View Full Version : maybe we'll get it right this time around

11-20-14, 10:23 AM
I feel like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, but instead of Wonderland waiting for me at the bottom, it's just darkness.

I've never seen myself as a depressed individual. It was always mind over matter for me... I could will myself into a better mood most times. Even before I miscarried last year though, I was labeled as depressed. I just ignored it and kept on going.

Then my world changed. I can't explain it... you'd understand if it has ever happened to you... and if it has, omg, I am so sorry.

Anyway. I was getting bad... I switched ADHD meds from Adderall to Concerta b/c the Adderall was making me feel stupid... things that ought to have been solid thoughts were fragmenting and making doing things just that much harder... so I quit taking it. So they prescribed Concerta because I'd taken it before- at the same dose they prescribed. That was one of the worst decisions ever. DH described me as an angry pinball machine while it was in my system. The first day was worse (because I'd taken it with my allergy meds), the second day wasn't much better, but I didn't have to work that day, so that probably helped some.

It's nearly impossible to get into to see my pdoc... even calling up there, I generally get the answering machine and no one knows if that even gets checked... so I went to see my GP. He was livid at the dosages I had previously been on for depression meds (I quit taking them before summer started) and even more frustrated I had no idea what my official diagnosis was. Other than ADHD... that one I know. So we started a new medicine... Effexor.

Yesterday, my brain felt kinda like a happy drunk. It was a weird feeling, so I tried to sleep it off... that didn't work real well (probably because one of the cats was grooming himself while sitting on my ribs), but as the day progressed, things got warm and fuzzy in my head. It was oddly quiet up there, but comfortable.

This morning, I just feel calm. It's weird feeling calm. I take my second dose tonight (since it makes me sleepy, that seems to be the better time to take it).... we'll see how things go once it builds up in my system.

I'm just tired of feeling so broken. I was even at the point of knowing how I could have killed myself, and had planned on what to do with my animals as well... I've never had J be so silent before during a serious conversation. That was a little weird. I'm glad that's passed though. Dark and scary me isn't real fun to be around.

11-20-14, 02:38 PM
I'm sorry you've been dealing with all that. Sounds like you have a good and caring GP though.

Changes are tough, I hope the change to Effexor is worth the transition process.

11-20-14, 02:51 PM
Wishing you luck in navigating self. It's a b**** to try to figure out, especially when we have to basically do the jobs of all the professionals we see, too. ((((Hugs))))