View Full Version : This is how my brain works


EBLynne
11-27-14, 01:15 AM
I'm 30/F, recently (6 months ago) diagnosed, and being treated with Adderall XR 25mg 2/day.

I keep searching the internet for an article or a blog that describes my thoughts the way they happen to prove to myself for the 100th time that this is real and I'm not just a giant failure.

So I decided to write it down myself. Take a look and I'd love to hear if anyone can identify with any of it.

http://keepmyadhd.wordpress.com/2014/11/27/first-30-minutes/

What is with this constant need for validation?

EBLynne
11-27-14, 02:05 AM
I'm 30/F, recently (6 months ago) diagnosed, and being treated with Adderall XR 25mg 2/day.

I keep searching the internet for an article or a blog that describes my thoughts the way they happen to prove to myself for the 100th time that this is real and I'm not just a giant failure.

So I decided to write it down myself. Take a look and I'd love to hear if anyone can identify with any of it.

http://keepmyadhd.wordpress.com/2014/11/27/first-30-minutes/

What is with this constant need for validation?

Here's the full post:




I'll Keep My ADHD
A Female 30-Something's Ramblings and Revelations After Diagnosis

First 30 Minutes
Posted on 55 Minutes Ago by keepmyadhd

I’m driving to work (late) thinking about coffee that I do not have time to buy. It’s 7:04 AM. The car radio outs a man for cheating on his wife while something is scraping under the car.

NEW THOUGHT!

Toyota called on Tuesday and there are several safety recalls to get fixed. But the front left headlight is still out after the accident in August and I should get that fixed too. Local mechanic said he would fix it for free but he thinks I’m an idiot because I called him in October to beg for proof that my rental car was necessary. The car was finished on a Friday but I picked it up on Tuesday. How much was that rental per day? Insurance should pay for my rental car, regardless! Who cares how long I had it? How long was that anyway? I have no idea but I should know. They will want to know. I’m already overdrawn anyway though… Whats’s another couple hundred bucks? I’m willing to sacrifice cash if I can just forget about all the steps it would take to get it back. Do I have cash for soda today? I definitely have no time for coffee. ****, I need quarters for laundry. I have coin rolling paper but no coins. I wonder if there is a machine that makes coin rolling paper or if somebody rolls it by hand. A person in history invented paper coin rolls. How’d they decide how many coins go in each roll? Is it different in Canada? ****, I think at least two of my quarters are Canadian and that piece of crap washer won’t take them.

Peter Paul and Mary. Mary was kind of a husky lady and people loved her. She’s All About That Bass. Why the obsession with skinny *** autotune freaks anyway? Wait why the hell am i thinking about Peter Paul and Mary? I’ve got that garden song in my head.

“Inch by inch, row by row.

Gonna make this garden grow.

All it takes is a rake and a hoe

and a piece of fertile ground”

I love that song! It reminds me of Richmond Elementary School and that fundraiser for a new playground that I never got to play on. This girl once broke her foot jumping off the old climber when the bell rang. I think her name was Ashley Foote but it’s possible I just think it was her because her last name is Foote. If it was her though, that’s kind of hilarious. Oh, Russells is having a sale on garden tools. Maybe that’s why I had garden on the brain. I wish I could eat raw snap peas without getting itchy.

Wait, where is my spider plant? It’s still on the damn balcony. What temperature kills a spider plant?

“Siri, what temperature kills a spider plant”

“I’m really sorry about this, but I can’t take any requests right now.”

Really? What good are you?? What the hell kind of name is Siri anyway? Tom Cruise’s daughter’s name is Suri. I bet they sit around the dinner table making jokes about the similarities between Suri and Siri. And how Suri is better because she can answer a simple ******* question.

Oh, heres’s my turn. No coffee today. I’m late. I hope my deodorant is still in my work bag. Whatever. Smells are natural. Ugh I hate teenagers. Thank god I work in preschool. Who is this idiot in my parking spot?

**** it’s 7:15! Can I get upstairs in less than one minute? Where’s my phone? In my hand. Keys? Check. Purse. Check.

Ok here we go.

Thank you, dear Preschool-Jesus, nobody is here yet. Why am I carrying this bag of old laundry???

Ok, ****. Deodorant is definitely still in the car but thankfully I instead brought in this bag of dirty shirts from last weekend. That’s helpful. What day is this? OOH quarters in my coat pocket! Wait! Why are all of my ******* quarters ******* Canadian?? I can’t wash clothes OR get caffeine. SERENITY NOW!

Taking down the chairs is not my favorite activity. I’m sweating now and I have no deodorant.

Ok kids are here.

“Let’s color! Good Morning! Happy Thanksgiving! Safe Travels!”

*LOL… armpits.*

“Hello?? Are you listening? I need to borrow CandyLand for my classroom today.”

“I’m sorry, what? When did you get here? I was thinking about armpits. Hey do you have a quarter?”

