View Full Version : Do you appreciate advice about your kids from people who don't have kids?


sarahsweets
11-28-14, 07:42 AM
I guess what I really mean is unsolicited advice. Its one thing if I ask for advice from people without kids. Its another thing when people hand out advice about how I can better parent my kids and they don't even have any! I'm not saying people without kids are incapable of offering decent insight but IME the people who are most opinionated and emphatic are usually the ones with the worst advice. I think there is some validity in person who grew up a certain way and struggled in a way that makes them identify with someone else's kids. Very often the insight and perspective they have can really open the eyes of a parent and really help normalize things for the kid but there comes a point when well meaning advice becomes self righteous and pushy and makes me want to kick something someone in the balls. This is especially true when it comes to treating adhd in children. I can't even count how many"f++k offs" I've had to dish out. Or anti med people. They are so busy spewing bad info they read from some second rate backwoods forum on the internet that they can't take their head out of their as+ long enough to realise I don't give a sh+t.

Fuzzy12
11-28-14, 07:49 AM
I hate self righteous, ignorant people and giving unsolicited advice is rarely a good idea but does it matter if the unsolicited, self-righteous advice comes from people without kids or from parents? Or do you get more of this from people without kids?

stef
11-28-14, 08:03 AM
I think advice was actually was worse from parents, because I would assume they were "right" since they were already parents.
(no meds issues, but I was so worried that about being a good parent, any remark would make me question everything I was doing. )

Lunacie
11-28-14, 12:00 PM
I dunno, I didn't get much advice from others (parents or not) when my daughter was growing up.

The only advice I remember was to relax, I should have more children so I'd appreciate how easy I had it with just one child. :doh:

Recently my daughter told me that my brother had said something to her last Christmas about beating the autism out of my granddaughter. :mad:

I refuse to speak to him now.

Rebelyell
11-28-14, 12:17 PM
I don't give people w kids advice however if the kids are acting like snot noses and the folks don't say anything I might make a generic statement or give them a very nasty look

sarahsweets
11-29-14, 06:09 AM
Well like I said when I ask for advice it doesn't matter whether or not they have kids because I asked for it and yes,I have also gotten bad advice from other parents. I guess it doesn't matter whether or not they have kids its the unsolicited part that gets me. But more often then not the people who seem to be self righteous and experts on kids are those who don't have any! My kids all have had their share of difficulties in public and that is usually when I've received advice on how to make them listen. It's amazing how well some people without kids seem to know how to solve behavior problems that they think are a
Result of bad parenting.

I hate self righteous, ignorant people and giving unsolicited advice is rarely a good idea but does it matter if the unsolicited, self-righteous advice comes from people without kids or from parents? Or do you get more of this from people without kids?

Lunacie
11-29-14, 11:13 AM
I really think people should wait until they're asked for advice before giving it.

Really.

Otherwise it's not really advice, it's criticism presented as "advice." :eyebrow:

Wowwowwow
11-29-14, 11:30 AM
People should clean own closets ,Im not big on advice,usually teeth get bared ,if hits too close to mome,I'm sure your a great mom,sarahsweets

ccom5100
11-29-14, 12:41 PM
I've gotten unsolicited advice from people that was very helpful, and I've gotten unsolicited advice from people that was very judgmental and unhelpful. Sometimes people are trying to be helpful, but come across as judgmental. It's hard to decipher which is which, especially during a tense situation. The most important thing to remember is that they don't know your kids; you do. But, I believe it's always good to keep an open mind.

fracturedstory
11-30-14, 11:02 PM
What if those who give unsolicited advice are doing it from an overwhelming concern for the well being of the child?

I do watch my brother and sister in law parent their kids from afar, and I think they have a lot of strength and patience. So, I know it's not an easy job. I usually don't make decisions for the kids unless it's fine with their parents. I still get so exhausted around them though, and they know how to manipulate me into saying 'yes.' So kudos to all the parents out there. It's a tough gig, and one I don't think I'd be that good at.

Sometimes I do backtrack on my advice and just let the parents make the best decisions. It's kind of a trial and error thing, isn't it? See what works and what doesn't, and my nephews and nieces parents know what works best for them. I think I've been led astray by negative media articles on 'parenting today' too.

At the end of the day the parents are doing the damn best they can and they know what works and what doesn't for the child more than anyone else does.

dvdnvwls
12-01-14, 12:17 AM
Sarah - your post isn't much like your title.

I totally agree with what you've said in your original post; I guess the thread title is a sensationalized headline calculated to grab our attention. :)

Bad parenting advice comes from all types of people, including people who have children. There's no good reason to single out the childless if they make a poor contribution - but then again, it's probably safer to respond to unsolicited advice with "You don't have kids, do you?" than with "You're not very bright, are you?". :cool:

sarahsweets
12-01-14, 05:47 AM
I wasn't trying to sound sensational just asking a question although I can see how it would seem that way. I just wasn't sure how people felt about advice about parenting from people without kids. There is good advice from all kinds of people although sometimes it feels like because you have kids you should expect that everyone will give you advice even from those who have very little knowledge about being a parent.

dvdnvwls
12-01-14, 06:10 AM
I was being facetious about the sensationalism, just noticing how your title was very black & white and then your post turned out quite nuanced and interesting.

I don't have kids, and it's good luck for parents everywhere that I don't have many opinions about how they should be a parent either. :)

If by accident I received someone's desperate request for parenting advice, truly the first thing I would think of is for them to visit ADDF and follow sarahsweets's example. Not because you're always right (though maybe you are :) ) but because your parental decision-making process is one that I wish parents everywhere would copy.

And... I can't imagine that you were clueless about everything until after your son was born. :) Your own parenting advice has to have been worthwhile for quite some time. Your son sounds like a good person, but his ability to teach you parenting skills has to have been fairly limited, at least for the first while. :)