about other states but my doctor has to send me to be evaluated before she can give meds. When I went, he had me take a test to test my concentration and impulsiveness. The impulse test consisted of letters popping up on the screen, I had to click all as fast as I could except for the letter X. I clicked the X so much despite trying not to click lol. The other was more like decision making but required lots of focus... by the end of it, I was watching other people to see what they were doing. He also asked several questions about my background, normal evaluation questions and we talked.

This particular doctor has bad ADD... getting through the questions part was an experience as we were both off task! But he is one of the most respected docs and one of the only who tests adults in our city

I honestly thought the test was standard. Assuming that it's not based off your response.

sarahsweets
11-18-14, 11:09 AM
I hear what your saying cheeky but those tests should not be used to diagnose or confirm an adhd diagnosis. They can help with regards to checking for other mental health issues but overall there aren't any tests for adhd.

CheekyOne
11-18-14, 05:22 PM
I hear what your saying cheeky but those tests should not be used to diagnose or confirm an adhd diagnosis. They can help with regards to checking for other mental health issues but overall there aren't any tests for adhd.

Sarah-
That is fine. I explained my particular situation. I don't think that was the 'end all' but just something that he took into consideration. I'm not an expert and was not aware if there were any conclusive test to say yay or nay; I just knew it was part of the process that I went through.

Have a nice day.