Flia
11-27-14, 04:27 AM
Yes, that's how it works.
I heard someone describe it as a relatively busy highway. Each thought is a car. Sometimes you see it for seconds, but most of them just pass by before you've even seen what brand it is.

mbrandon
12-05-14, 12:52 AM
Hahaha I love this post! :D

Skyf@ll
12-05-14, 01:08 AM
Here's the full post:




I'll Keep My ADHD
A Female 30-Something's Ramblings and Revelations After Diagnosis

First 30 Minutes
Posted on 55 Minutes Ago by keepmyadhd

I’m driving to work (late) thinking about coffee that I do not have time to buy. It’s 7:04 AM. The car radio outs a man for cheating on his wife while something is scraping under the car.


NEW THOUGHT!

Toyota called on Tuesday and there are several safety recalls to get fixed. But the front left headlight is still out after the accident in August and I should get that fixed too. Local mechanic said he would fix it for free but he thinks I’m an idiot because I called him in October to beg for proof that my rental car was necessary. The car was finished on a Friday but I picked it up on Tuesday. How much was that rental per day? Insurance should pay for my rental car, regardless! Who cares how long I had it? How long was that anyway? I have no idea but I should know. They will want to know. I’m already overdrawn anyway though… Whats’s another couple hundred bucks? I’m willing to sacrifice cash if I can just forget about all the steps it would take to get it back. Do I have cash for soda today? I definitely have no time for coffee. ****, I need quarters for laundry. I have coin rolling paper but no coins. I wonder if there is a machine that makes coin rolling paper or if somebody rolls it by hand. A person in history invented paper coin rolls. How’d they decide how many coins go in each roll? Is it different in Canada? ****, I think at least two of my quarters are Canadian and that piece of crap washer won’t take them.

Peter Paul and Mary. Mary was kind of a husky lady and people loved her. She’s All About That Bass. Why the obsession with skinny *** autotune freaks anyway? Wait why the hell am i thinking about Peter Paul and Mary? I’ve got that garden song in my head.

“Inch by inch, row by row.

Gonna make this garden grow.

All it takes is a rake and a hoe

and a piece of fertile ground”

I love that song! It reminds me of Richmond Elementary School and that fundraiser for a new playground that I never got to play on. This girl once broke her foot jumping off the old climber when the bell rang. I think her name was Ashley Foote but it’s possible I just think it was her because her last name is Foote. If it was her though, that’s kind of hilarious. Oh, Russells is having a sale on garden tools. Maybe that’s why I had garden on the brain. I wish I could eat raw snap peas without getting itchy.

Wait, where is my spider plant? It’s still on the damn balcony. What temperature kills a spider plant?

“Siri, what temperature kills a spider plant”

“I’m really sorry about this, but I can’t take any requests right now.”

Really? What good are you?? What the hell kind of name is Siri anyway? Tom Cruise’s daughter’s name is Suri. I bet they sit around the dinner table making jokes about the similarities between Suri and Siri. And how Suri is better because she can answer a simple ******* question.

Oh, heres’s my turn. No coffee today. I’m late. I hope my deodorant is still in my work bag. Whatever. Smells are natural. Ugh I hate teenagers. Thank god I work in preschool. Who is this idiot in my parking spot?

**** it’s 7:15! Can I get upstairs in less than one minute? Where’s my phone? In my hand. Keys? Check. Purse. Check.

Ok here we go.

Thank you, dear Preschool-Jesus, nobody is here yet. Why am I carrying this bag of old laundry???

Ok, ****. Deodorant is definitely still in the car but thankfully I instead brought in this bag of dirty shirts from last weekend. That’s helpful. What day is this? OOH quarters in my coat pocket! Wait! Why are all of my ******* quarters ******* Canadian?? I can’t wash clothes OR get caffeine. SERENITY NOW!

Taking down the chairs is not my favorite activity. I’m sweating now and I have no deodorant.

Ok kids are here.

“Let’s color! Good Morning! Happy Thanksgiving! Safe Travels!”

*LOL… armpits.*

“Hello?? Are you listening? I need to borrow CandyLand for my classroom today.”

“I’m sorry, what? When did you get here? I was thinking about armpits. Hey do you have a quarter?”


Was this before meds...dare I ask?x

Little Missy
12-05-14, 07:40 AM
I think sometimes it is still the same with meds. It is for me anyway. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't.

Little Missy
12-05-14, 07:41 AM
I think EB's post just might be my favourite post to read of all time. So far.

MrsNewton
12-05-14, 05:18 PM
Yep, thats my brain in a nutshell. Watch this video, it's hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GBMS7WPFSs

Vivid_thoughts
12-06-14, 06:22 AM
Yes, that's how it works.
I heard someone describe it as a relatively busy highway. Each thought is a car. Sometimes you see it for seconds, but most of them just pass by before you've even seen what brand it is.


I like that theory, you can also spot a car, that leads you to another car and then to another in a matter of a split second. However, your mate would be still looking at the first car and would have no idea how you got to the 5th car.

I do try to explain to people about how I get from one subject to the next and they can see the links, but don't seem to understand why the links appear in my head.

JenBen
12-14-14, 09:11 PM
oh my gosh yes! This is EXACTLY how my brain works! Unless I am having a foggy day then it is like my brain is jumping around in thick mud and it is hard to get a thought out. Love your internal check when you leave the car, that is me to a tee. After always leaving everything everywhere as a teenager I have a whole bunch of internal checklists now.

clbwithadd
12-16-14, 01:40 AM
Yes! My favorite thing I have done is left a party in the winter with snow on the ground only to get home and realize I wasn't wearing shoes. WTF? How do you forget to put your shoes on? Then the embarrassment of having to go back and get them. It's certainly a fun life.

zilphy
01-12-15, 10:12 PM
I'll make quick connections in my head and find myself laughing. My husband says the connections are too obscure to follow. I tell him... it's like my brain is playing chess and I am several moves ahead. I can't help it if you can't keep up:)

I see sheep, wouldn't it be funny if their wool was used to make them sweaters. Imagine sheep wearing wooly sweaters. The goats would be jealous. I love goats, especially those fainting goats. Boom, they just fall over. On and on it goes.

Lauralight
03-08-15, 02:03 PM
Yes my mind can dart around faster than well, Mexican jumping beans!
It drives others nuts and they cannot follow!

Waitingame
08-22-15, 03:39 PM
I'll make quick connections in my head and find myself laughing. My husband says the connections are too obscure to follow. I tell him... it's like my brain is playing chess and I am several moves ahead. I can't help it if you can't keep up:).

THAT has kept me single for the longest time. But it's so much fun to hang with people who do have pinball brain and can make the connections with you! :lol::lol::lol:

glendagoodwitch
09-12-15, 02:27 AM
Love this!

Smashachu
09-14-15, 09:01 AM
Na, i'm the same way. The symptoms of adult ADD are so similair to regular behavior that they don't truly feel real sometimes. ADD is an executive function disorder.

Ignorant uninformed people will ridicule you claiming your disorder is a lie, but who are you going to believe some dumb *** or a board certified psychologist?
I remember being in school and being told i was lazy and needed to apply myself because i'm intelligent but can't put in the work.


If it was that easy don't you think i would try? FFS, then i had some guidance counselor tell me that ADD is not real after being taken to a doctor and diagnosed with ADHD.

I hope you're a more compassionate teacher then i had growing up in the south. I could teach circles around them with no teaching experience needed.

IMissCoffee
09-14-15, 08:11 PM
Anyone else, other than me, watch that video the whole way through solely because the guy's hot? I heard most of what he said but mainly I was wondering if he's single... lol.

Faithh
09-22-15, 01:34 AM
Thank you!!! For the blog post, for the video!! ! I've been on ADHD meds for most of a year now, and my previous self seems so far and distant I began to wonder if it was ever real, or just a symptom of withdrawal at the end of the day.

Thank u all for reminding me how I got here, and why I am who I am. It's nice to see other people like me walking the world. :-)

PolaBear
09-26-15, 12:37 PM
I'm a guy so know I'm trespassing here......

Good post, think this is a reason I can get so addicted to my IPad, can move around clicking everything and anything, that stands out. Yesterday googled a doctors salary then spent time reading about the contract dispute, how much they are paid, what is being bought in to change their hours, comments people were making.

I am not a doctor, have no medical background or interest, and have no connection to it whatsoever!

Clara 88
09-30-15, 08:31 PM
Yes! Sounds just about right!

Right now I have a 14" laptop, a 10.1" notebook and tablet - and two 7" phablets which are utilised round the clock - and I am now awaiting delivery of my new 8" tablet!

The world is our oyster - there is so much to see, to know and to learn!

gothceltgirl
10-01-15, 10:16 PM
Oh man that's brilliant! I used to drive my (non ADD) friends crazy with my tangential rambling. They couldn't keep up or stand it. My one friend admitted years later that it used to drain her energy. I never realized. That explains a lot: why people didn't want to hang out w/me when I was younger (like high school age) or talk to me on the phone, why I was so lonely.

I have learned a lot of coping mechanisms over the years. But I recently realized that they're not good enough for me to be more successful or more productive for myself. They're all just things that make others more comfortable. They just make me less off-putting to regular mundane folks.:(

Little Missy
10-01-15, 10:26 PM
I've mentioned this before elsewhere I believe, but I have only had one friend who could keep up with me and he and I would ramble for hours about a zillion topics talking in short form of half words or grunts and songs sang in a sentence or so and no one ever could understand us.

CatsArt
10-26-15, 05:32 PM
Wow, I just joined this forum & already feel quite at home! Thx for sharing ... I sooooo can relate!

ADHDsim
10-26-15, 08:38 PM
Kudos for the post!

Yep that's was my thinking every waking hour of the day unless I hyper focused or blasted music into my head.

RarelyObscure
10-26-15, 11:31 PM
You would keep a list but....

1. You have to remember you made a list.
2. You have to remember to look at the list.
3. You have remember where you made the list.
4. If any of the above goes wrong...you are immediately discouraged and revert back to stubborn ignorance.